Disclaimers: All right reserved of the originals "Star Wars" Characters, Names, Places, etc., to George Lucas / Disney. I pledge to return all characters after the story is complete.
Warning: Major Spoilers of TRoS.
Note: This is a Reylo FanFiction (slow-burn)
「Act 26: A shoulder to lean on」
We passed upon the stair.
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend.
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes.
I thought you died alone.
A long, long time ago...
Ajan Kloss, 36 ABY
The crowd slowly surrounded the group, and the only reason it kept a few paces away from him was that the group of four—Rey, Poe, Chewie, and Finn—remained in front of him.
Ben couldn't explain the rollercoaster of emotions he was going through. He wasn't only in physical pain, though at the moment, he wouldn't have minded a trip to the Med Bay. It was an emotional debt. That was the term, right? What about emotional responsibility and accountability? Because all that stuff that he took as his entitlement, or worse as a defect of his bleeding heart, was what sustained his world. It was one of the reasons; his world was slowly making sense.
Lost in his own darkness, he was pulled and tortured by the dark voices and raised in isolation. Ben had never known how it felt to be surrounded by people who supported him. The Resistance was not following his mother because they were afraid of her even or because they profited from her. They had followed her to fight against the Darkness and him.
Yet that was not the only thing that stood out to Ben: the four people that were at his side defending him against their own. Their own! The emotions that that knowledge triggered were agonizing to one who did not want to hope. They were alien emotions, emotions that he had never before felt inside him. And damn, those emotions were like torrents of rivers trying to invade his suffering heart; those emotions were trying to teach him that there was hope even in the darkest places of the Galaxy.
"You aren't alone!" Rey's voice suddenly whispered inside his head, and his brown eyes met hers for a brief second. "I'll help you!" She assured him.
Ben had known she would. Even if she was angry with him, Rey would never ignore a friend. And Ben Solo believed that Rey already thought of him as her friend.
As for him, she was the only friend he had. Even as Kylo Ren, Rey had been the only person he could contact inside his Darkness. She would never lie to him. She always spoke her mind loudly and showed him the right way. Rey was one of the reasons that the Light inside him kept burning. Rey was one of those people who, with her existence, aided Ben Solo to be awake.
He owed the Galaxy to her.
Lately, one more person had been trying to drag him out of his misery. Poe Dameron, the acting General in the Resistance, was tugging him back to life. Since Poe had met him on Jakku, he had been like a burning flame that kept attacking Ben until he got his attention. Ben couldn't ignore him or avoid him. The man managed to convince him to be his spy, and now he was presenting him to the Resistance.
When Ben interrogated him on the Finalizer, he had thought he had seen Poe's mind. However, Poe Dameron was a riddle that Solo had only just started to solve. The general had many levels and depths; he was not just the best pilot the Resistance had. He was much more than that. After all, Leia would only choose the best to take her position. And even though he had been offered to become the acting General, Poe hadn't taken on leadership alone. He shared it with Finn.
First to speak was Maz Kanata, a force-sensitive short orange being with much wisdom, "You are no friend of the Resistance, nor were you a friend of the Empire, which is something we have in common."
Maz lifted her gaze and fixed her goggles, sizing up Ben. "Kylo Ren was one of those evils ... I've tracked down, and I would want that evil to end. Through the ages…I've seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Yesterday, it was the First Order. Today a new evil could rise..."
Maz paused and took one more glance at Ben, who had kept his eyes on the ground. "But Ben Solo isn't one of those evils any longer, and I gladly would want him to become a friend."
The chattering became stronger as the crowd listened to Maz talk. A few could share her point of view, but others still thought Ben Solo was a threat.
"Heh. Been a long time. I knew you'd come back sooner or later..." Lando, Calrissian, suddenly remarked. As he walked toward Maz, he tapped Ben's shoulder. "Bad luck? No such thing!" He told Ben.
Ben rose his head and cast a glance at Maz and Lando. Those were old friends of Leia and Han and knew Ben when he was only a toddler. Loyal friends who would support their friends' monstrous son. Ben didn't believe that they had any other reason to stand on his side.
Aftab Ackbar, son of a late admiral, approached quickly. The young Mom Calamari was a decent pilot, and he also displayed some of his father's flair for tactics. "It can not be. Kylo Ren is dead." he insisted and was shaking his head, watching Ben. The young man in front of him seemed too beaten and weary to be Kylo Ren. "He was killed in Exegol."
"That he was!" Beaumont Kin assured Ackbar, "Though one year later here he is much alive! And what do you want us to do with him?" he murmured.
Rose agreed, "We can't judge him, and we don't have a valid law system for him to be prosecuted. Why did you guys bring him here?"
"Kylo Ren died that day in Exegol," Poe raised his hand to get the crowd's attention; it was one of those unique moments in which Poe would claim his authority as an acting General to permit Ben Solo passage in Ajan Kloss. "I brought back Ben Solo, General Organa's son. If we are going to start judging, let's start with Finn and even Rey. No one of us is perfect, and we all have done something in our past that we are ashamed of."
"We didn't try to destroy the Galaxy!" Beaumont responded, and a few agreed with him. Except for Rose, this time, she considered Poe's words.
Larma D'Acy sighed. "He had led the First Order and killed so many. You want us to forgive him? Treat him as one of our own?"
"Behind him was Palpatine, who was pulling strings!" Poe clarified, "Everyone knows we aren't here to judge. I am not asking you to accept Ben Solo. But he will remain in Ajan Kloss until we decide our next missions."
Rey had tried many times to interfere. She knew Ben Solo better than anyone. But Ben kept pushing her back and repeating "No!" into her head. His actions only enraged her. She was still baffled why he had kept a secret of what had happened after Exegol.
"Is that all?" Rose asked.
"I wish it was," C-3PO said. "I'm afraid that we forgot about the new Darkness and the Emperor's clone. Now we have..."
Poe interrupted C-3PO, "We'll talk about the new rising Darkness the following days."
He didn't wish for now to alert Ben about the new enemy that was rising. Poe wished that young Solo would take some rest and regain his lost energy. He paused and gazed at Ben, noting that he looked far weaker than before. It was like he was ready to collapse at any minute.
Ben sensed Poe gazed and almost read his thoughts. He hated to admit it, but the Acting General was right; Ben had reached his limits; he shared with Poe a look, almost begging him not to let the others see him in such a weak moment. Ben Solo didn't want to be pitied. If he lost his senses and fainted right there in the middle of the Resistance with everyone watching, it would only make him look more pathetic.
"Enough!" came Poe's voice winning everyone's attention. He turned and faced Rey. "Take him away, make sure he cleans, changes, and is given something to eat. He can stay in the small unit by the entrance." Then he stepped next to Ben and tapped his shoulder. "We aren't the enemy here, but neither are we your friends," he uttered strongly. "You keep yourself presentable, fed, and rested."
Ben nodded. He read through the lines; the General was trying to keep a balance between him and the Resistance. He wanted to make it clear that he wouldn't take sides. However, Ben felt that Poe supported him. He couldn't fully understand Poe, but Ben knew he could trust him. He turned and followed Rey leaving Poe, Finn, and Chewie with the rest of the Resistance.
Poe and the rest talked a few more hours. It took a lot of effort for the General to persuade his people to accept that Ben Solo would remain on Ajan Kloss's ground —and not as a prisoner. He outlined that he wanted Ben to be part of his team and that the Resistance would need Ben's help. Not everyone agreed with his opinion, but at least it seemed they agreed to let Ben stay.
Meanwhile, a heavy silence settled over the two of them as they walked towards the small unit room offered to Ben. The silence was thicker than the uneasy tension in the atmosphere. Rey ignored the unsettled eyes and looked unceremoniously around. She could clearly listen to the gossip that had already started flying around Ben's name. But, Rey couldn't blame them. Ben had used to be part of the First Order's forces. He was ill news. And Ben Solo, when he was Kylo Ren, had done many wrongdoings. She tried to avoid catching glances as she guided him back into the small unit room.
His room was on the north side, close to the shower area. He strolled on searching from the chamber, and Rey followed. He found the corridor on the north side that led to smaller rooms around the base entrance. The doors opened, and he cast a fast look around. They paused in the first room, and Ben noted that the room was Rey's. The Jedi placed her belts and lightsabers aside and stepped out of the room to guide him on.
Ben had to walk ahead a few more steps until he reached the room given to him. He was sure this was his room as Rey had just told him. Ben stepped inside the chamber and noted that it was narrow in compare to the gigantic chamber he used to live. There were more windows than walls. A small mirror, table, chairs, even a small sofa. He decided not to complain about the room. His body was aching, and he was drained. His mind wasn't wheeling like usual; he needed to heal and rest. And tomorrow, he could face what life had stored for him.
Rey skipped next to him and slowly undid his cuffs, and she placed them on the table. She shared with him one more glance and an amused smile, as they both knew that those cuffs were a silly precaution that Ben had agreed to receive to assure the Resistance that he would not place any threat. If he needed to wear those for the rest of his life only to make everyone feel safe, Ben Solo would accept it.
Ben walked leisurely to the shower; he took with him the clean attire that was offered to him, steam filling the room as he cut the shower on. He bathed his skin lightly, taking careful notice not to touch the bruises that scattered his body.
After his shower was finished, he turned the running water off and grabbed a towel. He dried himself and dressed in clean clothes, the casual black shirt and black pants that had been offered him. He wished for a pair of underpants, but that would have been a luxury he didn't deserve.
Ben returned inside the room that was given to him. Rey was sitting at the table waiting for him. He found food, water, and the first-aid-kit waiting there. Ben stepped next to Rey and grabbed the meal, and started eating. He had forgotten when the last time he had eaten. Next, he drank the water, but it seemed not enough to calm the burning sensation in his throat. Water had been a wishful dream and food a concept not even worth the effort of hoping for when he lived on Jakku, but now it was offered freely to him.
Ben suddenly sensed a familiar connection, and even if Rey was close as her own breath to him, she was trying to connect with him. He stared at her in foreboding silence as his hands reached for the first-aid-kit but were stopped by her. His skin grew suddenly cold. He could not avoid her any longer.
It wasn't a vision or a Force connection; Rey was now in front of him very alive and angry. And through the connection came a certainty that turned his blood in his veins to ice: He couldn't escape from her.
"Let me," Rey said, simply, and without waiting for his permission, she turned him around and lifted his shirt.
"Please," he pleaded, "I can do this without your help."
Rey ignored his wishes. The rage still burned inside her because he lied to her, and he still avoided her. "Tell me the truth," she asked him again, feeling strangely disappointed. Rey grabbed a healing lotion and started applying it to the wounds on his back.
"No, I have nothing to say!" Ben insisted as he faced away from her. He felt her soft and cold hands touching his scars, it ached, but he didn't flinch away.
"You can't hide, Ben! Not from me!" Then she added, "Tell me!"
It did something strange to him, hearing his name on her lips. She had spoken it aloud before. But why did it sound so different at that moment? He couldn't remember if she had ever pronounced his name in such a way.
As for Rey, the shock of seeing him alive again was wearing off; she had begun to notice things about him. Like the fact that his voice was lower now and that it carried an undercurrent of regret. He was skinner now; also, he had lost a lot of weight. He even seemed weak, pale, and exhausted. She paused and observed his ghostly figure, and for a moment, she thought that his body would vanish.
Ben tried to remain calm, although he could sense her now. Rey was strong, stronger as he was at that moment, and she could easily shatter his defense into nothingness. But she didn't, even angry as she was, she waited for him to come to her and open up.
Rey stopped and lifted his shirt higher, noticing the strange marks on his back. He had a fresh wound on his shoulder that was surely made by a blaster. Some of the bruises were from fighting or being beaten. Though the rest seemed unfamiliar. Like someone had lashed or whipped him. Her finger ran through his older scars.
He flinched and pulled away.
"What happened?" Rey asked him again. Only this time, her voice sounded softer and sadder.
"Someone was after Poe, and the blast found me!" he answered, trying to hide the truth one more time.
Rey faced him now, reaching for his mind, trying to grasp a memory. This time it was easier. She saw it clearly, Poe being in danger and Ben shielding him. Inside the memory, she even managed to see the surroundings. "You saved him." she corrected him. "Why does it remind me of Jakku?"
Ben breathed deeply, defeated now, and leaned against the table behind him. "Because it was Jakku." he revealed, "After Exegol, I woke up in Jakku."
Rey was surprised that he had fought her off for so long, and now he simply opened up. She blinked, puzzled, and studied him for a long moment. 'He wasn't just tired; he was beyond that.' Because his defenses had snapped into nothingness. "Jakku?" she quizzed. "How did you end up there? And who brought you back?"
"I don't know why it was Jakku." Ben looked at her and lifted the barrier allowing her access. The moment was mesmerizing as their dyad came fully alive, and Rey saw through his memories. "My grandfather, Luke, and Leia are to blame!"
She didn't show weakness as she slowly narrated through his memories. She would not let the tears fill her eyes. She would not. But watching how Ben lived for one year in Jakku broke her heart. She felt it was deeply wrong. She had lived before on Jakku and knew how harsh life was. But Ben went through hell every day. And she couldn't understand. She gazed at him with teary eyes, "Why?"
But Ben didn't have to answer her, as the answer reached her. He believed that it was the right punishment. He saw him speak to criminals, Anakin and Poe. And she knew now why he remained hidden. She understood why he didn't want her to open their connection. She felt his grief and her heart ached.
Ben Solo had gone through torture and pain, but he had managed to turn Kylo Ren. He had taken abuse after abuse and still managed to awaken Ben. And after Ben was finally back and alive, he had kept living in more abuse and pain. Rey's grief became stronger and reached Ben.
But she didn't allow him to talk or explain. Rey almost tackled him against the table. Her arms wrapped around him, and she hugged him. She gave him one of those strong hugs she would only share with her best friends. She leaned against him and let her head rest on his chest. Her hands softly tapped his shoulder to comfort him, to tell him that everything would be alright now.
Ben remained dumbfounded as Rey hugged him. His first reaction was to push her away; she would be safer far from him. But her embrace felt like medicine that could heal him from all his pain. He knew that he was weak; he was no longer as strong as he had once been. He should have pushed her away. But he didn't. He rested his arms against her shoulders and hugged her back.
For Ben, who had always been alone, hidden in isolation, that hug was bold, too bold. He wished he could explain his wheeling mind and his wicked acts. But he had been raised without friends. He had only ever counted on himself. Even now, him accepting help and reaching out was a bold move.
Ben admitted that he had a friend. That was a long step. The longest he had ever taken. He had never known that kind of emotion. Neither did he know how to express it. It was confusing and heavy.
As for Rey, her emotions were clear. Ben was her friend. A very close friend, who was important to her. They shared a connection; Ben knew her and understood her, uniquely, as no one of her friends did. And she was worried that even if Ben found himself, he would prefer to live with all the pain and torture than reach out for help.
Rey's gaze softened. She was still angry that he had chosen to hide his pain rather than share it. Though, for the first time, she could clearly see Ben Solo. His words were honest and warm. He had finally opened up to her and allowed her to be part of their bond. There was nothing wicked or evil there. Rey slowly wrapped her arms around Ben tighter and pulled him closer. His light clasp was what she needed. She held him close. Ben couldn't explain it with words or any lines, how holy it felt to be held in the arms of a friend.
If Rey called you friend, it meant taking in the good and the hard times. It meant standing by the other's side in times of heartbreak, easing their pain, seeing them for what they were. Rey had a unique pride and selfishness. However, if she called someone her friend, she placed that someone higher than her pride and ego.
Ben didn't know how long they hugged, but he eventually gave up. He stepped away from the table and leaned against the sofa. Tired and exhausted, he slowly lay down on it, pulling Rey with him. Truth be told, he wanted to talk to her and answer all her questions. But for the time being, he was too tired and exhausted. Though he promised himself, he would answer her tomorrow. He reached and grabbed the cuffs that Rey had taken off earlier, and he cuffed one of his hands against the metallic frame of the sofa. Of course, cuffs like those would never be able to hold him down. But he still wanted the rest of the Resistance to feel at ease.
Ben drifted asleep a second later with all his defenses down, and Rey reached out once more, feeling their connection still there as she fell asleep as well. They slept into each other's arms, and through their dyad, their dreams blended, and their heartbeat connected.
In his dream, Ben was counting the stars, and Rey realized that some were missing. His dreams were like memories of the past that reminded him that Rey was the only one that didn't forsake him. And strangely enough, he found that he wanted his nights spent confusedly mixed with hers. Inside that odd dream, they both found themselves wishing their waking lives would be bonded together like this night.
「 Upcoming Chapter: Act Twenty-Seven」
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