'Trust is jumping into somebody's arms

And knowing you won't have to

Pick yourself back up

When it's over'

- Rudy Francisco

November 25th, 2015

Olivia's POV

I'm literally about to turn back. I don't know what I'm doing here. I have no business being on the other side of campus, let alone in front of my TA's dorm room door.

But I'm scared and I'm angry and everything is falling apart and I don't know who else to go to.

I lean forward and tap the door very slightly - like I'm scared to do it. In a way, I am. He doesn't answer. This is stupid. He's probably with his family right now. Only really pathetic people stay on campus during Thanksgiving break - which is why I'm here right now.

But I'm just realizing now exactly how much I want to see him. I find myself knocking again, harder this time. Within a couple of seconds, the door swings open and standing in front of me is Fitz Grant. He's in a white t shirt and black sweatpants but he looks as attractive as ever.

And here I am, crying on his doorstep.

"Livvy," he looks me up and down with his blue eyes. His voice is really soft. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm s-sorry," I turn around, my voice less steady than I was hoping. "I really shouldn't be here."

I began turning around but Fitz leans out and touches my waist very carefully, like he's afraid to break me. "No. Come in."

"I'm sorry," I sniff, strangely okay with the fact that he's touching me. But I don't belong here. I don't belong in this fancy ass residence building and I certainly don't belong in his dorm room. "I shouldn't have come."

"It's okay," Fitz insists gently. His thumb kind of touches my skin under the waistband of my shorts but not on purpose. He doesn't even notice it. "What happened?" He looks at my face under the flourescent light of the hallway. "You're bleeding."

I immediately reach out and touch the side of my chin. "It was my phone..."

He nods as if that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard in his life and he doesn't believe me at all. "Okay. Just come in..."

I trust him. For some weird reason I can't even begin to explain, I trust him. And I just feel safer with him next to me. So staying really close to him, I walk slowly into dorm room. We enter together.

I look around it. It's dim but I can already see that it's everything anybody could want in a dorm room. It's a studio style room and he has a king sized mattress in one corner with a mahogany bed frame. When you look to your right when you first walk in, there's a full sized kitchen that's visible to the bedroom area and to your left there are two other doors (bathroom and closet, I'm guessing). Across from the bed are two black sofas under the California oak floor. On top of his bed is a collage that I can't see clearly right now. By the bed are white bookshelves with records, albums and photos stacked in them. All the way on the other side of the room is a balcony with a streetlight shining through - the only source of light right now, but it's bright enough to shine the whole room.

Fitz turns on a light by the kitchen but I stay in front of the door, my hands in my pockets. Like I said, I don't feel right here. I trust him, but I don't belong here.

"Hey..." Fitz looks at me with a worried smile. His voice is barely audible right now, like he's concerned that I'm gonna break down in tears. I'm already crying but I'm not like, sobbing. "Go sit down. It's okay."

But I don't. I sit stand there with my back against the wall. Like I said, I don't know why I'm here. And I can't stop fucking crying. "I-I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that," Fitz insists gently. He leans against the wall opposite to me. "It's alright. Everything's gonna be okay. You just gotta tell me what happened."

I sniff and try to wipe my tear stained cheeks but my hand won't stop shaking.

"Olivia," he steps forward slightly, but I can tell he's scared to come too close. Like I'm gonna freak out and slap him again. "Everything is gonna be okay. I promise."

I nod. I'm trying to believe him. At this point, I can't even find the strength to give him the explanation he deserves. "I-I found your name on the R-resident Advisor w-webpage." He nods. "I'm sorry. I just didn't w-want you to think I'm a stalker and I-I knew where you lived and showed up to your h-house at two in the morning-"

Fitz chuckles softly. "It's okay."

I finally get my hand to stop shaking long enough to wipe my cheeks. I force out a smile. "It's not okay. None of this is okay. And I-I'm sorry for just showing up like this."

"Something bad happened," Fitz stops directly right in front of me and looks down, locking his blue eyes in mine. "You showed up. You're here. That takes strength."

I feel like laughing because right now I feel anything but strong. But I just nod.

"Livvy," Fitz whispers and I look up at me and swallow. "Liv...you're bleeding...can I see that in the light?"

I reach up and touch the cut again. Through the shivering and constant difficulty breathing, I didn't even feel it hurt all this time. I nod slowly and he opens the door behind me and turns on the bright light there. It's a bathroom.

"Here," he pats the counter. "Can you sit up here for me?"

I try to get on the counter and his hands go around my waist to help me a little. When I'm sitting with my back against the mirror, he puts on of his hands under my chin, tilting it up and keeps one on my hip. "I don't feel it bleeding a-a lot..."

"It's not," he assures me softly. He presses his thumb next to my mouth. "It doesn't even need a band-aid. You're fine. See? I told you you're gonna be alright."

I nod, my eyes lowering to his elbow. I cannot stop crying for some reason.

Fitz tilts my chin up again so I'm forced to look directly in his eyes. "Are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"I told you," I look away from him. "It was my phone. It's cracked and it cut me."

"Okay," he whispers, nodding and bringing his thumb up to wipe a tear off my cheek. "Now are you gonna tell me the truth?" I look away but he keeps holding the side of my face. "Livvy, if you got hurt or robbed or...just tell me, okay? Tell me what happened."

"I am," I promise. But I know my voice is unsteady and it's coming out barely audible and there's no way in hell he's believing me right now - which just makes me cry harder. "I was trying t-to talk to my dad...and my phone has a crack in it...and I was so freaking cold and...and..."

He know I can't go on anymore because at this point, I'm full on sobbing and I can't even see him clearly through the tears literally pouring out of my eyes. He steps closer and my legs go around his waist. He hugs me and whispers against my forehead. "Okay...it's okay. Shh..."

I lean my head against his muscular forearm. I know that I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't have my arms around his neck and I shouldn't have my legs around his waist and I shouldn't be leaning and crying on his shoulder. I shouldn't even be here. But I am and I can't stop now.

"Livvy," he mumbles against my ear. "God, Livvy, you're freezing. Do you still feel cold?"

"Yeah," I admit against the fabric of his t shirt. I would've asked him for a sweater or something as soon as we walked into this freezing bathroom but the truth is, Fitz next to me is warm and I didn't want him to leave. I still don't. "It's okay..."

"No," Fitz gently pulls away from me. He brushes away a lock of my hair that was on cheek from the tears. "Let me get you something warmer to wear."

Just when I think he's about to leave me, he holds out his hand. I smile softly and sniff, interlocking my fingers into his warmer ones. I follow him back into the main room and he keeps my hand in his as he leads me in front of his dresser, next to his bed. "You could lay down if you want."

I shake my head, just because I know that if I lay down, I'm gonna fall asleep and I don't want to leave him the burden of dealing with that. "I'm okay..."

"Are you sure?" Fitz doesn't wait for an answer. He goes through some clothes and pulls out a light grey crew neck sweatshirt that says NAVY in the front and a pair of dark blue sweatpants. "Here. The sweatpants may be too big - hell, they're definitely gonna be too big but you can adjust the drawstrings."

I nod and take the clothes from him.

Fitz's POV

I'm trying my best to keep a smile on my face but it's taking everything in me not to grab her shoulders, demand what happened and go out and find the asshole who made her cry. I'm pretty sure that would just make her cry harder and like I said, seeing Livvy cry is damn near impossible.

"Here," I hand her my favorite NAVY shirt and my warmest pair of sweatpants. "The sweatpants may be too big - hell, they're definitely gonna be too big but you can adjust the drawstrings."

She nods and I try not to show my concern. At this point, all I want is for her to lay down, be warm and tell me exactly what happened so I can fix it. So I can handle it. "Are you hungry?"

"No," she mumbles, clutching the rolled up clothes to her chest.

I honestly have no idea what she was doing out in late November in shorts, heels and a crop top but that's not exactly what I'm worried about right now. "I can make you tea." She looks away. I don't think she's comfortable here and given what trauma she probably just went through, that makes sense. But I wish she knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I would never hurt her. "Livvy...do you want a cup of tea?"

She shrugs and I take that as a cue to leave her alone for a minute - which is weird since she very clearly did not want me to leave her alone in that bathroom. I nod and head to the kitchen and turn on the light there.

I'm starting to boil the pot of water and that's when I realize that I have a death grip on the handle of it and my fingers are losing blood circulation. I'm not showing it to Livvy, but I'm actually so pissed off. I want nothing more than to find who did this, who hurt her - because obviously someone did. Even if she's telling the truth about the small cut on the side of her face, that's not the reason she's crying. And where is Abby? She's almost always with Livvy. And now she's alone. I reach up to the cupboard to get the box of green tea bags. Well, not exactly alone. She has me.

"Were you going somewhere?" Livvy asks and I know she's indicating the half packed suitcase on my bed. It sounds like she's stopped crying, which relieves the hell outta me. "Did I get in the way of any plans?"

I put my hand back on the handle of the pot and turn around to answer her question. What I'm not expecting is to see her literally in a light pink lace pair of underwear and bra. I'm so taken for a moment that the handle tips over the almost boiling water splashes my wrist. "Fuck."

Livvy turns her head so she's facing me. She still seems upset, but really casual on being half naked in front of me, like she's been doing it everyday of her life. I know she didn't expect been for me to turn around, but she's alright with the fact I did. She just folds her arms matter of factly.

I stare at her. I really don't mean to - especially when she was crying thirty seconds ago and is obviously in a fragile state. I know it's disrespectful. And I know it's just plain wrong. But God damn...

She has the most perfectly toned, long legs and arms. Her light brown skin is absolutely flawless - no acne, no hair, no imperfections besides to dimples on the small of her back. Her wavy, black hair is sprawled across her upper back and shoulders, all the way down to her chest, which is enclosed in a light pink lace bra.

Before my eyes lower, I force myself to turn away. It's only then that I feel the burning sensation on my wrist. I turn back to the pot and clear my throat. "I, um...yeah, no, don't worry about."

She seems to be satisfied with that answer and doesn't say anything else. I thank a God I don't believe in for that, because my heart is racing so fast and if she said anything to make me turn around again and see her like that...

I shouldn't be seeing her like that and I definitely shouldn't be thinking about her life this. She's practically my student. I pour the water into two mugs and after dropping tea bags in there and stirring lemon juice, I promise myself to get it together. I have to. I open the medicine cupboard and skim the contents. It's just over the counter the counter pain and fever medications, BenGay and bandages. This, in hindsight, is not the best for an emergency but it'll have to do. I don't know if Livvy's actually in pain but I think she needs something to calm down. If she wants to sleep here, I'm completely fine with that. I don't feel comfortable with her leaving and being alone. So whatever she needs, I'm here. I take a bottle of ZzzQuil, check to make sure it hasn't expired and then grab a spoon. I drop the spoon into her mug.

I take a deep breath, brace myself and holding two mugs and the bottle of ZzzQuil, turn and walk back to the other section of the room.

Luckily, she's now standing by the side of the couch, clad in my oversized clothing. I pick up She's got on the NAVY sweatshirt that's several sizes too big for her yet somehow simultaneously looks adorable on her and she's still fumbling with the waistband of the black sweatpants. I put the tea mugs down on a coffee table in front of us and watch her as she struggles with the drawstrings. The pants are literally almost falling off her waist and she can't tighten them because her hands won't stop shaking.

"Livvy," I come up to her and she lowers her eyes.

She must have wiped off her liquidy, racing mascara, eyeliner and lipstick on something because I can see her face is bare and makeup free. She still looks just as beautiful, if not more. But she's still crying and no words can describe how much that hurts me.

"Livvy," I repeat, softer. She finally looks up at me, her hands by her sides, still shaking. I touch her hands gently. "It's okay...I can."

I take the drawstrings from her grasp and she lets me. I tighten and tie them and her hands just naturally go on my arms. The sleeve of my t shirt is already soaked and mascara stained from when cried on me just a few minutes ago. But I couldn't care less about that right now.

I finish with her drawstrings but I hug her again, wrapping my arms tightly around her. She seems to feel better when I'm closer to her and if I could, I would stay exactly like this with her all night. But I want to find out who's responsible for this, for hurting her. "Livvy..."

Much to my disappointment, she pulls away from me. She looks up at me. "Fitz...your suitcase. Your stuff is packed. You were planning on going somewhere...and I got in the way of that."

I press my lips together. Livvy's not gonna let this go. But I seriously don't want her to worry about anything other than calming down and telling me what happened. "I'm driving to LA in the morning." I admit, still holding on to her waist. "But right now? I'm here with you."

Livvy stares at me for a moment before finally rubbing her eyes and nodding. I can see that she's tired and if she needs to, she should sleep. I've come to the conclusion that Livvy's not going to tell me what happened, not like this. Maybe in the morning or in a few days. As inconvenient and frustrating as that is, I just want her to be asleep and content. "Liv, you can take the bed and I'll finish packing and -"

"No," she immediately shakes her head. "I don't want to be a pain in the ass or a burden or anything."

"You're not," I insist softly. "I just don't want you on your own tonight. If you wanna sleep here, I'm one hundred percent okay with that." I smile and chuckle a little. "Actually, I'd prefer it so I can make sure you don't get yourself into any more trouble."

She grins at my joke and rubs her eyes again. She turns her head to look at my bed and I can see that she's close to taking me up on my offer. "Um...I'm just gonna lay down for an hour or so, okay? W-will you wake me up?"

"I will," I promise her. My hand still on her waist, I lean and pick up the ZzzQuil and spoon. "This will help you calm down, okay?"

Immediately, she pushes my wrists away from her and backs away from me. "N-no."

"Livvy?"

"No," she rubs her eyes and begins crying again. "I'm sorry...I just can't take it. I can't take anything, okay?"

I nod and she immediately comes back into my arms. She's really shaken up and she won't take the medication. I toss it on the couch and then I hold her and softly wipe another tear from next to her eye. I have no idea how someone as small as her can produce so many tears, but she manages somehow. "Okay, Liv, it's okay. You don't have to." I lean down and hesitate. Should I? I really want to. I kiss her cheek and then hug her again. She doesn't seem to mind. "Just go to sleep."

I hold her hand until she walks to the bed and gets under the mountain of covers. I move away the suitcase so she has plenty of legroom and I find her crop top and shorts rolled up next to it. I pick them up"Hey, Livvy? I'm gonna take these down and put them in the residence laundry-"

"No," Livvy immediately props herself on her elbows and sits up. She looks wide awake. "Fitz, you don't-"

But it's too late. Something plastic slips out of the back pocket and into my hands. I look up at Livvy and she just cradles her head in her hands. I hold the baggie up to the light and realize far too quickly that it's some type of pill drug. "Liv..."

"I'm not high," Liv mumbles from her hands. "I swear I'm not. I didn't take it. I promise."

"Liv," I close my eyes and drop the bag. I can't even hold it anymore - it's making me sick. The fact that Olivia Pope carried drugs in her back pocket... "Olivia, where did you get this?"

"It doesn't matter," she finally looks up at me and swallows. She's crying again. "I swear I'm not high, Fitz."

I turn away from her and try to breath. I'm still trying to deal with the fact that she had freaking LSD in her pocket. But for some reason, I believe her. She may be worked up, nervous, upset, shaky but she's not high. Still, just the fact that she had these...this is so fucked up.

"Fitz," I hear her voice behind me. She's full out sobbing.

I inhale and turn back to her. She's laying in the fetal position, her legs up to her chest. She's crying so hard that she can't even say anything.

It hurts so goddamn much to see her like this. But crying myself isn't gonna make things better. I don't know what the hell is going on and I don't know what's gonna happen. So I just take another breath and open the covers, scooting in next to her.

I put her in my arms and she resists at first but she finally gives in and lays her head on my chest, still crying. I keep on arm around her entire torso and one hand cupping the side of her face. She wraps one leg around my waist and continues crying.

"Shh," I whisper into her temple. "It's gonna be okay, Livvy. Everything is gonna be okay. I know that everything is gonna be fine."

Livvy finally calms down and in just a matter of seconds, she's asleep in my arms. I knew she was sleepy, but not to this extent.

I stay away and my eyes are glued to the ceiling.

The truth is, I don't know if everything is gonna be okay.

I don't know it at all.

I don't know anything at this point.