'Aren't we all waiting to be read by someone

Praying they'll tell us we make sense?'

- Rudy Francisco

November 25th, 2015

6:50 AM

Lyman Graduate Residence

Stanford, California

Fitz's POV

I'm officially screwed. That's my first thought when I wake up in the morning, realizing Livvy's arms are wrapped around me, vice versa.

Well, that's not my first thought. My first thought is that I'm so glad she's okay. Well, not okay. But she didn't take the stupid drugs and she slept and stayed safe and that means so much to me.

That said, it doesn't change the fact that I'm an engaged guy who spent the night with a girl who's not my fiancée. We didn't have sex but...I don't know how to explain it. I care about Liv way more than I ever cared about Mellie. And that scares the hell out of me.

I bring up my hand that was across Liv and rub my eyes. I look down at her. She's still fast asleep. With light that the balcony brings in, I can see her clearer than I ever have before, even though her face is resting on the side of my chest. Despite her sobbing last night, she looks so peaceful. And she's sleeping so silently that if I couldn't see her chest moving up and down breathing, I would be concerned. Her arms are both locked around my waist and one of her legs is laying on top of both of mine.

"Liv," I mumble, to see if she's on the verge of waking up.

She doesn't move, which assures me she's not. And any other day, that would be okay. I would just gently unwrap her arms for me and get up. But as for today? I'm looking up at a clock on my dresser and it's almost seven. I have to get up, finish packing and figure out what to do with Livvy. I don't want her to be by herself but I don't think her friend Abby is on campus. And as far as I know, I don't trust anyone else with her. Especially when people are giving out LSD on campus. And especially when she's in such a vulnerable state.

"Livvy," I repeat, a little louder. I bring my arm back down and rub her back as I shift a little, sitting up. "Liv, get up..."

"Mm," Livvy rubs her eyes and blinks. If it were up to me, I would have just let her sleep longer. But I can't. "Fitz?"

My arm goes down hers and somehow her hand ends up in mine. "Yeah, I'm right here."

Even though I'm sitting up, her arms still go around my waist. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I try to convince the both of us. I turn around around and force myself to smile at her. "Are you feeling better?"

Instead of answering, she just looks directly back at me. "Are you mad at me?"

"No," I squeeze her hand. So what if I am? So what if i'm completely pissed of at the fact that she would take drugs from someone? That she would actively put herself in danger? Yelling at her won't help and she deserves more than that. "I'm not mad."

"You promise?" Olivia's voice is small. I'm looking at her now and it's just occurring to me that she's eighteen. She's a kid. She's so young and she's going through so much and it's not fair. None of this is fair.

"No," I promise and this time, I'm not lying to make either of us feel better. "But I have to go soon."

Livvy's eyes lower to the suitcase on the foot of the bed. "Right. Los Angeles." She tries to smile but I can tell she doesn't want me to leave. I don't either. I would rather stay with her. But it's not up to me. "Have a good Thanksgiving break."

She sits up and slides out of bed. I can tell she's planning on leaving right now and the fact that I don't know how she's gonna be makes my heart race. I reach out and grab her hand. "Livvy, listen-"

"No," she turns around, shakes my hand off hers and looks at me. "You listen, Fitz. I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have dragged you into my problems because, let's face it, I have huge ones. And you don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be caught up in this eighteen year old's crap and-...I shouldn't have come here. And I'm sorry I did."

Olivia reaches and grabs her rolled up clothes from the bottom of the bed. She literally throws off the sweatshirt and sweatpants she's wearing and just as quickly puts on her shorts and crop top from last night. She's turned away from me and I think the weight of last night is hitting her. I think she's crying.

"I'm not."

She turns towards me, and sure enough her eyes are watering. She fumbles with the button on her shorts while staring at me. "What?"

"I'm not sorry," I tell her candidly. "I'm happy you came to me. And trusted me. I'm sorry you're hurting, Liv, I really am. And yes, you have problems but we all do."

Liv scoffs and rolls her watering eyes. "Don't feel obligated to say that. I find it hard to believe that you have flaws."

"I do," I promise Livvy. "I know what they say about me - all of them. I see the girls staring, winking, flirting. Hell, I experienced it firsthand with your friend Abby."

Livvy cracks an apologetic smile, which makes me grin. "What I'm saying, Liv, is I don't know what exactly happened last night. But if you'd tell me, I'd like to find out. I'm listening."

Livvy looks at me before exhaling and sitting down next to me on the bed. A minute passes before she speaks up. "I didn't take the pills, Fitz."

"I know," I whisper, turning to look at her.

She really is beautiful. And I'm so sorry she has to go through what she does. She's so young but looking into her brown eyes, I can see she went through hell and back. "I really fucked up though." She sighs. "I see to be doing that a lot lately."

I sigh as well. "Who gave you the pills, Livvy?"

"It doesn't matter." Liv protests, looking away.

"It does," I argue. "It matters as Residence Advisor. People trust me to keep the campus safe." The truth is, I don't give two shits about how safe campus is. I don't respect, much less enforce campus security. So I don't care about a drug exchange. But when it affects people I care about, I will put my hands on anyone unapologetically. "Tell me."

"I don't know," she finally looks at me and I can't tell if she's lying or not. I'll just have to trust her.

"Whatever," I sigh. I just have to trust that she's telling the truth. Anyway, there are more important matters to discuss. "Last night...you were crying, shaking, bleeding. How did all of those things happen? Did someone hurt you?"

Olivia folds her arms on her bare thighs. She looks ahead and wipes her eyes. "In a manner of speaking, I guess. But not psychically."

I reach out and wrap my arm around her shoulders. I can't help it. I hate to see her hurt and if there's any way I can be there for her, I will. "Tell me what happened."

She leans into my and I wrap my arms around her tighter. Against all odds and guilt, I feel so honored and content to have her in my arms. Safe. Protected. I'm so happy she's here, even though I know I shouldn't be. "Fitz...there's a lot you don't know about me."

I rest my chin on the top of her head. "Is that supposed to scare me? It doesn't." She laughs softly against my arm and I smile. "Tell me."

I feel her inhale against me. "I've made some bad choices."

"We've all made bad choices," I assure her, because I can feel her reluctance. I have an impending fear that Liv's gonna tell me she's done drugs before and that scares me so much but I would rather hear her tell me the truth so I can help her. At this point, I'm invested and I would do anything for her. "Tell me what happened so I can make it right."

"No," Liv pulls away from me and looks me in the eye. She looks so hurt. "There are some things that can't be made right."

She says that with such certainty that it makes me feel like I'm about to cry. In a way, she's right. But I'm willing to go to extremes to make everything alright for her. Why? I don't know. There's something about her. It hit me so hard.

Liv gets up before I can say anything else and my arms fall off her body. "What time do you have to leave?"

"Soon," I admit, my eyes never leaving hers. The last thing I want to do is leave her alone.

But it looks like that's what's gonna happen.

November 25th, 2015

7:04 AM

Lyman's Residence Hall

Stanford, California

Olivia's POV

"Fitz," I roll my eyes and lean my back against the wall. "You really should get going...and I should leave..."

"Sh," Fitz calls from the kitchen. "I'm going to give you a ride back to your dorm after I cook you breakfast."

I roll my eyes again, but I'm lowkey grateful. I don't feel like walking the mile or so to my dorm and whatever Fitz is making smells really good. But the last thing I want is for him to feel obligated to take care of me like he's been doing. "Fitz."

"Olivia," he appears in the kitchen doorway and folds his arms. "Stop talking, get your ass in here and try this." He holds out his hand and I reluctantly take it and follow him into the kitchen.

He stands in front of the frying pan and stabs a piece of crispy bacon with a fork, holding it out to me. "Try it."

I hesitate but take it from him and bite into it. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had home cooked breakfast in months or the fact that I haven't eaten at all since yesterday afternoon, but this is amazing. "I guess I can stay for a little bit."

Fitz laughs with a grin and walks to the fridge. He pours a two glasses of orange juice and holds one out to me. "So..." he leans on the counter. "Are you ever gonna tell me what happened last night?"

I finish off the piece of bacon and put another one on the fork. "No."

"You don't trust me." Fitz says this not as a question, but like he's stating facts.

I look down at my glass of juice. That's not true - not at all. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have shown up at his door a couple of hours ago. I wouldn't have let him hold me while I cried in his arms. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be here right now. Fitz is a sweetheart and I trust him with my life. But I don't want to burden him with everything. He deserves more than that. He deserves more than me.

"Fitz," I begin, turning down the heat on the frying pan. "You've helped me enough. You've gone out of your way to make sure I was taking care of. And I can't thank you enough for that."

"I'm not asking you to thank me," Fitz cuts me off, taking a sip of his juice. "I just want the truth. I want to help you."

"You can't," I say blantly. "You're going to Los Angeles and whether you like it or not, I'm gonna be here. You can't help me. Not anymore than you already have."

That shuts him up. I put the last piece of bacon on the fork and sigh. I didn't mean to yell at him. But that happens more than it should. "I'm sorry, Fitz."

"No," he shakes his head. "It's not that. I was just thinking...you're right. I don't want to leave you alone."

I just shrug. If I'm being honest, I don't want to be alone either. Being here with him, I feel safe. It's like the world is on pause and I'm here with Fitz Grant, safe and protected. But I need to face reality - I can't be locked up in this safe haven forever. This, like I should realize, is not where I belong. "So?"

"So," he puts down his glass and looks at me. "So come to LA with me."

"What?" I can't help but laugh. I put down my glass too. "No."

"Why not?" Fitz presses and I can't stop laughing. But his face is dead serious. "Because it's so unreasonable that I'd be worried about you? I found LSD in your pocket Olivia!"

I roll my eyes. "I didn't take it, Fitz."

"You had it," Fitz argues. "And that's horrible enough as it is. That, and the fact that you won't even tell me who gave it to you!"

"I don't who he was!" I yell, then take a deep breath. Sometimes Fitz can be so caring that it's annoying. He's stubborn. But then again, I dragged him into this, so I guess he deserves an explanation. "I really don't know who the guy was, Fitz. He literally slipped it into my back pocket at a club last night. And the reason I was crying is..." I take a deep breath. "I get panic attacks. Bad ones. And something happened last night, over the phone, triggering one."

I look at him and he's looking away. I know he feels bad for demanding what was happening so much. But he also looks relieved that I told him. I open my mouth to say something but he shakes his head, his blue eyes facing mine. "I'm sorry. I'm here for you."

I stare at him. I don't think anyone has actually said that to me verbatim. And it's hitting me so hard right now. His eyes, as icy blue as they are, are so warm and kind to me right now. And I want nothing more than to be in his arms right now.

"Thank you."

"Liv," Fitz comes up to me, so his face is only a few inches away from mine, despite the fact that he's almost a foot taller than me. "Come to LA with me. Stay with my family. For a couple days. Please."

"N-no," I repeat, but it's kind of hard to find my words when he's this close to me. "That's crazy..."

"As if these past five hours haven't been crazy enough?" Fitz whispers, laughing.

His laugh so close to me...I can't even explain how attractive I find Fitz. I know how hot everyone thinks he is, and he is, but there's something about him. Not just his looks. But the way he talks and does simple things like pour orange juice...I am just so unapologetically infatuated with him. And then I feel about it because I know the type of people we are. He's smart, older, taken and so clearly out of my league. He's some type of political genius. And I'm just this girl who drinks too much and gets caught up in fucked up situations. I know we can't happen. But we're here. Against all odds, we're here together.

"I can take care of myself," I lie right through my teeth. I think these past couple of hours have proved just the opposite of that. "I don't want you to worry about me."

"If you leave, I'll be doing just that," Fitz tells me. "I can't make you go if you don't want to. I'm not throwing you in the trunk of my car. But...please."

I stare at him. I don't think it's that simple. Fitz being as stubbornly protective at he is, I believe that he won't quit until he gets what he wants. But strangely, I don't mind that. And I know it's crazy and most likely the wrong choice in the end, but I can think of worse things than going to LA with Fitz. "Are you sure about this?"

The look on his face says his answer. No. But he smiles anyway. "Please. I promise you that it'll be okay."

I force myself to look away from him. He's so invested in this - in me. That means the world to me because as of now, I have nobody. And I legit think that if I stayed on campus, I would find myself in a situation I couldn't get out of. "Your family-"

"Don't worry about my family," Fitz cuts me off. "Please."

I look up at him, thinking about this. If I am impulsive and I say yes...I don't want to burden him anymore than I have. But I don't want him in LA, worrying about me. And I don't want that either.

I smile nervously and he reciprocates it.

I guess I'm going to LA.

AN: Sorry for the short chapter, but i hope you liked it! And I hope you're liking the story so far. :)

As always, thank you so much for your sweet reviews and PMs. If you've ever send me a PM, you KNOW how much it means to me, lol.

And sorry for all those frigging Francisco quotes but I've just recently fallen in love with him and I can't stop myself. And I think they fit in well with the themes of the story. Anyway, I just ordered his book on Amazon so the quotes aren't gonna stop anytime soon, lmao.

But Olitz going to LA together?! Damn. What do you think Big Jerry is gonna say? And Mellie? Tell me what you think is gonna happen!