Disclaimers: All right reserved of the originals "Star Wars" Characters, Names, Places, etc., to George Lucas / Disney. I pledge to return all characters after the story is complete.
Warning: Major Spoilers of TRoS.
Note: This is a Reylo FanFiction (slow-burn)
「Act 38: Overwhelming Sickness」
Falcon, 36 ABY
Han had always traveled as if determined to avoid making much of a footprint. Oddly Ben piloted Falcon the same way. His father's ship was always a chaotic mess: worn spacer gear, stacked flight manuals, and bits of the equipment shed by the Falcon. Ben noted that it looked more organized now. And should have been since his father wasn't around any longer to be in charge.
Ben gazed up to where the pair of golden dice use to hang; it was his father's only personal touch, someone could find abroad the whole ship. But those were gone as well, like his father. Ben turned and gazed at the co-pilot's seat; Chewbacca was sitting there, like always.
Ben tried to ignore the memories that slowly built up and called out to him. He typed the coordinates to the colony of Yavin 4 and flew into hyperspace. He stared at the open space in front of him, his gaze steady. His face hiding all the emotions that were hungrily growing inside him. His father would hate this. Someone else flying his ship. The man who was responsible for his dead touching his Falcon.
His father... His father hated bullies, injustice, and cruelty, and when confronted with them, he could never stand down. Ben could understand him now. His father was like this since his youth when he stood his ground, on Corellia, above Yabin, on Endor, and even on Starkiller base.
There, where Ben killed him.
Han Solo, even if he wasn't Force-sensitive, he fought for his freedom and the freedom of the whole Galaxy. He never wanted to know the odds in that fight because he had already made up his mind that they would survive, and time after time, they did. He could be reckless and ignore protocol, and damn he had an awful sense of diplomacy.
Ben choked down a sob as he found more similarities with his father. Even as Kylo Ren, he never liked diplomacy; he would ignore protocol. And reckless? Was Ben Solo reckless? He had to be; most of his choices were. Ben was utterly unconcerned about the consequences of his actions if those were actions he had to take. He would not take his time and think about odds or the possibilities. He would storm into and act upon it.
His father might be even recklesser than Ben; he agreed to reach out to him, to draw him out of the darkness. And strangely, he did. But he ended up paying with his own life. Again he thought, the life he took so easily, and for what, to offer everything he had to the dark side. 'Fool!'
Han Solo's son was a fool; after all, he gave everything he had to the dark side, and what did he gain... pain, torture, conflict, and emotional scars... 'Such a Fool!'
Only then did Ben noticed Chewie's eyes on him, realizing he was blinking hard, and his lower lips were trembling. He tried to breathe in and out until he managed to look calm again. Kylo Ren had taught him that, how to calm down whenever he was around Snoke. He always tried to hide part of his thoughts, part of his heart, because the conflict was always there.
Ben pressed a few buttons and set Falcon into autopiloting; he stood up, grabbing the pilot's seat to keep his balance. Ben's mind was always orbiting around grief and loss, pointing out his misdeeds, and above all, his father's death. And he honestly believed it, his mind would never be silenced, and his heart would never heal, until the day of his death.
Though Ben was determined, he would live with his pain and accept to pay any price through all his remaining life, but he would not allow the galaxy again to lose its freedom, neither darkness to rise again. He knew, and he knew it well; he was not allowed to act like a hero or a savior, he upon all people, had not any right.
They were facing long odds, new darkness that was rising, old darkness that had left something behind, and the New Republic who was still leaderless. He couldn't explain what those odds were, and he didn't want to know them. Because nothing would change his mind, even if he had not the right to fight against that darkness, he would.
He wasn't sure what made him open his mind and agree with the offered path. Maybe it was Anakin; maybe it was Rey, Poe, Chewie, and everyone else who treated him fairly, despite being Kylo Ren, despite being a murder and a monster. He would return to the fight, like his father, who believed in justice and freedom. And because monsters like him shouldn't rule the galaxy.
He would never ask for forgiveness because none should forgive him. And after they would have fought that new evilness and the galaxy could see once more live in freedom and peace, his faith should be decided, and he should be judged as the monster that he was. For Ben Solo, there was not enough he could do or offer to over redeem himself.
Nothing.
He was called back to reality as Chewie roared, demanding his attention. The Wookiee had already taken a seat in the holochess board and turned it on. He pointed out that Ben owned him a match and to explain to him how he won. A promise young Ben had given to Chewie, so many years ago.
"We'll see!" Ben answered and walked over and took a seat next to him. The memories were getting only stronger, and Ben felt his heart failing him. What was wrong with him these days? Memory after memory would hunt him down and slowly break him to nothingness. He knew he was worthy of all the pain, but he couldn't go on like that. In these missions, he should be able to hold his emotions in, to stand his ground.
Chewbacca made the first move without overthinking it. He has become better than he used to be, but still Ben was winning him back then easily, and he was only a child, now as an adult, did he have any chance to win him?
Ben made his move and looked at the Wookiee with confidence, "You have been practicing," Ben noted and waited for Chewie's next move. Their game started as the old days, and soon Ben figured out that he had not forgotten how to win, and Chewie was losing. His soldiers were crushed and the enemy winning in his face.
"Chewbacca is losing?" came a sudden voice as Poe showed up from the Engine unit; Rey, Fin, and he was repairing a few errors down there. "Finn, Rey come!" he called them and sat next to Ben casually, watching them play.
Wookiee was studying the holo-chess board, as his next move could cause him to lose the game. Rey and Finn joined them and sat around the table with them. It was a long ride in the Falcone to Yavin-4 colony, and they just have found a way to pass their time.
They were now playing the third game, and Ben was winning. Until now, never had anyone won the Wookiee, that made the group of three -Rey, Poe, and Finn- confused and, in a way, happy.
"He beats us every time," Finn said and gazed at the board.
"He seems to," Poe agreed and tapped Ben's shoulder. "But not today."
Rey leaned closer, trying to read Ben's moves. "How did you do it?" she asked him, "Those two were never managed to beat Chewie."
A smirk escaped from Ben's lips. "No one ever had ever won playing against Chewie," he paused and lifted his eyebrow, revealing some of his confidence. "Only I!"
"And we thought he was cheating all this time," Poe added, "But since Ben here is winning, I guess you weren't cheating Chewie."
Chewie roared, unhappy, pointing out he was not cheating. Then he went back, gazing at the board, trying to figure out his next move.
"I'm kidding," Poe said, hands up in surrender, "Of course you're better than us, you are two hundred fifty years old."
"Just make your move already," complained Finn, who felt now bored as Chewie took forever to make the next move.
Chewie finally made his move. Ben gazed at him and made his final move winning the game again. Chewbacca rose from the holochess table, moaning with insistence. And Ben tried to hide his laugh, as Chewie reactions when losing were priceless.
"Alright, I'll teach you next time," Ben promised him again. "Though I don't have a secret, really. Just watching and thinking about the next move."
Chewie complained a bit more; then he walked over to the cockpit as the Falcon was making a few beeped, informing them about their destination and that it would take a few more hours.
Poe and Finn reached at the same time and turned the board off. "I never believed that there would be a living being in the whole galaxy that could actually win Chewie," Poe said, smiling at Ben.
"Maybe he should teach you all," suddenly said C-3PO, who walked in with R2-D2 and BB-8.
Ben shook his head, refusing to even at the thought to sit down and teach someone anything; he was never meant to teach anyone.
They talked a bit longer about random things, some even silly, and Rey noted that Ben was smiling more often than he used to. He was even making an effort to answer back and not to ignore the rest. It was a tremendous change because she knew how heavy his mind and heart were. Rey occasionally would hear his thoughts or find herself lost inside Ben's mind, without her trying. The dyad was connecting them easier these days, and neither of them would block the connection.
Of course, they both had parts of their minds that were still secured and blocked. Thoughts and memories that were too private or too confusing to let anyone see. But the rest of their mind was always throwing thoughts and memories to each other, like a game they both played well. And like that, without even understanding how Ben would manage to breathe from all the pain and take a short break. For that, he had to thank Rey; she had told him that she would help him. And she was helping him.
Ben stood up and walked towards the corridor that was leading him in the back units. There he stood in front of a gigantic window, one of the few that the Falcone had, and looked at the dark space. The view was amazing, and the ability to stare like that in peace, priceless. He didn't know what he had done right to be given such privilege. But he knew he had to thank his new friends for giving him a chance to live as Ben Solo, even if it would be for a short time because nothing changed the reality that he had not paid for his crimes yet.
Suddenly, he felt two smaller hands wrapping around him and giving him a back-hug, the owner of the hands leaned against him and rested her head against his back. Ben softly reached out and grasped her hands between his, as he remained there watching outside. He slowly sensed her heartbeat against his; the sound was overwhelming, though he remained there holding her close. Neither Rey nor Ben spoke; they just remained there, in their own silence that was saying more in compare to any words.
The Falcon beeped again, indicating that they were nearing their destination. Ben turned around, his own arms wrapping around Rey's as he hugged her close to him. Then he pulled back slowly. Ben's dark eyes pinned against hers, and he shared with her one of those smiles that made her world lit up. Those small moments were so priceless and divine, he shouldn't be allowed to have, but he was thankful now that Rey was in his life.
Rey seemed surprised by his smile; she stared at him and didn't draw away yet. Her eyes lit up as they did in Exegol when Ben brought her back to life. Back then, he had given Rey back to the galaxy, a small deed that wouldn't atone of the darkness he had caused, but it was the only thing he could do.
They stared at each other for a moment. Ben was about to step back and walked towards the cockpit, as they had almost arrived at their destination. Rey smiled at him back and whispered, "Ben!" As if she wanted something to tell him. She could feel their connection to reach its highest pitch, and a moment so magical was created.
She was glad to see him, finally smile, despite all the pain and suffering. Glad to be with him at this moment and ease his pain. It was the greatest gift she was giving him. Her support and understanding, like a close friend he never had.
His heart was full as Rey reached for his face, let her fingers touch his cheeks. She was not sure what made her react like that. But it just felt the right thing to do. And then suddenly, like that, without any warning, she leaned forward and kissed him. This kiss was fast and soft, different from the one she had given him in Exegol.
Ben smiles faded confusedly, as he was taken by surprise. And what was more bewildering was that Rey's mind was empty. She was as well baffled by her own actions. Ben released her from the hug and stepped back. They both exchanged a glance and turned around and walked away.
Both weren't sure what had just happened. Rey leaned against the nearest metallic wall, astonished by her own action. Why one earth would she kiss Ben? She could not explain any of it. And what was more confusing was that her heart couldn't stop beating like crazy, and her stomach was filled with butterflies.
Ben wasn't better; the deed had brought him to his knees. His heart had skipped a beat, and his ears were so red. He noted as Rey kissed him that he saw fireworks; no, he still saw fireworks upon his head. He stumbled over the pilot's seat and crushed down.
Both had finally figured out what was wrong with them; they were both sick. Perhaps they had caught the flu or some other virus.
「Upcoming Chapter: Act Thirty - Nine」
Okay, guys, that's all. I hope you enjoyed reading the 38th chapter.
Thank you all so much! Stay awesome! Stay sweet!
And be nice to each other, see you soon, in the next chapter!
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