Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my OCs.
Weeks after Ottavio's execution, we were gathered at our headquarters. In a rare moment, we were all eating together.
"VOII! YOU EAT TOO MUCH! DAMN GLUTTON! STOP FEEDING HER!" Superbi Squalo was screaming at the top of his lungs, the volume of his voice was starting to shake the windows in the Varia headquarters.
"Shishishi." Belphegor snickered, holding up another plate of steak, "If I feed her enough, do you think she'll inflate like a balloon and explode?"
"I'm not paying for the carpet cleaning." Mammon voiced his concern for his wallet rather than me but that's okay.
"VOII! THIS IS WHY THE BOSS THROWS THINGS AT US! SHE ALWAYS EATS ALL HIS FOOD!" Squalo roared.
"If I eat like that will the boss acknowledge me?" Levi murmured.
"Kira-chan, you should eat in a more refined way." Lussuria scolded me for no reason. I think I eat in a perfectly refined way.
"VOIII!"
"Shut up already!" I stuffed a slice of ham between his lips and removed my hand before he could bite it off, "If you ate like me you wouldn't be so pissy all the time, you damn herbivore."
"VOII!" Squalo screamed, pointing his sword hand at my throat, "I'm going to cut you open in a minute! HIBARI KIRA!"
I stared at the cut of ham that was disappearing into his mouth even as he threatened me, "Squalo-senpai… You ate it too. We're accomplices now."
And before he could say voi again, I stuffed one of my precious slices of bacon in his mouth, "Hey! Someone bring me more bacon!"
"Shishishi." Belphegor laughed as our strategy captain mumbled something incomprehensible through the slice of wonderful bacon I had so graciously given him.
In our many years without Xanxus, we had grown very comfortable without a spartan leader dragging us along through dirt or pavement. We learned about each other and grew lenient with the bad habits of our fellow coworkers. Rather than coworkers, some of us might even herbivorously use the word family to describe our closely knit group.
I don't know anything about these guys being my family but I know for certain, they are my home.
"SHUT UP, TRASH!"
Oh… Well here comes our boss. Everyone took a seat as the boss entered the dining room. I eyed him warily maybe I glared at him for a moment or two but hey, he started it. It seems that the boss was in a bad mood for some reason. It could be that he was still feeling off after those eight years in an icy imprisonment or he could just be mad that Squalo-senpai is a jerk.
"Trash." Xanxus stared straight at me as he said it, "Stop eating or I'll kill you."
"I'll share." I nibbled quietly on my bacon and ham, "Do you want the steak, boss?"
Bastard. Damn. If only he wasn't the boss here, I might've kept eating. HEY! I love food more than anyone and you might think that I'm a traitor for abandoning my food just because my boss told me too but you try it! When Xanxus glares you down, you have no choice but to obey. If it makes any of my fellow food lovers feel any better, I nibbled on my bacon for the longest time. I only stopped because the boss threw his empty wine glass at me.
"We're going to Japan." Xanxus blurted as bluntly as usual. He didn't find the need to explain himself just as he did before he was frozen nor did he find his request unreasonable so he just continued with, "Get on the plane now. I refuse to sit with garbage like you so make sure to sit at the back of the plane or I'll throw you off. Take your rings while you're at it."
Our rings. Squalo-senpai had been in Japan hunting down the Vongola Half-Rings. Apparently, he had seen Dino in the process but it wasn't any of my business. I was only warned that crybaby Dino was no longer the same weak herbivore he was in previous days. As Xanxus' designated Guardians we were holding the half of the rings that would become ours if Xanxus became the boss of this family.
"Kira-chan, what are you going to do after this?" Lussuria sat across from me and Squalo-senpai in our arranged seats. The seat next to Lussuria was naturally empty because Leviathan, Mammon and Bel were sitting in their own little circle further towards the back of the plane, "If you become a Guardian, you know you won't have much freedom."
"I joined the Varia to test my strength. As long as I can keep doing that, I will remain here. Of course, I won't be taking any orders from herbivores." I told him, "Besides, if I'm a Guardian and that means I have to remain here then I don't see the problem. Our group is formed of some of the strongest fighters this world will ever see. I will always have someone to test my strength against if I stay with you."
Squealing dramatically, Lussuria leaped across the small area separating us and threw his arms around my neck, "Oh, Kira-chan! We love you too!"
"I never said that!" I shouted in embarrassment, trying to remove the okama from me weakly.
O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O
"Japan! I'm home!" My feet hit the ground after hours and hours of being in the small plane.
"Well she's happy." Squalo grunted sarcastically.
"Who cares." Belphegor snickered.
"I want sushi!" I was already making my list of things to eat while I'm here, "And takoyaki!"
"Sushi?" Bel's ears perked up at the sound of that, "Take me too."
"VOI! We're not here to play." Squalo screeched.
"Ohh… It took him a whole minute to say 'voi' since our touch down." I commented, rolling my eyes, "Must be a new record."
"Alright. Should we say we're going to do our own thing for a while and meet at the hotel tonight?" Lussuria said, "I'll go on ahead and check-in. I'll text you all the room number once I get it."
"Understood."
"Come eat sushi with us, Squalo-senpai." I motioned, "I want to see if this place I went to as a kid is still in business."
Squalo huffed, rolling his eyes, "No thanks. I've got some place I want to go too."
It was a surprise but not that much. Knowing Squalo, he was probably going to go pick a fight with some famous yakuza swordsman. When I asked if the rest of the guys wanted to go, only the boss was inclined to come with us. It was also kind of a surprise to me. Xanxus is usually too lazy to do anything with anyone but I suppose he only agreed cause he was hungry.
Well, whatever.
O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O
The dead of the night is when the Varia works best so that's when we began our ring hunt. Even our boss seemed to be fired up at the challenge of sniffing out the wielders of the other halves of our rings. We didn't really set off together or anything but we all ended up together at the important part so splitting up at the beginning was a waste.
"Hold it, Levi! Don't just eliminate them all on your own. Leave some fun for us." Lussuria demanded as we came together to stop Leviathan from annihilating all the gathered prey at once.
"How dare you trick me, you pieces of trash!" Squalo roared, "Who's got the Ring of Rain?!"
"Me." Said some kid I didn't know so I don't care.
"Three seconds is all I need to kill you." Our resident loudmouth growled.
"Move." Our boss wasn't asking. He was just shoving people out of the way as he pushed his way out front.
"Xanxus!" Even the little children recognize our boss, I'm so proud. Little kids know the fear of looking our boss in the eye, meaning our reputation precedes us. Which is probably a bad thing considering that we specialize in secret assassinations…. Oh well. I'm still proud but the feeling didn't last long as our boss lifted his radiating hand to show off his flame.
"Oh boy." I gasped, nearly dropping my hotdog as I scrambled to the side.
"Are you trying to kill us too?!" Squalo protested, putting up his arms as an instant reaction to Xanxus' aura.
And then, Sawada Iemitsu showed up. I have to admit that I've only seen the man once before but he only shows up when things get really serious so I guess I have to be grateful that I haven't seen him too many times. It looks like he got that letter we forged and forced the Ninth to stamp. I could practically feel Xanxus' ego growing.
"Let's have a traditional battle to choose the next boss." Iemitsu explained the "Ninth's" standpoint and sudden change of heart about the candidates for the next boss, "The ones who wield the halves of the same ring will battle it out in a one on one contest to determine which of the candidates is really fit to lead the Vongola Family."
The Cervello showed up like they always do, sticking their noses into places where they're not wanted. If they hadn't really shown up, we would've just clobbered all these punks without problems but noooo… They just had to get here on time.
"I'm bored." I mumbled, fishing in my pocket for something to chew on but I came up with nothing.
I must've looked like I was about to cry because Lussuria leaned over and handed me a stick of beef jerky with a wink. That's why I love Lussuria… Sometimes. I tuned out everyone else to nibble on my single stick of meat, trying to make it last as long as possible. Turns out there's no fighting today which is great for me because I tend to get grumpy and uncooperative when I don't have something to snack on. So I charged back to the hotel to find snacks and Squalo was screaming for me to stop being such a freak the whole way back.
O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O
"VOIII! WHERE IS SHE?!" Squalo roared.
Whoops. I guess he's mad that I didn't show up to Lussuria's match. But the boss didn't go either! At least I sent the Gola Mosca in my place... Jeez.
"Hi, Squalo-senpai! What took you guys so long?" I gave him the most innocent looking smile I could muster.
His eyes landed on me and he looked like he was about to scream again but thank god for Xanxus.
The boss made his entrance along with a few flying glasses of wine, "Bring me whiskey! I don't want this shit!"
You know, I think that it's hard for some people to see because Xanxus looks really manly and has a deep voice but his words are really childish. It's like listening to an overgrown baby throw a tantrum in a store. Don't tell him I said that cause I want to live but it's true.
"HUH?! Get it yourself, shitty boss!" Squalo howled but he was already moving to get it.
"Ushishishi." Bel snickered, " Levi's in the next round."
"I'm skipping again." I announced, "Anyways… Where is Lussuria?"
"He lost!" Squalo snapped, returning with a bottle of whiskey.
"A what?" I had never been so shocked in my entire life. Our opponents were a bunch of middle schoolers. There was no way that any of them could beat us, so what happened to Lussuria? "The matches are rigged or something?"
"No. He got clobbered and Gola Mosca ended up finishing the job." Levi grunted.
"Oh." I nodded. That made a little more sense because there's no way that Lussuria could possibly be killed by a little kid but what's with the clobbered part? Did he get beat up by someone before entering his one on one fight?
"Figure it out already! Lussuria lost fair and square so we sent him sprawling to the hospital!" Our loudmouthed captain screamed, "Lussuria lost!"
The only reason that I hadn't gone to Lussuria's match is because I thought that he was going to win in less than five minutes and then we'd all have to come back here afterwards in a bad mood because the fight was boring. How could he lose when I'm not watching?! How could he have an interesting fight while I'm here alone with the boss… bored out of my wits?! That pisses me off a little.
"Eh?!" I reacted a little late, "Wait! Does that mean tomorrow's match is going to be a big deal too?! Should I go?!"
"VOII! YOU SHOULD GO TO ALL THE MATCHES!" Squalo roared, "You can't have Gola Mosca do all the work for you!"
"I don't want to go. What if I see Dino again?" I grumbled my complaints, "I haven't prepared my 'you're a jerk' speech yet."
"Haneuma wasn't there today." Squalo grunted, "You're being difficult. Do your job."
"No." I said kind of stubbornly, "I'll do whatever I want."
Squalo's eyebrow twitched and an amused snort came from our boss.
"Whatever." Mammon mumbled, "At least you know that she's our Cloud Guardian right down to the core. She always does whatever she wants."
"That's right. Now excuse me while I go find some good takoyaki." I grinned, waltzing my way out the door while Squalo screamed at me about being difficult or stupid or incompetent or whatever he was saying.
O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O
"WHAT?!" I think this week is just going to be full of heart attacks.
"You heard me." Xanxus glared at me as he flashed his ring in my face, "Sawada Tsunayoshi was disqualified today for stepping in to save his Guardian."
"W-Wait. Let me get this straight." My mind was thoroughly blown. Levi won but Lussuria lost?! What the hell? Levi's probably the weakest out of all of us. Just what kind of person was Sawada's Sun Guardian? "So… We're winning, right?"
"VOI! IF YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED UP TO THE MATCHES LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO, YOU WOULD KNOW!" Squalo roared.
"Okay… So who's next?" I shoved his sword hand away as he tried to attack me.
"Bel." Xanxus grunted, tilting his head to the side just enough to gesture at Prince the Ripper.
"Tragic." I grinned, "I'm still not going."
"WHY THE HELL NOT?!" Squalo needs to learn how to use an inside voice.
"I don't want to see Dino and I still haven't seen Kyoya! That little brother of mine hasn't been home for a while. I wonder where he is…" I was talking more to myself than anyone else but with the Varia there always had to be a sarcastic answer.
"Shishishi. Maybe he bit the dust already." Belphegor snickered.
"Maybe he has a job now." Mammon grumbled, always thinking of his beloved money.
"VOI! WHO CARES?!"
"I care!" I complained, "Boss! Why can't I find him?!"
Xanxus turned a deadly glare on me, his lips still attached to the bottle of whiskey.
"Fine. That's the last time I ask for your opinion. Drunkard."
Now. The thing about Xanxus is that…. He likes to throw things at people. If he's in a good mood, he throws insults at people. Yes…. Your eyes are just fine, they're not playing tricks on you or anything. I just said that Xanxus insults people when he's in a good mood so imagine him in a bad mood. When he's in a bad mood, he throws whatever he's holding at you.
So let me give you a good tip. The best situation for insulting Xanxus would be when he's holding documents. And one more thing. One would think that the best time to tease him is when he's not holding anything at all. WRONG. If he's not holding anything at all, he'll either pull a gun on you or reach over and grab whatever is sitting closest to him. Doesn't sound too bad? WRONG AGAIN. If he's sitting next to a table and there's nothing on the table, he'll get up and throw the table at you. Our boss is not to be messed with.
Why am I telling you this? Because I called our boss a drunkard and he's holding a bottle of whiskey. Guess what? He's in a bad mood so he took the last swing and threw at me. Obviously, I'm not just going to sit there and take it so I stepped to the side. I said this a million times already but I'll say it again since I moved to the side and the glass bottle shattered as it made contact with Leviathan's face. Poor Levi.
"Get me another one, trash!" Xanxus barked, not even looking twice at poor Levi.
That's why I keep telling him, being devoted to Xanxus doesn't get you any brownie points so he should forget about the boss and do whatever he wants but noooo…. Leviathan will be overly loyal until he dies.
Squalo grumbled a million inaudible insults as he dragged himself to the door to get another bottle.
O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O
Late in the night, Squalo and I sat on the couch. I was busily eating popcorn and Squalo was filling me in about the day's events like usual.
"The boss what?! Are we talking about the same Xanxus?!" I nearly had another heart attack trying to imagine the boss smiling or laughing.
"We only know one Xanxus!" Squalo hissed, his voice ringing in my ears anyways.
"I don't believe it." I laughed, "Our boss never laughs. It's been eight years since that guy smiled, you'd think his muscles are still frozen."
"Don't say anything about that to the boss."
Of course. Even mentioning the Cradle Affair was taboo around our boss but it was common knowledge that the guy hasn't smiled since he was unfrozen but he smiled over just the thought of beating Sawada Tsunayoshi to a pulp? How unfair. I keep missing the good stuff. Maybe I should actually start going to these matches. Imagine the boss smiling. That's disgusting. I changed my mind. I don't want to go anymore. The day Xanxus smiles is the day ten million puppies die.
Squalo and I exchanged a long look. Xanxus may be a jerk but he's our jerk.
Thanks for waiting guys! :)
XxXxMuseXxXx: Hmm... I wrote it so... If you're a sadist then so am I. :)