'Loving you was the last thing I ever felt good at.'

- Rudy Francisco

November 27th, 2015

8:12 AM

Grant Estate

Los Angeles, California

Olivia's POV

I'm trying to do the math in my head but I feel sick to my stomach. I am literally going to throw up.

She can't be pregnant.

She's lying.

She's a liar.

Mellie Grant is a liar.

Fitz has told me about her manipulation before. He told me that she's selfish and she's possessive and that she will manipulate the hell out of me. So it makes sense that she would lie about being pregnant with his baby to scare me off. And it worked.

I am so scared right now. Is she lying? If she's not, how could Fitz not tell me?

How long has it been since they've last seen each other? How many months is she - if she really is pregnant, that is? She was drinking wine last night...wasn't she? I don't know. I don't know anything.

I lower myself on Fitz's bed, my arms folded across my stomach. I feel so sick and I am just trying to hold myself together. I love Fitz...every minute I am with him, I just love him more and more and...this is coming from a girl who has severe trust issues.

I have never been in love until now and I am here and it's so complicated and overwhelming and the only person who could make me feel safe is...Fitz. And God knows where he is.

I can't tell you how much he means to me. That's why it hurts so much. I don't want to lose him. I listened to him last night. I agreed to give us a chance, only because I can't fathom the thought of not being with him. But it looks like that might happen anyway.

If she truly is pregnant, I'm going back to Stanford today. I'm not staying for the weekend. I can't be in this house, be the mistress of a engaged, to-be father. No matter how amazing Fitz is, no matter how much I love him, no matter how much I really wanted to be with him...some things just weren't meant to be. If Mellie is pregnant, fate will prove us wrong. Which sucks because for a pathetic, dreamy, unrealistic day, I thought Fitz and I were endgame.

Funny how life works out in the end.

"Livvy?"

I look up and see him in the doorway. He looks apologetic but surprised. I realize that there are tears in my eyes and turn away from him.

Fitz comes in the room and closes the door gently. He has a small silver bag in his hands, which he tosses on the dresser. He comes over and sits next to me. He tries to put his arms around me but I push him off. If he knew and didn't tell me...I swear to god I'll kill him. That's so messed up...I trusted him...

"Livvy," he repeats, more firmly this time. "Tell me what's wrong." He wraps one arm firmly around my waist and forces me to rest my head against his chest. "Tell me what happened."

I finally just give in and lay on him, despite my being angry at him. At him and the world. But I think I can't deny that I really want to be in his arms right now. "Where did you go...you left me all alone..."

"I know," Fitz rests his head on top of mine. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I just needed to leave for a minute and get my head together." He sighs. "If I would have stayed, I might have done something I couldn't take back."

I nod into his chest, biting my lip. I'm mad at him...I am so mad at him. But I can't see to pull myself out of his arms.

"Livvy," Fitz whispers, rubbing my back. "What happened? Was it Mellie? What did she say...Liv, what did she say? I swear to God I'll-"

"She didn't say anything," I lie against the fabric of his t-shirt. But I have tears to prove against that. I swallow. "She didn't say anything, Fitz."

"Okay," Fitz replies slowly, unconvinced. "Then what's wrong, baby? Why are you crying?"

I shake my head. I feel like if I open my mouth, I'm just gonna end up sobbing hysterically. If Mellie is pregnant, Fitz is gonna leave me. He's gonna leave me before we even got a chance to be together. And I can't even blame him. He is just so caring and thoughtful and...how could he leave his fiancée? I don't expect him to. In the end, I will respect him for that. But it doesn't mean it's not going to hurt like hell.

Fitz leans against the headboard with me still in his arms. I feel him exhale. I think he has just accepted that I am not gonna tell him anything and as of now, he is just trying to comfort me. "I love you."

I shake my head again, more tears pouring out of my eyes. "I thought this could work..."

"It can work," Fitz insists softly. He leans down and gently kisses my temple. "Just tell what's wrong and I'll fix it."

"No," I mumble, my chest hurting. Is this what actual heartbreak feels like? I have so much crap going in my life, but for one stupid night and morning, not of it mattered.

The fact that my father disowned me?

The fact that I was virtually broke?

The fact that my only source of income was from a boss I felt scared to be in the same room as?

None of that even mattered.

Because I had Fitz with me, no matter what happened. I had him.

And now I don't.

I can't compete with a pregnant woman. I know it sounds selfish to say this, but it's true. I know there may be a baby involved but I don't care. I want him to myself and I can't have him.

He lied to me and now everything has broken apart. "You can't fix this."

"Maybe if I knew what it was, I could."

Fitz's POV

"No," Livvy mumbles into my chest. I can actually feel her tears leaking through the fabric of my shirt. "You can't fix this."

It hurts me to hear her say this. It hurts even more to hear her cry. Mellie had something to do with this - I'm not even questioning that. I never wanted to hurt Mellie, ever, but if she messed with Livvy in any way, shape or form...

Basically, I can take all the crap Mellie throws at me. I have been doing it for four years. But if she hurt Livvy, that's another story. I know that even if Livvy doesn't want to admit it - she doesn't want to start more drama than there already is - Mellie did something and I am not gonna let her get away with it. The more I spend time around Mellie, the more I remember just how condescending she can be. That is why I got so unbelievably angry earlier this morning. I just had to leave before I did something crazy like hit her. I don't hit women but this morning I was dangerously close, so I just left before it happened.

The point is, I don't like seeing Livvy hurt. I want to see her happy, I want to see her smile. That's everything to me. And I will do whatever it takes to get there. "Maybe if I knew what it was, I could."

Livvy just shakes her head again and goes on crying. I frown and hold her closer to me. "Hey...I have something that's gonna make you feel better. Two things, actually."

"I don't want anything." Livvy sniffs. "And I swear, Fitz, if you spent any money on me."

I rub her shoulder and chuckle nervously. "On the second thought, this might not make you feel better. I bought you a phone?"

"What?" Livvy exclaims, lifting her head up off my chest. She shakes her head like she wants me to take it back, like she is in denial. "No..."

I sigh. I should have known she wasn't gonna be happy about this. Livvy is not materialistic. But I was driving around Beverly Hills and I was angry and impulsive and thinking about her made me feel better. So I just went ahead and bought her a phone. And it did make me feel better. But something tells me it won't have the same affect on her. "I'm sorry. It's nothing fancy."

Livvy looks like I just stabbed her in the heart. She looks up at me, her eyes slightly puffy and red from crying. "No...why did you buy me something? A phone of all things? I told you not to spend anything on me, Fitz..."

"Livvy," I can't help but sigh. "If you haven't noticed, I have serious bank."

But Livvy doesn't even crack a grin. "Not funny, Fitz. I don't want you to buy me things."

I pretend to pout. "You're going to make me return an iPhone six plus?"

"No," Livvy gets off me and sits in front of me, her legs crossed. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. "I have to ask you something."

"What is it?" I smile gently, in this stupid hope she'll actually open up to me.

"Are you...is..." Liv inhales deeply, her eyes still closed. "What's the second thing?"

"What?"

Livvy opens her eyes and pulls on a very forced, right smile. "You said you have two things to make me feel better. Hopefully the second one isn't as expensive..."

"No," I chuckle lightly. I actually think she'll like what I am about to say. Or maybe she won't. Along with stubborn, Liv is also unpredictable. "I, uh, called up Cyrus. He's helping me in the process of dropping out of Stanford."

"Wow," Livvy mumbles after a stunned moment. She wipes her eyes and smiles again. This time it's not forced. It's not genuinely happy, but it's not forced. It's more sad. "I'm proud of you, Fitz."

I smile, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "It was impulsive but...I wanted to be honest. To myself. Like you said. I wouldn't have had the courage to do it without you." I take a deep breath. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Livvy. Now can you ask me what you were originally going to?"

Livvy inhales very deeply, almost painfully, her eyes closing again. "I just...can you drive me to the airport?"

I raise my eyebrows. That's not what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. "Why? Did your dad call or something?"

"No," her eyes flutter open, looking sadder than I have ever seen them. "I just don't want to be here anymore. I can't. I need to go back to Stanford."

I reach over and interlock her fingers with me. She sharply pulls away from me. I don't know what I did wrong, or what Mellie said. "What did she say to you, Olivia? I told you not to listen to her-"

"It's not about her," Liv throws her legs off the side of the bed and stands up, beginning to pace the room. "It's not!"

"Then what is it about?" I demand, standing up too, leaning against the wall. "This morning, we were fine! You said you trusted me! That you were willing to give this a chance. Give us a chance! What the hell happened, Olivia?"

"Reality happened!" Liv stops in front of me and practically screams in my face. She's small but she has a lot of energy, I guess. A lot of anger too.

Yeah, well so do I. "You know what reality is? I love you. I am trying to make this work but you are being so difficult about it and-"

"How could you not tell me?" Liv cuts me off. I lower my eyes and see that she is full on crying again. She doesn't look angry anymore. She looks plain heartbroken. "How could you?"

"Not tell you what?" I extend my arms to her and hold her against me, letting her sob on my chest again. "What happened? Tell me what's wrong, Livvy."

"No," she pulls away from me, pushing my chest angrily. I reach out and try to grab ahold of her arms but she won't let me. "No!"

I have no idea why she's acting this way. She is literally looking at me like she hates me and that hurts me so bad. "What did I do? Tell me what I did. I'm sorry, Livvy, I am so sorry..."

"No," Livvy repeats, shaking her head coldly. "Leave me alone. If you aren't going to drive me, I'm going myself." She reaches under her bed and whips out her duffel bag. "Screw you."

"Livvy," I reach down and touch her arm but she roughly pushes my chest away. "Livvy-"

"Don't 'Livvy' me!" she yells, not even bothering to look at me. She starts throwing her crap inside the bag and I realize that she's not playing around, she isn't all talk and she actually, physically wants to leave.

And I can't stop her.

And I can't figure out why the hell she's acting this way.

This can't be anything Mellie said. Mellie can be scary but Liv is one of the strongest girls I know. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't have left them both in the kitchen together. I would have been there for her.

But, like I said, this can't be anything Mellie said. Maybe my dad? I don't know. If she would freaking talk to me, maybe I could figure out. And if I knew, I would take care of it. I know that my family will say whatever it takes to mess with her head. They are the types of people to go to extremes, Mellie and Jerry. They could have said something racist. If they did, I wouldn't be surprised. I would just be really fucking pissed off and god knows what would happen...

"Olivia," I run my hand through my wavy hair and sigh. She ignores me, continuing to stuff her clothes into her bag. "Olivia, can you just sit down? We can talk about this. You don't have to go." Nothing. "Liv, you can't go."

"Watch me," she says shortly.

I really don't want her to leave. I love her. I love her and I don't love a lot of people. But I love her. I am in love with her. And she can't leave me like this.

"Whatever it is, Liv, we'll get through it! Look at all the absolute shit we've been through! Tell me what it is and I will fix it, baby, I promise you. I will handle it." I take a deep breath, my voice low. If I speak any louder, I might start crying and I have way too much pride to do that. Again. "Don't leave, Livvy. Don't leave me. Please."

Her hands pause on the zipper of her duffel bag. I see her swallow and close her eyes. Is this it?

Is she finally going to give me a chance?

Because, to be honest, being with Olivia Carolyn Pope is a pain in the ass. But it's worth it.

It's worth it because she makes me happy, she makes me smile and I trust her. She listens to me, she loves me and she cares. That is all anyone can ever ask for. It's her. She's the one I want. I don't know a lot of things, but I know that. I also know that she is complicated, as I can see right now. She can go from crying in my arms one to pushing me away from her the next. But I don't care. I want her. And I can't lose her.

So if there is even a fraction of a chance, it's worth it. "Livvy?"

"How could you not tell me?" Liv whispers softly, her voice full of pain. She turns to me and slowly opens her eyes. They are full of betrayal. "How could you not tell me Mellie was pregnant?"

I feel my stomach sink.

"She's not," I mumble before feeling my legs give up under me.

I slowly lower myself to the edge of my bed, swallowing the huge lump in my throat. My heart is beating way too fast.

Is this healthy? Normal?

I don't know. I have no idea. All I know is that it feels like it got ten times hotter in this room and vision is blurry and I am feeling extremely lightheaded.

"Yes she is," Olivia gets up in front of me and crosses her arms. I hear her say something else but my hearing gives up on me before I can make any sense of her words. There is just a ringing in place of her voice.

I swallow deeply. "No, no, she's not. Mellie is...she is not pregnant. I know she's not pregnant."

I close my eyes. I am lying straight through my teeth. I have no idea if she's pregnant or not.

Mellie wouldn't lie about that. Mellie is condescending, Mellie is petty, Mellie is manipulative but Mellie is not a liar.

But I take a deep breath anyway, looking up at Livvy. I try to look unfazed, to look certain. "She's not pregnant, Liv. She's lying. She lied to you."

But Livvy just shakes her head, her arms still crossed over chest. "No, Fitz. Who the fuck lies about that?"

"I don't know," I inhale, trying to compose myself and steady my breathing. "I really don't know, Liv. But she's not pregnant."

Unconvinced, Livvy returns to shoving clothes in her bag. "Why should I believe you?"

"Because you said you trusted me," I swallow, looking straight ahead.

I want Livvy to stay but I still can't wrap my mind around the idea that my fiancée might be pregnant. My fiancée who I have no romantic feelings towards. My fiancée who I don't love. She may be pregnant and if that's the case, I have no idea what I am going to do.

"Do I have good reason to trust you, Fitz?" Not really, no. "Honestly, how do you I know you're not lying to me?" You don't.

I take a deep breath and reach for her hand. "She's lying to you, Olivia. I have known her for four years. She is lying. Can you just sit down for a minute?"

"No," Olivia pulls her hand away from mine again. "Whatever. This is between you and her." She looks up, blinking away resentful tears. "How was I ever stupid enough to think I had a chance? How could I have ever just intruded in your life and pull you and Mellie apart?"

"You didn't pull us apart," I mumble, looking away from her. "We were apart to begin with."

I know that my justifications are pathetic and I want to be able to convince her to stay wholeheartedly but I am seriously trying to figure this out in my head while talking to her.

Is Mellie really pregnant? Is she just messing with Liv to make her go away? Because if that's the case, that is so fucked up and I will never forgive her.

If that is the case, our breakup won't be amicable, like I was planning. There is no chance of us being friends. And I won't leave her apologetically, I will make it my personal mission to make sure she never has the chance to contact me or my family ever again.

But on the other hand, if she is pregnant, I am not gonna be a crappy father. If she is pregnant, I am gonna be there for the baby, no matter what. If she is, that makes her the mother of my child and I honestly don't think I could leave the mother of my child.

No matter how much I want to be with Olivia.

Then again, I don't know if she's pregnant or not. The last time I saw her and we had sex was like, four months ago so if she is pregnant, she should be showing. And she's not. Is she? And has she been drinking? Yes, I think she was drinking last night. I can't remember honestly. But if she was drinking with my baby in her...oh my god.

Everything is just blurry right now and none of it seems real.

I don't know anything at all. Scratch that - I know one thing. I know I want Olivia to stay. At least until I figure this all out. But she seems hellbent on getting the fuck away from this family and right now, I don't blame her.

I look out the window while she continues thrashing things into her duffel bag. Mellie's car is not parked up the street - she's not here.

I look back at Liv, trying to compose myself. "Olivia, please, we can figure this all out. Please stay."

"You don't understand," Livvy rises up so she's standing. She looks me in the eye - an action I can't requite. "I shouldn't be here. I should have never come with you. I don't belong here. Not with you. You said it yourself in the car ride - I'm eighteen. I am practically a kid. I drink a lot, have panic attacks and may or may not be disowned by my father. And you're...you. You look like someone who should be on 'Rich Kids of Beverly Hills'. We don't belong together and we were stupid and reckless to think we did."

I swallow. She should just punch me in the face - it would less painful than hearing her say these things. I wish she would just freaking understand that I loved her, her flaws and all. And I would always be there for her. But she just doesn't. She still doesn't get it.

And I know I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I know I have gotten everything I have ever wanted. Except her.

But she is not something that can be handed to me. I have to earn her and I just don't know how.

I reach out my hand to touch her waist, but she pulls away. "Livvy-"

"No, Fitz," she shakes her head, wiping her tears with her hand bitterly. "It's not that I don't love you, because I do. I love you so much and that is why I let myself delusionaly believe this could work-"

"It can," I whisper, because I believe despite everything, it really can. We can work.

"No!" Olivia yells at me. "Could you stop saying it can? Could you stop giving me false hope? Just leave me alone, Fitz. Please leave me alone."

"Guys?" Me and Olivia both look at Tom, who is standing timidly in the doorway. His eyes move from me to her, back and forth nervously. "What's going on?"

I press my lips together, wondering how much of our banter he heard. "Nothing, Tom. You should le-"

"Tom," Liv sniffs at looks at him. He looks back at her, really concerned. "Can you drive me to the airport?"

Tom looks over Liv's head and at me, mouthing, 'what the hell did you do?' I lower my eyes to the ground. This cannot be happening. I don't want her to leave...

"Tom," Livvy repeats. "Can you? Please? If you can't, I can call a cab..."

"No," Tom clears his throat and shakes his head. "I can drive you, sweetheart. Go ahead downstairs. I'll be there in a minute."

She nods gratefully and with another sniff, grabs her duffel bag. She gives me one last resentful, hurting look that feels like a shot in the chest and leaves the room. As soon as she does, Tom races up to me, his fist clenched.

"What did you do to her?" Tom demands.

I raise up my hands in defense. "Tom, you can't possibly think I hit Liv..."

"I don't," Tom sighs, releasing his fist. He runs his hand over his short blond hair and exhales deeply. "It's just...you two seem perfect for each other. And I do mean perfect. I haven't seen you so happy in such a long time man...until this. What happened?"

I lower myself to the bed, cradle my head in my hands and allow myself to have a small breakdown. I feel small tears burn their way into my eyes. "Mellie told Liv she was pregnant...and I guess that kind of struck Liv's pessimistic side..."

"Holy crap," I hear Tom mumble. "Is she really pregnant?"

I shrug my shoulders up and down, my face still in my hands, which are now damp with tears.

Tom puts a sympathetic hand on my back, but I shrug it off and take a deep breath. "Can you drive her to Stanford? Make sure she gets there okay...make sure she's safe? And taken care of? I know it's far but-"

"Of course I'll drive her there," Tom agrees. His voice softens. "It's all gonna be okay, Fitz...you know that right?"

I nod. But the only person who can truly make me feel better is about to go back to Stanford and away from me.

AN: Wow, okay. What ever happened to happy Olitz? Serious drama, as you can see. So many questions...is Mellie really pregnant? Is Liv gonna come back? Did she take the iPhone? Lol, but seriously.

It's times like these where I have to remind some of my slightly impatient readers that Olitz is endgame, no matter what. I think that is how canon Liv and Fitz are as well. They can (and have) struggled through serious obstacles and hardships to be together and that's what I want in my stories too - no matter frustrating. That, and I'm a little bit better than writing angst than I am at writing happy Olitz - no matter how much I love to. So just keep in mind that Olitz is, like I said, endgame.

Another thing - a few of you commented on how I wrote 'Mellie Grant' in the last chapter and I didn't mean to, honestly. Can someone tell me what canon Mellie's maiden name was if it were ever mentioned in the show?

Last thing (I swear!)... This wouldn't be an Author's Note without Self promo! I made a new tumblr and you should definitely follow me or at least check it out. The url is idle-aesthetic (:

Thanks and I'll get the new chapter to y'all soon