"If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but you have to try, because if you try, if you leap and you try, and it doesn't work out, it's not on you."

- Olivia Pope, Scandal

December 24th, 2015

2:35 PM

Grant Estate

Los Angeles, California

Fitz's POV

"Fitz...say something...please..."

I hear her. I really hear her but I'm not listening. I cannot comprehend the words coming out of her mouth...I just can't.

Right now, i'm focusing on not going completely bat shit crazy.

Is she serious?

Is she actually telling me that there never was a baby?

One month...one fucking month she led me to believe that she was carrying a child. Our child.

One month she forced me to stay up at night, worrying about where the hell she was, wondering whether our hypothetical, unborn child was okay...

One month she made me stay in the crap city with the family I hate and not with the girl I love.

One month she kept me away from Livvy.

One month way too long.

Before I can stop myself, I come up to her, my hands gripping her shoulder. I have never hit Mellie and I have never planned to up until now. She has done some pretty petty crap but this is way too much. This is fucking betrayal. I swear to God-

"Fitz!" A sudden pair of strong hands pry me away from Mellie before I can actually slap her like I want to. I think it's Tom but I can't tell. There is a ringing in my ears and everything just feels so surreal right now. "Fitz, get off her. What the hell are you doing?"

I reach for her again but this time Tom puts himself between us. When did he get here? I guess it doesn't matter. Mellie is crying now but I don't care. I just don't.

"Fitz," Tom repeats, his voice lower. "Come on, man. Don't do anything you're going to regret..."

"Fitz," Mellie sobs from behind him. "I'm so sorry...baby, I'm so sorry."

I clench my fists. Can you stop talking? Because the more you want to talk, the more I want to actually physically hit you and that's not gonna end well for either of us...

"Mellie, you need to leave," Tom faces her, not the least bit sympathetic. "Go."

"No," Mellie reaches out her hand to me and I back away, bumping into a chair. I don't want to be anywhere near her. I don't want to see her face ever again. "Fitz, talk to me...say something...come on, I'm your wife-"

"No you're not," I shake my head, my voice dangerously close to breaking. I swallow a pitiful lump in my throat. "We are not married and you are not my wife." I turn around and brace my palms on the granite kitchen island, letting the angry tears burn down my eyes.

I don't understand her. She's a stranger to me. Four years into this poor excuse of a relationship and I don't understand how someone can be condescending. Did she think it would be okay? That I would forgive her? The best thing Mellie has ever done is tell me the truth so I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, I could never love somebody like her.

"Melody," I hear Tom say behind me. His voice is low but firm. "You need to leave. Now."

"Wait-"

"Go, Mellie!"

"Shut up!" Mellie screams at him. I close my eyes. Can she just go? "No, Tom, screw you! Why can't you stay the hell out of our business? You think you know everything. You and Olivia, you think y'all know -"

I turn my head around so fast I'm pretty sure I gave myself whiplash. "Don't you say her name."

Mellie looks blankly at me. "What?"

"Livvy." I yell at her. "Don't ever let me hear her name come from your mouth again, or so help me-"

"Okay," Tom cuts in, stepping between us again. He turns to Mellie. "Like I said, you need to leave, alright? Because pretty soon, I'm not gonna be holding my cousin back."

Mellie looks at him, then back at me. "Fitz..."

"Mellie," Tom shouts on my behalf. "Go."

With one last longing look at me, Mellie finally and reluctantly turns away and leaves.

"Fitz?" I look up to see Tom walking towards me, two Dr. Peppers in his hands.

I gratefully take one before running my hand through my hair and exhaling. It's been about an hour since Mellie left and I have spent a good chunk of it trying to regulate my breathing. I have never been that angry, not even close. It was an out of body experience and I had to cool myself down.

i feel a lot better but there a small part of me that is bitter. I gave four years of my life to Mellie. And I know that's, in the end, my fault. I did that. But for a month, I really believed she was pregnant. And every night, I forced myself into truly thinking I had to make my relationship work. "I owe you an apology, Tom."

"No," Tom argues, sitting on the patio chair in front of me. He opens his can of soda and takes a sip. "Just an explanation. Because I'm sick of breaking up fights with you and your women."

I know he's joking but I shake my head. "I'm done with Mellie. So completely done."

"Good," Tom cracks a smile. "Four years I have been waiting for you to say that."

I frown into my can of soda. "Tom, if you hadn't been there...I don't know man-"

"I do," Tom cuts in, shaking his head. "But I'm glad I was there. You'd be sitting in a precinct instead of your backyard if I hadn't."

I take a sip of Dr. Pepper and lean my back against my chair. I really am thankful for Tom. I know that no matter what, he'll have my back. This past month, he has been nothing but supportive. He was even there for me when I cried like a little bitch baby for Liv.

"Fam," Tom scoffs. "What are you gonna tell your dad? Uncle Jerry still pissed about you dropping out of Stanford. What do you think he'll say?"

I really don't know what my dad will say. Our relationship can't get worse at this point. I'm surprised he's let me stay in his house this past month. Then again, he keeps acting like I never quit Stanford. He pushes my unenrollment in the rug like it never happened. He hasn't accepted it. Like I told Olivia, in my family, we forget things. So I don't know.

All I know is that I am happy Mellie is out of my life. I will do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

But I don't know what to say to my cousin, so I just deflect it into a joke. "Tom, Big Jerry has been pissed at me ever since that airport check when I was fifteen."

Tom chuckles to himself before sighing. "I'm serious, Fitz. You've been acting pretty damn reckless these past couple months. Don't get me wrong, I love it. You're turning into me." Tom grins and I roll my eyes. "But, like I said, I'm serious. You need to consider these things. Do you love her? Do you want her?"

"Who? Mellie? Tom, we have established the fact that I don't-"

"Not her, dumbass," Tom rolls his blue eyes this time. "Liv."

I grip my can of soda. As if I haven't already destroyed things with her. "You know how I feel about her, Tom, so don't even play."

Tom nods, approving my answer. He has a smug look on his pale face. Of course he knows. He knows I love Olivia Pope more than I have ever loved anyone. "You know what, Fitz?"

"What?" I take a sip of Dr. Pepper.

"I think I like this new guy you've become," Tom smiles. "You are still caring and compassionate but now you have the balls to stand up for what you really want."

I smirk. "I guess you're right. I hadn't really thought of it like that."

"Of course I'm right," Tom flashes a grin. "You got the looks and I got the brains...and the looks."

I snort and Tom laughs but goes on. "Either way, Fitz, I'm proud of you."

"Yeah?" I can't help but smile. "I think I'm proud of me too." I pause. "Almost."

Tom raises his eyebrow. "Almost?"

"Yeah," I lean over and set my can on the table between us. "There is just something I gotta do first."

December 24th, 2015

10:50 PM

Stanford University Campus

Stanford, California

If there is one person who gives me a harder time than Mellie, it's Olivia.

She is unpredictable, emotionally unstable, insecure and brutally honest. That makes for a headache of a relationship. But you know what? I love her.

I don't love her despite her flaws and I don't love her because of them. I love her because she makes me smile. I love her because she cares about me. I love her because whenever she's around me, I am not focusing on anything other than how crazy I am for her.

I skim my eyes around the part of campus that I can see. I thought everyone would be home for the holidays but a ton of students stayed behind. They are running back and forth with illegal fireworks as if it's New Years or Fourth of July rather than Christmas Eve. But because I no longer attend Stanford, that's none of my business. I'm here for one person and one person only. Her name is Olivia Pope and I miss her like crazy. I made a huge mistake. I let her get away. If she'll forgive me, I would love a second chance to make things right.

It's getting dark, even though I just arrived. I press my jacket closer to my body, even though it's not cold at all. I already checked her Residence Hall but she's not there. Neither is her friend Abby.

Now that I think about it, Liv may not be on campus at all. I just assumed she was, since her father hasn't been talking to her, as far as I know. But it was presumptuous of me to show up like this.

I don't stop looking for her though. My phone battery is dead but I'm looking all around campus, as far as the eye can see.

I end up at the Coffee Express, my last resort. I won't give up if I can't find her. I still have my dorm room and I haven't collected my things. So if she doesn't show up tonight, I'll try to find her tomorrow. If she went home, I'll try to see her after break. A love like ours? I am going to do all I can to earn her. Even if that means being in the one place I hate more than anywhere else in the world - Stanford University.

I open the door to the busy coffee shop. My eyes go to behind the counter. I'm actually hoping I don't find her here. I hate that she feels forced to work here with that creep of a boss. I hate that. She knows I do. But being as stubborn as she is, she would never quit.

I shove my hands in my pockets, sighing but semi relieved when I don't see her. My fingers hit the piece of folded paper laying in the bottom of my jeans pocket.

I pull my hands out and walk up to the counter.

A young, pretty girl with wavy brunette hair and a huge smile greets me. "Hi. I'm Quinn. How can I help you?"

"Um" I smile nervously back at her. "Do you know where I can find Olivia Pope? Does she still work here?"

"She does," Quinn looks surprised. "Can I ask what your name is?"

I pause. "Fitz. Fitzgerald Grant."

Quinn's eyebrows skyrocket. My name has definitely come up in conversation before. Whether in good terms or bad, I have no idea. All I can do is keep smiling at her. She grins in return. "You're Fitz?"

"Yeah," I blush. "So...Liv...she still works here, huh?"

Quinn nods absently. Her focus is on me, my face, my body. Her brown eyes are sizing me up, like she can't believe I'm Fitz. I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing. "Um, yes."

I pretend not be notice her staring. I am used to girls checking me out but this is different. Quinn is not into me. She is just analyzing me, wondering whether she approves of me or not. Her and Liv must be close.

I cough awkwardly. "Um...could you tell me whether or not Harrison Wright works here still?"

Quinn finally looks me in the eye, her expression changing. Her voice lowers. "Yes. Between you and me, the creep is never leaving as long as Liv is here."

I frown. I was the never the protective type but I would do anything to keep Olivia away from him. "Does he touch her? Is she okay?"

Quinn frowns as well. "Liv is really quiet about that stuff. If he bothers her, she doesn't say much about it. I think she wants to keep her job. But..." Quinn pauses.

"What?" I demand. If he hurt her-

"I really shouldn't tell you this," Quinn sighs. "But I think you should know that Olivia put in her two week notice last week."

I stare at Quinn. That really can't be good. Is she planning on leaving school? I know money is tight for her, but...Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe she found a better job. Or maybe she just got financial help.

I'm hoping it's the latter.

I press my lips together. "Do you know why?"

"Not a clue," Quinn shrugs sheepishly. "But rumor has it that she's dropping out. Liv doesn't really talk about personal stuff these days. Not like she used to. She's been really sad this past month or so." Quinn pauses. "Don't tell her I told you this."

"I won't," I mumble. Now I have to find her. I hate hearing about how she's doing bad. I want her to be happy. She really deserves that. I clear my throat. "Thank you for telling me this, though. Do you know where I can find her?"

Quinn hands a coffee order to two customers. "I know she's on campus but at this point, she comes and goes for random shifts. I don't know when she's gonna come in or even if she is at all." Quinn turns to look at me. "Fitz?"

"Yes?"

Quinn bits her lip and inhales. "Look, Liv is a really good friend. When she was hanging with you, she was the happiest. So if you see her...can you talk to her?"

I bit my own lip. "That's what I plan to do, Quinn."

I take a sip of the coffee Quinn gave me on the house. I tried to pay for it but she refused to take it. I can tell she wants me to stick around and that is exactly what I intend to do.

I'm not giving up. At the very least, I am going to spend Christmas with Livvy. If I can't be her boyfriend, I want to at least be her friend. I can settle for that. It'll be hard but if she isn't ready for a relationship, I could deal with that. I just want to be around her. I want to make her as happy as she makes me.

I'm sitting on the chairs placed outside of the Coffee Express, tilting my head so I can see the crappy red and green Christmas fireworks these kids are putting off. I don't know how exactly they're getting away with it, but they are and it is kinda cute. They're fun to watch, I guess. And it's a beautiful night.

I'm looking up at the sky, kind of heartbroken. I miss Liv. I don't when I am going to see her again. But I have comfort knowing that maybe Liv is looking at the same display and we share that, even if it's apart from each other.

I sigh, looking at the bright bursts of red, gold and green exploded in the sky. They're not going very high and they're not fancy at all but it's nice enough, I guess.

It distracts me so that I don't see someone come up next to me and sit down on the adjacent seat.

When I hear her voice, I don't have to look her way. I know it's her. I know it's Liv.

"Nice view."