A/N: Not going to disclaimer, of course I don't own Buffy. The only thing I own is the original stuff I've come up with for this fic.
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"Rupert, I- I wanted to know if you wanted to go for dinner, like a date?" Maria asked before sighing and closing her eyes. "Hi, Rupert, I like you. I think we should go on a date? Hey, I was just passing and thought maybe I could snog you because I've been wanting to do it for a- for godsake!" Maria paced away from the door and back to it. "Hey, I thought we could go to dinner, maybe a date. Good that's good, that's simple, fine and simple. Right, Maria, you survived the ascension, this is easy." Maria closed her eyes, reached out a hand and knocked on the door.
When the end of the world was everyday life, confessing your interest in someone didn't exactly seem time sensitive. Mostly, they survived which meant that there was a very good chance any sort of feelings shown at that time could have just been due to heightened anxiety. There was also a good chance things could get awkward.
Of course the Ascension would have been the perfect time to confess her feelings to Rupert, of course kissing him when they survived the 50ft demon lizard that had been the Mayor seemed romantic, what happened after though? What if Rupert rejected her? What if he kissed her back then woke up and regretted it when he realised actually, he was going to live for at very least another few months. Maria hadn't been able to bring herself, like she hadn't at the Prom, to tell him.
She couldn't stand it anymore though. The not knowing, the second guessing herself. The feeling the weight of this in her chest, ready to burst out of her at any moment. She couldn't stand the way her brain drove in circles with all the what ifs of the situation.
The fact was she liked Rupert, a lot, she was very very attracted to him and she wanted this to be something more than what it was. She wanted to kiss him and hold him and cuddle up with him on the sofa. She wanted another level of intimacy to their relationship. She wanted most things they already had with the extra ability to touch him. She'd had a week, maybe two without speaking to him and she'd mostly thought about how she missed him. She'd mostly wanted to show him things she discovered reading, tell him about interesting facts she'd picked up, or that she'd found a couple of songs on her mother's cassettes she thought he'd like. It had done nothing to subdue her feelings and everything to force her into admitting them.
She was going to confess and either Rupert Giles was going to accompany her on a date, or he was going to flat out reject her.
Maria clutched the brown paper bag in her hand. Just in case she bottled it she had brought dinner. Sandwiches, tea, beer and even some scones from the bakery down the road. Real jam and cream that her aunt had sent her from England.
"Maria-" Giles said as he opened the door in a velvet dressing gown.
"Hey, I thought you'd like dinner." She said holding up the bag. "Are you okay you look-" Maria felt her heart drop into her stomach. The flames of disappointment rushed up her face and into her eyes where they burned. "I knew I should have called." She half laughed, swallowing back the breaking of her heart. There was a woman in his house. A beautiful woman dressed in nothing but Rupert's shirt and Maria didn't need a map to know what was going on.
How could she have read the situation so wrong? How could she have even thought she stood a chance. Rupert had any number of women wanting him. As if he'd settle for Maria. She'd taken too long.
"Here, you uhm, you may aswell take this. I'll never finish it all." Maria held out the bag to him as Giles studied her face.
"What's all this then?" Olivia asked peering around him. Another dagger drove its way into Maria's heart.
"Maria brought lunch." Giles said quietly, guilt and shame welled up in him. He didn't know where he stood with Maria. After prom, after the ascension, he'd not stopped thinking about her, about being able to hold her, to kiss her, to dance in the living room with her when the rain was bad. He'd also gotten lonely though. What could he even offer her now he was no longer a watcher? He was jobless and he'd started to see his hanging around the shop as a nuisance to her.
When Olivia had called him, he couldn't refuse. His ego calling out to be massaged by a woman he knew for certain found him attractive. Besides, it might be good to clear his head of Maria, maybe another woman would make him realise that his feelings were born from an intense situation, not anything real.
"Oh, are you coming in?" Olivia asked, her smile was so genuine Maria couldn't even be angry with her.
"No, no, I'll leave you to it. I should get back to the shop anyway. There are deliveries this afternoon and I don't one hundred percent trust the new girl just yet." Maria managed to get out. "Enjoy, I'll uhm, I'll see you later."
"I'll call you." Giles said, feeling something inside himself sinking as she walked away.
#?#
Maria had no real memory of getting back to the shop, of opening up, or of serving any of the customers that occupied seats. Time seemed to move in a blur, a hollow kind of molasses that saw her standing still and the world still moving around her.
A hollowness had swelled inside her chest, making her throat tight. She felt like she was going to break any moment. Just split apart right there on the shop floor. How could she have read things so wrong? Every fear she'd had, every doubt had been confirmed with that image. Maria had no idea who this woman was but every time she thought about those long legs in Giles' shirt it tore another strip away inside her.
Had she taken too long? Is that what it was?
Giles didn't seem shy about getting what he wanted though, so if he was interested wouldn't he have made a move by now. Not just hugs after dangerous encounters and what might have been almost kisses at prom.
"H-hey, are you okay?"
Maria looked up to see a young woman before her. There'd been an influx of business over the summer, and she didn't think it would tail off until Christmas at least. A lot of college kids seemed to enjoy the nicheness of the tea shop. Some enjoyed how quiet it could be between the breakfast and afternoon rushes.
"It- it's just you normally shut up shop about thirty minutes ago and I would have told you earlier but I was too busy with my head in this." She waved the book in front of Maria who took a moment to focus.
"Oh god, look at the time. Sorry, I uhm, I was in my head." Maria replied. "You can take it with you if you want." Maria gestured to the book.
"Oh no, no I can't do that." The girl replied shaking her head.
"I've seen you in here a few times, I think you'll be back. It's a loan anyway." Maria said trying to distract herself from the pain in her chest.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, just a little discombobulated is all. I should be locking up. You just finish that and bring it back when you're done." Maria said. "I'm Maria by the way."
"Tara-" The girl replied with a nervous smile. The door behind them rattled as it opened, and Maria really wished she'd locked up on time. At least then she could have hidden in the back.
"Maria I-" Giles had started before he'd even properly gotten through the door.
"Bye." Tara gave a short nod and hurried out of the shop.
"Hey, how uhm, how was lunch?" Maria asked turning away from Giles like she was making herself busy with the closing of the shop. The truth was she didn't want to face him. The pain in her chest seemed to worsen, that throb and sting like someone expanding a cactus inside a balloon. She wasn't going to get upset though. She wasn't, because once all of this settled down, all this pain and hurt and heartbreak inside her she'd feel better. It would become nothing more than a dull ache and she'd accept just being his friend.
"It was good yes, that jam was lovely." Giles replied, sticking his hands into his trouser pockets awkwardly.
"My aunt sent it over. Technically she's my step-aunt really but she's always treated me like a niece, if that makes sense. I mean what do people even treat their nieces li-" Maria stopped mid ramble just stopped.
"Maria, I-I really should have told you Olivia was coming over and that I'd be busy." Giles said.
He'd not been able to get that flicker of disappointment in her eyes out of his head. The way her voice had almost broken saying everything was fine. He tried, god knows he tried. Olivia was a good distraction but still guilt welled inside him. Whether it was guilt at having another woman in the house, (though he and Maria hadn't been dating) or guilt that he was with Olivia and thinking about Maria, he couldn't separate the two and it just sat, heavy in his chest.
Maria flexed her hands on the counter and took a deep breath. She just needed to keep herself together long enough to either get him out of here or get home. That was all. She just needed that. After all, it wasn't his fault she'd stupidly gotten carried away with feelings in her own head.
"No, no of course not. Why would you need to tell me? Don't be silly. I should have called first is what I should have done. I-I didn't even think." She replied scratching at the back of her head.
"Olivia is an old friend." Giles said, feeling idiotic as the words came out of his mouth.
"The kind of old friend that fell for your Pink Floyd line?" Maria replied, hoping the bitterness she felt didn't spill over into her tone.
"I-" Giles started and then stopped. "She's just passing through."
"And over and under if the lack of clothing and the mussed hair were anything to judge by." Maria joked, even as she did though it caught in her chest. "She's ah- she's very pretty. How long is she with you for?"
"Just a few more days. I should have-"
"No, no don't. I should have called. I just-" and then it came to her. The perfect get out of jail free, the thing to stop her confessing and stop this crumbling. "- you hadn't been by the shop in a few days, I thought with how busy I'd been the other day you might have gotten a bit annoyed, free stock help and all that. I was just coming to make it up to you. You're, you're my closest friend Rupert, I just didn't want to have ruined it in some way."
"Friend- yes- friend." Giles didn't know what he'd been expecting but it clearly wasn't that given the way his heart seemed to sink to his knees with those words. Had he been expecting some sort of declaration, an explosion of feelings even though he had Olivia waiting at home? No, Maria was too kind, to honourable for that sort of thing which was more than could be said for him. "I never mind helping you out, I just thought I was cluttering up the place a bit and then Olivia said she was dropping by-"
"And you did that, and rightly bloody so. Just for the record though you weren't cluttering up the place. I like having you around." Maria admitted. "Now, did you come down here just to apologise for something, you definitely shouldn't be apologising for or did you want something."
"Actually-" Then he saw it, his get out of free card. "- I told Olivia about your Bleu Blush tea, she said she wanted to try it. So, I thought I could chance you still being here."
"Of course! Yes, here, uhm-" Maria flustered for a moment before finding a bag for him and handing the tea over. "On the house, you know the rules. Though when you're free again, after she's gone. I could use some help with some mixing. Bette doesn't seem to be very good at that, and she seems rather uninterested, in everything."
God he'd spent too much time with teenagers. That's what all this was. He'd spent too much time with Buffy and Xander and Willow and their discussions about romantic entanglements. He'd spent too much time thinking and making things more than they should be. He was old enough to know better. Of course Maria was just his friend, why wouldn't she be. Hadn't he seen her type at Prom, though that was up for some debate given they rarely talked about romantic affairs. Why would she have wanted anything more from him? Especially given how complicated his life was. Why would she want him now he was jobless and a little directionless given that he was no longer Buffy's watcher, given that she no longer really needed a watcher.
Of course Maria didn't want to get herself involved with him in that way. Not when she could have her pick of the bunch. Not when she could quite easily meet someone normal, someone who didn't come with a trail of demons, teenagers and slayers.
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