AN:

Thank you for all the kind reviews y'all take the time to post. Some of them just make me laugh so hard that I end up crying (ie 'did she have some secret ceremony in her head' 'hope she doesn't poke her ugly head around in their affairs' 'Fitz could have bought an android' 'husband...bish where' you guys make my entire day with hilarious reviews like these :)

And thanks for just all the reviews in general. I reached over 300 in 20 chapter which was incredible for me so just know I appreciate every single one. And I take every suggestion or idea into consideration - this goes for reviews and PMs as well.

And there is M rated content in the beginning of this chapter, just so you know.

'Love is friendship caught on fire.'

- Ann Lunders

December 25th, 2015

11:59 PM

Florence Moore Hall

Stanford, California

Olivia's POV

We walk back to his dorm room, my hand in his as if it's the most natural thing in the world. The poor excuse for fireworks were fun to watch, especially when I was sitting there, with him - or rather, on him.

But I'm sleepy and I want to make these last few lucid moments I have count. I don't know how to say this any other way - I really want to have sleep with Fitz. And not sleep with him in the way I have before. I mean sleep with him.

I have wanted to for a long time now, but my conscious got in the way of it. He was with Mellie and like I said, I'm not the other woman. But I am tired of overthinking things at this point. What I want - what I really truly want is to have sex with this amazing guy I am lucky enough to call mine.

There is this lingering mutual feeling in the air. We are both walking quickly and silently but it's not awkward. We're tired of being patient, of being good, of keeping our hands to ourselves. I want him and I want him so incredibly bad that I completely ditched my shift at the Coffee Express tonight and as much as I love Quinn, I don't feel bad about that. I am not sure if having sex right now is the best thing for myself. I'm still pretty shaken up about dealing with my father and everything. But I do know that I want to and right now I am not thinking clearly.

I think he wants it too because when we approach his dorm room, he fumbles with this key and drops it twice, blushing.

Trying to keep from grinning, I reach out my hand. "Let me."

He gratefully hands me the keycard and waits behind me as I put it in the slot, my hands pretty shaky themselves. I never get nervous before sex but this is different. He is different. I think it's because for the first time, it won't be just sex. I'm gonna wake up in his arms and I know that that is the happiest place on earth.

"It's Christmas," Fitz mumbles, his voice low and husky behind me, one hand gripping around my waist.

I watch as the little button on the door handle turns from red to green. "No, it's not."

"Baby," Fitz says as if we've been calling each other that for years. He holds out his phone to me, revealing that as of this minute, it truly is December 25th. "It is."

I smile, my hand on the door handle. My other hand moves to squeeze his. "Merry Christmas."

Fitz lowers his eyes to our hands. He smirks softly, moving his eyes back up to my face, particularly my mouth. "What type of 'Merry Christmas' is that?"

Before I can answer his rhetorical question, he pulls me closer towards him suddenly. I look up, surprised and that is when he takes the opportunity to press his mouth to mine.

I open my mouth and he slides his tongue in, directly on mine. My hands clasp his shoulders before they instinctively move up to the nape of his neck - then find themselves tangled in his thick waves of hair.

Into the deep kiss, I'm about to lose complete control but Fitz stays steady and opens the door behind us, his lips never leaving mine. He holds me tight within his grip while we stumble into room, our lips never parting.

When inside, he does a turn and pins me against the closed door. His arms move lower, never loosing their grip and he squeezes my ass.

I move my face and his mouth moves down to my cheek, my jaw and finally my neck. I press my lips together but a moan escapes. My hands are shaking behind his neck and he notices. He takes my elbows and pins my arms above my head by the wrists.

Okay, blushing Fitz is now gone. He is now confident and completely taking control, which I don't mind at all. All I know is that I have had made out with guys plenty of times before and this is the fastest my heart has ever beaten. If Fitz is this incredibly hot every time, I am never letting him go.

Fitz trails his mouth down to the base of my neck and starts sucking at the skin. I don't know if that is going to leave a hickey but I do know that I don't mind at all if it does. He departs his mouth from my collarbone for a moment to mumble, "Olivia" and I close my eyes. My full name sounds so good in deep, low voice.

His hands make their way from my wrists and to my sides, going down before stopping back at my ass. They cup under it and wrap my arms around his neck before jumping up slightly so my legs are wrapped around his waist and he is holding me against the wall. I feel what's hard under his jeans and that is enough to make me moan all over again.

Fitz pushes me so I'm secure between the wall and his chest before reaching between us and roughly ripping open my blouse. He turns on the light switch next to my head and lowers his eyes so he can see my chest, even though it's concealed with my white lace bra. I feel his breath, uneven and heavy on my neck.

I reach down and pull off his t-shirt, knowing what to expect with his muscular body. I lower my eyes and look at his bare chest, impressed anyway. He is gorgeous. Damn, I'm about to fuck an actual sex God.

He steadies his arms on the backs of my half bare thigh and resumes kissing my body. I close my eyes halfway and try to keep my moaning to a minimum. If I was accurately expressing how amazing Fitz was making me feel right now, I would be screaming on the top of my lungs. But I'm just settling for low, occasional moans and heavy breathing. I look above the crown of his head to the illuminated dorm room.

It looks exactly the same as it did one month ago. So much has happened since then. Last time I was, I was in such a bad place. In some ways, I still am. But none of it really matters because right now, it's just Fitz and I. Together. That's enough, right?

I sigh, but it's not from moaning or panting. I'm trying to focus on Fitz's mouth on my skin but the moment is ruined for me, thinking about my father. Thinking about your father and foreplay don't go well together and I'm suddenly completely turned off.

Fitz trails his kisses back up my chest and to my mouth. He smiles when he reaches it. In a low, content voice, he whispers, "Hi, beautiful."

I try to smile back and rest my hands on his shoulders. "Hi." I push his chest slightly indicating that I want to be on the ground. I untangle his legs from around his waist and stand up myself. "Can we stop for a second?"

"Livvy," Fitz's arms never leave my body. He looks down at me, more concerned than disappointed. "What's wrong, baby?"

I turn away, not being able to look him in the eye. How could I go from being ready to completely fuck him all night to not being able to look at him? I feel so bad. He doesn't deserve this.

"What is it?" Fitz whispers apologetically. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, Liv...we don't have to..."

"You didn't hurt me," I quickly shake my head. I inhale and reach to button my shirt before realizing it doesn't have any. Not anymore at least.

"I'm sorry about that," Fitz blushes.

I grin, this time genuinely. "It's really okay."

"Livvy," his ocean blue eyes lower up and down my body, looking for any indication that I'm hurt. "What happened? We don't have to do anything you don't want to, I promise. It's okay. But just tell me what happened."

I swallow, still not able to look at him directly in the eyes. If I'm being candid, I'm not exactly sure what happened either. If I had to guess, I would say it was too soon. Too soon to be back here and face everything. And the more I try to convince myself not to overthink things, the more I worry.

"I want this," I begin honestly. "I really do. I want this with you. But..." I sigh. "The last time I was here, everything was falling apart. I want this, I swear I do. I want you. But I want it to be right."

"It's okay," Fitz promises, accepting my crap excuse of an explanation and leaning to softly kiss my cheek.

But it's not okay. It's not okay at all. I wanted this and so did he. He can't tell me it's okay when I've ruined this for the both of us. Is that all I can do? Just destroy things.

"Stop lying," I step away from him. "Stop lying. Don't say this is alright because it's not. You and I both know it's not."

"Olivia," Fitz exhales, sounding frustrated. "I'm not with you for the sex. That would be a huge plus but obviously I don't want it if you're not one hundred percent down with it. We are not on a timeline here and the last thing I want is for you to feel pressured. Why can't you understand that?"

I still don't look at him, feeling tears wet my eyes. I fold my arms. This isn't fair. Why can't I just get myself together? I wanted this too. It's not fair. It just isn't. "It's been like a month, Fitz. I owe y-"

"No!" Fitz practically shouts, his voice so loud and firm that I finally turn to look at him, shocked. Now he looks angry. "Don't ever say that ever again, Olivia. Don't even think about it. You don't owe me sex. You don't owe anyone sex. Don't let anyone make you feel like that. Do you understand me?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Fitz-"

He yells again, his voice more desperate this time. "Do you understand?"

I sigh, rolling my own eyes. "I guess."

"Good," Fitz holds out his bare arms. "Come here."

I walk over to him and give into a much needed hug, resting my head in the middle of his naked chest. I really did want this but I guess it wasn't the right time. It sucks but it's the way it is. I can't wait until I'm mentally stable enough to actually enjoying doing that.

"Look," Fitz mumbles into the side of my hair. He leans his phone towards me and I see that he has several missed calls from Professor Beene - or Cyrus. "We wouldn't even have gotten very far. Cy found out I'm here and he wants to see me and probably cut my head off."

I laugh but I know he's lying. If we really did get far tonight, he would have ignored Professor Beene's calls. He is trying to make it seem like I didn't ruin everything. He's trying to make me feel better. I look up at him and settle on a soft, apologetic kiss. I feel him smile into it. "I have to go see him, okay Livvy?"

I nod understandingly and he steps pulls away and walks over to his dresser. He helps me out of my torn shirt and gives me one of his to wear. It's maroon and has the words 'STANFORD CLASS OF 2015' on it. I slip it on along with a pair of his gym shorts.

He looks up at me while he's tightening the drawstrings of the shorts. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't mean to. I just want you to know that it's alright...I don't hold it against you. I will never. But I'm sorry for yelling."

I cup my hand on the sides of his face and smile softly. "It's okay...but Fitz? I really do want to make love...tonight."

"Make love?" Fitz raises his eyebrows before laughing. "What are we in, the eighteenth century?"

"Shut up," I smack his shoulder, grinning. "For your information, I only used that term to relate to you. You're old. I figured you used that lingo. I hate saying that. It's ugly."

Fitz laughs again, which softens into a genuine smile. "I would love to 'make love' to you, Liv." He chuckles playfully. "I'll try to hurry back home. But if you get too tired, go ahead and sleep. Don't wait for me, okay?"

I smile too. I like hearing him say 'home'. He makes it seem like we have a white picket fence and three kids instead of a dorm room filled with empty moments and sad emotions. But I guess home isn't always a place. Sometimes it's being with a person who makes you as happy as Fitz makes me.

"Okay."

December 25th, 2015

12:30 AM

Olmsted Terrace House

Stanford California

Fitz's POV

I knock on Cyrus' door, trying to make my face less resentful.

There is no place I would rather be right now than at my room with Livvy in my arms. Even if we're not having sex, I still want to be as close to her as I can. Don't get me wrong - I would love to have sex with Liv. I almost got the chance to earlier tonight. But she wasn't ready and I'm not going to pressure her or make her like she owes me any way. Because she doesn't.

Nobody owes anybody sex and I think that if every man realized that, the world would be a better place.

If Liv is still up and enthusiastic about doing it when I come back from Cy's house, maybe we can give it another go. Because the making out alone was incredible. I was so mesmerized by every inch of her body and I swear I could have kissed her all night if I had the chance. But again, if she's not ready, I'll be fine. I'll be patient - I don't care how long it takes. She's worth it. And I just want her to be okay.

"Fitz?" Cyrus opens the door and before I can greet him and wish him a merry Christmas, he reaches over and pulls me into his nicely decorated house. He slams the door behind us and turns to me angrily. "Where the hell have you been?"

I run my hand through my hair with an apologetic sigh. "Look, Cy, I'm sorry. I meant to explain this to you in greater detail but the truth is that I just dropped out."

"I know that," Cyrus practically spits. "I just want to know why. You have so much potential."

I lower my eyes. Cyrus' opinion is not just one I can throw away. He's practically my second father and a hell of a lot better than my first. I have a lot of respect for him. "I thought you'd support me, Cyrus."

"I do," I hear him sigh. "Of course I do, Fitz. But you have to talk to me. Keep me in the loop. I heard from James that you were back on campus. James! You have to communicate with me."

"I'll try," I promise him, looking up and forcing a smile. "Merry Christmas?"

"Merry Christmas," Cy mumbles, leaning against the closed door, his arms crossed. "So what are you doing back at campus anyway?"

"Collecting my things," I lie before I can think twice. I know I'm gonna have to tell him about Liv and me eventually. But I don't know if that's what she wants. She's still his student and I can tell she's already worrying about whether or not he'll think less of her.

Hell, I'm worrying about that too.

There is nothing anyone in the world can say to pry me away from Livvy but like i said, I respect Cy and I'm not going to disregard what he has to say.

"And..." I begin slowly. "Visiting my girlfriend for the holidays."

Cyrus looks up at me. I can't quite read the expression on his face. "Fitzgerald, tell me you did not drop out of school because of some girl."

"I didn't," I assure him quickly. "Actually, I considering staying to be with her. To take care of her. To..." I swallow. "The girl is Olivia Pope."

Cyrus' face immediately falls. "No...Fitz, tell me I heard you wrong. Tell me that you did not just say that you're screwing Olivia Pope."

"Technically, I'm not," I lower my eyes again. I can't really tell why Cyrus is acting like this. He knows Liv is beautiful and smart so I just assumed he would approve of her. "Cyrus, I broke up with Mellie. You know that right?"

"I'm not talking about Mellie," Cyrus waves his hand, still looking frustrated. "What I am saying is that Olivia way too good to be treated like a rebound. She's brilliant and worth more than that. There are talks about her dropping out and I'm willing to pay her tuition. That is how much I respect her, Fitz." He takes a deep breath. "I'm not going to let you hit it and quit it. No."

"It's not like that," I promise Cyrus. "I know she's brilliant, I know she's worthy. I know all of that and that's why..." I pause. "That's why I love her."

Cyrus looks up at me again. "You what?"

"I love her," I repeat, confidently this time. I smile, just thinking about her. "I know it's only been a couple of months and I'm not even used to love, especially since the lack of it I got from Mellie. But...I love her. And all I want to do is spend Christmas with her. I love everything about her, Cy. I would never take advantage of her. I'm going to be there for her because she needs it. She's..." I sigh. "She's fragile. She's vulnerable. But like I said, I'm going to be here. For as long as she needs me. I'm here."

Cyrus stares at me, still uncertain. "And then what? What's your big plan? I understand that you may love this girl. I respect that. But what happens next? Do you Lurk around campus while she finishes school? What do you plan to do, Fitz?"

I can't help but grin. "I have absolutely no idea."

Just as I suspected, Livvy is fast asleep when I carefully enter the dorm room. She is tucked into the corner of my bed in my clothes, which are many sizes too big for her, and surrounding in a nest of blankets.

I'm not disappointed at all. I'm actually very happy seeing her rest so peacefully. I walk over to her and pull up the covers to her chin before kissing her cheek.

"Fitz," i hear him mumble while my lips are still gently pressed next to her mouth. She stirs under me. "Fitz?"

I pull away, guilty. I really want to let her sleep and if I had known kissing her was going to wake her, I wouldn't have. I smile softly at her. "I'm right here, baby. I'm sorry, okay? Go back to sleep."

"Fitz," she repeats, only half awake, bringing the covers back up to her shoulders. "Fitz..."

I can't even hide the amused expression on my face. "What is it, baby?"

"Fitz," she says again and I can't help but let out a little laugh. I have no idea what she's trying to say to me. She just keeps saying my name over and over to make sure I'm still here and I am. I'm not going anywhere. "Fitz."

"Yes, Liv?" I grin.

"I love you."

I break out into the biggest smile ever, totally satisfied with her final answer. "I love you too, Livvy."

Even though she's still only half awake, Livvy produces a sleepy smile too. She tries to hold out her arms, but gravity keeps holding them down much to her frustration. "Lay down with me?"

"Yeah, Liv," I don't stop smiling. She's the girl of my dreams...how can you not smile at the girl of your dreams? "Okay."

I don't know what I'm going to do, I realize as I'm walking towards the front of my dorm room. Is this thing between us going to have to be long distance? Am I going to move on with my life? Am I going to pursue the dreams I have been so scared to before? For the life of me I don't know. But I do know as long as we're together, everything will be fine.

I reach over and turn off the lights.