AN: Thank you for the response from the last two chapters. I know it may seem like I'm piling on the angst and drama but I promise you that after this chapter, we'll have happy Olitz for a long time. Hopefully you enjoy this one. There is some M rated content in this chapter.

"Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it the most."

- Swedish Proverb

December 31st, 2015

3:20 PM

Lecture Hall

Stanford, California

Olivia's POV

"Mr. Grant?" I open the door to the lecture hall that Fitz is in. He looks up and I grin teasingly. "Hi."

Fitz stops erasing the writing off the chalkboard to smile back at me. Cyrus asked him to get the classroom ready for when the students come back from break and he's been here all morning. "Hi, beautiful. Is everything okay?"

"No," I walk down the stairs of the hall and approach him. "I missed you."

Ever since that huge horrible argument, I have spent a lot of time with Fitz. I have slept at his room every night since then and we usually spend the days together, even when I should be studying. I wish we could actually leave campus and do things as a normal couple but like I said, I really need to be studying a lot since I'm staying in school. We haven't had sex yet but like Fitz said, we're not on a timeline. I want to, I really want to but I feel like if we don't do it at the right time, things are gonna work out against us.

And I really am sorry for what I said during that fight a couple of days ago. I honestly don't know what got into me. But I'm going to take Abby's advice and just this relationship go where it's meant to go. If it's serious and goes long term...well that's scary and foreign to me but I would rather be doing this with Fitz than anybody else. The only reason I'm trying not to freak out at all of this is because I love him so freaking much.

Fitz grins and puts his muscular arms around me. "I missed you too..."

"Cyrus is stealing you from me," I mumble and I hear Fitz laugh. "No, like I'm serious. I miss you so much. What's gonna happen when break is over and you leave me to go to some fancy teaching school?"

"Livvy," Fitz rests his jaw on the top of my head. "I'm not gonna leave you...I'm sticking around for as long as I can..."

I move my head and look up at him, sighing. "I want you to but at the same time I'm not going to deprive you. I told you I'm proud of you for wanting to follow your dreams. I'm not going to hold you back." I take a deep breath. "But that doesn't mean I won't miss you like hell."

"I don't feel so good about leaving you, though," he admits. "I mean...I didn't want to bring this up, but I've been kind of concerned ever since I found that...thing in your pocket last month."

I roll my eyes. He has a right to be worried about that but he should also know that he doesn't have to be. "I'm getting myself together, Fitz."

"I..." He pauses. "I believe you can, Liv. I'm proud of you. I trust you. Oh, and I was talking with Cyrus the other day about the financial aid situation and he said he will go to the school board directly. You don't have to worry about it. It's taken care of."

I smile. "Good." I lean forward and hug him tighter. "I love you."

"And I love you," Fitz whispers back. "Oh, and Cy was wondering if you wanna come to this New Year's Eve dinner thingy tonight at his house?"

"Ehh," I look up at him. "That's kind of weird. I'm his student."

"Yes, you are. His intelligent, brilliant student." Fitz beams. "He loves you, Liv. Not as much as I do, but he really admires you. Just come. Be my date. We'll have a good time, I promise."

I roll my eyes. New Year's parties aren't really my thing but if I spend it with Fitz, it has the potential to be slightly less painful. "I guess."

"It'll be fun," Fitz promises, kissing my cheek softly. He slowly grins. "We'll almost be like a normal couple, going out together instead of just cooped up in a dorm room, studying, having deep conversation and making out."

I grin too. "You don't like the making out?"

Fitz scoffs. "I love the making out." With that, he leans in and kissing me, his hands moving down from my waist and to the back pockets of my shorts.

I pull away, a smirk on my lips. "Not as much as I do."

"Wanna bet?" Fitz whispers against before moving in to kiss me again, this time biting my bottom lip slightly after deepening the kiss.

He moves his hands down the backs of thighs and catching his drift, I jump up slightly, wrap my legs around his waist and let him carry me to the desk on the stage, our lips never parting. He sits me down on the desk and continues to kiss me, this time down my neck and on my collarbone, his hands cupped around my hips tightly.

I grip the back of his neck, close my eyes and tilt my head back. "Fitz..."

"Shh..." Fitz mumbles dismissively in between kisses on the base of my neck. My eyes flutter open and I snap back to reality. We're in a freaking lecture hall.

I open my mouth to remind him that but instead a soft moan comes out.

Fitz chuckles against my neck. He places one light kiss on the side of it before coming back up to my mouth, kissing me once again. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna have sex in a lecture hall with you..." He pauses before grinning. "Although if that's the type of thing you're into, I'm game."

"Fitz..."

"Call me 'Mr. Grant' again," Fitz whispers playfully. "That was so sexy."

I giggle. "Shut up. You know we can't do that. Not in here." What I really mean is 'not today'.

But Fitz nods understandingly. "I get it." He pauses. "I mean, I don't, really. But it's okay. Whenever you're ready, I'm down, 'kay?"

I smile, reaching up to kiss him, next to his mouth. If my lips touch his again, I know I won't be able to help myself and we'll go all the way. "I'll let you know. I promise."

If only I could tell him exactly how much I wanted to. Right here, right now. But there's something not right about this day in history and it's completely off putting. Like I said, I love him. I love him so much that it's scary. When things get serious for me, I retreat. But as of now, I'm right here. Letting him love me back.

December 31st, 2015

10:00 PM

Florence Moore Hall

Stanford, California

Fitz's POV

She looks beautiful.

I mean, she always looks beautiful. Every second of every day, she's the most stunning woman on the face of this earth.

But right now, coming out of my dorm bathroom, her hair in loose wavy curls, her dark eye makeup, black heels and the navy a-line lace dress that's tight in all the right places, I'm just reminded of how gorgeous she is.

"Fitz?" Liv comes up to me and knots the red tie on me strategically.

What the hell am I going to do without her? We already established that I'm coming back during Spring Break and whisking her away to an undecided location for vacation. But until then, how am I going to cope without her? I already know I'm going to miss her so much and I'm just going to have to deal with it. But I hope she takes care of herself. I hope she stays away from Crappy friends like Harrison and crappy things like LSD. I hope she makes good choices and focuses on studying. I know I sound like the most boring person in the world right now but I worry about her so much. I just want her to be safe and okay.

She smoothes the surface of my suit with her palms and looks up, smiling. "What are you thinking about?"

"Are you serious?" I ask her, my voice. "I'm thinking about how lucky I got, with a girlfriend who looks like a supermodel."

Liv looks back down, shaking her head. She can be so confident one minute and blushing the next. It's adorable. "Shut up."

"I'm so serious," I promise her. "You're gorgeous. You're everything I could ever want."

"And you're a dork," she replies, making me laugh. "But I love you still. Kinda."

And that's literally all that matters to me.

"So what teaching colleges are you looking at, Fitz?" Cyrus asks.

I actually look up at him, surprised that he's referring to me and not bragging about Olivia. But I don't mind. I love hearing him talk to all the other guests about how amazing my girlfriend is. I know she's amazing and it makes me happy to hear other people acknowledge it too, since she has been judged way too much in her life.

"I haven't been looking at colleges," I lie straight to his face.

I actually have been looking at colleges to get my teaching degree - great ones. Right now I'm seriously considering Ohio State or University of Maryland. But I think I might just end going to University of Southern California or University of California Los Angeles to be closer to Liv. Those aren't as good in their teaching department and I know Liv would be mad if I told her I was going to one of those because of hers. But I'm still thinking about it. I've wanted to be a teacher for a long time now and Liv has given me the confidence to do it. So I'm not just going to toss her aside. A relationship with her is just as important to me. Compromises must be made. But like I said, I'm still thinking.

I clear my throat. "I don't have many choices."

"Are you kidding?" Liv speaks up, setting down her glass of red wine. "Fitz is the most passionate guy in the world. Any college would be lucky to have him. And he knows that. He's just being modest."

Cyrus laughs. "Fitz, what's wrong with the teaching classes at Stanford? You could certainly get your degree here."

I pause. I'm going to tell him, Livvy and the other ten plus guests at this enormous table the truth, for once. "I hate Stanford. I hate it here. The only good that's come out of it is being your student, Cyrus, and of course meeting you, Liv." I take a deep breath. "After break, the only reason I will ever set foot on campus again is to see one of you. I know most of y'all are professors and I respect what you do but I'll say it again. I hate it here."

That is candidly how I feel. If it weren't for my amazing girlfriend, I would try to wipe this school from my memory. I was unhappy here for the longest time. I hated it until Livvy showed up in my life. And if it were up to me, I wouldn't come here ever again. But Liv has my heart in her palm and I will come back as much as I can for her. Still, I don't like this place in general.

There's dead silence around the table until Liv laughs awkwardly to clear up the air. Like magic, the tension leaves and everyone laughs along with her. Damn - how does she do that.

Under the table, she pats my thigh, making me turn to look at her.

"I'm proud of you," she mumbles under her breath, making sure to lock her eyes with me. "I'm so proud."

If only she knew how much that meant to me. "Thank you."

I look around the table and literally everyone is just going on, talking loudly about what's up around campus. I'm bored out of my mind and I'm pretty sure Liv is too. She is putting on this classy, respectful and polite face but she looks like she couldn't care less about what everyone is saying.

I stare at her, not being able to help it. I can't get over how pretty she is, from every single angle and every view. I'll be the first to admit Mellie was beautiful but Olivia is both beautiful, cute and sexy all at the same time.

I place my hand on her lace clad thigh, innocently at first. Then I move my fingers down to the middle of her thigh so I'm touching her smooth skin.

"Fitz," she mumbles and moves her thigh slightly, but I keep my hand on, moving it up slightly.

"Yes?" I ask, turning to her innocently. She looks so flustered and she's blushing like crazy, making me smirk.

Just when I start to retreat my hand, worried I'm actually making her uncomfortable, she literally parts her legs slightly for me.

I raise an eyebrow and look her at her but she keeps looking straight ahead, unfazed. I just go on with what I'm doing, moving my hand up her thigh all the way until at her panties. I don't even bother creeping my hand up to her waist to pull them down. I move them right to the side and move my fingers up to her, touching her.

I look back at her and she's still not looking at me, but her mouth is slightly parted trying to hold back a moan. I can feel that she's insanely wet. James, Cyrus' husband, is trying to tell her some anecdote and she's nodding as if she's paying attention. She pushes her chair forward so nobody can tell my hands aren't on her lap. They're actually inside her panties at the moment.

Without further warning, I push one finger inside of her.

"Oh," she gasps suddenly, swallowing. She tries to smile, play it off. "Oh. That is so interesting, James."

I smirk and go ahead, slipping another finger in. "Livvy?"

"Yeah," her voice is breathy and uneven. She clears her throat. "What is it, Fitz?"

"You okay?" I ask innocently, wondering if I can put another finger. But I can already feel that she's incredibly tight. She doesn't answer, making me smirk. "You look a little... flustered."

"I'm..." Liv flutters her eyes closed. "I-I...um, I think I need to use the bathroom..."

"You can use the one in the guest room," Cyrus says absently.

"Great," Liv forces a tight smile, inhaling deeply. She looks at me. "Show me the way?"

We stumble into the guest room, my hands locked around her waist and hers curled up in my hair. I'm not thinking about anything right now other than how incredible her lips feel on mine. I'm not thinking about anything else, nothing at all.

"God," I mumble, my hands going to the back of her dress zipper. "I love you...I love you so freaking much."

I push the door closed and pin her against her. I don't even care if this is my mentor's house. If she's ready to have sex right here and right now, I'm not complaining and I sure as hell won't stop her.

"Fitz..." She puts her hands on my shoulders, making me stop to look up at her.

"I'm sorry," I take my mouth off under her ear. "I thought you wanted this."

"I did," she tells me softly, smiling kind of sadly. "I still do. But...not tonight."

"Okay," I try to make it seem like I understand, like I'm patient and in a way, I am. She doesn't have to worry about me leaving because she won't have sex with me. I would never leave her for that. But I'm not going to lie and say I want to wait because I don't. I really wanted this and as much as I love and respect Livvy, it's kind of frustrating.

"It's fine," I reassure her, but she's shaking her head.

"It's not," she whispers. "I'll have sex with you any other night after this, I promise, but-"

"It's not a transaction, Olivia." I sigh. "You don't owe me anything. You don't have to-"

"I know that, let me finish," she puts her arms around my neck. "It's, uh...God what time is it?"

I pull my phone out of my pocket and show her that it's five minutes until midnight.

"Wow," Liv lowers her eyes, looking really panicky. "This, is, uh...a lot..."

"Olivia," I whisper. "Look at me. What's going on? What's wrong? Tell me."

Liv just shakes her head. "I'm sorry. It's, uh...my mom..."

Suddenly, I realize. It's been three years since her mom died, as of today. How could I have been that stupid? "I'm sorry, Liv...I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she lies, looking away. "You forgot."

I pull her close to me, hugging her tight. My hands go and zip her dress back up. "I'm sorry anyways."

I feel her rest her head on my upper arm, exhaling deeply. "It's hard, Fitz."

"I'm so sorry," I repeat, not knowing what else to say. I feel horrible knowing she's hurting and there's nothing I can do except hold her. "I'm so so sorry, Livvy."

I feel the fabric of my shirt dampen and I know she's crying. I feel like absolute shit about that. And I feel worse knowing that she's in pain right now. I hate her crying. It breaks my heart. But she has every right to and the most I can do is tell her everything is going to be okay.

"I love you." I tell her, as if that means anything in context. "I love you so much and everything is going to be okay. I promise everything is going to be just fine."

"You don't get it," she mumbles, still holding on to me as if her life depends on it.

I take her by her bare shoulders gently but firmly. "I do understand, love. I do. I..." I take a deep breath. "I lost my mom too. I was three and I barely remember her but I lost her. I know it's not the same, I know that." I close my eyes. "But I promise that everything is going to be just fine. You are going to be just fine."

I don't talk about that. Ever. This will probably be the last time I ever do. I just need her to know that even when it feels like the world will end...it just doesn't. You move on. It's hard, it's painful and it almost kills you but it doesn't. I know I was only three and I know I don't even remember seeing her in person but I also know I loved my mom. I loved her and I lost her and I thought I would die but I didn't. I just...didn't.

I love Olivia and when you love someone, you want to take care of them. You need to take care of them. I'm starting to realize that she has many sides to her and not all of them are easy to deal with. I used to think she was perfect. And she's just not. But that's okay. That's okay because neither am I.

I feel my own closed eyes dampen. I inhale, trying to hold it together before I feel Liv's hand on my cheek. "You're going to be just fine too, Fitz."