"I don't understand something."
Magnus broke the silence as they headed back to the shop, having walked around for over an hour.
"You've been alive all this time… why did you run? Why does everyone believe you're dead?"
"I-I- " Alec stuttered.
How could he explain to Magnus that he'd been a coward that day?
That he'd hid whilst the Warlock was being attacked by vampires?
"I might not be on the Lightwood family Christmas Card list, but even I can tell that they missed you." Magnus continued.
"… I doubt it." Alec's voice was barely above a whisper.
"They do… your sister, your mother… your little brother."
This made Alec pause. "Mom… she had a boy?"
"Hmmm… Max."
Alec noticed that his Father wasn't included in the list, but chose not to focus too much on that, shaking his head and speeding up slightly.
"They're better off without me."
"Better off without you?!" Magnus's voice was incredulous, "Alexander… they need you. Even I can see that Maryse is grieving beneath her stoic mask and- "
"- I can't go back!" Alec interrupted, breathing speeding up as he started to panic.
"Why?"
"… You wouldn't understand."
"I would if you just talked to me!"
"Look, just…" Alec groaned, "… sometimes bad things happen, and there's nothing you can do about it." He tried to speed up again, only for Magnus to grab his arm.
"Something bad? Are you talking about that night in the club, because my dear Alexander, none of that was your fa- "
"Yes, it was!" Alec yanked his arm free, "I led the vampires right to you and then hid like a coward whilst you did everything you could to protect me!"
"Alexander- "
"- You should be disgusted by me!" Alec practically, "You should be running the opposite direction, far away from me and- "
He was cut off as Magnus slammed their lips together, standing there in shock for a moment, before slowly starting to reciprocate.
And then he panicked, pushing the warlock away.
"I-I can't do this, I-I- " he winced at the look on Magnus's face, before breaking off into a run, ignoring Magnus calling out for him to stop.
He ran as far as he could, before coming to a stop, leaning heavily against a nearby wall.
He couldn't get the feeling of Magnus's lips against his, out of his mind.
He'd spent ten years trying to be the perfect son only for it all to be pulled out from underneath him. He bowed his head, holding back tears… only to hear a familiar laugh nearby, making his jump.
"Izzy?"
Alec was sure this was his sister.
She looked so much like their Mother.
Which meant that the blonde one beside her was-
"Don't tell me you've forgotten us?" Jace smirked, "Mind you, pretending you're dead and swanning off to lead a new life must take a lot of brain- "
"- Jace." Isabelle interrupted, sending their adopted brother a harsh glare, "Don't." She then turned to Alec, "We- we've missed you." She whispered, "He's just a little confused that- "
"- He can join the club." Alec groaned, "I didn't know that you all thought I was dead! I swear, I just thought I'd been disgraced and kicked out of the family, and none of you were allowed to contact me!"
Jace and Isabelle glanced at each other, before Jace cleared his throat, "Your- your Dad said that you'd been killed by vampires in Bane's club."
"And I'm saying that Dad told me that I wasn't a true Shadowhunter or a Lightwood and told me to run away!"
Again, Jace and Izzy looked at each other.
"Well… you should come back then!" Izzy piped up, "Mum will be so happy to see you and- "
"- and I'll just be thrown out of the Institute again." Alec shook his head, "What's the point?"
"The point is that you can confront Robert!" Jace stated, "Besides… we could really use your help."
"With what?"
"It's… complicated."