DISCLAIMER: I don't own KHR or any of the associated characters aside from my OCs.
"Come." Xanxus ordered when we had landed in Austria.
As planned, Mammon's group was dropped off at the border. We twisted around towards Ukraine and dropped off Squalo and Lussuria at that border. Finally, boss and I were in Germany. Aquilos was a little bit slower than a plane and so it took us all of forty-eight hours to land. Needless to say, this was my first break since our escape.
We needed a place to sleep first, exhaustion would make things much more difficult. We checked into a cheap motel, ate the nasty free food they provided, and naturally slept until the next morning. When we woke, we bathed and set off again. We had to buy clothes now but who carries enough cash to pay for a motel and clothes the next day? Really?
We needed cash and we needed it badly.
There's no way for us to make an honest living either. We'll be tracked immediately if we apply for a job… No. We can definitely use other names but the boss had other ideas.
"Can you play poker, Kira?" He gestured to the bar/casino across the street, "We'll come back here tonight, earn enough money to check into a motel for one more night and get clothes tomorrow, and repeat the process."
"Poker…? I don't know how…"
"I do." He hummed and then added, "You should learn. Gambling is useful."
"... If you'll teach me, I'll learn." I grumbled, "But I can't promise I'll be good."
He huffed, glancing both ways, "A convenience store… Find one and buy cards."
Save for a chunk we would use at the casino, we spent it all at the convenience store getting something to eat, pocket knives and cards. I spent the daylight hours at a park, learning the rules of poker from the boss.
An old man approached us and I was immediately fingering the knife in my pocket but he was really just an ordinary old man, curious and tired. He wanted to sit on the bench we were using to play. Sighing, I got up and offered him my place. Boss grabbed me and pulled me down into his lap, reaching around me to shuffle the cards around and deal me a new hand.
As if nothing was out of the ordinary, he hummed at the cards he dealt, "This is a good set. You want face cards."
The old man smiled at us dotingly and in english, he attempted conversation, "You're a cute couple. How long have you been together?"
In smooth English, Xanxus replied, "Since middle school."
The old man was now staring at us in a new light, smiling dotingly and nodding along, "Admirable."
I turned bright red, beginning to squirm.
Returning to Japanese, he muttered against my shoulder, "Don't fuss. It's easier this way. We're less suspicious traveling together."
"..." I nodded, focused on the cards again as I pushed bitter feelings away. I keep forgetting Xanxus doesn't feel anything special when he says things like that, "So I want all the face cards?"
"One of each and an ace and ten." He said, "If they're all the same suit, it's better."
Leaning back into his chest, I finally felt a little more comfortable with this situation. I nodded, "So I win if I get all of them?"
He laughed quietly against my ear, "You're so simple."
I blushed darkly. His breath was hitting my ear, the rumble of his laugh in his chest was so close, and it was all just so new to me. He was so… gentle. If we weren't mafia, is this what Xanxus would be like?
I pushed the thoughts from my mind and grumbled, "I don't get it. Then how do I win?"
"You're right. If you get those five, you'll probably win no matter what." He assured me, "But there are other possibilities. You want to end with the highest hand. The one we just went over is the highest hand possible but there are others. If you get five cards in numerical order, that's a flush. It's the second highest hand after this one."
"... Is that even possible?"
He came forward, chin now resting against my shoulder as he reshuffled the cards. When he dealt me a hand, all the cards were in numerical order. I blinked at the hand in surprise and confusion.
"Anything is possible." He told me, "But of course, I don't deal the cards. There's a dealer for that."
"I don't think I can play this game…" I admitted, "There's too many rules."
"Useless." He said but there was no bite in his words.
I yanked the cards from his hand and shuffled them before spreading it out, "Take one."
He randomly picked one from the middle, humoring me, "You're into magic?"
I closed my eyes, moving the cards back into a pile, "Look at it and then put it on top."
He hummed and I felt his lips brush against my ear. My eyes snapped open in surprise and I saw the card but that wasn't the problem.
"Boss, stop." I grumbled, "It's nothing to you but I…"
I what? My heart flutters? It means something to me? What can end this sentence? Nothing. I honestly don't know why I bother. This is hypocrisy. If I don't want to, I can just get up but instead, I ask him to stop. I don't want him to stop. I just want it to… mean something? How herbivorous.
"Get up." He ordered, "We're moving."
I felt a little bad about telling him not to do it. I mean, if it really doesn't mean anything and it's for our cover story, it's a professional relationship. I should be able to do it but… I guess I'm not as professional as I hoped to be.
"Stick close." He said, drawing me under his left arm and pressing me into his side, "Someone's watching us."
That's impossible. I stiffened, obediently drawing under his protective arm. I didn't notice. I hadn't noticed someone watching. I… I don't have the right to be here. I was assigned as the boss' partner because Squalo thought I was the best choice. I'm the worst choice…
"We need to change clothes." He grumbled, leaving the park to enter the city streets, "We stand out too much dressed like this in the middle of the day."
I can't believe they found us already. If they found us… Then Squalo and Lussuria… What about Mammon's group?
"Change of plans, Kira." He made a sharp turn down a back alley, "We're killing them all."
Now, that's my style. I turned and we faced our pursuers with all our might. In two breaths, everyone was dead. Pocket knives in hand, we stared down at our work and then at each other. There was no attention drawn, no gunshots, and no screaming. This was a perfect kill.
He tucked his knife away again, staring down at his hands stained with blood, "How long has it been since we've done something so primitive?"
"I guess it's been too long." I sighed, "For you that is… I'm not like you. I've never killed someone with a knife."
He looked mildly surprised but thinking on it, I guess he realized I wasn't a member of the mafia before joining the Varia so it made more sense, "You're a rare type."
Was that praise? Fact? I didn't know how to take it but I didn't have time to think about it. My fighting instincts were now much more clear with the scent of blood fueling my thoughts. I felt a low buzz and my body moved before my mind. I grabbed Xanxus and yanked him back as two shots went off from the rooftops above.
They had the gall to use snipers in broad daylight. How desperate can they be?
The first shot grazed by harmlessly but the second sank deep into my leg. I shuddered and sank to the floor on one knee, "Boss, run!"
He was never one to flee. He pulled his guns from their hiding places and shot back. I don't know how he even knew but he spat, "I missed one. Kira, get up."
"You won't get away with me weighing you down. Go on you-"
He pulled me up, dragging me after him.
"...?" I can't understand him. This is… so herbivorous.
What kind of people have we become? The boss I met when I first joined was a monster. He was so cold, so proud, so… strong and undefeatable. He would've left me behind the minute he realized I was dead weight. The boss in front of me today is… kind.
But it's the same for me. I used to be unbothered by these herbivorous feelings and thoughts. Strength was everything to me and I would've never taken a bullet for someone else in the past.
Why does it have to be like this? We were the hunters. Since when did we fall from our place and become prey for herbivores?!
Boss lead us into the streets, crowded and over-filled with people during the lunch rush. No one was good enough to shoot us down in this crowd without hurting an innocent civilian. We had to get lost in the crowd. Mixing with some uniformed college students, we sank into a cafe and went straight to the bathroom. There wasn't much time. Using a straw, Xanxus helped me remove the bullet and clean up. The wound was bound with a whole roll of toilet paper and we scrambled out through the backdoor when no one was looking. Of course, the blood was all over that bathroom but it wouldn't matter. We'd be out of this city by tomorrow.
After the sun had set, we took off using Aquilos as our transportation. In the shroud of the night, my partner's dark brown wings were undetected. Sitting together, we were reminded of the previous days. I scowled down at my toilet paper wrapped leg and wondered just how I would last half a year of this running and hiding. I felt… like an herbivore.
I swore I would take revenge on those who falsely accused us even if it was the only thing I ever did from now on. This was beyond humiliating.
Fuming, I hardly noticed the way Xanxus sat so close to me. I mean, where else would he sit considering Aquilos' back was minimally small for stealth but… he was right up against me and I was just busy being pissed.
"Kira."
"Yeah, boss?"
"Land us in the forest. There." He ordered, gesturing to the thicket of trees coming into view.
I obeyed. I mean, be it here or at our chosen destination, I'm sure there's nothing I could do to make a difference in our bleak situation with my limp leg.
Dismounting, we pressed close together beneath a large oak. The night air was definitely cold in the fall. Winter was approaching us.
"...Sorry." I muttered, turning away when he looked up from where he was reloading his gun, "I'll pay more attention from now on."
"Idiot." He said, handing me his freshly loaded pistol, "Listen close. I'm not repeating myself. You know that town we saw when we were landing?"
"Yeah?" I nodded, lifting my ring, "You want to go there?"
"I'm going alone." He said firmly, pushing my hand down, "Keep the gun close and wait for me to come back. If I'm not back by tomorrow night, fly away alone."
"Wh-Wha-? Boss, I can't let you-"
"Shh." He pushed his hand over my mouth firmly, not taking his eyes off me, "Give me your wallet. At the very least, I'll bring something to eat."
I'm so useless.
"Hey, boss?" I grumbled, fishing my wallet from my back pocket and putting it in his outstretched hand.
"Yeah?"
"... You don't have to come back for me."
Furious, he backhanded me.
It wasn't a strong blow. I mean, it wasn't exactly a weak blow either but it was definitely lighter than some of the blows we've exchanged before. It was a surprising strike that had me clutching at my face in shock more than pain.
"Even if you want to die, I won't let you." He snarled, "We're definitely going back to Italy to kill all those traitors. We're all going together or not at all, Kira. I won't accept partial victories. Every last one of us is going to go back and every last one of us is going to prove that we are the hunters."
Tears pricked at my eyes in frustration. He was so… kind and it infuriated me. The boss I knew was supposed to be cruel and unforgiving and… No, it wasn't the boss who changed. It was me who realized there was more to Xanxus than just strength. He was a person too.
He left me without giving me a choice. He was coming back for me. My honest feelings were… warm. Maybe this is what they call happiness.
I had a lot of time to think about it. I couldn't fall asleep. I was tired and certainly losing blood each time I moved and disturbed the toilet paper wrappings around my leg. I was hungry, cold, tired, and on edge. But all my thoughts were for Xanxus.
He was alone in the town. What if… someone found him? I gripped the gun in my hands tightly. I should've given this back to him at the very least. Then again… He's strong. He would never die in a place like this unless…
A dark thought crossed my mind. Xanxus never lost one on one. He was impossibly strong but as a team, we were weak. He was imprisoned during the Cradle Affair because Ottavio ratted us out and when it mattered most, I was weaker than the Ninth's Guardians. In the Half-Ring Battle, we lost because I didn't fight and beat Kyoya. Thinking back, maybe the deciding factor is me. If I really want to be concerned for Xanxus, I should consider my own strength first and foremost.
Closing my eyes, I reviewed our battle against Team Fon. Boss was strong but the rest of us had been dead weight. Without him covering me, I would have been defeated just like the rest of our team. It makes me anxious to think of what would have happened if I had been defeated too. Xanxus fighting alone… Maybe he would have preferred it but the thought made me sick.
Images of Xanxus opening up the sky for me replayed over and over in my head. I only mentioned once that I was at a disadvantage indoors but he remembered it. It brought me to think there was so little I knew about the boss. If I was in his position, would I have done the same for him?
No. I don't even know which terrain he fights best in. Does he even have a preferred battle stage?
I pounded my fist against the tree behind me, hissing when I split open the skin against rough bark. I took a long breath. Everything is so difficult.
I have to change. I have to become the opposite of the me in the future we saw. At this rate, I'm going to become the most useless officer we have. I am not an herbivore. I'm not.
My own voice was now roaring in my ears.
All the accusations and demons hidden deep down were bubbling up to the surface.
Useless.
Weakling.
It's all your fault.
They're gone.
You lost everything.
How can you save them when you can't even save yourself?
Pathetic.
Quitter.
How can a woman ever hope to stand on the same battlefield as a man?
You're too small.
Give it up.
They're better off without you.
Herbivore. Herbivore. Herbivore.
I clutched at my heart, tilting my head back to quiet the voices beneath my skull but when I looked up I couldn't see it… The sky. Beneath the cover of the trees, the night sky was out of reach. I had to move where I could see it. In the shroud of the forest, I felt trapped and caged.
Boss.
My body moved. I didn't care what I looked like or how weak I seemed. I crawled, forcing my body to drag my dead weight leg through the dead leaves beneath and out towards the edge of the forest.