Olivia's POV

For the second time in my life, I wake up before Fitz.

He is behind me and my back his towards his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. I reach over and trace circles on his bare forearm.

The funny thing is, silence is okay with us. Even when I'm here like this and we're not doing much, I'm fine. I'm content. I'm happy.

And I hope he is too.

"Hey."

I turn around to look at him, surprised that he's awake. I put my hands on his shoulders and kiss his cheek. "Hey, scholar."

Fitz laughs sleepily and holds me close to him. "You know what, Livvy? I'm excited."

I can't help but grin at the passion in his voice. "Yeah?"

Fitz nods. "I think that...I think that before, I was alive but I wasn't living. I was smiling and I had happy moments but I wasn't a happy person."

"And you are now?"

"With you?" Fitz lowers his gaze at me. "Of course I am."

I giggle. "I'm not surprised."

Fitz kisses my forehead. "It's not surprising, no. But that's not what I'm trying to say to you, Livvy. Listen to me, okay?"

His voice is so serious that I'm actually scared. I shut up, suddenly wide awake. I hope he can't feel my heart beat fast against his own. "I'm listening."

"There are so many ways I could do this," Fitz says quietly, looking me in the eye in a way that makes me fall in love all over again. "And I have thought about them, over and over again. I was thinking about something really extravagant, like a public thing. Or something really cheesy, like putting it in a fortune cookie."

Fitz rolls over and fiddles with a drawer on the nightstand. I eye him. I don't know what he's doing but at this point I'm too sleepy to question it. "Fitz."

"In the end," Fitz turns back to me. He comes so close that our noses are practically touching. He's breathing fast - very fast. "In the end,bit doesn't really matter, Livvy. I just have to ask you. It can't wait any longer. I don't want it to."

"What are you talking about?"

Fitz raises up a small velvet box between us. His voice is low and even but he can't stop smiling. "There is a ring in this. If you want it, it's yours. I'm yours. My future is yours. I love you, Olivia Carolyn Pope. I want to marry you. Let me marry you."

I look at him. I really, really look at him. I would have never expected this - any of this. I would have never seen myself falling in love with a man like Fitz. I would have never seen myself falling in love with anybody, period. But I did. I did fall in love with Fitz. And this past year has been the best of my life. I have laughed and smiled and cried and all this feeling, all this emotion is so much better than the numb life I was living before. I'm so much happier. It's crazy to think about how happy I am, so I don't. I just smile.

Fitz doesn't take the hint. He looks kind of scared. "If you need a minute-"

I don't. I take the box from him and open in, lowering my eyes on a beautiful, princess cut ring. It's stunning but not flashy. It's perfect. I slip it on and feel the cold material wrap around my finger snugly. I hope I can feel this for the rest of my life.

And then, because I don't have to say anything, because Fitz knows me and I know Fitz, I just return into his arms and fall back asleep.

"Oh my god," Abby mumbles. "Oh my god."

I draw my hand away from Abby, uncomfortable with the attention. We're studying in the library and even though Fitz and I both promised not to tell anybody just yet, how could I not tell my best friend?

Her blue eyes are widening at the sight of the ring but I can't really read her expression. "Abby, I can't tell what you're thinking. To be honest, I thought you'd be excited. Like, full on wedding planner excited. Full on maid of honor excited."

Abby finally smiles but it looks forced. "Of course I'm excited, Liv. I'm just surprised, that's it."

I look at my hand, the ring that's been settled there for less than a day. "I don't believe you."

A silence comes between us, an uneasy one that Abby and I rarely share. Best friends don't go through silences like this. But then again, best friends don't withhold the truth from each other.

I don't know why Abby is hiding her feelings from me. Her true feelings. I know that she and David broke up a few weeks ago, but I can't imagine her being petty or bitter - that's usually my arena.

"Tell the truth, Abs," I say quietly. "We've been through way too much for us to start lying now. You're not happy for me. Is this about David?"

"No," Abby says, and I can't tell if it's another lie. She takes a deep breath and closes her American history textbook. "But isn't it a bit too early? This is a big step, Liv. You know what they say - haste makes waste."

"Abby," I cut in. "Are you really calling my relationship with Fitz a waste?"

"No!"

"Good!" I practically shout before remembering we're in a library. I can't help it. I'm pissed. I'm pissed and I'm defensive because Abby has never acted like this before and I don't know why she's starting now. "It's not a waste, Abby. I love him, I'm in love with him. And it's not too soon, okay? Fitz and I have known each other for-"

"As long as David and I knew each other," Abby says quietly. She taps her pen to her mouth. She's not fighting with me, so why do I still feel like punching her in the face. "Approximately. My point is that you and Fitz may feel like you love each other when in reality -"

I stand up. I'm not gonna take this crap anymore, because it doesn't make any sense. I know how much I love Fitz. I love him so much that sometimes I just sit there, comprehending just how much I care about someone who isn't myself. I want to be with him forever and I think he feels the same way. I know he feels the same way. So Abby telling me any different is just bullshit and I'm not going to sit here and listen to it.

I grab my bag and sling it over my shoulders. My hands scramble to pick up my PolySci notes and textbooks as Abby's eyes glaze over me. "You're overreacting, Livvy -"

"Don't call me that."

Abby stands up too. "Just think about it. Are you ready for marriage? For the the commitment?"

"Of course I am!" I snap quietly. I look up at her. She's my best friend but right now I don't recognize her. "It's not going to be any different! Fitz and I are still going to soulmates, to be friends, to be the two people who love each other so much that they can't handle it. The only thing that's gonna change is a legal document and fucking ring."

Abby stares at me. I don't think she's ever seen me this angry. I don't think I have ever been this angry. And it just hurts so much because it's coming from my best friend. My best friend who has been there my whole life. Can't she see how happy I am? Can't she just support me?

"That's not what I meant," Abby says, her voice matching my low volume. "I meant, are you ready? For this commitment? Because about a year ago…."

I stare right back at her. I don't understand what she's saying and then suddenly, I do. "A year ago I was a whore."

I expect her to correct me, to correct herself, to immediately apologize. But she doesn't. She just doesn't. And that stings like nothing I have ever felt before.

"You're right," I say, my voice threatening to break. I calmly collect my things into my bag. "I was. But it's different. With Fitz… Abby, it's different."

"We'll see."

I look up at her. My brown eyes meet her blue ones and once again, I don't recognize her. There is a huge lump in my throat and I want to just run home and cry and cry and cry. There is no heartbreak greater than looking at someone who would hold your hair when you threw up, to someone who would hug you whenever you needed it, to someone who stuck by you no matter what and always loved you...there is no greater heartbreak than staring at her and realizing she hates you.

I can't talk because I'm afraid I'll cry. And a part of me is still waiting for an apology I know will never come. Because she means it. Because Abby doesn't trust me. She doesn't have faith in me. She doesn't think I have changed.

Have I?

"Do you think I cheated on Fitz?" I whisper.

"No," Abby doesn't look at me. "Well, I don't know. You guys are so cute together but dating and being married are two different things. It's more complicated to cheat on a husband than a boyfriend. And a lot more serious too."

I bite the inside of my lip. How can she say these things? I would never cheat on Fitz, married or not and I can't believe she would think that. Or can I?

Because now that I look back, I remember cheating on most if not all of my boyfriends. But I was a kid back then and I had never been in love, not even close. These past few months, cheating hasn't crossed my mind. At all. Just the thought of cheating, the idea of touching another man and lying to the man I love, it makes me sick to my stomach.

Actually, I am sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's looking at Abby or thinking about cheating, but I don't feel so good.

I look away. "Bye, Abby."