Okay, seriously I cried my eyes out while I wrote the last chapter. And I feel so bad about doing it, too.
This update would have been up last week, but I had not only 3 papers to write, but also 3 tests to study for and I had to work on my mini-movie script.
Meredith turned on her side as much as she could with the incision across her lower abdomen. The dark skies outside matched her mood perfectly. The dark and gloomy sky had fat raindrops falling from the clouds; Meredith's face was void of emotion, fat tears rolling down her face.
She didn't mean to go off on Addison and Derek, but she couldn't help it. She needed to yell at someone, even though she thought it was all her fault. Her eyes were trained on the window as she watched the rain fall.
She couldn't help but think about her sweet little baby boy that was taken too soon. Meredith couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that the little tiny baby she had met the previous night was gone.
He would never get to meet his siblings, or any of the rest of the family. He wouldn't grow up in the Grey-Shepherd household; would never know anything about the world. He was a life that was taken too soon, way too soon.
The last thing Meredith expected this morning when she woke up was that she would be told she would be leaving the hospital with only one baby. She knew it probably hurt Addison on having to tell Meredith her child had died.
Though her son had died, Meredith was happy that she had the chance to at least see him once, alive, before she would have to see his lifeless form.
She faintly heard the squeaking of the door as she was staring at the wall. Meredith didn't bother turning around because she knew it was one of four people, Derek, Addison, Maggie or Alex.
When she felt the foot of the bed sink, she assumed it was Derek. She was wrong. Meredith turned over slightly to see that it was Addison who had entered the room. Seeing that it was Addison, Meredith turned and faced the window again.
Addison, however, did not let Meredith's actions effect her meaning of being there.
"I know you're hurting, Meredith, I do. But you have another baby that is in that incubator who needs her mother. You can mourn the loss of your baby boy as much as you want. I encourage you to, but you need to think about your daughter, and not just your newborn, but Zola and Bailey too. Derek and I explained to Zola that you're going to be just fine, that's all she knows. But this situation can't just be about you; Derek is hurting too. He won't hurt as much as you, but he's hurting."
Addison heard sniffles coming from the fragile woman laying on the bed before Meredith spoke up. "We were going to name him after Mark and Lexie. His name was Marcus Alexander. And now…Lexie came and took him from me," Meredith said in between small sobs.
Addison sighed. "Meredith…Lexie's…"
"Dead. I know." Meredith turned to look at Addison. "When I was out during surgery or whatever. We were in the woods were the plane crashed. And she was happy…and then she had him in her arms and promised that she, Mark and George would take care of him. And then she left."
"I don't think Lexie was there to take him, I really don't. I think she was there letting you know that he will be loved, and taken care of. She didn't take your baby, Meredith." Surprisingly, Meredith nodded her head in agreement.
Meredith was now completely turned over. "I'm scared that we're going to lose her too," she said softly.
Addison shook her head. "I'm not going to let that happen. I have been monitoring her myself since this morning, and I will continue to. Your daughter will be going home with you in a few weeks. I promise. And I don't make any promises to patients or patient's mothers. Her lung function? Amazing considering how early she was. She is going to make it, I promise," Addison reassured her multiple times.
Meredith nodded her head slightly. "Do you…could you get Derek for me? I want to name her. She doesn't deserve to be called her. And as cute as baby girl Shepherd is, it's a bit long."
Addison nodded and left the room. Minutes later, Derek came in. "How are you feeling?"
"Like crap. But you know that already. I'm sorry about earlier."
"You don't have to apologize, Meredith. And you don't get to blame yourself. We'll make it through this," Derek said as he grabbed her hand.
"I know. It'll just take a little time. I want to name our daughter. I don't like calling her baby girl Shepherd."
"Then we'll name her."
"Addison said she's going to make it. So, I was thinking…maybe we could name her Ellis? Call her El or Ellie for short?"
Derek gave her the McDreamy smile before he spoke. "Ellis Alexandra. I think that is a great name."
"I'm sorry we couldn't use Mark's name. I know how much it meant to you."
Derek shook his head. "No, we used it. Our son will always be Marcus Alexander, I swear. And we will never forget him."
"And remind the kids who he is…was?" Meredith asked and Derek nodded his head.
Okay, so I know this was short (and I hate that it was so short), but I didn't want to get all emotional writing another chapter (and I don'tknow what it's like to lose a child, so I don'twant to write too much into that), so I made it mainly Meredith/Addison. Next chapter will be Meredith being home/ progress of Ellie. And it will also be much longer than this update, promise.