DISCLAIMER: I don't own KHR or any of the associated characters aside from my OCs.

I stared at the screen of my ringing phone. Boss' name was printed clean and bright on the screen of my dying phone.

"Don't forget your phone. I'll call when this is over. Fly your ass back immediately when I call."

I let it ring until it went to voicemail. Xanxus doesn't leave voicemails so it's fine. Dino calls me every hour, boss once a day, and Kyoya has only called once. My phone's dying again. I've charged it a few times since I left.

Oh, right. I guess I should start properly from the beginning. I flew away from my crime scene that day and never looked back. My wings just seemed to carry me away. Eventually, I reached the Italian Riviera. It's a nice place. There's lots of people but it's fine. If I blend into the crowd, it'll be harder for people to find me.

It's working because I've been away for nearly two weeks, living in a rented room in a hotel along the cliffside. In exchange, I work for them. I do odd jobs. Honestly, when I ran away, I didn't know what I would do with myself but things went too easily for me.

I overheard someone talking about needing someone to carry luggage for their hotel goers because the last one quit so I offered on the spot. They doubted me for a while due to my size but I proved myself capable of lifting more than double my weight in luggage so they put me to work. After that, I just kind of kept picking up work and things have gone well.

The owner is a nice man so he hired another person to handle the busing of bags. He needed someone to be a bartender and he told me it would be a rougher kind of job. I welcomed it. Carrying luggage was a light workout at best.

I hung up the whole mafia mantle but I had to be careful as a bartender in a fancy hotel. I saw familiar faces sometimes and I hid away, letting the young man next to me make drinks for people who looked even remotely familiar.

The young man who works with me is kind of cute. He reminds me of Dino sometimes. I mean, the deep brown eyes twinkling with passion as he talks about his dreams for the future is kind of what keeps me from telling him to piss off. I've discovered he's working to pay for college and he's studying to become a doctor. Despite his dazzling smile, this poor boy has a dark past. His mother passed away during childbirth due to a heart issue and his father is ailing from cancer. He prays each day that his father will live long enough for him to become a doctor and discover the cure to cancer.

As cute as this kid is… It's hard when I see his face sometimes. I look at him and I remember Dino and the Cavallone Family and then it leads to unwanted memories of my terrible sins.

Tonight, I was alone. The college student who was usually chattering away at my side was out sick. I made drinks alone and found myself feeling lonely for the first time since I began to work. It was troublesome and what's worse is the job was too easy for me. It was much too easy so I couldn't even take my mind off the loneliness by drowning in it. Even as I broke up a bar fight where two grown men were brawling under the screen playing the foreign baseball game, I couldn't stop thinking about home.

Later, the hotel room seemed so empty and cold, the shower was definitely done with hot water but it felt like cold rain, and the bed was much too big. My phone was plugged in on the table off to the side. Now, it was fully charged. Taking it from the table as I got into bed, I stared at the screen filled with missed call messages. For the first time, there was a call from Squalo. No voicemail.

Only Dino left voicemails, not that I ever listened to them. I couldn't bring myself to hear his voice but tonight, I gave it a shot. I opened the first voicemail he had ever left me. It was the night I flew away.

His voice sounded so hoarse on the recording. It almost sounded like he had just finished crying but I couldn't be certain. Maybe he was just tired but the passion was all there.

"Kira." He croaked and then cleared his throat, "I'm so sorry. I know my apology doesn't change things for you but I'm really, really sorry. I took Kyoya back home with me. He's sleeping now. I thought you would want to know… Anyways, I guess I'll let you be but if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, I'm here. See you later."

I felt some relief knowing that Kyoya had been cared for. I had run away without bearing the responsibility of looking after my precious brother. I felt guilty but I couldn't bring myself to go back. I shook the thoughts away and pressed the next one.

"Hey… I… I heard you didn't go home last night." Dino sounded so hopeful about things. He was trying to be strong, "Everyone's worried about you. I haven't been able to really talk to your brother but he looks kind of lonely. I'll keep him company as long as he'll let me but I don't really know what to do for him. I'm sorry… again."

Oh. I sat up in bed feeling unsettled. My poor baby brother is all alone.

Hoping for more information, I pressed the next one.

"Hey, Kira." He began nervously, "I know this is going to sound so cruel but your brother is returning to Namimori. He wanted to let you know that he's arranging funeral rites for your parents. He said you don't have to go if you don't want to but… he looked sad. I know I don't have the right to go but you should definitely go. I hope you're alright. Ummm… Sorry. See you later."

I missed the funeral. Well, that's alright. I don't have the right to mourn them. I killed them after all. My thumb hovered, debating on pressing the next one but I did.

"Hey. It's me again… I don't know how else to say this but I'm so worried about you. Please just… you don't have to come back if you don't want to but wherever you are just give me some sign that you're alright. Please, Kira. Call me back."

He sounded so broken. I didn't know what to do. I don't want to call him back. It'll make me want to go home to them… I can't. As long as I'm there, they won't ever be safe. I can't trust myself. What happens if Dino's next? What happens if Kyoya's next? What happens if they order me to kill the boss? I dropped my phone and clutched at my chest, gritting my teeth. I didn't even want to think about it.

A knock at the door pulled me sharply away from my thoughts and I took a deep breath before opening the door. The owner of the hotel apologized for disturbing me but he needed someone to cover the front lobby for late night/early morning check ins. The girl who normally does the job was also sick. The flu was going around. I told him I'd do it if he showed me how and that's how I spent my night, sitting at a boring empty lobby to check in the few customers and crazy people who decided to come in super late/super early depending on how you see it.

I went to bed after 8AM when the next person came in to work. I slept the whole day away, startled awake by the ringing of my phone. I groaned, pulling it towards me so I could see who was calling. I smiled despite myself at the name on the screen-Dino.

He's so persistent. I wanted to reward him but I couldn't. I let it ring and ring and he left me another voicemail. He'd give up sooner or later. It's fine like this. I checked the time-3PM. I guess I have to get up soon. I start at the bar by 6 so I don't have much time to myself after I clean up and eat.

I plugged my phone in and left to start another day. For the first time, I thought it was boring. I was alone again. Everything was so mundane. I craved for blood and it terrified me. I wanted to fight. I wanted more than just breaking up bar fights. I convinced myself that this is the reason I cannot return home. I like fighting too much.

Among the Varia, I thought I was normal but I was wrong. I was definitely not normal. Their will to fight and my endless desire to kill was too different for me to call it just a difference in taste. I can't go back.

I was wrong to pursue my identity as Hibari Kira so fiercely because Hibari Kira is a monster.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

The sounds of a deep, ragged breathing echoed off the walls. It was so dark, I couldn't really see. The silhouette of a man laying on the ground caught my eyes and I stepped forward. My shoe slipped the smallest bit and I looked down to find that I had slid forward on a trail of blood leading me towards the body.

I proceeded with caution, staring down at the unmoving, disfigured body of my mother. I gasped, stepping back only to have my foot bump into something that kept me in place. I tore my eyes away from my mother and onto the object keeping me in place only to find that it wasn't an object but the body my father, brains blown out.

I took a shuddering breath, stepping over their bodies to make a run for it but as I ran down the hall that was previously dark it began to grow brighter and brighter. Littering the floors on either side of the hall were corpses. I closed my eyes and ran for it. I recognized the first corpse as Squalo and I didn't want to recognize anyone else.

At the end of the hall, I smashed into a body that steadied me with a kind hand. I opened my eyes staring up into my brother's cobalt eyes in wonder, "Ky-Kyoya?"

He smiled and then it was gone. His expression twisted into one of shock and betrayal. He took a staggering step backwards and I looked down to find that a hand was holding a blade deep into his stomach. That hand was my hand.

"N-No… NO!" Hands shaking, I willed myself to reach for his falling body but my arms wouldn't listen to me. I watched as he hit the floor, the final corpse in this bloody length of a hallway.

I turned and looked back, a trail of blood had followed me from my initial kill. My mistake was looking back. Now, I could see all the corpses littering the floor and I recognized all of them. Squalo, Lussuria, Belphegor, Mammon, Leviathan, Sawada, Gokudera, Yamamoto, Rokudo Mukuro, Chrome, and Lambo. I tried to close my eyes but I couldn't. I continued down the line to Fon… and Dino and I couldn't look anymore. The last corpse in the line was-

I shot up in bed, sweaty and crying. I looked around the dark room where I was all alone and calmed myself. It took me a long hour to convince myself that Kyoya was fine because I was here alone. I wouldn't hurt him. I couldn't from this distance. Everything was going to be okay.

Half those people are stronger than me. I'm not training anymore and I won't so I'll become an herbivore. I won't be able to kill them even if I wanted to. It's fine this way. It's better this way.

So then why can't I stop crying?

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

I was in a nasty mood. The boy chattering next to me seemed to get it. He stopped talking for a moment to make the next drink and then he said, "Kira? You had a fight with your boyfriend or something?"

"I don't have one." I told him shortly, turning away to present the customer at the corner with the glass of straight whiskey he asked for.

"Then what?"

"... I'm worried about someone." I admitted, glaring when he chuckled, "He's called every single day many times a day but today, there's nothing."

"Your lover?" He grinned, holding up his hands innocently when I pointed a spoon threateningly in his face, "Alright. What's the situation? He calls every day so the last time he called, what did you say to him?"

"... I don't answer." I sighed when he exclaimed things about how mean I was but I knew before I even said it.

Dino had given up on me. There's no point in trying to contact someone who doesn't ever answer or reply. This is what I always wanted but I'm scared that he's hurt somewhere so he hasn't called. I want to know but I don't want to call him.

On my break, I went up to my room and got my phone. I played the last voicemail he left me, holding my breath.

"Kira." He sobbed and it broke my heart, "I don't know what else to do. I'm begging you so please, please just give me one sign that you're okay. Even if it's just a text, please give me something. Anything. I know you blame me for it and it's okay if you do, I'm sorry and it was completely my fault but I never wanted this to happen. If I could go back and die in their place, I would do it."

I heard the shattering of glass on the other end and realized this was a drunken message. I sighed unhappily, feeling sorry for doing this to him.

The message continued, "... I never even got to tell you that I'm sorry and I'm worthless and I just… please, Kira. This is all my fault. If I had known, I would've stopped you. I feel so hopeless. I don't even know if you get these or if you're all alone or if you're even alive but I hate that I was the one who caused this more than anything. You always helped me and I never repaid you. I don't even think there's a way I can possibly hope to repay this debt. I'm so, so, so sorry. So please…"

It was a messy apology. I don't know why he's sorry when I'm the one who did it all on my own. It's definitely not his fault. I sighed, ready to head back downstairs to get back to work when my phone began to ring. I turned, spotting Dino's name flashing on the screen. I hesitated but then I went for it.

I answered but I didn't know what to say so I remained silent, waiting for him to realize I had answered.

It took him a long moment and then he launched into it, "Huh? What? No… way… Kira? Kira?! Are you there? Please say something. I just… Oh my god. Kira?!"

"... Hi." I murmured quietly, tears gathering at the corner of my eyes at the sound of his voice.

"Oh… Oh fuck…" He choked out, clearing his throat a few times, "God… I'm so glad you're alright. Where are you? Have you been eating well? Why didn't you answer?"

I miss him. I gritted my teeth, shaking my head at the thoughts of returning home to see him and all the others I left behind but I couldn't, "I'm sorry. I can't do this. Goodbye."

"No-No! Please wait!"

I had taken my phone away from my ear ready to press the end call button but I could still hear his loud plea. I gulped down a dry lump and brought the phone to my ear again, "... You didn't call for a while today… I was worried."

"... Oh. I'm sorry. Did it make you feel lonely? I was busy so I couldn't… I didn't mean to." His voice was breaking, he was obviously holding back tears, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kira. I just want to see you. It doesn't matter where you are, please let me come see you just once."

"Idiot. I said I was worried." I murmured, tears falling even though I was trying so hard to hold them back, "I can't see you again. It's better this way."

"... Then at least Kyoya. I just…" He took a deep breath and began again, "I know you probably hate me but… I just want to confirm that you're alright. If you won't let me, then at least let me tell Kyoya."

"No. I can't! Bye."

This time I didn't bother. I hung up immediately, not even bringing the phone away from my ear. I threw my phone on the bed and ran for the bathroom, wiping away my tears. I washed my face and returned to work pretending nothing had happened. I'm only glad he wasn't hurt.

Of course he's not hurt. You're not there to hurt him. This is the right thing to do.