Joseph H Clarke
Fort Boyard.
Episode 3: Team GTA.
Note: Before we start, please note that the show is owned by Adventure line productions which is owned by the Banijay group (Which now owns the Endemol Shine group.) and this uses cartoon characters to crossover from the real thing.
Myself does not intend to breach copyright rules as I do not own the show and the cartoon characters portrayed and I use these for fair use.
This Fanfiction may contain strong language which may be unsuitable for readers under 16. This warning is to make sure this story does not get blocked and I don't get welfare checks from the police.
Other than that, sit back, relax, and enjoy as this Fanfiction starts… NOW!
Opening.
(Chris stands aboard a Yacht heading for the fort.)
Chris: No. your eyes don't deceive you. That is an actual 19th century fort behind me. And we are about to head inside. Welcome to FORT BOYARD!
(The camera zooms into the fort.)
Opening titles.
Adventure line productions presents…
A production by Jacque Antoine.
Hosted by Chris Mclean.
With Dr. Doofenshmirtz as Boyard.
And Lara Croft as Blanche and Rouge.
FORT BOYARD
Origin.
(Pictures of Napoleon Bonaparte and the fort.)
Chris: Fort Boyard, A 19th century fort built by Napoleon Bonaparte during the Napoleonic war of France.
(Napoleon gets killed by a sword.)
Chris: After Napoleon was killed by the British army, the fort was left to ruins in the middle of the Atlantic ocean.
(Boyard enters the fort and remodels it with his dark magic.)
Chris: Until, that evil prick named BOYARD! Took over the fort and planted his treasure inside the master chamber.
(The tigers appear.)
Chris: And if that wasn't enough, the gold is guarded by a pack of man-eating tigers!
Chris: I went to Twitter to find six of my famous friends from the video game series Grand Theft Auto. They are hoping to win money for the Los Santos fire department.
Chris: Let's meet this week's team.
Meet the team.
Chris: This week's team are from the GTA series.
Michael De Santa. (Team captain.)
Trevor Phillips.
Franklin Clinton.
Niko Bellic.
Claude Speed.
Carl "CJ" Woods.
Chris: Do these six have what it takes to steal the gold? Let's find out.
Chapter 1: Starting the game.
(The boat arrives at the fort whilst Boyard watches on via seagull cam.)
Boyard: Fresh meat. Unlucky for them, I haven't got a car. So, they can't drive out with the gold.
Chris: Alright team, we've arrived at the fort. Michael, you're the team captain so your job is to make sure the team doesn't f*** up. Got it?
Michael: Good because, after what happened last time with the wrong password and that half robot gamer girl being chicken, that's only made us more confident with today.
Chris: Do you have full confidence in your team?
Michael: I hope so, we haven't pulled a score in years since the Union Depository.
Chris: I bet Trevor is still living off that glory.
Trevor: That was 7 years ago, no need to fantasize further.
Chris: I only saw it on the news that you did that job.
(A buzzer goes off.)
Chris: Hold on, We've got a transmission.
(Boyard appears on the screen.)
Boyard: Chris. We meet again.
Chris: Boyard! What the f*** do you want this time?
Boyard: You to f*** up like your team did so f***ing badly last time.
Chris: You wish. At least we were given 5 grand.
Boyard: SILENCE! As soon as the gong goes, you have 50 minutes to get the seven Keys needed to open the Treasure Chamber. Then, you will need as many Clue Words as you can to help figure out the password to release the gold. If you can ever get through the door and figure it out yourself. HA! HA! HA!
(The TV turns off.)
Chris: OK, are you ready for the most physical and mental score of your lives?
Team: YES!
Chris: Then, your 50 minutes starts… NOW!
(Chris pulls the lever to open the entrance and unlock the challenge cells whilst Monique strikes the gong.)
Chris: (Yells sarcastically.) Jacque, Jules, lead the way!
49:55 remaining.
Chapter 2: Phase one.
Boyard: You will never hit this score, you will fail.
Challenge 1: Pots of fear.
The chosen participant will have 90 seconds to place their hand into the pots until they find the key.
Some pots will be glass whilst the others will be covered up.
49:11 remaining.
Niko: Aw no. not the pot one.
Chris: Okay, I have to warn you, if you're still in the cell when the clepsydre expires, Jacque will lock the door, Boyard's bodyguard Mr Boo will have you arrested and thrown in jail for the rest of phase one.
(The camera cuts to the jail and back to the team.)
Chris: Now Niko, you have delicate hands, which will be useful for this. Remember, time starts when the door opens. Jacque, THE DOOR!
(1:30)
Trevor: Come on! At least one of us isn't a bitch.
(One of the pots sprays blood out.)
Niko: JESUS! Didn't expect to be sprayed by one of the pots.
Chris: Just try to concentrate and don't spazz out over a f***ing pot.
(0:45)
Niko: Found it!
Chris: Now get out of there.
(Niko exits the room.)
Chris: YES! We now have… 1 KEY!
1 Key of 7.
Chris: There's still a long way to go so let's keep moving.
47:49 remaining.
Boyard: NO! There off to a good start! Hopefully, they f*** the next one up.
Challenge 2: Mission Impossible.
The chosen team member will have 2 and a half minutes to break into the room and grab the key from the box using a magnet.
Leaving the magnet behind, the team member must make their way back the way they came.
WARNING: The floor is pressure sensitive. Touching the floor will result in the room going into lock down and the participant will automatically be arrested.
46:45 remaining.
Chris: Now Michael, I need you to follow Jules to the next adventure. So off you go. Franklin, you will need your worthless-ass ninja skills with this one. Whatever you do, DON'T TOUCH THE FLOOR!
CJ: Good luck dawg.
(Franklin approaches the hatch.)
Chris: Here we go. Your time starts… NOW!
(Chris starts the timer.)
(2:30)
Trevor: Remember, stealth is the key.
(Franklin almost falls.)
Chris: WAAAH! That was close.
(2:00)
Niko: Just hang on for dear life until you get the right momentum.
(Franklin Leaps and falls on to the floor, Sounding the alarm and locking down the room.)
Chris: OH NO! FRANKLIN, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
Franklin: I'm sorry. I lost grip of the chandelier.
Chris: Stay where you are, Mr Boo is going to come and take you to prison for the rest of phase one. For the rest of you, let's go.
44:15 remaining.
Boyard: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! One down! Five to go!
Challenge 3: Caterpillar.
The chosen participant will have two minutes to work their way across the wires using the planks they will be on.
On the other side of the wires is a tag containing a 4-digit passcode to the safe.
Once approached, the chosen participant will shout the passcode to the others, who will then type in the passcode to open the safe and retrieve the key.
Failure to do so in two minutes will cause the safe to explode.
43:56 remaining.
Chris: Are you OK Michael?
Michael: At least I won't be fed to those predators below me.
Chris: Maybe not. Your time starts… NOW!
(Chris starts the timer.)
(2:00)
Trevor: Come on pork chop. You're moving at a snail's pace.
(Michael moves very briskly across the wires.)
Claude: What's taking you so long?
Michael: It's an old age thing. I've gotten wise and cautious as I've gotten older.
(1:00)
Chris: One-minute left.
Trevor: Come on! We've already lost Franklin; we don't want to lose you too.
Chris: This isn't a lock in game, he won't be arrested if he f***s it.
(0:20)
Michael: How long left?
Chris: NOT LONG! THE ALARM IS ABOUT TO GO OFF!
(A 10 second alarm sounds.)
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
0…
(The safe explodes.)
Chris: Michael, what the f*** is wrong with you?
Michael: What? I was struggling to keep balance. It was the tiger's fault that I was not concentrating.
Chris: You just cost us the challenge. (To the CCTV camera.) Boyard, he f***ed it. (To the team.) we are two challenges down, let's get back to winning.
40:30 remaining.
Boyard: That's exactly what I don't like, WINNING!
Challenge 4: Mud wrestling.
The chosen team member will have 90 seconds to fight Mr Boo in a mud wrestling match whilst trying to grab the key.
Once the key has been grabbed, the participant must get out before Jacque locks the door.
39:02 remaining.
Chris: Now Claude, how come you don't get out much?
Claude: I've lived the single life ever since I got paralysed by a bullet to the head.
Chris: WOW! What are the odds of that? Well good luck with this one. Jacque, THE DOOR!
(1:30)
Chris: Welcome back Michael.
(Claude is slammed down to the mud by Mr Boo.)
Niko: Come on. Come on. Come on.
Trevor: Come on generic goon!
(0:45)
Chris: HURRY UP!
(Mr Boo stops Claude from getting the key.)
CJ: F***! COME ON!
(0:20)
Chris: GET OUT CLAUDE! YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS LEFT!
(The 10 second warning alarm goes off.)
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
(Claude leaps out of the room.)
Chris: ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?!
Claude: He was too big. If I were fighting Little Boo, I would have got it.
Chris: We are now 3 challenges and a teammate down, let's move quickly on.
37:50 remaining.
Boyard: Oh dear! It looks like you are as bad as last week.
(Rouge shoots a flaming arrow towards the freezing room door.)
Chris: Now hold on. Hold on. Wh-what the f***? Hold on. Monique, stop the clock. I said stop the F***ING CLOCK!
(Monique strike the gong to stop the clock at 37:30)
Chris: It says, "Give up one of your Keys now to enter the cage and face Little Boo in three tests of strength." Come on guys, we gotta head to the cage.
Chapter 3: The Cage.
Chris: Now, to get into the cage, we have to sacrifice one of our Keys from earlier. Meaning we have no Keys, not a great start guys. Let's head inside.
(The team enters the cage.)
Rouge: Hello sadists. I must say, you've done jackshit after losing those three challenges. One of you is hanging on for dear life against Little Boo on the swinging bars. Trevor, get your stupid ass in here.
Chris: Good luck Trevor. Start the test.
(The trapezes start spinning.)
Michael: Don't f*** around T!
Niko: If you caused a train crash, then you could certainly beat Little Boo's ass.
(Little Boo lets go.)
Chris: YES! We are back on… 1 KEY!
1 Key of 7.
Rouge: I am NOT! having a repeat last week. Niko you Serbian bitch! Get your ass in this cage and face Little Boo on the sweeping arms.
Chris: Good luck Niko. Start the test.
(The sweeper starts up.)
Michael: Come on!
Chris: This isn't the pots now; this is brawn over brains.
CJ: Dawg we need that second Key.
(Little Boo falls off his stand.)
Chris: YES! Finally. We are now on… 2 KEYS!
2 Keys out of 7.
Rouge: It's not over yet! Michael, you need to make up for that sluggish performance on the planks. You will be having a Shot-put contest with Little Boo right now.
Chris: Good luck Michael. Start the test.
(Little Boo throws his Shot-put.)
Rouge: Good luck beating that. Chris, bring your tape measure out.
(Chris enters the cage and measures the distance.)
Chris: 189 cm. That's the target to beat.
(Michael throws his Shot-put almost breaking the cage gates.)
Chris: Jesus f***! You could've killed me.
(Chris measures the distance.)
Chris: Michael, I'm sorry, but we now have… 3 KEYS!
3 Keys of 7.
Chris: You got it at 205 cm.
Rouge: YOU ASSHOLES! Just you wait. Boyard will feed you to the tigers and rip your balls off!
(Rouge exits whilst Monique strikes the gong.)
37:25 remaining.
Chris: OK! We are back on track towards unlocking the Treasure chamber, let's go.
37:09 remaining.
Boyard: NO! I was getting used to beating those car jackers.
Chapter 4: Phase one. (Continued.)
Challenge 5: Freezing room.
The chosen team member will be handcuffed to a pipe and must guide it though the obstacles and the sub-zero cold.
Once at the cabinet where the key is, there is another key for the handcuffs which must be unlocked before exiting.
36:42 remaining.
Chris: Trevor, you reptilian motherf***er. You will be doing this one.
Trevor: You know I got frostbite multiple times over in North Yankton.
Chris: That was when you thought Michael was dead. What you need to worry about is the 2 and a half minutes to survive this challenge. Jacque, THE DOOR!
(Chris starts the timer.)
(2:30)
Michael: Come on T. Ignore the freeze.
(Trevor goes through a container of ice, lobsters and seaweed.)
Claude: I'd hate to be in his position right now.
(1:30)
Trevor: It's like the Yukon in here.
Chris: Get in the tank. The pipeline continues there.
(Trevor enters the tank of ice water.)
CJ: Just don't focus on how cold it is.
(1:00)
Chris: ONE MINUTE!
(Trevor unlocks the cabinet.)
Chris: DON'T FORGET! YOU NEED TO GET OUT TOO!
(Trevor unlocks the handcuffs and bolts out of the tank.)
Michael: THE KEY! DON'T FORGET THE KEY!
Chris: YEEEEEAAAAHHHH! We now have… 4 KEYS!
4 Keys of 7.
Chris: Let's move on to the next challenge.
34:14 remaining.
Boyard: NO! WHY ARE THEY SUCCEEDING NOW? I F***ING HATE CARJACKERS!
Challenge 6: Restaurant.
This is a two-person challenge.
The chosen two team members will be given one-minute to eat the disgusting serving given by Chef Hatchet.
If successful, the safe will open and the Key is retrieved.
Fail, the safe will explode and the Key is lost.
33:44 remaining.
Chris: Niko and Michael, you two will be doing this one whilst CJ will be heading to the council.
CJ: I promise I'll be back with another Key.
Chris: Off you go CJ. (Towards Niko and Michael.) Head inside, good luck.
(Niko and Michael enter the room.)
Chef Hatchet: MUHA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Welcome to my restaurant from hell.
Niko: You don't scare us.
Chef Hatchet: You will be after I make you two losers eat this.
(Chef lifts the cloche to reveal a plate of wichety grubs.)
Chef Hatchet: You have one minute to eat these grubs. You can leave the head, but the body must be consumed. Insides and all. Well get a move on.
(Chris starts the safe timer.)
(1:00)
Trevor: At least it's not my leftover broth with eyelids.
Claude: You sick f***.
(Michael almost vomits.)
Niko: Don't give up Michael. You can do it.
Chris: If you throw up, the safe automatically explodes.
(0:30)
Claude: Don't spew please.
(Michael swallows the grub allowing the safe to be opened.)
Chef Hatchet: Well you managed to stomach my grubs, so the Key is yours. Just remember, it takes more than Keys to get the gold.
Chris: Yes. We now have… 5 KEYS!
5 Keys of 7.
Chris: Let's see how CJ gets on with the council.
31:00 remaining.
Challenge 6: The council.
The chosen team member must face the master of the darkness in a duel.
Winning the duel will win the team another Key.
(CJ enters the council.)
Boyard: Hello CJ, I want to play a game.
CJ: Yeah? Well you've been doing a shit job at the moment.
Boyard: SILENCE! Master of the darkness, reveal the duel.
(The Master opens the table to reveal two weights and a string wire.)
Boyard: For this duel, you and the Master will hold a weight each above the wire. The first person to touch the wire loses. Begin.
(CJ and the Master pick up the weights.)
Boyard: Come on boy. Yield now and I won't make you tiger food.
(CJ drops his weight.)
Boyard: HA! HA! YOU LOST!
CJ: F*** you! Racist ass wipe.
Boyard: I am not racist. Go on. Clear off.
(CJ exits the council.)
Challenge 7: Running water.
The chosen team member must run across the treadmill, grabbing the buckets of water above them.
Then, they must tip the water into the water deposit which will raise the key.
Once enough water is in the container, the key will become available to grab.
28:12 remaining.
Chris: Alright Claude, this is a fast-paced challenge this one. You have to think fast and stay dry if you can.
Michael: Hopefully, you don't drown.
Chris: (Laughs sarcastically.) Just don't screw it up and worry about the challenge. You have two minutes to complete it. Jacque, THE DOOR!
(2:00)
Chris: CJ. How did it go?
CJ: Master had me hold a dead weight over a wire and made me lose.
Chris: Both weights are the same. It was too strong for you.
Michael: Come on Claude. It's only a slippery conveyor.
(Claude slips and falls over the tripwire.)
Chris: Oh no. Get back on the belt.
(1:00)
Trevor: Get a move on or I'm cut your arm off you generic goon.
Chris: Violence will get us nowhere.
Trevor: Then why did Rouge say that Boyard was going to rip our balls off?
Chris: I DON'T KNOW!
(The key becomes available.)
(0:20)
Chris: WAIT! GRAB THE KEY! COME ON!
(The 10 second alarm goes off.)
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
5…
4…
Chris: IT'S GOING TO COME DOWN TO THE BUZZER!
3…
2…
1…
(Claude manages to escape.)
Chris: HOLY SHIT! You made it. We now have… 6 KEYS!
6 Keys of 7.
(Monique strikes the gong.)
Chris: AHHHH! The gong has gone meaning, it's the end of phase one, we have 25 minutes until the Treasure Chamber opens, and we only have 6 Keys. That is 1 Key short of opening the gate and we have to bust Franklin out, let's head to the judgement hall to sort this out.
Chapter 5: Judgement hall.
Chris: Come on in guys, this is the Judgement hall, you are about to meet Rouge's good sided twin sister Blanche in this segment. You must nominate a member of your team to go into the Judgement hall. Once someone goes in, a key will be deposited, and that team member performs a Judgement task. Pass the task, and that team member stays on the team. Fail, and Mr Boo will take that team member to jail for the whole of Phase 2 and will not come back until the Treasure Chamber. Afterwards Franklin will face a judgement task of his own to re-join the team. Who is going in first?
Michael: I think CJ is going in.
Chris: OK CJ, good luck. In you go.
(CJ enters the hall as the sixth key appears.)
Chris: With CJ's sacrifice, we now have… 7 KEYS!
7 keys of 7. Treasure Chamber unlocked.
Chris: Let's see how CJ gets on.
(CJ walks in and sees Blanche on the glass throne holding a white corn snake.)
Blanche: Hello CJ.
CJ: Hi snake charmer lady.
Blanche: I've had the snake for a while now. I used to be shit scared of them, but not anymore.
CJ: Thank god otherwise, you wouldn't be holding one right now.
Blanche: Now you have a choice of what type of judgement task you would like. Either a skill task or a luck task. Which one would you like?
CJ: I'm going to go for skill.
Blanche: Very well, you must use the straw to carry three out of five balls from one side of the box to the other via sucking out of the straw. Dropping three will result in imprisonment. You may begin.
(CJ transfers the first one successfully but drops the second one.)
Blanche: You still have two lives left.
(CJ successfully transfers the next two to win the task.)
Blanche: Congratulation CJ, you have completed your judgement task. You are free to go.
CJ: Thank you very much.
(CJ exits the hall.)
Chris: Here he comes. Welcome back, CJ.
(The group celebrates.)
Chris: Don't celebrate yet, we have the 7 Keys, but we need to bust Franklin out or he will miss Phase 2. Let's see how he gets on.
(Back in the Judgement hall.)
Blanche: Please bring Franklin in.
(Mr Boo puts Franklin into the spot.)
Blanche: Welcome Franklin.
Franklin: Your room looks like an isolation tank.
Blanche: I tend to stay isolated from others. (Whispers.) They may be too terrified of snakes.
Franklin: If you say so.
Blanche: Which task type would you like to go for? Luck or skill?
Franklin: I'll choose luck.
Blanche: Hopefully, you like playing Roulette because, you need to guess the correct colour to earn your freedom.
Franklin: I'll choose Blue please.
Blanche: Then, release the ball and wait 20 seconds for the wheel to stop.
(Franklin releases the ball.)
Franklin: Come on. Land on Blue.
(The ball lands on Blue.)
Blanche: Congratulations Franklin, you have earned the right to re-join your team. You are free to leave.
(Franklin leaves the hall.)
Chris: AAAAAANNNNDDDDDDDDD, HE'S BACK!
Michael: F***ING A! Welcome back kid.
(A buzzer goes off.)
Chris: Whoa! Hold on. We've got a transmission.
(Boyard appears on the screen.)
Boyard: So, you have the seven Keys needed for the Treasure Chamber. Keys aren't good enough as you now need to retrieve Clue Words to help you figure out the password to release the gold. They are won in a series of adventures that will test you on your worst fears. Remember, the password comes before or after a Clue word.
(The monitor turns off.)
Chris: Okay, like Boyard said, those adventures will test you on your worst fears. But I have a special weapon. This is a Joker; this can be used to buy your way out of an adventure. You can only use it once and once used; someone must take your place.
Michael: It's OK. We will just ace those challenges with ease.
Chris: I hope so. Let's get it on as Mills lane would say.
(Monique strikes the gong.)
25:00 remaining.
Chapter 6: Phase 2.
Adventure 1: Searching head.
The chosen team member will have 3 minutes to go through the compartments and read out some sums which will lead to the passcode.
The compartments contain different surprises such as mealworms, flies, rats, lizards, and pigeons.
The chosen team member will only be able to use their head literally for this one.
The chosen team member will have been blindfolded and would have to wait until Chris throws a switch to start the timer and begin the journey.
23:56 remaining.
Chris: OK, you guys wait outside whilst I speak to Michael. And P.S. Franklin I need you to follow Jules as soon as he starts the timer when I throw the switch.
(Inside the room.)
Michael: Don't tell me I'm about to become Sushi on a belt.
Chris: If you were Sushi, the Bearded dragons would think you were a spicy tuna roll. Now remember, shout out the sums. You will start on 1000 and you shout the next equation to your teammates. Don't go until I pull the switch. I'll remove the blindfolds and put some goggles on you. Ready?
Michael: F*** yeah. I'm ready.
Chris: Enjoy your journey because your time starts… NOW!
(The lights go out as Chris pulls the switch.)
(3:00)
Trevor: Don't go in a snail's pace this time.
(Michael enters the first compartment full of Beaded dragons.)
Michael: Okay, times the thousand by three.
Chris: Move on to the next one.
(2:30)
(Michael enters the second compartment containing Pigeons.)
Chris: Remember a couple of weeks ago, Fluttershy took too long to complete this adventure so pick up the pace please.
Michael: Add 777 to the three thousand.
Chris: Okay, we've got that. Move on.
(1:45)
(Michael enters the third compartment telling her to pull down on a string and release some Mealworms.)
Michael: Minus 5.
Chris: Head to the final compartment. You have 90 seconds left.
(Michael enters the final compartment containing a swarm of Flies.)
Michael: Times by 2.
Chris: That makes the code Type it in.
(Trevor types in the code to open the safe.)
Chris: YES! We now have… 1 CLUE WORD.
1 Clue word retrieved.
Chris: For the viewers at home, here is the first Clue word.
The Clue word is… CONTROL.
Chris: A member of the production team will get you out shortly. (To the team.) Let's see what's up with Franklin.
21:40 remaining.
Boyard: NO! That's not fair. I should have put in an extra compartment.
Adventure 2: Human bell.
The team must use all their strength to pull down a rope which swings the chosen team member until they get the right momentum to grab the canister containing the four-digit passcode to the safe.
Inside the safe, is the Clue word.
If the safe is not opened after two minutes, the safe will explode and the Clue word will be gone.
20:19 remaining.
Chris: How are you doing Franklin?
Franklin: Trying not to be diagnosed with vertigo. That's how I'm doing.
Chris: If you are feeling uneasy, the team will decide if you should stop.
Franklin: Just don't muck it up guys.
Chris: Then your time starts… NOW!
(2:00)
Claude: Come on. We have to put our backs into it.
Chris: Welcome back Michael. Help the others out with the rope.
Michael: Don't throw up kid. It's less sickly than eating Grubs.
(1:00)
Chris: He's almost got it. He needs to reach out on the right momentum.
(The challenge goes to slow motion as Franklin grabs the cannister.)
Chris: YES! Alright Franklin, you need the read the pass code to the safe. Don't drop the paper.
Franklin: It's .
Chris: Okay, type it in quick.
(Trevor types in the passcode to open the safe.)
Chris: YES! We now have… 2 CLUE WORDS!
2 Clue words retrieved.
Chris: For those of you watching at home, here is the second Clue word.
The Clue word is… TELEVISION.
Chris: Great job Franklin, let's move on to the next adventure.
17:57 remaining.
Boyard: NO! I was looking forward to seeing Franklin throw up then.
Adventure 3: Dark descent.
The chosen team member will have two and a half minutes to crawl down a Perspex tube inside a dark room and into a rat's nest.
Once inside, they must find the Clue word cannister attached to a red ball.
Once they find the ball or if the alarm starts blaring, they must crawl back up the tube and out safely before they are locked in.
Because climbing up the tube will be difficult, the alarm will go at 30 seconds instead of 10 seconds.
17:08 remaining.
Chris: Okay Trevor, I need you to follow Jules for the next adventure. CJ, as soon as you enter the tube, your time will begin. So up the ladder you go.
Claude: Good luck kiddo.
Chris: Your time has started.
(2:30)
CJ: Smells like somebody died in here.
Chris: That's probably the rats.
(Franklin returns to the team.)
Chris: Welcome back Franklin.
(2:00)
CJ: I'm in the rat's nest, let me know when I'm close to finding the ball.
Franklin: It's on your right.
CJ: I don't remember it being fluffy.
Chris: THAT'S A RAT YOU IDIOT!
Niko: The corner to your left.
CJ: Is this the one?
Chris: YES! Now get out of there or you are a jailbird!
(1:00)
Franklin: Keep hold of the grip holes to help go up.
(The alarm starts blaring.)
Chris: COME ON HURRY UP! YOU HAVE LESS THAN 30 SECONDS LEFT!
(CJ makes it out in time.)
Chris: That was close. We now have… 3 CLUE WORDS!
3 Clue words retrieved.
Chris: For the viewers at home, here is the third Clue word.
The Clue word is… LOCATION.
Chris: Let's see what Boyard has done with Trevor.
14:55 remaining.
Boyard: I'm surprised they haven't used the Joker yet. It's normally used at that time.
Adventure 4: Human catapult.
The chosen participant will be attached to two bungee cords and must try to muster up the courage to jump off the platform.
Once off the platform, the team member will swing to the other side and try to grab the cannister.
Once grabbed, the team will have 30 seconds to get the safe open.
If either the 30 seconds run out, the participant fails to grab the cannister or if the participant doesn't jump at all, the safe will explode.
13:34 remaining.
Chris: How are you doing Trevor?
Trevor: I've jumped from higher places.
Chris: You know how this goes. Once Antoine says it's OK to jump, you can go in your own time.
(Antoine gives the thumbs up.)
Chris: Wish him luck guys. (To Trevor.) Go in your own time.
Michael: Come on T. Don't bullshit us.
(Trevor leaps off.)
Trevor: YOU MOTHERF***ERS!
(The picture cuts to slow motion as Trevor grabs the cannister.)
Chris: YES! Get ready to read the passcode Trevor as your time starts… NOW!
(0:30)
Trevor: I'm having trouble with the cannister.
Michael: Just twist the top off!
(The alarm sounds.)
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
Trevor: The code is
5…
4…
3…
Chris: QUICK! TYPE IT IN!
2…
1…
0…
(The safe explodes.)
Chris: NO! NO! NO!
(Chris bursts into tears as if that was his last chance.)
Chris: This is all your fault Boyard. Do you hear me? It's YOUR FAULT!
(Chris throws the safe down to the floor.)
Niko: At least he jumped.
Chris: Our production crew will get you down after the bungee swing settles. (To the team.) Come on guys, we gotta move on.
11:24 remaining.
Boyard: It's not my fault you couldn't get the safe open. It's Trevor's fault that he was having trouble with the cannister. HA! HA! HA!
Adventure 5: Spiders and scorpions.
The chosen team member will have 2 and a half minutes to look for the passcode to the safe.
One half is on the front of one of the Tarantulas in the room. Whilst the other half is on the claw of one of the Scorpions inside the chest.
The room will plunge into darkness if the time expires and the safe explodes.
11:12 remaining.
Chris: Claude, you will be doing this one. Have you ever handled these kind of creatures before?
Claude: No because of how dangerous they are.
Chris: You still have the Joker which is good news.
Claude: Good idea. I'm using it.
Joker activated.
Chris: Who would you like to use it on?
Claude: I'm using it on Niko.
Chris: Good luck Niko, time starts when you enter the chamber.
(Niko enters the hallway to the chamber.)
Chris: Welcome back Trevor. (To Niko.) Are you ready?
Niko: No, I'm ready to rumble. Yes, I'm ready to enter.
Chris: Good luck because your time starts… NOW!
(Niko enters the room as Chris starts the timer.)
(2:30)
Michael: Deal with the spiders first, we can't type the second half before the first or else it explodes.
Niko: You really think I'm stupid?
Chris: I almost forgot. CJ, please follow Jules to the next adventure.
(2:00)
Niko: Got the first half.
Chris: Can you read it out to us?
Niko: I'll read the full thing out when I've got the second half. Right now, I've got to deal with these scorpions.
(Niko opens the chest full of scorpions.)
Claude: Be careful. Once you are stung, it will scar you for life.
(1:00)
Niko: Got it! The code is
Chris: Type it in. WITHOUT FUMBLING THIS TIME!
(The team opens the safe whilst Niko exits the room.)
Chris: YES! We now have… 4 CLUE WORDS!
4 Clue words retrieved.
Chris: Here is the fourth Clue word on your screen now.
The Clue word is… ISLAND
Chris: I think we have time for one more adventure. Let's go.
06:07 remaining.
Adventure 6: Blast off!
The chosen participant will have been attached to two bungee cords and ready to be launched into the air.
Another team member will be handed an axe and will use it to launch that team member off.
Once in the air, the team member attached to the cords will read out the final Clue word.
05:41 remaining.
Chris: CJ, remember to keep your eyes open for this one.
CJ: Well where's the cannister?
Chris: No cannister for this one. You just need to see the word on the blackboard. Since we are running short of time, the word will be on the blackboard instead of the passcode.
Trevor: Come on. At least you are getting launched instead of being forced off a plank.
Chris: Franklin, you are on axe duty. Grab the axe and use it to cut the rope. F*** off and make it happen.
(Franklin swings the axe, but Chris stops him.)
Chris: WAIT! Are you 100% ready CJ?
CJ: Just do it!
Chris: Very well then. Off you go Franklin.
(Franklin cuts the rope. Sending CJ flying in the process.)
CJ: TOY! THE WORD IS TOY!
Chris: OK. So, we know the fifth Clue word. We will open the other four at the Treasure Chamber. Since no one is in prison, your final Treasure Chamber time is 3 minutes. And that is where we are going. Let's head… TO THE TREASURE CHAMBER!
Chapter 7: Treasure chamber.
Boyard: It's time. Prepare to lose Chris.
Chris: All right, get the keys in. We don't have long. As soon as I pull the lever, the gate will start to open, and the clock will begin. You open the Clue Words and if you're still stumped after that, sacrifice a team member by locking them in Tiger heads to get another Clue Word. Once you've got it, head inside and spell the word out correctly on the floor. If it's right the gold will be released, if not, the gate will start to close.
Michael: I think we've got a good chance with this challenge.
Chris: Monique, put the tigers away.
(The tigers are put in the cages.)
Chris: Good luck, your Treasure Chamber time starts… NOW!
(Chris pulls the lever to open the gate.)
(3:00)
Michael: TELEVISION.
Trevor: TOY & TELEVISION. That's REMOTE.
Niko: We've got CONTROL & LOCATION.
Claude: ISLAND. It's REMOTE! FINAL ANSWER!
(2:30)
Chris: Gate's open. In you go.
R-E-M-O-T-E
Chris: Let's see if you are right. MONIQUE, TURN THE TIGER'S HEAD IF YOU PLEASE?!
(Monique turns the head… to release the gold.)
Chris: YES! GRAB AS MUCH AS YOU CAN! YOU HAVE AROUND 2 MINUTES!
Michael: HAHA! F***ING A!
(2:00)
Trevor: Let's f***ing go! Come on!
(Claude almost falls over. Resulting in him dropping the gold.)
Chris: ANY LEFT ON THE FLOOR WON'T COUNT SO PICK IT UP!
(1:00)
Chris: ONE-MINUTE! REMEMBER, WHEN THERE'S 30 SECONDS LEFT, THE GATES GONNA START TO CLOSE!
(0:30)
(The gate starts closing causing Chris to ring the bell.)
Chris: SHIT! GET OUT NOW! THE GATE IS CLOSING! GET OUT WHILST YOU STILL CAN!
(0:10)
Chris: WOW! That was awesome.
Michael: OH YEAH! WE DID IT BABY! WE DID IT!
Chris: The password was indeed REMOTE. And the Clues were… TELEVISION as in TELEVISION REMOTE. CONTROL as in REMOTE CONTROL. ISLAND as in REMOTE ISLAND. LOCATION as in REMOTE LOCATION. And TOY as in TOY REMOTE.
Claude: Now the exploding safe makes sense.
Chris: OK, Let's weigh in your winnings.
The total is… $10,500
Chris: Ten thousand and five hundred dollars. That is what you are donating to the Los Santos fire department. Have you had a good time?
Michael: It's been one of the most exiting scores ever. At least we aren't getting chased by police this time.
Chris: HA! HA! HA! You've been brilliant. Thank you for playing. (To the camera.) And thank you for watching as I leave you now with the words of John Kramer. "Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore." See ya!
(Chris runs off as the camera pans up.)
Boyard: And you should be grateful that I am letting you leave the fort. Rouge isn't kidding. One day, I will feed you to my tigers and you will regret f***ing with me.
16/11/20