"It's still wrong," Kurt says, pacing back and forth on the stage, cape flowing out behind him.
"I thought it was fantastic," Chandler says from his seat in the audience.
"It's just not... it's missing something. I don't know."
"Like what?" Chandler asks.
"I don't know." Kurt stops pacing and sighs, looking around at the prop-filled stage. "Is it too much? I think it's too much."
Chandler doesn't say anything, just watches as Kurt walks around the stage again. It's one of the things he appreciates most about the other boy; Chandler sure can talk when he wants to, but he's also a great listener, and he always seems to know when Kurt needs feedback, and when Kurt just needs a sounding board for his ideas.
"I think it's the song," Kurt decides. "It's too overdone. I need something different. With more energy."
"Didn't you choose this because you know it by heart?" Chandler isn't incredulous, just curious.
"Yes, but I think that's the problem. I'm too comfortable with it. I need to step out of my comfort zone, do something... I wouldn't normally do."
"Are you sure you should switch your song? Your audition is coming up really soon."
Kurt hops down off the stage, takes a seat next to Chandler in the audience, but keeps his eyes trained on the stage as he speaks. "I'm sure. Anyone can do Phantom. But I need to show Carmen Tibideaux that I'm not just anyone. I'm not just some boy next door type, I'm– wait, that's it."
It's perfect. It's not a song he would ever think to choose for himself, but that's why it's perfect. It's high energy and not overdone and it's perfect.
"What's it?" Chandler asks, confused as Kurt springs to his feet.
"Not the boy next door. That's the song," Kurt turns to look down at Chandler excitedly, "I need gold lamé. Come on."
As he races out of the auditorium and to the parking lot, Chandler trailing behind him, he makes a list in his head of all the things he needs to get ready for his audition next week. He needs to make the pants, but he can pick away at those in the evenings at home. He'll wear a simple black dress shirt; the pants will be flashy enough. Then it's rehearsing the routine. It's not too complicated, and if he spends the weekend practicing, he's pretty sure he can get it. He'll ask Mercedes, Tina, and Brittany to dance back-up for him, he's sure they'll say yes, and he'll have to get the sheet music for Brad – they should stop at the sheet music store after their trip to the fabric store.
It's been a whirlwind of a week. He's been working from the moment he wakes up to the moment his head hits the pillow at night. He hasn't even talked to Blaine beyond a few texts; thankfully Blaine has been understanding, he's auditioned for NYADA, he knows how stressful it is. And Sam agreed to video call him so he could watch Kurt's audition. He honestly can't wait for the audition to be over, so he can take a moment to breathe and relax. But now isn't the time for thinking about relaxing. Now is the time for thinking about performing. And he's ready.
"Kurt Hummel," Carmen Tibideaux's voice rings out across the auditorium.
He hadn't told Rachel about his last-minute song change; he knew she would just try to talk him out of it. He loves Rachel, but he also knows that he needs to do this, and he was already pressed for time enough without having to take any extra time to try explaining to her why this was the right decision for him. He takes in a deep breath, and then walks onto the stage, dressed in the full outfit for his original song selection.
"Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel, and I'll be performing Music of The Night from the seminal Phantom of the Opera by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber."
He pauses for a moment, watches as the Dean of Vocal Performance and Song Interpretation writes a note on her paper, looking thoroughly unimpressed, and he knows that even if she doesn't like his new selection, he at least made the right decision to switch things up.
"... Which I bet you hear a lot of. That song."
"That, The Impossible Dream from Man of La Mancha, and Being Alive from Company, yes" she responds, sounding bored.
"It's a safe and standard choice. Which is why I've decided to change things up a bit. Here, in the eleventh hour, I have decided to go in a different direction. Something that's a little out there, but much more me. Not The Boy Next Door from the Peter Allen bio-musical The Boy From Oz."
He can't read her expression now, but she doesn't look unimpressed, and that he can work with. He turns, making his way to his starting position on the stage. "Ladies?" he calls as he turns to face the audience again, and Mercedes, Brittany, and Tina walk out on stage to his left.
He forces himself to keep his eyes off his friends, off even Madame Tibideaux, as Brad and the band play the first few notes of the song. And then he's singing and dancing, running around the stage and with each step he feels even more certain that, yes, this was the right decision. He swears he even sees the hint of a smile on Madame Tibideaux's face as he pulls out of one of his spins. He ends with a high note, front and center, arms reaching for the sky, and stands, catching his breath as he waits to hear what the woman who came all the way from New York has to say.
"You know, Hugh Jackman won a Tony award for playing Peter Allen."
He nods his head quickly, eyes wide, not sure where she's going with this.
"Hugh trained with me the summer I was in residence at the Sydney Opera House. And I am certain he would have been as impressed with what you did with that song as I am. A bold choice young man. I congratulate you for taking such a risk today."
"Thank you," he says, breathless, unable to stop the smile spreading across his face because holy shit did Carmen Tibideaux really just say that to him? He skips off the stage, another quick "thank you" to the Dean as he goes, then does a quick little dance to himself as soon as he's out of sight. He takes in a calming breath, pulls himself together, and then makes his way out to the audience to watch Rachel's audition.
"You were so great" Blaine says through the screen that evening as they, finally, get a chance to talk.
"Thank you! I wasn't sure if I picked the right song. I mean, I knew I did the right thing switching songs, you couldn't see her face but the second I said I was doing Phantom she was not impressed, but it just- I can't believe how well it went." He's speaking so fast, the smile from earlier in the day plastering itself across his face again as he remembers Madame Tibideaux's words.
"Yeah, I... didn't know you decided not to go with Music of the Night. When did that change?"
"Oh," Kurt says, smile fading but only slightly, "I must have forgotten to tell you. Just last week, I was so busy trying to get everything ready in time, I must have forgotten."
"Oh, that's why you were so busy," Blaine says, and he sounds a little... annoyed? Kurt furrow his brow.
"Yeah. I had a lot to do. Chandler was helping me, thank god, because lord knows I couldn't tell Rachel I switched songs the week before, and–"
"Of course he knew," Blaine mutters, scoffing and rolling his eyes.
"Excuse me?" Kurt asks, narrowing his eyes slightly at Blaine. The smile has been completely wiped from his face.
"I'm just sick of him knowing everything before I do."
"He was with me when I had the idea. What do you want me to do, not have ideas unless I'm alone or in the middle of a conversation with you?"
"No, see, there it is again. You're always with him. Why? You have other friends, Kurt, can't they help you with this stuff?"
"Yes," he says slowly, trying to calm himself down before he explodes at Blaine because this is ridiculous and he cannot believe they are still fighting about this, "and they do help me. I'm allowed to have multiple friends, Blaine, and I'm allowed to spend time with them."
"That's not my point and you know it. Don't be so fucking obtuse, Kurt. You can't just replace me with the first gay guy you meet!"
"Well maybe if you didn't move away to New York and leave me here I wouldn't have to!" He knows it's a mistake as soon as the words pass his lips, but it's too late. He doesn't even mean them, he's not replacing Blaine, Chandler could never replace Blaine, but he can't take them back now. He stares at Blaine for what feels like forever, eyes wide as he takes in his boyfriend's expression, tight-lipped and eyes narrowed.
"Blaine, I'm sorry, I didn't-," he stammers, but Blaine cuts him off.
"No, that's it. I'm done."
"Blaine, no, wait, Blaine I'm-," but then Blaine's face disappears, and Kurt is left staring at the blank screen. Shit.
He presses the call button next to Blaine's name. It rings several times, but Blaine doesn't answer. He gets up, walks to his desk where his phone is charging, and taps out a text.
Blaine, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. Call me back.
He hits send, stares at his phone for a few minutes, willing Blaine to answer, but nothing happens.
Please.
He waits a few more minutes.
I love you.
He falls asleep that night with his phone on his pillow, waiting for a text or a call that never comes.
It's a few days before Kurt's phone rings, finally, and Blaine's name flashes across the screen. He's never hit answer faster in his life.
"Blaine, I am so sorry, I didn't mean it, I swear, I could never replace you, god, Blaine, I-"
"I know," Blaine interrupts, voice calm. "I know you didn't mean... I know."
"I'm sorry," Kurt breathes.
"It's... it's okay. Kurt, I..." Blaine starts, but then he trails off.
"What?"
"It's just, um... I'm sorry for hanging up on you, and... ignoring you. I shouldn't have done that."
Kurt lets out a watery laugh, which is ridiculous because this isn't funny, but he's just so relieved to hear Blaine's voice again and to know that Blaine isn't mad. "No, you... I was out of line. I probably deserved it."
"You were, but I just– I could have handled it better."
They're silent for a few moments, the only thing Kurt can hear is Blaine's breathing in his ear, and it's soothing, comforting, like raindrops falling on a tin roof, waves crashing on a sandy shore, Blaine's warm arms wrapped around him, holding him and whispering in his ear that he's never letting Kurt go.
"I missed you," Kurt whispers into the phone.
"I missed you, too," Blaine replies quietly.
"Can we agree to never not talk again?" Kurt asks.
"Yeah. I think we can agree to that."
From there, it's almost a normal conversation. They talk about school, friends – though Kurt is careful not to mention Chandler, and he definitely notices that Sebastian doesn't come up – and Blaine's trip home for Easter the following weekend. Almost normal because something still feels off. He can't quite place it, but there's something Blaine isn't telling him. Something is wrong. Blaine just keeps insisting everything is fine, and eventually Kurt accepts it, because he doesn't want to start another fight, but he can't shake the feeling that something is still wrong. And it's his fault.