Five Years, 11 Months, and 12 Days Later
Today was a very special day. Reid had been greatly looking forward to this day for weeks, hardly able to contain his joy and relief when the team flew home yesterday afternoon. He promised he'd be here for this, and Reid had never broken a promise in half a decade. Not to her.
As delighted as he was, it didn't compare to the eagerness felt by the little girl clutching his hand. Amelia Reid was grinning widely, trekking up the stone steps to the front entrance as fast as he little legs could climb. She was dressed in her favorite red sweater, a black skirt, white tights, and saddle shoes. Her unruly, chocolate brown hair tied back with a matching red bow. She smiled up at the man clasping her tiny hand, her tawny brown eyes looking up to him with all the love and adoration a little girl can feel for her father. She was very delighted to share this with him, unable to talk about anything else for nearly two weeks.
"This way, Daddy!" Amelia cried, pulling Reid through the halls of Roosevelt Elementary School. For such a little girl, she was rather strong and Reid had to be careful not to run into the other parents who were roaming the halls.
"Slow down!" Reid said with a laugh as they rounded the corner and down a small flight of stairs. They reached the bottom, spotting on one set of doors at the end of the hall. One stood open, welcoming students and parents alike. The other held a colorful sign that said Miss Binacci's Kindergarten Class. They were in the right place.
It wasn't a typical class room, combining an environment of both education and imagination. Desks were off in one corner near a chalkboard, another with long tables ready for art projects or snack time, even a wide open space to help little bodies burn off everlasting energy with dancing and jumping. He could see why his daughter loved school, every day bringing a new chance for adventure.
The kindergarten was crowded. With a class of 20 kids and almost 2 parents a piece, it felt almost claustrophobic. The other parents were busy looking around at the decorations hung about the room for just this occasion, others were mingling and chatting while kids ran around. Reid allowed the little girl to lead him through the room, obviously having a destination in mind.
She took him around to the back where compartments were set up for the children's storage. "See!" she cried, showing him to one at the end. "This is my cubby! This is my hook! And this is my name, see, Daddy!" She pointed to the pink and purple name tag taped to the top. No doubt she drew it herself.
"I see!" Reid said, smiling. It was so cute how honored she was. "It's very pretty, Sweetheart."
"Do you like it?" She asked, her eyes sparkling, beaming with pride.
"I love it!" Reid leaned down to kiss the top of her head.
She was so happy at his approval. "You have to see the bunny! His name is George and he's got brown fur and big ears and little feet and long fur on his head that sticks up!" Amelia demonstrated by pulling a few of her own wavy strands up.
Reid gave a laugh. "I can't wait to see him!"
"Come on!" She cried, grabbing his hand again, leading him back through the kindergarten.
On their way to meeting George the Bunny, Reid was stopped by the call of his name. "Spencer!"
He managed to tug Amelia to a stop, looking around for the caller and saw a familiar face. "Daniel, hi!"
A man about ten years young than Reid was walking through the crowd, holding hands with another little girl, her long blonde hair tied back in two braids. Amelia immediately forgot about the class pet and gasped at the sight of her friend.
Reid didn't know most of the parents of the other students; his work hadn't allowed him to be as involved with the activities of the classroom as he would have liked. But, he did know Daniel, having met him a month and a half ago on the girls' first day of kindergarten.
"I'm glad you made it." Daniel said, delighted. He'd been informed on Reid's work with the BAU, and knew he traveled a lot. "Were you away this week?"
"Sacramento," Reid said. He'd spare him the details on the child murder case he and the team had worked on. It was hard enough for Reid to process it, certainly not something for a veterinarian to hear. "We flew home yesterday afternoon."
"Just in time," Daniel noted. "Pamela managed to get an earlier flight, too. You haven't met her yet, huh?"
He waved over to someone in the crowd and a woman with dark hair came to them. Katlynn was excited, tugging on her sleeve as soon as she was in reach.
"Mommy, this is Amelia!" She cried, excited.
She gasped, "This is Amelia? Well, hello, Amelia!"
"Hi!" Amelia exclaimed. It always amazed Reid how easily his daughter took to new people. She hadn't an ounce of inhibition. It worried him sometimes. In his line of work, it was hard not to fear who she could encounter when he was standing by her side.
"Katlynn has told me so much about you!" Pamela smiled. "She says you like to play Chutes and Ladders together and you always help each other pick out books in the library."
"Yup!" She said. Amelia loved the library more than any other weekly activity.
"Hey, I think I saw some cookies and juice over there." Daniel said, indicating the refreshment table. "How about you girls go get some?"
"Okay," Katlynn cried and the two girls hurried off to grab a snack, leaving the adults alone.
Daniel indicated Reid, "Pam, this is Amelia's father, Spencer."
"Oh, it's nice to finally meet you!" Pamela said, offering her hand.
Reid gave a pleasant wave, explaining. "I don't really like to shake hands. The amount of germs passed during a handshake is staggering."
Pamela gave a light chuckle, "Hey, I'm a doctor. You don't have to tell me."
A young woman no older than 23 began to call for attention, quieting the crowd. "If everyone could listen up, we're ready to get started."
Conversations quieted down, everyone turning to listen. Reid took a quick glance to check on Amelia, spotting her with her friend and her chocolate chip cookies before following suit.
"My name is Miss Flora, I'm one of the teacher aides here. First, I'd like to say on behalf and Miss Binacci and the other aides, welcome to Parents' Night. I'm glad so many parents were able to make it! It's always a joy to see parents so involved in their children's education. We have a few things planned for tonight, the kids have put together a nice presentation and some projects, but first we'd like to take a little time to sit down with everyone privately and just give an update on the progress each student is making. We'll be starting alphabetically, and in the meantime there are refreshments and you can take some time getting acquainted. If you have any other questions or needs, you can speak to me or the other teacher aides who will be circling around."
The crowd began to mingle again as the parents of Leonard Abrams was called into the office. It would be awhile before they got to the R's.
Daniel offered to get them something to drink, leaving the two alone. Reid and Pamela watched their two daughters laugh and talking, making up come sort of game with the caps from their juice drinks.
Reid was never good at chit chat, but he assumed he should probably make conversation with the mother of his daughter's best friend. "Are you home for a while?"
"Until the spring, at least." Pamela said, pleased. "I'm glad to be home with my little girl."
"I can understand." Reid said with a sad smile. Even being away a few days a week was rough on him. Thanks to meticulous planning and a very capable nanny he'd done extensive research on, he knew all Amelia's needs were being met when he was away, but it didn't make him feel any better. He liked to do it himself.
"For the last six weeks, every time I called my daughter, it's been nothing but 'Amelia this' and 'Amelia that'." Pamela said with a laugh.
That pleased Reid, "Yeah, Amelia talks a lot about Katlynn, too. Among my friends' kids, she's the only girl, so I'm glad she's found a female friend."
Pamela took a deep breath. "I can't tell you how grateful we are she's found Amelia. Katlynn's always been so shy; Dan and I have been struggling to help her come out of her shell. Since she's met Amelia, she's really blossomed. Dan said when they met, he'd never seen such kindness in a child. You should be very proud."
That touched Reid's heart in a way he could never describe. "I wish I could take credit for that, but I can't." He said, watching his little girl in awe. "That's just who she is. Who she's always been."
…
About a half hour later, Reid and Amelia were sitting at one of tables, sharing cookies and juice with Katlynn and her parents. The office opened allowing another mother and father out, and Miss Flora checked her list. "Amelia Reid."
"Right here," Reid cried, turning to his daughter. "Okay, I have to go talk to your teacher, so I need you stay right here with Katlynn and her mom and dad, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy!" Amelia cried.
He brushed a hand down her hair lovingly before heading into the office. The aid closed the door behind him, shutting out the noise so as to give them privacy.
Reid was surprised to see another woman in the room by the teacher's desk, dressed very professionally. Miss Binacci led him over, introducing them. "This is Dr. Stephens, our school psychologist. This is Amelia Reid's father, Dr. Spencer Reid."
"Oh," Dr. Stephens said, impressed. "Nice to meet you. What do you specialize in, Doctor?"
"Uh, human behavior, mostly." Reid said.
"Dr. Reid works for the FBI," Miss Binacci explained as she took a seat.
"How exciting." Dr. Stephens stated.
"That's… not exactly how I'd describe it." Reid said, and settled into his seat. "Um, is there a problem I should know about, if the school psychologist is here?"
"No, no," the teacher assured. "Dr. Stephens observes the students and sits down to talk with them at various times of the year. She helps with lesson plans and evaluation when it comes time to transition to first grade. I like to have her present with parent/teacher conferences."
"I see," Reid said, nervous. Psychology and those in the field always made him nervous, ever since he was a young boy and had to start caring for his mother all on his own.
Miss Binacci opened a new folder and folded her hands in front of her. "First, Dr. Reid, I want to say how much I enjoy having Amelia in my class. She is such a delight."
"Thank you," Reid said, smiling. "She's doing well, then?"
The teacher assured him, "She's doing very well. Amelia is in our Red Group, which is our most advanced group of students. She's excelling in reading and math. Here are some of her assignments." She handed him a small stack of workbook pages, all labeled with stickers and phrases of praise. "She's struggling a little bit in handwriting, but we're confident she'll improve before the end of the year. I would encourage you to maybe buy some activity books and work on that with her at home for more practice."
"I can do that," Reid nodded.
"She does very well with participation and socialization. Amelia is a social butterfly, she gets along with every student in the class. She's always one of the first hands raised to answer questions, and she loves to talk. Sometimes a little too much, I've had to address her a few times for talking in class."
He couldn't help but chuckle, "I'll talk to her about that."
The teacher grinned. "All and all, she's doing quite well. It's too early in the year to say definitively, but I'd say she's on the right track for the first grade."
"That's great." He said with a relieved sigh. "Is that all?"
"Well, Dr. Stephens had some things she wanted to say." Miss Binacci explained. "I'll let her have the floor."
He turned his attention to the psychologist, dreading what she might have to say. If Amelia was doing so well, why would a psychologist be concerned?
"Thank you," Dr. Stephens said. "I want to assure you, Dr. Reid, that I agree fully with Miss Binacci. Amelia is a delightful and happy child, I have no concerns about her health or home life."
Reid nodded, "That's good to know."
"However, I do have some alarm about the next phase of her life, and I wanted to touch base with you on that. Miss Binacci tells me you're a single parent."
He did not like where this was going. "I am. I have a lot of support from my family, though."
"That's good." Dr. Stephens said, though it sounded like it wasn't good at all. "I don't want to overstep my bounds, but I would like to ask about… Amelia's mother. In the time I've spent with her, Amelia's never mentioned her. Is she still in the picture?"
Reid felt a bitter feeling in the pit of his stomach, as always when dealing with that particular person. It had taken a long time not to be haunted by her every single day, not see her malevolent sneer when looking at his daughter's angelic smile.
"Amelia's mother has had no contact with her since the day she was born." Reid stated plainly. "She is not allowed to be involved in my daughter's life, and Amelia is better off without her."
"I understand," She clicked her pen and flipped open her file, noting something Reid couldn't see from this angle. It agitated him. "Every family is different, but I do have some concerns on that matter. Amelia is coming to an age where she's beginning to notice differences between herself and her peers. Usually, they're smaller details, so one as big as a missing parent – particularly the maternal figure– could raise some questions. And if she doesn't get clear answers, or at least ones that make sense to her, it could have some drastic consequences in both her academic life and sense of wellbeing."
Reid had no idea how to respond to that. He couldn't bring himself to explain about Amelia's mother to a trained psychologist, let alone his 5 year old daughter. A little girl who knew nothing of hate and evil; two synonyms that perfectly described the very woman that gave birth to her.
"I'm not saying you need to discuss this with her immediately." Dr. Stephens assured. "In fact, I would recommend you wait until Amelia breeches the subject. I just wanted to prepare you so you can have the answers ready for when she does ask." She paused, folding the file closed. "Because she will ask."
Reid had nothing to say, simply nodding. Miss Binacci tried to ease the tension by continuing to praise his daughter, but he barely heard her. He said quick goodbyes and allowed the teacher to lead him to the door, ready for the next parents and the next discussion.
Her laugh was the first thing he heard as he returned to the main room. Amelia was just where he'd left her, chatting and giggling with Katlynn and her family. He just stood back and watched her for a moment, wanting to burn a moment like this into his mind. Because despite his eidetic memory, it never seemed to do her justice. He could never perfectly capture these moments of her in his mind, so innocent and happy. He loved watching her grow, but times like this, he wished he could keep her this way forever.
…
Later that evening, Amelia was dressed in her footed pajamas, her long hair loose and brushed down her back. She was vigorously brushing her teeth with bubble gum toothpaste, pink spittle covering her chin.
She grabbed her plastic cup of water, calling down the hall. "Daddy, I'm ready!"
Reid hurried in as she took a sip. Carefully, he lifted her to the sink, letting her rinse all the remaining toothpaste. He smiled at her in the mirror, "Good job."
He grabbed a towel to wipe up her face, making her laugh when he smothered her just a little too much. "Come on, sweetheart, time to go to sleep."
"I don't wanna!" She complained.
"I know you don't wanna!" He teased, "But it's past your bedtime, and you need your sleep."
"Why?" She asked.
Reid pulled her to him, lifting her into his arms as he began to explain. "Because sleep is very important so you can stay healthy. It lets your body rest and your brain to clean out toxins so it can keep working."
"What are talks-ins?" She wondered as they made it to her bedroom.
"Uh…" He thought how best to explain this. "It's sort of like… gunk."
"Ew!" she cried. "I have gunk in my brain?"
Reid laughed, "Kind of. If you have too much of that in there, you can't think and if you can't think, you can't learn."
He carefully laid her in the turned down trundle bed. "You're so smart, Daddy. You know everything."
"No," he stooped down to the side of the bed. "I don't know everything, but that's okay, because I can still keep learning. I like to learn, and your teacher tells me you like to learn, too. She told me you're doing very well in school."
"Really?" She said, beaming.
He started to pull the covers over her, tucking her in. "Yep, but she said you have to control your talking in class."
Pouting a bit, she replied, "I don't talk that much."
"You shouldn't talk at all, unless you're supposed to." He said, grabbing her favorite raggedy mouse that had somehow wound up under the bed from the previous night. "If you're talking, you might miss out on something really important."
"Like recess?" She wondered.
Ah, the mind of a child. Life could boil down to simplest explanations. "Even more important than that. Just promise me you'll try to be a little more quiet when the teacher's talking, okay?"
She took the offered stuffed toy from him, clutching it close to her. "I'll try."
He smiled, brushing her cheek. "Good. I'm very proud of how well you're doing in school."
"I like school." Amelia said with a toothy grin.
"I know you do." Reid said with a smile. "Now it's time to go to sleep."
"But I'm not sleepy," was her argument, her heavy eyelids betraying her.
"Well, just close your eyes and think about all the fun things we're going to do tomorrow." He said. "Maybe you might fall asleep."
She grumbled a bit. "Okay."
"Okay," he repeated. "You know, Amelia, I love you very much."
"I love you, too, Daddy." She said with a tired smile.
He reached over to give her a kiss. "Goodnight, my little mouse."
"G'night! Don't forget the nightlight!"
"How could I forget the nightlight?" He teased. Reid switched on her star lamp on the dresser. When he flipped the ceiling light, the room was bathed in a soft glow of stars, all the colors of the rainbow. He watched as she snuggled down into her covers, clutching her mouse close to her. It was only a moment before she'd fallen asleep, much more tired than she had believed.
Reid could have stayed here and watched her all night long. He never thought he'd be here. Years ago, Reid had hoped maybe one day he would be a father, and had given up that dream when he lost Maeve. And yes, when the truth came out that the baby was actually his, Reid hadn't wanted it. He wasn't even sure he could tolerate looking at it; and all his friends at one point or another had assured him there was no shame in giving it up, given the circumstances of her creation. Now… he couldn't image a world that didn't have Amelia in it. She was growing up too fast. Five years, 11 months, and 12 days had just flown by.
Letting her sleep, he all but closed the door, leaving it slightly ajar. He hated to admit it, but the psychologist had been right. Amelia was on the cusp of an age where she'd begin processing the ways of the world. And as she discovered new things, she would have questions. Many of them, Reid would be all too happy to answer, but others… he'd have to keep from her. Because there were some things he refused to let her know. The older she gets, the harder it will be to keep her in the dark, but no matter what, he knew better. Learning what her mother was, what she was capable of and why Amelia even existed… he'd have to figure out something else to tell her, even if it meant he had to lie. He hated lying to his daughter, but it was for the best. There were some truths that a person was just better off not knowing.