Author's Note: Sometimes, you just have to write something just aggressively stupid. And after watching Volume 8, Chapter 2, I knew what must be done. Also, head's-up, sexytimes.

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"You know, I still kinda ship them."

"Huh?"

Nora swallowed a mouthful of pancakes at her seat at the Atlas Academy mess hall, then fixed her friend Yang with a curious look.

"Them," Yang clarified, gesturing with her cybernetic arm to where Weiss Schnee, the Renegade Princess, and Jaune Arc, the Dork Knight, were standing in line to receive their tray of breakfast food. "I always kinda thought they could work, even back in Beacon. And since we're going to have a day off tomorrow, maybe we could help them...blow off some steam?"

Nora blinked her large, turquoise eyes as she regarded her friends. True, Jauney had had it bad for Weiss back at Beacon, but Weiss had shot him down, repeatedly and hilariously. But, well...Pyrrha. Then everyone went away for a long time, and there was a fight at Haven where poor Weiss would've been extra-murderized if Jaune hadn't pulled a magic healing Semblance out of his butt.

They hadn't really spoken about it since then...but...well, maybe now that Jaune wasn't a big bundle of Sad, he could...maybe...get kisses? Frankly, they both could use some sweet, sweet lovin'. And what kind of friend would Nora be if she didn't help them along?

"So..do you really think that shipping them together would work?"

Yang grinned, pleased that someone else had mischief on the mind. "Sure! I bet that if you were shipping them, it would have a lot of influence on Vomit Boy. I'll get to work on Ice Queen, and we'll see if love is in the air!

Nora canted her head, thinking for a moment. That was a dangerous thing. "Oh, we have the job in Mantle later today, right?"

The blonde blinked, thrown by the abrupt change of subject. "Uh...yeah? Supply escort. Why?"

"Oh, nothing. Leave it all to me."

Nora giggled. This was going to be awesome!

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Nora kept a placid, vaguely happy smile on her face as she and her friends entered into the Mantle Logistics Center. With Atlas being a flying city and all, there were plenty of bulk goods, such as raw materials, that were too inexpensive to be worth cargo space on an airship, but were still too necessary for the city to do without. For such shipments, Atlas simply used powerful pneumatic tubes to eject cargo cartridges into the warehouse district. As these supplies were essential, every once in a while, Huntsmen drew short straws and had to escort them to the Logistics Center.

Weiss explained all of this while the rest of her friends looked bored and Nora tried to keep her excitement from showing on her face.

"So, do you think we could use it to get back to Atlas quickly?"

Weiss contemplated Nora's question as she approached the tube. "Actually, yes. Well, assuming that the person being projected into Atlas had Aura. A normal person would be killed, horribly. But I suppose it would work. We would just lay in the tunnel and press the blue button-"

Jaune was the first to realize the danger in Nora's big, happy smile. He ran to Weiss, hoping to knock her away from her imminent yeeting. "Weiss, wait!"

Bingo.

Nora hit the button.

Weiss had just enough time to shoot a wide-eyed look of absolute horror at Nora before she and Jaune were sucked up into the tube together. Their screams faded into the distance as the powerful vacuum sent them hurtling up, up, and away.

As the screams faded, the rest of Nora's friends all stared at her.

"That was awesome!" Nora began giggling.

Ren just sighed. He knew better than to ask if that had been necessary.

"Why did you do that?!" Ruby demanded.

"Oh, Yang suggested it," answered Nora, her tone light and carefree.

"What?!" the blonde in question protested. "I did not!"

"Yeah, you did. You asked me to help ship them together, remember?"

Silence ruled the Mantle Logistics Center once more.

Yang's hair burst into flame. "That isn't what I friggin' meant!"

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Weiss was, for one, getting rather tired of coming face-to-face with her imminent demise. She clung onto Jaune for dear life, with her arms wrapped around his ribs and legs wrapped around his waist, while his large, powerful arms held her in turn. The pair was hurtling up the pipe at blistering speed, screaming like crazy as they were yanked by an irresistible force.

Her screaming cut off with an abrupt gasp as Weiss realized just how...intimate a position she'd found herself in with a boy. And not just any boy. She was currently wrapped around a boy who had confessed an open attraction to her, repeatedly. A boy who had put aside his own hurt feelings to make sure that her night at the Beacon Dance went as well as it could have, even when he stood to gain nothing from it. A boy who cared about her so much that he had unlocked the mystery of his own soul to save her from certain death.

He was strong, with lean muscle that she could feel with her legs. Her hands couldn't touch each other as his armored chest and shoulders were broad. He even smelled nice, a pleasing mixture of some spiced cologne and the oil that kept his armor in top condition. Weiss hiccuped as she realized just how short the front of her skirt actually was, and how little fabric actually separated her most secret place from him. Even as her terror subsided, her heart began racing for entirely different reasons.

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Gods, Weiss was so small.

When she was chewing you out for being a dolt, or summoning mighty constructs of powerful Grimm to serve at her will, it was easy to forget just how absolutely tiny the girl really was.

Jaune's screaming faltered and fell away as it hit him that, at long last, he had Weiss friggin' Schnee in his arms.

She clung to him with both her arms and her legs. For once, Jaune cursed his armor as it kept him from feeling her chest pressed up against his. Her own screams fell away as she gave just the most adorable hiccup he'd ever heard. He made the mistake of glancing down.

Weiss wasn't wearing a bra, and from his vantage point, Jaune could see a hell of a lot of her chest.

Her breasts were small, with smooth, flawless skin that practically glowed. They were ever-so slightly squashed against his armored chest, but his mind ran wild imagining the rosy pink nipples that were hidden from view.

Uh-oh.

He was a healthy young man. A healthy young man with a beautiful young woman in his arms.

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"Jaune," Weiss gasped. "Your sword is poking me."

She looked down.

It wasn't his sword.

"Jaune!" she shouted, her face burning with a deep blush. It was his...his...his boy thing! And it was pressing up against her lady places! Only his denim jeans and her flimsy undergarments separated the two. Even through his pants, she could feel how hard he was. How hard he was...for her.

What was that bead of moisture on her thigh?

Weiss tried to shift away, only to realize that she was rubbing herself against...it.

"Weiss!" Jaune hissed as she gyrated around. Her rubbing was doing things to him.

She began to pant as she discovered a certain place that made her feel really good when she used her hips to rub against him. Like, really, really good! Weiss clenched her arms and legs around Jaune, holding him close as she began to just dry hump against him.

"Jaune!" Weiss moaned into his ear, which was really not helping with his dude problems. Well, as long as the girl of his dreams was literally dry humping his raging erection, he might as well throw caution to the wind and grab her ass.

Whelp. Weiss Schnee's butt was everything that he'd ever dreamed. It was a magnificent mixture of muscular perkiness and delicious softness in the palm of his hand.

Weiss growled into his ear and began gyrating faster.

"Jaune!"

"Weiss!"

"I'm...I'm…"

Weiss hit a high soprano note. She felt like she was flying as she worked herself to climax against Jaune's erection. She saw stars behind her eyes, and her head was light with euphoria. Then she realized that she was actually flying, as she and Jaune had emerged from the pneumatic pipe, and were currently soaring through the air, directly towards Atlas.

"Uh, Weiss?"

Weiss kept her white-knuckled deathgrip locked around Jaune. "Stay with me," she breathed into his ear. "I'll take care of you."

Jaune remembered a word of advice that one of his sisters had told him. She had explained that there was nothing, nothing in all the world, that was as dumb as a man with an erection. In that moment, with Weiss Schnee having just got herself off against him, of all people, he figured that, well, if he was gonna die, he might as well go out on a high note.

If he survived, he was either going to knock Nora's block off or buy her all the pancakes in Atlas. Possibly both.

A white Schnee glyph opened up before them, and an enormous icy greatsword formed a long ramp down towards the cargo dock at Atlas. Jaune made sure to position himself on the bottom, so that Weiss wouldn't be scraped up as they slid down towards the ground. They hit the ground and rolled, still clinging onto one another, coming to a stop with Weiss on top of Jaune, straddling the knight.

They were breathing heavily as they stared into each other's eyes.

Weiss leaned down and kissed him.

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"Dude, Weiss is gonna ultra-murder you," Yang said, as they stepped off of the Bullhead. "She's gonna murder the shit out of you, and it's going to be hilarious. You know that, right?"

Nora scoffed. "She just needs to roll with it," she said.

The teens reached Team RWBY's dorm room, where Weiss had no doubt retreated after having landed in the floating city. "Just prepare for trouble," Blake warned, as she keyed open the door.

They stood, stock-still, as the door swung open, revealing a nearly-naked Weiss Schnee straddling a very naked Jaune Arc, riding him like a rodeo champion. The two were far too engaged in one another to even notice that they had just acquired an audience.

Nora reached out and closed the door again, beaming happily at her stunned friends. "Nora is victorious on all fronts!" she declared, making a v-symbol with her fingers. "So, that's taken care of. Who wants pancakes?"

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Story Endnotes: I couldn't resist shipping Jaune and Weiss together. Muahaha. Just...yeah, this isn't one to take seriously. At all. I blame hormones.

Love,

Mahina