Disclaimer: I do not own Boku no Hero Academia nor will I ever, there are mentions of rape, abuse, bullying and many others that I honestly cannot think of right now, long story short, probably a lot of warnings.
It's just like me to set out to write a rebirth fic, and come away with one that is vague as hell instead.
First story properly edited and combed over sooooo please review and leave helpful critism.
I learned many things writing this, one being, Google is a man's best friend.
Naiive
1.
When you were alive you felt nothing.
Absolutely nothing changed in death.
You remember being comforted by the warmth around you, like a blanket was always shrouding your form? Or whatever it was you were after death? It was a peaceful existence, one where no hurt or pain could befall you, nothing but bliss and peace were what you felt, it was the norm.
Before it was cruelly pried from your weak grip, you remember the warmth and the comfort it gave you before it was tauntingly pulled away from your grasp.
The first memories you have of the outside world was the biting paincoldcruelmerciless embrace of the air, how it stabbedcutslashedcrushedkilled any sense of warmth you had felt only moments ago.
That should have been the point where you realized this life was going to do nothing but push you to the edge of insanity, to torture you as you were forced to endure.
But you were naiive.
2.
You remember when you first saw That Man.
He looked down at you with nothing in his piercing gaze, before he turned around and left the room without another glance.
3.
The first words he spoke to you held no kindness nor resentment, just nothing.
You were two at the time and had only ever known the cool warmth of the woman who woke you up every morning and made you feel safelovedcaredforhappywarm, a small brush was clasped in your hand as you sloppily applied the ink to the page in front of you, writing down your name with as much grace as a two-year-old could possess, little to none.
You remember him looking at you with those eyes, and then back down to the ink-stained paper sat in front of you, before he scoffed, "pathetic."
4.
You remember the warmth that came with the blue flames that erupted off your hand for the first time.
It wasn't comforting though, no, it hurtandachesandburnedandyouwantedittostopPLEASE.
That was the first and last time That Man ever looked down at you with something akin to pride in his gaze, before it looked down towards your burnt and peeling flesh and a sneer replaced his proud stance, and he looked at you as if you were the most disappointingly disgusting bug he had just wiped off the bottom of his shoe.
"Pathetically useless, not worth much are you?" Those words would forever be burned into your mind, you could not ever forget them no matter how hard you'd try.
5.
You remember the first time it ever happened, you were sitting with the warmthkindcaringniceselflessgracefulpeaceful woman who you called Mother with pride in your voice, you were trying to help her clean, but failing miserably with your clumsy, uncoordinated four-year-old limbs that you kept tripping over.
That Man had stormed into the room with fury in his step before his eyes locked onto the frozen stiff form of your mother, taking large steps he was quick to capture her arm in a crushing grip, that even you winced from, as terror overtook the warm womans face and she began to struggle. That Man did not even flinch as she kicked and scratched at him with all her might before he slammed open the door to his room before you could see no more.
But that did not mean you couldn't hear them.
You heard you mothers pained screams and her cries for him to stopbecausehewasHURTINGHERandtheirsonwasthereandheSHOULDNTHAVETOHEARTHIS.
That Man ignored her, and you heard as he hit her into silence.
That night you didn't sleep as the realization of what kind of home you had been born into came crashing down and threatened to suffocate you.
6.
Nine months later your baby sister was brought into the world with tears of regret and whispered apologizes as she slept soundly in your mother's arms, before eventually the nurse came and tore her away from Mother's safe grasp to put her down.
7.
At six years old you had to watch with ice in your veins as That Man stared down stiffly at your sleeping sisters form with an angry glare, "a girl. Weak."
You were just glad that he had never touched her and that he never would, because your sister didn't deserve that, neither of you did, but you would rather it yourself then her.
It was only later that you realized the implications of those words as you awoke from the loud scream of terror that you knew tore itself out from your mother's throat, and you know that if you had heard it then your preciousdelicateinnocent little baby sister would have too.
You remember wrenching yourself up from the sheets of your bed at that thought, and though you had to hold back your own screams of pain as doing so sent a sharp pain up your burnt body, your flames had sprung up unexpectedly a few hours ago, you ignored it and barreled down your traditional Japanese hallway, slammed open the door to your sister's, Fuyumi's your mind whispered, room before launching yourself at her, clapping your hands around her ears as you buried her tear-soaked face into your chest.
You were glad you had managed to cover her ears, because from that moment on it only got worse and you had to choke down your own sobs and stay strong for your sister or everything would fall apart.
8.
You felt dread when you first saw Natsuo, bundled up in a white blanket as he slept in your thin, wiry arms.
A boy, why did he have to be a boy?
You internally despaired as tears streamed down your checks and hit his face whilst snot clogged your nostrils.
You wondered to yourself later that night, if it was normal for a seven-year-old to feel so exhausted and drained.
Probably not.
9.
When Fuyumi received her quirk, you felt relief like no other, a temperature control quirk, you thought as your eyes filled with tears of happiness and you lifted Fuyumi up into the air with your weakfrailusellesspowerless arms and spun her around before her weight caused you to collapse with her thumping down on your stomach, but you could care less about that.
Because That Man would never touch her with a quirk like that.
You couldn't stop smiling and clutching at your mother's shirt in glee as she giggled along with you for the rest of the week.
10.
Natsuo was released from his training when you were ten after it was discovered he was quirkless.
This time you didn't feel happy or relief, you felt regret.
Because, maybe, maybe if you had never prayed for That Man to never touch him, maybe your brother would have gotten the quirk he deserved, but it was too late for that now, at least now, That Man wouldn't go near him anymore and Natsuo would manage to grow up normally.
Well, as normal as you could with a disgusting monster like that lurking about in the shadows of your home.
11.
A month later you were quick to drag Fuyumi and Natsuo outside to the gardens to play with the small red ball Mother had snuck you weeks ago when you started to hear the tell tail signs of a struggle between mother and That Man, it was times like these that made you glad that you were the only one with a room right next to That Man, whilst Fuyumi, Natsuo and Mother's rooms were on the other side of the house, away from Him.
When you could tell it was all over, you brought your siblings back inside and helped them make a pillow fort in Fuyumi's room, the one furthest away from That Man's.
In the dead of night when you got up to get a glass of water, with your footsteps as silent as you could make them to ensure that the monster that hid in your home wouldn't hear you, you caught sight of your wonderfulsweetkindloving Mother crying with her head in hands, and you quickly abandoned the idea of water and slowly came up beside her, gently clapping your hands twice to grab her attention because if you didn't, she would probably flinch, or lash out unconsciously as she had last time you snuck up on her.
When she raised her head to look at you, you could practically hear the burning question in her once lively grey eyes.
Did they hear?
You shake your head, and gently pulled her into a hug, and your mother came undone.
Mother and you stayed that way until sunrise, you gently rocking her back and forth with your frailuselessworthlessshakeyburnt arms as she sobbed, quietly as to not wake That Man, into your boney collar bone.
Inside the comforts of your mind you, too, cried out at the unfairness of the world.
12.
But it was when you caught a glimpse of your newest brother's hair and eyes when, for the first time in your twelve years of life, you broke down.
Your mother found you like that, wailing like the child you never had the chance to be, in the gardens, away from your siblings' sight so they wouldn't have to see the disgraceful mess you always were when you weren't putting up a front and pretending that it was all right.
Your mother joined you're in your tears and the two of you clung to each other for the rest of the night at the loss of the childhood your brother would never get to have before you siblings came looking for you.
13.
It was three months later you decided that your mother shouldn't have to suffer anymore.
It's a Monday morning when you uncover the box That Man usually hides at the top of his closet, open it, and clutch at the paper Yen hidden inside. The box was That Man's on hand bank basically, he just kept it there in case of emergencies. You didn't think he would mind much because this was an emergency, your mother's mental health was an emergency, and you would make sure she wouldn't spiral anymore, or, at least you would try.
You were only twelve, but you felt like an old man in that moment, quickly grasping your mother's hands before snatching the car keys to the vehicle That Man only kept around as to flaunt his wealth to the world like a male peacock would its feathers to females.
You tell your mother to drive to the nearest hospital, when you get there you go to the reception whilst your mother is left standing awkwardly, shuffling her feet and looking at you in confusion.
You tell the receptionist to call a doctor that specializes in female sterilization, they ask you why, and you put on the happy front you use for public and grin, "Endeavour can't handle a fifth kid running around the house!"
The receptionist snorts, shakes her head and grins at you, "so, I'm guessing an appointment is to be made?"
"Yeah, please," you smile as the receptionist fills in a sheet and hands you a date to be back in the hospital, you give her your own personal number, from a phone that you bought from a struggling electronics store around a block away from your home, it's a cheap thing, but it works, if barely.
When your mother asks why you wanted to go to the hospital you look at her and grin, and it grows to a soft smile as she gives you a gentle pat on the head and a smile tainted with sadness and guilt that you, her eldest child, seemed to think things had gotten so bad that you needed to act.
That Man never finds out until it's too late, finding out after the mandatory six-month checkup he and Mother attend to see if it's possible to conceive another child and keep updates on his and Mother's fertility rate, and mother's tubes have been tied for more than two months.
He finds out it was you who planned it, and you get a beating, but you don't regret a single thing as you think about the beaming smile Mother showed you after she came out from a successful surgery, now unable to have any more children for That Man and subject them to the torture that is life in your household.
14.
Your quirk hurts you even at thirteen years old, it's a fact everyone in the family knows, a fact That Man ridicules you for, and it gets out of control sometimes, but your usually fine.
Right now, you're not fine.
You were at school, had been for around four hours at that point, and the end of the day was just creeping around the corner when it happened.
There was a boy in your class, Mutsabashi? Mutabi? Mutishiba? You can't remember. He had transferred less than a week ago, he was bullied because of his quirk, Rampage, people called him a villain for it, you ignored both him and the rumors as it had nothing to do with you, but you remember hearing that the kid's quirk caused others to go out of control.
It was dangerous, and after you heard that rumor, you vowed to never go near him.
Unluckily for you, you were passing by that fateful lunch time in the courtyard, walking past the corner that wasn't viewable by school CCTV, M, as you called him because you couldn't remember his name, was being hounded on in that very corner, you remember looking over and seeing his desperate eyes locking on yours, you looked away guiltily and tried to pass through, his desperate turned furious gaze burning into the back of your head.
You never expected it.
M leapt forward out of the bullies' grasp and you turned your head to the commotion, you felt his outstretched hand collide with your face, and everything went Blue.
You remember never feeling something quiet as painful as this burning sensation before as you stumbled back and out into the open in view of all the students hanging around the courtyard.
Everything was tinted blue and everthinghurtanditburnedandpelasemakeitstopandwhyMwhywouldyoudothisyouknowwhatmyquirkisbutohwaityoudontcauseyournewandithurtsanditachesandWHYWONTTSTOPPLEASESTOPYOURHURTINGMEPLEASESTOPYOULLKILLSOMEONE!
The last thing you remember seeing is the horrified face of M as the bullies' hauled him back and screamed at him to Turn It Off, but he couldn't, because he had never needed to turn it off before that fateful moment.
You go down Burning.
15.
When you open your eyes, they meet your mothers, and you hear her cry of relief before a searing pain overtakes you and you black out.
16.
You find out later M was to be held in prison for the next seven years, and you feel a sort of dark amusement rise as you think about how adamant M had been in yelling about how he wasn't a villain because he had never been arrested before.
Whelp, can't say that anymore, is your last thought before you go under for the surgery to try and save your peeling skin.
17.
When you wake up next you find out your body is severely burned, and your lungs are struggling to even move to give you breath.
It's also when you learn you'll be living out the rest in a hospital bed for the rest of your life, and you think to yourself, thank god your siblings' aren't there to see you, is your last thought before the door to your room is slammed open and Natsuo strides in like it's the most natural thing to do whilst Fuyumi sighs and massages her temple and it strikes you for the first time how old Fuyumi looks at ten, and you regret leaving her all alone in that house with That Man to take care of everyone .
Then you think, the faq?
Because they are Not supposed to be there, standing beside your bed as they look down at you with worry in their pure eyes.
You ask as much, and Natsuo scoffs and says, "The hell wouldn't we be here?" And you can't help but be happy at his statement and appalled at the use of words a six-year-old should not know, before you can say as much Fuyumi slaps him over the head and glowers, "Who taught you those words!?" She practically shrieks and you find yourself snickering before it breaks off into a cough at your siblings' antics.
18.
You find out a three years later that your mother has been admitted to the psych ward of your hospital.
You sometimes get your nurse to wheel you over to visit her, sometimes you talk, sometimes you sit in silence, she confesses to you one night about what she did to a now four-year-old Shoto, and it hits you that you have never even seen your youngest sibling except for a couple of glances in the hallway before That Man hoarded him away to that satanic training room where you spend four years of your life before you were thrown away.
You write out a letter that night and introduce yourself to your to Shoto, even though you know you will never send it.
Over the years it becomes a hobby, to write letters to a brother that will likely never know you exist.
19.
Your twenty-seven when you see Shoto for the first time in eleven years and you realize, holy fuck your old.
Your body's condition has worsened over the years, the blow this realization caused lessened by your siblings' refusal to stop visiting you weekly, and by now you cannot even get out of bed to go to the bathroom without the help of a nurse.
So, when Shoto visits you for the first time you smile, "not what you were expecting eh?"
His faces shoots through various expressions, sadness, guilt and self-hate being the more powerful expressions, before his lips twitch up into a sad smile, "I can barely remember you, but I know you cared for us." by us you know he's referring to Fuyumi and Natsuo and you smile and nod, "of course I do, your family, Shoto, and I'm sorry my arms didn't have the strength left in them to protect you from That Man."
His face grows bitter with resentment, before he pulls up the uncomfortable hospital folding chair and takes a seat, "C-can you tell me, tell me about yourself?" His voice comes out awkward and unsure, but you just smile and delve into the story that is your life.
20.
Its four months after the dorm system is put in place that you decide to visit Shoto and wish him a happy birthday, you had it all planned out, had phoned up Fuyumi and Natsuo to see if they could free their schedules for some quality family bonding, they were ecstatic, you hadn't felt the urge to do sibling bonding time since before the accident.
You phone the school and let them know and when you and your nurse arrive there, you decked out in casual wear for what seems to be the first time in years and your nurse pushing your wheelchair as you both have a back-and-forth argument about who's going to win in a big boss fight in a new manga that had come out recently in the last year and was already making a big slash in the community.
You greet Fuyumi and Natsuo and all five of you chill out in the class 1-A dormitory's common room whilst you wait for school to end, it doesn't take long.
You hear them before you see them, tilting your head towards the door where twenty young teenagers' stream through the doors like water through a broken dam. You and your siblings share a smile that turns mischievous before, like clockwork, you and Natsuo turn towards the oblivious teens before bellowing, "SHOTO!"
Their reactions are priceless, but your quick to regret your decision as you start coughing, you nurse practically teleporting to your side, as she gently rubs your back, "is he alright?" A concerned voice pipes up and your gaze finds the red-haired boy who spoke up, and you nod to him before turning away once more to violently expel blood from your throat.
"Aniki?"
A confused voice rings out through the awkwardly silent room and you grin, "got it in one Shoto," but he doesn't smile back, his frown instead getting deeper, "should you really be out of the hospital?"
You shrug, before gesturing to your nurse before Natsuo interrupts, "Its family bonding time Shoto!"
Shoto shots Natsuo a puzzled look, "Why?" Fuyumi looks scandalized you realize with a snigger.
"your birthday, Shoto, your birthday," and suddenly she's there in front of him and dragging him to the door whilst you, Natsuo and your nurse trail behind.
"Don't worry we'll bring him back in one piece!" You cackle at Natsuo's words before deep coughs interrupt you, you wave of your younger brothers concern and wave a goodbye to Shoto's classmates, "he'll be back in time for school tomorrow, don't worry."
When it's time to leave you pull the unsent letters from your time in a hospital bed out from your jacket pocket and hand it over to him.
"Take care of that, would you?"
Shoto read those letters every night.
21.
You can barely breath anymore, it hurts to move and your vision blurs regularly, it was blurred when That Man came to visit you in the hospital for the first time since you were submitted.
He looks at you with regret in his eyes and apologizes to your weak frame, before his eyes lock with yours.
And tears begin to slide down your cheeks.
"Please don't hurt my family anymore.." you weakly rasp, your throat now forever dry and painful.
He seems to age hundreds of years when those words leave your lips as he collapses down into the chair next to your bedside and seems to curl up into himself, "I promise, I will try to be a better man, I promise."
When he leaves you feel lighter than you have in years.
22.
You begin to feel your life slipping through your fingers, but you aren't desperate to cling to it, no, you let the soul of a wasted life pull away from you slowly.
It wasn't a pleasant life, and by no means a long one but you don't regret a single thing.
23.
With the last wisps of breath that you drug up from the bottom of your lungs you request to see your mother one last time.
She's aged well, you think as you stare up at her tearful face as she clutches your hand in a crushing grip, and you smile up at her and whisper, "Maybe... next life... I'll be a-a... b-bit luckier...?"
She gives you a pained filled smile, and it fills you with the same feeling as from when you were young, and just a bit healthier, the feeling of warmthhappinesscontentmentkindnesspeacefulness.
"I hope so too, Touya, I hope so too..."
And so, you, Touya Todoroki, take your last few struggling breaths with a smile on your face and peace settling into your bones.
You are no longer a naiive child, no you are a man who is ready to move on.
So, you do.
24.
Touya Todoroki dies at age twenty-eight, in the grasp of his mother, the first to love him, from his quirk.
Touya lives his next life until he's old and grey.