17th of Hearthfire, Blue Palace
The woman was sitting by her table in the cabinet. Her eyes felt as if they were burning, and she had trouble keeping them open. The last night had been a particularly bad one – she only managed to fall asleep in the third hour, and her nightmares had awoken her merely one or two hours later. Being unable to calm down enough to get some rest, Aurora had thrown on her leather trousers and white tunic, and gone to her cabinet.
Her brain did not manage to function well, and even the most basic of correspondence she had received required her to re-read the letters a couple of times. Work had a calming effect on her anxiety, though. Even if she felt unproductive.
Being the first one up in the morning had some advantages. Aurora very much appreciated having the Blue Palace almost to herself in the early mornings. Only the guards were there to keep her company, and they remained quiet and did not disturb the Jarl. The chilly morning air managed to awaken her foggy mind somewhat, even though she mostly felt like a living dead when having nights like these.
She was not a soldier anymore. She was not a Companion. The woman knew she had to build a new life again, as she had done many times before. This time felt different, though. Aurora missed Vilkas so much. It hurt. She was too frightened to sleep through a full night. All she wished for was to have him next to her.
After a few hours, the sun had arisen and the pace had gone up in the palace. People were entering with correspondence, food and ale, as well as different kind of equipment. The Jarl returned to her chamber and met Nilsine just outside. Aurora had asked her stewardess to meet her in the morning in order to be helped with getting dressed. Aurora opened the wardrobe and picked a lovely green dress. Nilsine had good taste, and Aurora appreciated that she had ordered her a handful of lovely outfits. The drawback to advanced dresses were the plentiful buttons and hooks, which the Jarl had no clue how to fasten. There were underskirts, a corset, an outer cloak which were all secured in manners Aurora did not know existed.
Aurora's hair was now well past her shoulders. As she looked herself in the mirror, she held strands up to the back of her head. Nilsine smiled and helped the Jarl gather the hair around her face in two braids. For the first time in a long time, Aurora felt feminine. It was a shame it was being wasted on her celibate lifestyle, she thought and sighed.
Once the hair was in place, it was time to return to her cabinet and get the first meeting of the day over with. The historian Aifur Blue-Quill arrived and was already waiting for her when the Jarl arrived.
The man was short, was permanently leaning forwards with a hunched back, and had a yard long white beard. His clothes were in good condition, but the man himself appeared to be approaching his last days on Nirn.
His nose was long and hooked, his eyes droopy but of a clear, blue colour. His head was mostly bald, but long strips of white hair were touching his shoulders. As Aurora greeted him, he slowly raised one hand and brought it towards his ear. Nilsine looked at the Jarl from behind.
"Aifur has a bad hearing!" she exclaimed.
"What?" the old man asked.
Aurora sighed. "NICE TO MEET YOU!" she nearly roared.
The man bowed his head slowly as he heard the Jarl's voice.
"HE IS WRITING A BOOK ABOUT THE SECOND GREAT WAR!" Nilsine exclaimed.
"Oh, yes… yes. I hope it to be my last work," the old man said with a voice as shaky as his movements.
Aurora could not help but to feel sorry for the man. He had the kindest of eyes, but seemed somewhat disoriented.
She walked up to her chair and sat down. As she did so, she gestured for Aifur to take a seat too. The man struggled with the chair, and Nilsine leapt forwards to assist him.
"We can begin today," Aurora said. "I assume you have many questions, so I may have to ask you to return another day for the rest."
She realised her voice would probably crack from speaking so loudly, and she did not feel like spending this particular day yelling to an old man. Aifur slowly placed his quill and ink on the table and began to unroll some parchment as Nilsine assisted him.
"Let's begin with Skaven," he spoke with a shaky voice. "You rode there together with the High King, the heir to the Rift, Harrald Law-Giver, and half a dozen of soldiers."
"And Olfina Grey-Mane, niece of Vignar, the Jarl of Whiterun Hold," Aurora added. "Ulfri… the High King allowed me to bring a soldier of my choice."
"Who?"
"OLFINA GREY-MANE OF WHITERUN!" Aurora yelled.
The man nodded as he wrote something unreadable. His hand was shaking and his letters went all over the parchment.
"Why did you chose lady Grey-Mane, my Jarl?"
"Because…" Aurora began. She did not really know. She did not even like the woman back then. "As I arrived in Solitude, after the High King had ordered me to come, I was given a task of leading a group of soldiers up in the mountains in order to kill Thalmor spies who were hiding in a cave. Lady Grey-Mane was the leader of that group, and she did a good job. I trusted her," Aurora said.
He placed his right hand by his ear again, and Aurora sighed before repeating everything she had just said. As Aifur began writing her words down, Aurora looked around the room, searching for something to lay her eyes on. There was nothing new to see though, and she felt the restlessness building up within her.
The man nodded after a while. "You rode to Skaven."
"Yes, well, to a town of tents just outside of Skaven," Aurora corrected him. "The kings Canpolat, Ulfric and Iskander, as well as a Breton representative met there."
She looked at the parchment rolls. Her throat was aching and Aifur's slow manner irritated her greatly. "Perhaps it is enough for today?" she asked.
The man looked worried and opened his mouth to protest.
"Master Blue-Quill, I will answer all your questions, do not worry," she smiled. "You have the word of an Officer."
The man nodded, but Aurora could not make out whether it was in an upset manner, or the man simply did not control his motions very well.
"Let me personally show you to Proudspire Manor," she said, getting up.
Aurora had left Nilsine at the palace and taken the historian to Proudspire Manor. The pair had entered through the cellar door, looked at the room where the old man would live, and left for the kitchen on the ground floor. Aurora had showed him the fireplace and where the kettles were as she heard voices from the stairs. She immediately smiled as she realised the younger Goldwine brother was coming towards them.
"You missed out on quite a lot yesterday," Bogdan's calm, always seemingly drunken voice was heard.
"So did you, brother," the older brother was heard saying.
"The ever so gathered Ratibor, who would have thought?" Vecheslav chuckled.
"Yeah, you're lucky father isn't here," Bogdan spoke with an obvious grin.
Bogdan and Vecheslav entered the kitchen first and immediately stopped. They both seemed surprised at the scene being played out in front of them. Aifur, on the other hand, was busy examining the large kettle and did not hear the new people approaching.
"I know you would fuck anything that moves, brother, but this is a new low," Bogdan said.
"What do you me-eean?" Ratibor asked, following his brother and friend.
Ratibor had walked into his brother before looking up and noticing the old man in the kitchen. He seemed astonished, having walked right into Bogdan's back, as the younger brother had suddenly stopped. Aurora grinned as the scene played out in front of her. Vecheslav, Bogdan and Ratibor all reminded her of boys in that moment.
Vecheslav was wearing his usual winter outfit – with black trousers and the whitest of linnen tunic and a black jabot around his neck. His shiny, black hair was let loose that day, and fell over his shoulders in a rather dramatic manner. His mane was thick and elegant.
Bogdan wore a blue ensemble that morning. His trousers were a bit too long and dragged along the floor as he walked. The tunic was as wide as the trousers and did absolutely nothing for his body. The blue stood in stark contrast to his red, wine coloured hair, which for some reason was not as messy as usual. He had probably just washed it, causing his curls to form a consistent pattern. The shape was of a wide diamond, with the left side being wider as he parted it further to that side at the top of his head.
Ratibor, on the other hand, had chosen a typical all-black outfit, with trousers and a tunic, which was untied at his chest, showing some hair. "Who are you?" he asked.
"Gentlemen, this is Aifur Blue-Quill," Aurora spoke, presenting the man, who was still turned with his back against the group.
"The historian?" Ratibor asked.
"No, the master thief," Bogdan sighed sarcastically.
Aurora left Aifur's side and walked up to Vecheslav and the Goldwines. "Good for you that he has a bad hearing," Aurora said though gritted teeth and hit Bogdan on the arm.
She turned around towards the old man and raised her voice. "Master Blue-Quill, these are the Goldwine brothers – Ratibor and Bogdan of Kvatch. And this is Vecheslav Umbranox, the poet."
The old man bowed his head and mutted something which could not be completely understood, but Aurora assumed it was a greeting.
"A pleasure to meet you," Ratibor spoke, albeit not too sincerely. He looked as if he had realised his partying life would have to come to an end.
Aurora was certain Aifur had not heard Ratibor's words, but he appeared to have understood the meaning either way, as he bowed towards the older Goldwine.
"Gentlemen," Aurora said, looking at them. "I wish you a good morning." She bowed her head slightly to the side before turning her heel towards the hall.
"I'm off to the College," Vecheslav said, following Aurora.
"What for?" Bogdan asked.
"I'm meeting Viarmo," Vecheslav replied. This exchange prompted both him and Aurora to stop and look at the younger Goldwine.
"Why is everyone meeting with Viarmo except for me?" Bogdan complained.
Vecheslav shrugged. "He likes my work."
Aurora had been standing by the door as she was stopped by the younger Goldwine brother coming up to her directly. He was calm as always, looking at her from beneath his prominent eyelids. His arms were crossed in front of his chest.
"Hey," he said. "Where are you going?"
T"I'm going to feed my protege," Aurora replied. "Want to come?"
"Yeah," Bogdan said, looking at the woman.
She smiled as she looked into his turquoise eyes from a yard away. They remained still for just a moment, observing one another with a smile on their faces, before Aurora broke the eye contact and pressed the door handle down. Bogdan followed her outside but took his mantle which had been hanging on a nail by the door. As opposed to the rest of the clothes owned by him, that particular piece of clothing was the correct length for him. It was a heavy fabric sewn in multiple layers. The outside was velvet-like and of a very dark blue colour, almost black.
Vecheslav exited Proudspire just after Bogdan, but walked towards the Bards College instead of following Aurora and the Goldwine down the stairs.
Bogdan put an arm around Aurora's waist and clung to the woman as he walked by her side. She noticed a pleasant smell from his hair, confirming her suspicion that he had just washed it. The smell reminded of snowberries, just like his brother's.
"Why is that old man in Proudspire?" Bogdan asked.
"There is a lack of living space, and your basement has an extra room," Aurora said, bending her neck back and looking at the man with her head raised.
Bogdan moaned. "Mm… I bet he's a real joy," he complained, looking at Aurora.
The woman laughed and looked ahead. Bogdan had let go of her and was walking in silence next to her as they reached the road leading directly towards the Blue Palace. The woman did not know exactly why, but she felt an immense joy in that particular moment. She was happy with her living conditions. The Blue Palace was a magnificent home, and she loved how her bedchamber was decorated with warm textiles and candles. She adored her cabinet and felt much more comfortable there than on a throne.
Nilsine had began to understand her without Aurora even having to speak. She organised the Jarls work for her, arranged her clothes and even helped her dress. Olfina was usually fun to spend time with, and Harrald had bloomed whilst away from his overbearing family in the Rift. The Goldwines and the rest of the inhabitants of Proudspire Manor had become good friends. For the first time, Aurora felt that her life was being straightened out. There was stability to it, and she knew where she would be five years from then.
The younger Goldwine brother both amused her and made her feel some sort of companionship. Ever since their first meeting in the Imperial City some months ago, he had felt familiar, as if he were her own kin. Still to that moment, she did not know exactly why, though. Maybe because she never felt judged by him.
"I've started wearing dresses," Aurora said coquettedly.
Bogdan appeared to not quite understand why she said so. He looked at her while slowing down the pace of his steps, his eyes drunkenly half closed as always. It amused Aurora greatly to see the man as he held some sort of inner dialogue with himself on how to move forwards in that situation. His forehead was slightly wrinkled in that moment, and his eyes focused on Aurora, but it was as if he was not present. He must have thought that she probably expected a compliment.
"It looks girly," he said after a while.
The woman chuckled as the man lowered his gaze, probably realising it was probably a blunt comment. "Vecheslav has been complaining," Aurora spoke happily as they reached the entrance to the Blue Palace.
"Umbranox is too obsessed about his looks. One could think he's a narcissist," Bogdan replied with his gaze on the ground as they passed the gates.
Aurora looked at Bogdan and did not turn her head before he met her eyes. She expected him to say something about her dress and would not give up before she was satisfied.
"It looks fine," he said after a while, rolling his eyes.
"Just 'fine'?"
The man observed her. His beautiful eyes focused themselves first straight into hers, then lowered slightly and rested on her cheekbones before moving up again. A few seconds later, Aurora burst out in laughter. "I'm joking with you, Bogdan," she grinned. "It's just a dress."
He smiled a little as they walked up the stairs. The woman made small jumps as they moved upstairs, reaching the top faster than Bogdan. She waited for him, and as he caught up with her, she put an arm around his shoulders and grinned happily. He placed his right arm on her waist, then messed up her hair with his other as she laughed.
Aurora led them into the nursery. It was a smaller chamber than the Jarl's, but with equally dark walls and floors. Katia was still sleeping, though, so the woman gestured for Bogdan to be quiet as they walked up to her bed.
"A Khajiit!" Bogdan exclaimed.
Aurora hushed towards him. The man appeared to be fascinated by the little girl in her bed. The woman could see how his eyes lit up and a large smile had spread across his face.
"Khajiit, huh? Are you a little Khajiit? Gonna sell me some Skooma when you grow up?" he whispered.
"Bogdan!" Aurora exclaimed.
They watched over the little girl. It was around ten in the morning, but the air remained chilly, and Aurora worried her protege was cold. She tucked Katia in and carefully left the chamber with Bogdan in tow. As she carefully closed the door to the nursery, she turned toward the man.
"Why do you even drink it? It's poison," she stated before turning her back against the door and moving toward her own quarters.
"You seemed to think it was fine in the Imperial City," she heard Bogdan reply with a grin behind her.
"I was miserable," she answered, turning her head as she opened the door to her bedchamber, letting Bogdan in.
"Same reason. The Skooma. It was always less poisonous than my father's feelings towards me. Than the entire court's."
Bogdan sat down in the red sofa as Aurora closed the door before taking a seat next to the man. She observed him as a silence arose. His unshaven sideburns had grown ridiculously long. They were thick and more than an inch long. The small part between the corners of his mouth and chin was left unshaven, and Aurora did not know if it had been better if he had simply let everything grow, if he refused to shave. He did not appear any older with the facial hair, but the colour dissonance of the hair on the head and face was confusing. The wine red, loose curls beautifully framed his face on that day, while the horrid sideburns hid his features, which Aurora quite liked.
"There is this… curse lying over the Goldwine family, or more exactly, the family in power of Kvatch," Bogdan said after a while.
"Curse?" Aurora asked, as if awoken from her slumber.
"Yes, I am sure of it. Ratibor does not believe it, but… So, you see, for the past six generations, ever since the Oblivion Crisis, the ruler of Kvatch has, in one way or another, been unable to produce a legal heir," Bogdan continued. He sat two feet away from her, in a laid back position and with one elbow on the back of the sofa. He brought that hand from the air, to the back of his jaw, leaning his head.
There had been some degree of frustration in his voice, but Aurora did not feel it was directed towards her. In a sense, it felt to her that he was trying to convince himself, or someone who was already conversant with the information. The tone of his voice did not venture far from its usual calmness, but Aurora knew the man well enough to understand that there was something which annoyed him, even though she could not quite put her finger on what it was.
"But…?" Aurora began. "Your family has been in power of Kvatch for centuries?"
"Yes, but you… listen. The ruler has been unable to produce a legal heir. The sixth generation up was obliterated when the Oblivion gates opened. The fifth generation ruler was a sister of the previous Count. She had been living in a manor some miles outside of the town and therefore survived. Together with her husband, they had a three-year old son before Kvatch was destroyed, but did not concieve more children after they ascended the title. That son, the forth generation up, married a woman, but they had no children of their own. When he was about fifty years old, he impregnated a mistress and had a son. His wife passed away six or seven years later, and he married the mistress and legitimised their son. Now we are at my grandfather's generation. He was quite a womaniser and had an illegitimate child – my father before marriage. Of course, he then married my grandmother. This was quite a scandal, and my father was brought up under severe pressure not to further embarrass the family name."
"Did he?" Aurora asked. She had become more convinced the frustration in the man's voice was not that which she had first believed at all. By then it appeared more to be… a sense of urgency.
"Yeah, he did. He took a girlfriend, and of course made her pregnant. He was twenty seven then. No one approved of my mother at court, and especially not when they found out she had given birth to Ratibor out of wedlock. My father fought for a long time to marry her, but grandfather would not approve. So he just ran away to the Imperial City and tied the knot with her."
"But…" the woman began.
"Now, something is off, won't you say?" Bogdan asked, interrupting her. "Why did she gave birth to me, if there is a curse? Well, my parents were extremely happy. Ratibor became their absolute sunshine. Father even took all the nights with him as a newborn. He was besotted. For years, they tried for another child, but could not conceive," Bogdan said, looking the woman in the eyes. "I've wondered if I truly am my father's son, but you have to admit that Ratibor and I could be twins. We are both the same height, the shape of our faces is identical. We only have slightly different eyes, his are further in than mine, and brown of course. But we are so much alike. The difference I find between myself and Ratibor, I am more alike father on them…" he spoke with the same kind of urgency in his tone as previously. "Well… after five years, mother fell pregnant with me. Father was overjoyed, and apparently so was she. But she died in childbirth."
"I'm so sorry," Aurora said.
"Don't be."
Bogdan caught her gaze again. This time, the woman felt as if she was under scrutiny. She realised Bogdan was probably observing her reaction to what he had just said.
"He hated me from the beginning. From the second they pulled me out of my dead mother's body. I was alive, and I had killed his wife. I am the embodiment of all evil to him," Bogdan spoke. "There is no one I love more than Ratibor. He should feel the same resentment towards me my father has. But he doesn't. He doesn't blame me, even for taking the life of his mother."
"It wasn't your fault," Aurora spoke calmly.
Bogdan did not appear to be particularly sad as he opened up about his mother's death to Aurora, but she did not know if he simply did not wish to show that side of him yet. The best she could do was to show she was supportive, she thought. She cared for him and wanted him to feel the same companionship in her as she did in him.
"He was six years old. It would have been natural for him," Bogdan stated.
"And you father never got over it?" she asked.
"No, never. And he ensured that I knew that if it hadn't been me, his wife and Ratibor's mother would still have been there," the man spoke. This time, he had moved his gaze to one of the windows in the bedchamber. "I could never please him, so I gave up trying. I was still young when I realised everything would always be my fault according to him."
"So you took to skooma?"
"Only at thirteen, but I've always been cautious with that. It's not the same as wine or salts, or even smoking nightshade – it is immensely addictive."
Aurora looked at him. The man had directed his gaze toward her again, and he appeared rather stern as he spoke the last sentence, as if if was some kind of warning. His face appeared even rounder due to his unsightly sideburns, which somehow did not age him even a year. Perhaps it was due to his boyish-looking puppy fat around his face and arms, or perhaps because Aurora found him more emotionally vulnerable in that moment. She had gained a better understanding of how alone he had probably felt for a long period of time. At least she had her parents when she was younger and more impressionable, up until the point where they decided to trade her for a merchant's permit.
"You've never had anyone caring for you except for Ratibor?" she asked.
"No," Bogdan said. "He is all that I've got."
The man lowered his gaze but did not appear too saddened. Aurora, on the other hand, could feel how a sense of unease grew in her as she thought for a few moments. She did not even have that. She had no family left at all – the woman had hoped that she had found one in Vilkas… However, that was evidently not the case. Suddenly and without a warning, she could no longer control herself, and tears began flooding down her cheeks. She bent forwards, placing bother her feet on the floor, and her elbows on her knees. Aurora covered her face with her hands, and the last thing she saw was Bogdan's surprised expression.
Her breathing became tenser, and the breaths were soon shallow and fast. The woman felt how she was short for air and did her best to gasp for it, but that merely added a squeaking sound each time she inhaled. It soon felt as if she were drowning.
"Shit, Aurora," Bogdan said, leaning in towards her.
Aurora fell to her knees on the carpet the sofa was standing on, shivering and squeaking. Bogdan followed her down to the floor, standing on his knees as he tried to grip the woman. He gripped her under her arms and on top of her chest, pulling upwards in an attempt to get her arms up. He did not manage, and instead fell backwards, pulling the woman with him. He landed on his back with her on his chest and stomach, but Aurora instinctively pulled together into a ball, which Bogdan tried his best to open. He managed to pull her arms upwards, above their heads.
She felt so naked and vulnerable. All her instincts told her to curl up, but she was short for air and did not have the strength in that moment to oppose Bogdan's hold. She could feel his chin against her cheek through the mixture of her tears and hair as she was lying with her back against his upper body. He might have been telling her something, but the woman could not hear anything through her tears and noises. His hands held her wrists, but his grip was not tight. Aurora did not oppose this, though, and soon felt she could breathe again even though her tears were flooding uncontrollably. The man did not move, but did let go of her wrists. Aurora did not move her arms, though.
The man and Aurora lay so for a while as she felt her pulse go down. She felt exhausted, and did not want to move, even though she realised, in the back of her head, that it was most probably an uncomfortable position for Bogdan. She could not tell how much time had passed before she turned to the right and landed beside the man, burying her face in his tunic. Bogdan leaned on his right arm, still on the floor, but watching the woman.
"I just… I," she began, barely looking up from his chest. "What you and Ratibor have, it's so beautiful… I-uh… I thought I had someone who loved me, but then, when… both the war, and Alduin… and no one cared. And I have no family, I don't have a Ratibor."
Aurora was still crying and making little sense, but she was aware of this. As some more moments progressed, she sat up. Bogdan was looking at her with an expression she could not quite make apart. His expression did not appear too sympathetic, but on the other hand, he could merely be focused, trying to make apart what she was saying. He remained lying down on one elbow, watching her.
His eyes had a slightly less drunken expression to them. Perhaps it could be described as 'stern', but Aurora was not completely sure.
"How do you handle it?" Bogdan suddenly asked with a straight-forward tone, looking her into the eyes.
Aurora chuckled slightly between her remaining fits of sobbing. "I don't, really. I think I just pushed it forwards, not dealing with it."
Bogdan first broke eye contact and looked down to the floor. Then, all of a sudden, he got up and smiled towards her. "You got wine anywhere?"
Aurora nodded towards a side table by the window. Bogdan passed the woman and hastily put one hand on her shoulder as he did so. The next moment, he had removed it and walked up to the table Aurora nodded towards. He bent down and opened it, and must have found what he was looking for, as he was standing next to Aurora in merely a few seconds. He inspected the bottle and then placed the top of it against his teeth. With a pull, he had taken the cork out, and handed the bottle to Aurora, who was still sitting on the floor. She looked him in the eyes as he handed it to her, before taking a sip.
"Let's get drunk tonight," he suggested with a wide grin.
Aurora still had her gaze fixed at him. "I'd love that."
The man nodded. His movements were slow, as if he was putting much thought into each of them. He held out his left hand and lowered his gaze to it. Aurora took his hand, in an equally slow motion, before Bogdan bent slightly forwards and placed his right hand around her waist, pulling her up from the floor. Aurora helped him by pushing herself up to her feet. Neither one of them hurried in their movements.
As she stood up in front of him, he took the bottle from her and drank some. The pair were still looking at one another, and Bogdan did not ease his grip of her lower back, as if he was expecting her to lose her grip again.
Aurora could see how his nostrils widened as he breathed in, and contracted as he let the air out. She was standing with her face only a few inches away from his. The woman was on her own feet, but she felt like a sack of potatoes. Her posture was poor, and even though Bogdan was barely an inch taller than her, the difference felt more significant at that moment.
"You are always doing the right thing," Bogdan said.
Aurora's attention was redirected to the conversation as the man interrupted her thoughts. She could feel his breath as he spoke, and his eyes sought contact with her.
"Sometimes, you have to let yourself off the hook," Bogdan spoke ever so softly. He nearly whispered and pulled his chin towards his chest to catch her gaze. His forehead was wrinkled, and for the first time, he appeared to want to comfort her.
"Sometimes? Does that mean on a daily basis in your book?" Aurora asked, even managing to produce a smile.
She had gathered her hands on the top of his chest. The woman could feel his soft layer of puppy fat beneath his loose tunic. He felt like Aurora imagined a baby horker would feel like to the touch. As in the case of his older brother, one could see chest hair as the tunic was not tied properly.
Bogdan's right arm was still holding the woman tightly around her lower back. The left was dropped along his side, holding the neck of the bottle. "I might drink too much," Bogdan said, raising the wine.
Aurora saw every detail in his irises. The middle part, around the pupil, was of a solid turqoise colour while green and slightly brownish-yellow streaks surrounded the outer parts. She saw his lashes – they were of a medium brown colour, much alike his facial and chest hair. The woman was surprised to noticed that his eyes were not as disproportionately large as they appeared from a distance. Due to the significant eye socket, which formed a line above his eyes, an illusion of a large upper lid was created, and thereby big, round eyes. The long, straight nose ended in a rather pointy tip. Any roundness there was in his face was not present in his nose. She could see his nostrils expand slightly as he breathed in to speak.
"But I like it. Not the drinking itself. The escape it grants, I suppose," he uttered tranquilly.
"Is that your only escape?" Aurora asked. She looked at his eyes again, but his were turned to her cheekbones. The large eyelids became even more prominent when he looked down, giving him that drunken look. The somewhat prominent nose caught her attention as he once again took a breath to speak.
"I don't know," the man said. He lowered his gaze over her left shoulder. "It did not use to be. Writing helped."
"And now?" Aurora asked, almost whispering.
"I hate it," he said, looking straight into her eyes. His tone remained calm, but his eyes lit up with frustration. "And I don't know why. I finished a novel two months ago. And it only took two fortnights to write. Four hundred pages. But those pages, they emptied me – they took everything I had, and not it is as if… I cannot write a page," he sighed.
"But you write poetry."
Bogdan chuckled silently and shook his head slowly. "I mess around. That is not work."
His eyes narrowed as he smiled. He had spoken with absolute certainty, dismissing the idea Aurora presented. The pair stood quiet for a while, looked one another in the eyes, both of them searching for something reminding of themselves in the other. The woman carefully leaned forwards and turned her head as she lay her cheek on his shoulder. She could feel how he pulled his left arm around her back with the bottle remaining in his hand.
Aurora closed her eyes and felt peace washing over her. She was like a small child in Bogdan's embrace, with her arms around his neck and leaning slightly on the man. For a long time, she did not wish to open her eyes – she reveled in the moment as the world around her felt safe. She enjoyed his warmth, the softness of his skin and hair, and his smell. Reluctantly, the woman opened her eyes, noticing the environment around them. Slowly, she leaned back, pulling away from the man without looking at his face.
"I have work to do, though," Aurora stated. "We should… Katia is probably awake."
Bogdan nodded, but let his gaze remain fixed at the woman. Aurora gave a forced smile and took the first steps towards the door. On the way, she picked up a bell from a side table and rang it violently as they reached the corridor.
The pair walked in silence, with Bogdan following the woman. As they reached the nursery, Aurora noticed Katia was standing up in her bed, waiting. Without turning towards the man, she focused all her attention at the child. The Jarl lifted Katia to her hip and carried her toward a seat.
"Where did you pick her up?" Bogdan asked as Aurora was sitting down.
"In Morrowind," Aurora answered, rocking Katia on her lap. "Her father guided me half across the country. He was a poor merchant," she said and, for the first time in a long while, looked up to meet Bogdan's gaze. "He was killed by a group of bandits he owned money to. It was a miracle Katia survived."
She looked him in the eyes and smiled before lowering her gaze. "Some parents don't need their own children, but other people need children that aren't even theirs."
Bogdan looked at her, calm as ever, and smiling. Aurora threw short gazes at him from time to time, noticing that his eyes remained fixed on her.
"What are your plans?" he asked after a while.
"My what?"
"For life. You asked me the same question some days ago."
"You didn't answer honestly," Aurora said, grinning at the man.
He smiled too, but did not let her off the hook. "I guess I'm Jarl now," she continued.
"I'd be upset too," the man spoke, first looking down to the floor, then back at Aurora.
She giggled. "That's not it. I mean, it's nothing wrong with the position, it's just… my personal life would be the same regardless of the circumstances."
Aurora noticed the man had been observing her for quite a while by then. His face was lit up, expressing tranquility and content. He appeared as if he was filled with warm emotions towards the woman or the situation – Aurora could not decide.
"I'm just… sometimes, life feels so lonely," she began "I – uh…"
She did not finish the sentence. Bogdan, however, placed an arm on her shoulder, half-embracing the the woman. A moment later, he used that hand to mess up her hair, causing a fit of giggles. The moment was only broken as the nurse entered the room with a bowl and spoon. The woman gave it to Aurora and left.
"Katia is hungry," Aurora said.
She took the bowl in her left hand, using the same arm to keep Katia from falling off her lap. With her right, she began feeding the child porridge.
"Do you like children?" Aurora asked as Bogdan sheepishly stood beside her.
"Infants are idiots with useless motorics. They cant convey a single level headed thought," he said in a joking tone.
"I didn't particularly like them either before," Aurora said, cradling Katia. "I guess it changes when a person has their own. Not that Katia is my own, but it's sort of a half-way I guess."
"She's disgusting," Bogdan grinned. "She eats like Ratibor when he's drunk. It's all over the face."