BLANKET APOLOGY
Epilogue to Pig in a Blanket
by
GM
It hit every cop on the rock like a punch! Particularly Hawaii Five-0. Any cop in danger was always harrowing. When it concerned one of his guys. Danno . . . yeah - McGarrett felt that like a hit to the heart!
Their small ohana had been so thankful – Steve so grateful – when Officer Olina saved Dan's life a while back. The rescue had a profound effect on his youngest officer and McGarrett. What if Olina had not been there on the chase behind Danno? What if his aim had been less than true? A hundred horrors had passed through Steve's imagination when he had heard the radio reports that dreadful day:
Armed suspect. Five-0 officer needs assistance. Dispatch ambulance.
Naturally, Danno, who felt thankfulness deeply, wanted to pay back Olina. Dan had spent a lot of time getting to know Chinook and his ohana after that. Enjoying some beers and even joining a bowling league to support an officer he knew before, yet now felt a life-debt toward. Steve felt nothing but appreciation and relief that Olina had been on the scene – when Steve was not there in his capacity as a big brother - to kill the criminal who attempted to knife Danno.
All Five-0 personnel were devastated when Olina was shot by a druggie – routine traffic stop. It could happen to any of them. Appalling! Williams felt it hardest of all. McGarrett hurt for his friend, and as usual, was at a loss to offer anything but sincere regret. And the promise of justice. That vow, however, was so inadequate! The criminal was already caught! There were no actions to take. Only mourning.
That night when Danno left the office, Steve allowed him to go on his own. In his shoes, the boss would want to grieve in solitude. And that excuse made it easier on the leader. Sharing in mourning meant dropping barriers. Offering comfort on a degree that was so intimate and open! Levels the top cop of Five-0 hated to tread!
Heading to a bar to drown his sorrows was a bit atypical, but Dan couldn't stand staring at the walls of his apartment. Steve had been at the office. Working. Waiting for Dan to reach out if he did not want to be alone. The mentor – kaikuaʻana - big brother – had not been the one to shepherd as he should have this time. If only . . . . No, it had been Ben, the new detective in their ohana, to be the one to seek out Williams. Where was Steve when he was needed he most? Staying away!
There was the mirror image they so often shared. Two sides of the same coin. Danny not building enough faith to believe in himself when Steve had an overabundance of confidence! Steve unable to reach out and risk opening his heart while Danno's feelings were far too exposed!
Then, again, a cop called to action at the spur of the moment. Crime in progress, Dan was nearby. Responded. Another shooting. Another weapon missing! Poor Danno. Stuck twice by lightning. Shooting a criminal and no trace of the corroborating weapon to clear him!
Then the public (read press) outcry. Always ready to vilify Five-0. Kicking the downed cop who was in such pain! Setting it up as Dan's revenge on an innocent kid – not true – after his best friend Olina – not true – Steve ground his teeth - was murdered! Too late, McGarrett was there, defending his man, his brother.
"The good die wrong and the best get the worst of it. Maybe that's why I'm still around."
How could Danno even think that? What did that even mean? Except that his aikane had plunged into a chasm of morose self-pity and depression. How Steve ached for his bleeding, wounded friend. All the damage on the inside.
The guilt distorting all the encouragement, support and faith they had bonded with over the years! How? It was defined in the younger detective's nature, unfortunately. Deep at his core there had always been a flawed trait of low-confidence and culpability. Instead of working at really digging out the roots of the psychology, Steve had attacked to problem face-to-face! Typical! For both of them!
Danno lacking the reliance in himself – Steve demanding that he borrow HIS faith!
It usually worked! Why not this time?
The boss had been solid. His conviction unshakable. During their association he had learned self-confidence was the greatest chasm in Danno's ego. All along he had supported, nurtured, guided, encouraged the sterling qualities Williams held in abundance. The lack of self-belief, though, was the Achilles Heel.
It nearly shattered everything to pieces this time! The crafted strategy of bringing the young, bright Williams into Five-0. The nurturing and grooming to prepare him – convince him – he was the right officer for the second-in-command slot. The patient guidance to hone his natural skills, aim his talents in the direction McGarrett wanted him to go – wanted Five-0 to go. And being there when Danno couldn't quite bring himself up to the level – in his own mind – he thought he should be.
"You know how the newspapers will play this. Detective gets revenge. . . ."
"Not you, Danno. I know my man . . you're a cop with ten years proven instinct. Ten years of discipline. You couldn't squeeze a trigger in revenge. (which Danno proved when he DID NOT kill Walter – when he had the murderer of his girlfriend Jane in his hands and ended up saving Walter's life!) "No matter what happened . . . No way! Not you!"
"Maybe I'm not the man you think I am."
Anguish! A soul entrenched in pain! How could Danno not believe! When Steve was willing it with all his might to be done! Following him in almost everything, why did Danno not take his word that there was no one else Steve would trust at this level? No one he understood with a clarity never experienced before! A Kaikaina – young brother - to him!
The severity of the wound too great. The supreme confidence and unfailing shield was not enough to save Danno from drowning in his own guilt. He collapsed and committed career suicide by *publicly* ! turning in his badge to McGarrett. PUBLICLY! In front of the press!
Then, as Steve should have predicted but did not, the overwhelming grief and guilt was too much for Dan to handle. Rattled. Nerves strained beyond the limit; he was crushed under the weight of it all.
Danno offering his badge and revolver!
"What am I gonna do with that?"
Giving up! On Steve!
Showing an unprecedented level of patience and forbearance, Steve had not bitten off his officer's head in anger! He WANTED to rage! Scream out his frustration! Grip onto his friend and through osmosis push all his own confidence into the suffering man!
He couldn't get that horrific scene out of his head! Pounding the steering wheel in renewed emotions of anger, frustration, rage did little to help! Steve's incredible faith and care and confidence in his younger brother had not swayed Dan! It had not been enough!
Resentful? At first – yes – and betrayed and angry and stunned – disappointed – bewildered . . .
Danno. I know my man.
After all these years under Steve's tutelage – Dan still lacked so much confidence! Steve had not been able to rub off on him enough! Most thought Dan a little-brother copy of Steve in cop-attitude and methods! It was not for lack of persistent aggressive and overbearing lessons in tenacity, stubbornness and dogged determination! Of course, Danno shared some of those traits himself when he needed them! How had he failed to instill suitable confidence in Dan?
"Put your energy into other cases, Steve, you're wasting it here." Defeatist. Surrendered. Done.
THAT got his Irish up!
"Look, Danno, I'm on this case and you're off it."
Irish stubbornness! You are no match for it, aikane! Still not convincing his brother, he had one more decisive admonish.
"Danno! You better not give up on me!"
Danno could not refute that! Not from haole hao – iron man – iron will! You bet he was going to fight for his man until he won!
Danno. I know my man.
Frustrated, impelled by righteous justice and stubborn resolve he was right, he pushed on. Despite his undaunted will the case grew bleak.
He had meant it in the office when his own frustration hit it's saturation point!
"We've cracked crime syndicates and dope rings. We've nailed double agents and rapists and murders. And here we are with a lousy little drug store heist on our hands and Danno's life on the line and we can't crack it! I mean, somebody ought to call a cop!"
Working on clearing Dan of the shooting charge – - more upset that Dan so publicly resigned! Steve was more resolved, stubborn and determined than ever to prove Danno innocent and himself right! McGarrett's first rule. Always right! And he was right this time! About his aikane. He was as solid as Diamond Head on his absolute trust! As certain that the Waikiki sunset would fall in the west every evening! As sure as his confidence in himself! That was how much he believed in his detective!
The solution came to him at last! His study of criminal natures inspired him to play a mind game with the woefully unarmed young thug. The suspect obvious when he had a chance to sweep away his own fiery emotions and think like a more rational investigator.
Danno cleared! Relief – a physical ache in releasing the multi-layered pains! Gratification. He gripped onto Danno's shoulder as if he would never let go. The frustration and faith and heartache knotted into that grasp on his friend. So much of his emotion and words-he-could-not-say flowed through these physical touches he often imparted to his aikane.
This had been a torturous road, but they had won!
"And how are you doing, bruddah?"
"Better. Suddenly very much better. Thank you. I'm just glad one of us didn't give up on me."
The shared emotions were clear. Gratitude. Relief. The esteem – veneration - returned in the younger man's gaze – priceless payment. For everything.
McGarrett suggested Danno go home and take it easy while he finished up the necessary details. The young man who was going to let Williams hang for his crimes was heading to HPD for booking. Steve would see to the reports.
"I'll drop by later."
Spent, at the end of a tough, emotion-packed experience, Williams was still in shock that it was over. Yet, his natural tenacity and cop-instinct pushed him to want to finish this. Perhaps it was to prove he was back on the team?
McGarrett took his detective aside and reminded that the mother and injured brother did not need any more contact with Williams. It had been a grueling couple of days. They were all worn out. Danno deserved some rest.
Steve's nerves were still shaky. He purposely toughed his tone to back away from the raw echo of fear at how close they had come. The rage at the selfish little punk who had nearly ruined so much of his life – and all of Danno's! His affection and need to protect his kaikaina. All bubbling far too close to the surface.
"I'll want my best detective back on the clock tomorrow, Officer Williams. There's a lot of backlog work you can catch up on."
Nodding, Dan held his look, his eyes warm and back to their old, expressive, readable regard and camaraderie. "Mahalo, Steve. For everything."
"Always, Danno. Always."
Watching his aikane walk to the stairwell and disappear, McGarrett took a few more moments to steady his frayed nerves. Shifting to cop-mode, he spun and walked to the hospital room where the criminal was going to confess everything to his family!
As he pulled into the driveway of Iolani Palace, the boss took some breaths of the tropical evening air and calmed the residual stress away. The nightmare was all in the past now. Five-0 weathered the nasty storm and his fold was back in one piece! The sun was setting on Honolulu and on this entire miserable mess! Closing out a grim episode in their lives. Tomorrow they could start fresh.
He slammed the Mercury to a halt before he reached his parking slot. Dan's LTD parked in the usual spot! He had sent his friend home! He took the steps upstairs three at a time, rushing to reach the office. Reprimands, concern, trying to anticipate almost anything, he trotted into the common room and skidded to a halt at Williams' cubicle.
Williams was in his cubicle, head on the desk, snoring!
The plaintive scene was heartbreaking in it's multiple symbolism. Dedication had to be one of the top traits of this selfless detective! Pride in his officer – he DID know his man! – nearly overwhelmed him. He leaned on the doorframe and committed every detail to memory. In days when he despaired, when he allowed pain and sorrow to wash him under like high tide, he would remember this. Williams might give up on himself, but he never failed in striving to be the best for McGarrett!
A tendril of fear snaked along his spine, opening his thoughts to doubts. Steve thought they had resolved everything! What had he missed this time? He believed he was pretty much on top of the pulse of his unit – reading Williams easily over the years. Well, Danno had shocked him this week – offering to resign – then actually doing so in front of the press! More surprises? He steeled himself for – he didn't know!
"Danno?"
Dan jerked awake. "Steve!"
"What are you doing here? I sent you home!"
There had been a lot of disobedience this week by his aikane. Before the frustration started building, he assessed. Danno was worn out emotionally and physically from the grueling trial. There was none of the pain or guilt lingering in the expression. The blue eyes were not displaying rebelliousness or doubt. Much more vulnerable, actually.
Sheepishly, "I owed you some time on these cases."
Taking pity on the exhausted aikane Steve stepped in and grabbed Dan's jacket from where it was fling on a chair. "Come on." He seized Dan's arm and tugged.
Dan took the jacket from him. "I have work –"
"You have to get some decent food and a good night's –"
Pulling away, Dan stared up with a resolute expression. "Steve. Please. I owe you. More than just a blanket apology! More than words can tell you!"
The rush of feelings slammed forward like a tsunami wave. Regret. Pain. Guilt. All the hallmarks of Dan Williams at his lowest – no – the lowest had been a few hours ago in the depths of suffering. This was – humility?
Steve bitterly searched for a solution. He thought victory would have assuaged the anxieties!
Dan launches into a poignant, breathless apology. "I need to prove you can trust me. Whatever that takes."
"Danno, Danno. You never have to prove anything to me! I never stopped believing in you! Never!"
"No – well – you should have!" It was a cry of profound and abject regret. "I should have had more trust – or confidence. Should have had faith. Or at least borrowed yours. It's what you always try to get through my thick skull! But in my moment of crisis I buckled, Steve. No, worse, I betrayed you. And Five-0 and everything you've done for me!"
Placing both hands on the shoulders of his friend, he gripped, wishing the strength flowing through his fingers could translate into mental telepathy. That everything he tried to convey would be heard and felt!
Why did Dan cling to the old insecurities from his past? Orphaned twice, rough relationship with his guardian uncle? Why couldn't McGarrett erase that? As much as Steve willed it, his friend absorbed only so much of his self-assurance. Well, he was not going to give up.
"All right, aikane. Just in case you don't know this I'll lay it on the line so you never forget!" He held onto the shorter detective's neck. "I will never doubt you. I will never lose faith in you. I'll always trust you. And when you ever waiver yourself, just believe in me. Please." To lighten the way too heavy mood, and his affection and frustration at his friend, he smirked. "McGarrett's principles. Don't give up. And I'm always right! Keep that in mind, my friend, next time you even think about doubting me!" A persistent thought intruded. A pertinent question that could turn this all around. He DID know his man, he believed. "Danno. Do you trust me?"
Again, the readable expressions needed no verbalization. Surprise. Chagrin. Regret. "I know my actions didn't convey this, Steve, but I mean it completely when I say I trust you more than anyone else in my life. With my life."
Big brother had asked for it. The honest, stark fealty brought burning fondness at the back of his eyes.
Blinking his eyes, his touched emotions clear on his face, Dan nodded. "Mahalo. For always being here for me, Steve. For – for everything."
Clearing his throat, McGarrett stared out the window. "You're very welcome, of course." Tightening his grip for a moment, he then relaxed, patting both the shoulders of his friend. He had to steer them out of this morass. Just where he did not want to be after all the anguish, now all the tenderness. "Now let's go! I think this deserves a celebration." McGarrett ordered, giving Williams a gentle push. At the door he held onto the shoulder and held back their advance. "Maybe we should have a review of McGarrett's Principles if you think you need a refresher, Danno."
Williams smirked. "I temporarily forgot. I won't let it happen again."
Pleased, McGarrett led the way out. All was right with his kingdom again!
PAU