It's a start...
AN: I just wanted to say a quick note of thanks to everyone who took the time to read this story, and an especially big thank you to all who went the extra mile to review! It helps to inspire me, and I really appreciate that. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Oh- and obviously, I'm not Stephanie Meyer, or I'd be getting published and making some money. I'm just having some fun. On with the story!
What in the seventh level of hell was I thinking?
Oh, right. I'd been thinking watching some of the game with the bloodsuckers wouldn't be that bad. Boy, was I wrong. The house stunk, I stunk, and worst of all, my team was getting their booties creamed. At least I'd stalled outside until the game was almost over before I slid as unobtrusively as possible back into the house. I was fairly certain Charlie was oblivious to the fact that I'd rejoined the 'family party'. Actually, I was pretty sure he'd never realized I'd left in the first place.
Everyone else, well- that was a completely different matter. The first one to notice was Jasper, which wasn't really surprising given the waves of discomfort and uncertainty that I knew must have been pouring off of me. His sharp eyes had pinned me the moment I'd slid through the door. Besides Rosalie, Jasper was the vamp who liked me the least. I couldn't really blame him, considering the black pit of despair I wallowed in most of the time. From the quizzical look he gave me, today's feelings must've had a different flavor.
Edward was next, and I did my best to keep up the steady stream of 'Henry the Eighth" on repeat in my head. I did not need him knowing any more than he got from Jasper. As usual, he looked slightly annoyed at not being able to get information out of me as easily as he was used to. Or maybe he just really hated that song.
No one else even noticed me until I'd eased my way up to the TV and tentatively sat down on the arm of the couch next to Seth. He looked up at me with surprised elation, and I hastily shot him a burning glare of death. He caught the hint and shut his mouth, but he kept that goofy grin on his face as he turned his attention back to the game.
Bottom of the ninth, we were way behind, and the hitter up to bat struck out spectacularly. I snorted in disgust, and suddenly Emmett's eyes were trained on me, his usual taunting grin in place.
"You a Mariner fan?" he asked cheerfully, and I shrugged.
"Not sure I want to admit it right now," I muttered. He chuckled, and I was surprised at how nice it made me feel to make someone laugh, even just a little bit. For the past few years, mostly I'd just made people uncomfortable. The next hitter came up to bat, and Emmett leaned forward a bit, rubbing his hands together.
"Alright. This is it. He's gonna turn the game around," he informed the room at large. Once again I snorted.
"Not likely. He hasn't hit worth crap all season."
"Leah's right," Charlie chimed in. "This guy's been dead weight all year."
"Oh, not true," Emmett protested. "Besides, today's his game."
"Wanna bet?" I asked darkly as the hitter swung and missed the first pitch. Emmett just smirked at me and leaned back.
"Absolutely. Hey, Alice-" he began, and the black-haired pixie poked her head around the kitchen door.
"Nope, it's really not his game. Sorry, Emmett," she chirped, then disappeared again. Sure enough, there went strike three. Now it was my turn to smirk at the massive leech frowning heavily at the TV.
"Never doubt a Clearwater when it comes to baseball. Especially Leah," Charlie chuckled, reaching around Seth to nudge me on the arm. I wanted to sink right down into the couch cushions and disappear. It seemed like everyone in the room was staring at me, and I wanted nothing more than to bolt for the door. I wasn't a part of this family- not really! Just because I'd made some stupid comments about a stupid game didn't mean I wanted to have a big group hug or anything.
"Ness, why don't you go see if your grandma and Sue have any more snacks ready," Edward suddenly said, breaking the awkward moment. He patted Nessie's curls and let her down from his lap, nudging her towards the kitchen. Jacob rolled to his feet from where he'd been lounging on the floor, and I had to make a conscious effort not to roll my eyes at how he followed after her like a faithful puppy. Embry caught my eye as they passed him, mouthing the word "whipped" as he pointed at Jake's back. A tiny smirk lifted the corners of my mouth, and he grinned widely at me. I heard a light snicker coming from Edward's direction, and the smirk died on my lips.
I'm Henry the Eighth, I am, I am! Henry the Eighth I am- Don't know why he's laughing. He's more whipped than anybody, and he doesn't have the 'imprint' excuse- I got married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before....
All traces of amusement left his face now as he shot me a dirty look. It felt like a tiny victory to me, and I kept singing as loudly as I could in my head while I got up and headed towards the kitchen. Being horribly off-key was just a tiny perk.
My mother looked up in surprise from the brownies she was cutting as I walked into the enormous kitchen. The laughable irony of it always got to me- a family of vamps with no need to eat owning all the latest gadgets and utensils known to man for food preparation. At least now, with the pack and Charlie over regularly, it was getting put to good use. The Food Network was now a familiar sight on the tiny flat screen on the counter, but I didn't have a clue whether it was helping the leeches learn how to cook or not. I'd never taken one bite of food from that kitchen.
Nessie was kneeling on a stool so she could lean her elbows on the counter to chatter away at my mom and Esme as they worked. The adoring smiles on both their faces made my mouth twist up into a tiny grimace. Okay, she was unbelievably cute, but that didn't change the fact that she was only supposed to be a few months old, just learning how to do things like sit up and drool. Didn't it freak anyone else out to see her looking like a eight year old?
"Leah!" My mom exclaimed when she noticed me. "I thought you went out..."
I shifted uncomfortably under Esme's tentatively friendly gaze and Nessie's bright smile. "Uh, I just wanted to see some of the game," I muttered, hunching down into my hoodie. I didn't want my mom to start getting her hopes up. This was just a one-time thing.
"Got anything to eat, Sue?" Charlie asked, ambling into the kitchen. Nessie bounced up to him, and he couldn't seem to resist picking her up, even though she was getting to be a bit too big for that. She planted a kiss on his cheek, and I swear his eyes just sparkled as he looked at her. My mom, smiling from ear to ear, handed him a plate she'd just loaded to overflowing with goodies.
"Are you hungry, Leah?" Esme asked me quietly, looking more warmly motherly than I could've imagined possible for a stone-cold, marble-skinned vamp. I swallowed hard. Next to me, Charlie's plate of food smelled unimaginably delicious, and my mouth began watering annoyingly. Embry wandered in and wasted no time in joining Jake at the counter, stuffing their huge mouths with food like they'd been starving for days. My stomach gave an involuntary growl that I knew Esme could hear, and I sighed. I'd already jumped in with both feet by coming back into the house at all. I may as well go to hell well-fed.
"Yeah, I guess," I mumbled in defeat, not looking her in the eye as she swiftly handed me a full plate, careful not to touch me, like she was afraid I'd change my mind if she got too close. I took a slow bite of a brownie and swallowed it quickly, not wanting to let the sweet chocolately goodness linger on my tongue. The silence felt awful to me- tense, astonished, and awkward, like every person in the house was focused on me. Which, being as everyone except Charlie and Sue could hear me no matter what they were doing, they probably were. I could just imagine their thoughts: "What the hell's with Leah today?"
"It's good. Thanks," I finally muttered reluctantly, keeping my eyes on my plate. The painfully uncomfortable atmosphere broke, and everyone seemed to breathe again. I focused on my food, suddenly ravenous, as Jake wandered over to stand next to me. I ignored him joking with Charlie and Nessie over my head, but Embry caught my eye and grinned. Scowling, I returned my attention to my food.
I didn't notice Nessie reaching across me to touch Jake's face as I shifted just a little bit. Her fingers brushed against my cheek, sudden, vivid images dancing across my mind, and I jerked back wildly. My plate shattered against the tiled floor, shards of stonewear mixing in with the remnants of my food. Nessie recoiled back into her grandfather's arms with wide, anxious eyes as I stared down into the mess at my feet.
The silence in the house was deafening. I was the only one who moved, my eyes darting wildly around the room as I panicked. Edward and Bella stood in the doorway, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper peering over their shoulders. Everyone was seemed frozen, staring at me. I couldn't even look at Jacob, terrified of his reaction.
"Leah, what was that all about?-" Charlie began in a bemused voice, unaware of just why I had reacted so violently to Nessie's touch. His words snapped me out of my panicked trance, and I did the only thing I could do.
I bolted.
I could hear the room springing to life behind me as I tore out of the house, heading blindly for the cover of the trees. I could hear Jake reassuring Nessie, and I could just imagine the anxious way she would have patted his face, replaying the scene questioningly to him. Holy, freaking, bloody, crap!!! What had I just done?? What was I thinking, hanging out with the bloodsuckers like that?
I was into the dense foliage now, my body trembling so violently that everything was a dark blur. I only managed to get my hoodie half-way off before I exploded uncontrollably into my wolf-form, shredding my poor clothes to unrecognizable bits.
My claws dug unmercifully into the soft earth as I sprinted away, moving faster than I'd ever thought possible as I tried to outrun my own panic.
Halfway to the border between Cullen territory and La Push, the panic caught up with me and brought me stumbling to my knees.
Oh god, oh god, oh god. What did I do? Jake's gonna kick me out, he's gonna send me back to La Push. He'll never let me near Nessie again. He's gonna make me go back to Sam's pack. What the hell did I do? Oh god, oh god, oh god...
Too crazed to move, I lay there frozen, my terrified thoughts running on repeat in my head. I was so lost that I didn't even notice when Jacob phased, looking for me.
"Leah, what the hell-" his commanding voice boomed in my head suddenly, and I completely freaked out.
"Jake! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! Look, I'll stay away from her, okay? I won't come anywhere near the Cullens, any of them, ever again. Just please, please, please, don't kick me out! Don't send me back to Sam's pack. Look, I'll be the lowest of the low in your pack. I won't even talk to any of you guys if you don't want me to. I'll never phase when you are. Just please don't kick me out," I begged shamelessly, shocking even myself. I knew Jake had been expecting anger, probably super-defensive bitchiness. Not crazed, pathetic sniveling. He had no idea how desperately I needed to stay away from Sam.
"Leah, shut up," he cut into my rant, the awkwardness pouring off of his thoughts heavy enough to taste. "I'm not gonna kick you out."
My relief was so strong I could have sobbed. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, but Jake managed to pick the important bits out.
"The Cullen's aren't mad. Esme's just worried about you. That's why I'm out here. Edward and Jasper said you were really upset," Once again, the awkwardness poured off of him. "Look, I'm sorry about that. Nessie is, too. She didn't mean to touch you."
In his head, I could see flashes of the aftermath I left behind when I'd bolted: Edward explaining in a quiet, low voice to Nessie how much I disliked being touched by them, Esme murmuring about someone going to find me with a sad, concerned look on her face, Mom and Seth trying to come up with some excuse for Charlie's sake, Embry staring after me. It felt really weird to see all that.
"Sorry. Really," I said again, but I knew he could hear the memory of Seth's voice in my head, whining at me: "Aw, Leah, you ruin everything!"
"It's not a big deal. Really. You should just come back to the house. Nessie wants to apologize," he finally said after several long minutes. I snorted, a pathetic attempt at a laugh. Nessie wanted to apologize to me? What for? She just accidentally brushed my skin. I'm the one who totally freaked out.
"No, thanks. I think I've had enough fun for one day. Besides, I, uh, would kinda have to stay a wolf, anyway."
I could sense the heavy sigh he blew out of his mouth, even though we were miles apart. "Fine, suit yourself. I'm going back. Want me to tell your mom you're heading back to La Push?"
"Yeah, thanks. And Jake," I hesitated, trying to force the thought out. "Tell Nessie I'm sorry, okay?"
"Sure, sure," came his easy reply, and then I was alone in my head again. Or so I thought.
"Hey, Leah, that was some kind of freak out," Embry laughed. If I'd been human at the moment, I would've turned absolutely scarlet with mortification. How much had he heard?
Well, that hardly mattered, since he'd just seen it all in my head before I could stop myself from thinking about it. Stupid, crappy, annoying mind connection!
"You didn't seriously think Jake was gonna kick you out over that, did you?" he asked, cutting into my self-directed rant.
"Shut up, Embry!" I snarled, utterly embarrassed by his thoughts. It was all too apparent how ridiculous he thought I was being.
"Oh, c'mon, Leah. Jake would never do something that stupid. He's not gonna just drop his Beta for no real reason."
I snorted. "I'm only his Beta 'cause there was no one but me and Seth to choose from."
"He could've chose Seth," Embry reminded me. "You're the Beta, Leah. That's not changing, so deal with it."
Okay, now today was just getting too weird for me. I was on my feet once more, heading as fast as possible toward La Push, anxious to be human again so I could sort through my chaotic thoughts in private.
"Running again, Leah?" Embry said sardonically, and I growled out loud, even though he was much to far away to hear me.
"Oh, shut up and go play with the bloodsuckers!" I snarled. I heard his snorting chuckle for a brief moment before he disappeared.
I snuck carefully through La Push to my house, creeping into the garage quietly before shifting. The leeches' stink clung to my skin and hair, and I wrinkled my nose in disgust. First thing on my to-do list was a long shower.
My mind whirled as I stepped under the steaming water. Used to be pretty, easier away from Sam, you seem... better... It was so weird how Embry's words kept running around like a skip in a CD in my head. The surprised looks on everyone's face when I came in to watch the game, the astonishment when I ate some of Esme's food- had I really let myself become so angry and antisocial? When did I become this horrible, dead person?
Tears streamed down my face, mingling in with the tepid water running over my skin. I didn't even really know what I was crying about. Maybe I was mourning for myself, the lost bits of me that I'd let die over the past few years. Maybe I was crying for the future I hadn't even known I wanted that would never be possible now. It really didn't matter, anyway. It felt good. Cathartic.
Finally, I wiped away the last of the tears and stepped out of the shower with a deep, shuddering breath. Using the edge of my towel, I cleaned the fog off of the mirror and stared hard at my gaunt face.
"That's enough, Leah Clearwater. It's time to get over it."
My voice was surprisingly firm, and my eyes held a dark determination. So Fate had thrown me down the crapper and poured manure on me. I could handle it. I was stronger than anything Fate could toss at me.
It was time to bring Leah Clearwater back to life.