Baby Steps
AN: Yay! Chapter three! This one's dedicated to everyone who reviewed last chapter, because you guys are the reason I'm still working on this one. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again! I really appreciate any comments or critiques, so I hope you'll keep helping me out with that. Thanks again!
Twilight and etc. belongs to S. Meyer. Okay- chapter three.... GO!
Reclaiming my life was a little more confusing than I'd originally thought. For one thing, I really had no clue where to even start. I wasn't in school, there was no reason for me to be running patrols anymore, and I didn't really have any friends. In short, I didn't know what to do with myself. I never thought I'd say it, but I had way too much free time on my hands.
My solution? Find a job. The only issue with that was that it was probably easier said than done. There weren't a whole lot of options in La Push, and without transportation, I couldn't go much farther than Forks. On top of that, I didn't have any experience in anything except babysitting. With my attitude for the last few years, I highly doubted anyone would want me around their kids.
As soon as I woke up the morning after my 'get over it Leah Clearwater' declaration, I headed over to the one and only store in La Push to grab the local papers. Henry, the old man who'd run the place for my entire life, gave me an odd look when I payed for them. I ignored him, and thankfully he didn't ask any questions.
Another thing I'd vowed to do was to try to eat more. The fact that I could easily count each and every one of my ribs had startled me last night when I'd taken a critical inventory of myself. So, this morning, I scrambled up six eggs and made a whole plateful of buttered toast for myself before I plopped down to peruse my papers.
Just as I'd suspected, there were no advertisements for any jobs in La Push. I shoveled my eggs down as I frowned heavily, tossing the first paper aside. At least the eating part of my 'recovery' was going well this morning. Morosly, I paged through the Forks local paper, not expecting much.
Suddenly, I was sitting bolt upright in my chair, a half-eaten piece of toast falling unnoticed from my fingers. No way! The Newton's store in Forks was hiring part-time! It was like a mini-miracle had just occurred in my very own kitchen! Hastily, I reminded myself that it was more than likely already filled, being as it was one of the only places in Forks for someone to work, but it was still worth a try.
My phone was in my hand, the number dialed, before I had a chance to talk myself out of it. Two rings, three rings....
"C'mon. Please, please, please. Cut me a break, just this once," I pleaded silently to Fate as I listened to each and every ring with a furiously beating heart.
"Newton's Outdoor Gear, how may I help you?" a woman's voice rang in my ear, and I recognized Mrs. Newton's voice from the times I'd been in the store with my dad buying fishing gear.
"Hello, I'm calling about the ad you placed in the paper about a part-time worker," I answered her in the calmest voice I could muster. "Have you filled it yet, or are you still looking for someone?"
"Actually, you're the first person to call about it. I just placed it yesterday. Are you interested?" she replied cheerfully.
"Absolutely. I'm Leah Clearwater. Would you like me to get you a resume, or..."
"Leah Clearwater? I'm not sure I've met you-" she began uncertainly, and I quickly cut in.
"Oh, I'm from La Push," I reasured her. In a small town like Forks, everybody knew everybody, and I could understand her hesitation when she didn't recognize my name.
"La Push. Well, that explains it, then," she laughed. "Well, how soon could you come in for an interview?"
"How soon do you want me to?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound to desperate.
"Could you come at one o'clock today?" she replied, sounding hopeful. "I'll understand if that's too short of notice, but I really do need to fill this position as quickly a possible."
"One o'clock will be perfect," I reassured her, silently ecstatic. It was all too unbelievably good to be true! As soon as I'd hung up, I jumped up and did a crazy, wild dance around the table. Yes, yes, yes!
And then I glanced at the clock and had a complete panic attack. I'd wasted so much time buying the papers and making my breakfast this morning that it was already nearly noon! Frantic, I tore upstairs and scrubbed off quickly in the shower, rushing back to my room with a towel wrapped around my dripping wet self.
What was I going to wear? It had been so long since I'd cared at all about clothes or how I looked that I couldn't even remember what I had in my closet. Everything was sure to be hopelessly outdated or totally ratty, and I supposed it wouldn't help my chances to show up in an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt. If ever I wished for help from the black-haired, fashion freak of a leech, now was it, even though I'd never say it out loud.
In the back of my closet, I managed to find a decent pair of black pants, not too dressy or out of style. They'd have to do. I started to pull on a nice tank top before I remembered that it was only early March, and most people in Forks were still wearing sweaters and winter coats. Sighing, I dug through my drawers again and found a long sleeved red shirt that was really the only weather-appropriate top that would work.
But... this had always been Sam's favorite shirt.
The red fabric felt like it was burning my hands as I clutched it tightly and sat down heavily on my bed. My breaths came in deep, heaving, shuddering gasps, but I didn't cry. I wouldn't let myself.
"Get over it, Leah. It's just a shirt. It's the only thing you have to wear, and you've got to get this job. C'mon, just put it on..."
Slowly, closing my eyes, I pulled the shirt on and smoothed it in to place. Barely breathing, I stood up and faced my mirror, forcing myself to open my eyes and look. For a moment, just the sight of me wearing that shirt, one I hadn't touched since everything fell apart, was almost enough to break me. But then I saw how different it looked now, hanging off of my gaunt frame, and I was suddenly more determined than ever to fix myself.
There wasn't much time left, but I had to do something about my short, ragged hair and my haggard face. My makeup was by now so old it was useless, so I dug through my mom's for some eyeshadow and lipstick. Mercifully, the thick, curling, black lashes around my eyes let me skip the tedious eyeliner and mascara part. I stole a little bit of Seth's hair gel to make my hair look artfully messy and spiky. Honestly, I didn't know why he even owned the stuff, since he never bothered to do anything but rub a towel over his wet head once or twice after he showered.
I grimaced at myself in the mirror when my impromptu makeover was done. It wasn't much of an improvement, but it was a start. If I got this job, I'd have to spend some money on a decent haircut and a new supply of makeup. Not to mention some new clothes.
I yanked on my black boots as I hopped down the stairs, nearly out of time. I still had to call my mom at work and beg her to bring the car back for me to borrow for an hour or so. Thank God her job at the Elder's Office was so flexible she was allowed to come and go as needed, especially after Dad died.
Stumbling into the kitchen, I stopped dead at the sight of Seth and Embry peering into our fridge with ravenous expressions. They both looked up, the surprise on their faces as they stared at me almost comical.
Embry gave a tiny whistle. "Whoa, Leah. If I'd known you dress up at home like that, I'd be over more often."
I turned bright red and scowled at him, embarrassed and angry that now he and Seth were going to know about my little interview at the Newton's store. Hastily, I grabbed the phone to call Mom.
"Are you going somewhere?" Seth asked, dumbfounded confusion in his voice. I screwed up the number and sighed in frustration, not bothering to look back up at them.
"Yes, okay? Is that so strange? I've got an interview at the Newton's store in Forks at one. So just shut up and let me call Mom for the car," I mumbled, punching in the wrong numbers again, my fingers clumsy from embarrassment.
"An interview? As in, for a job interview?" Seth demanded incredulously, and I could've hurled the phone at him.
"Yes. But at this rate, I'm not going to make it on time anyway, so I'm never going to get hired," I hissed, glancing anxiously at the clock. Unless Mom jumped into the car and sped home right now, I was really going to be cutting it close.
"Hey, it's no problem, Leah. I'll take you," Embry suddenly said with an easy smile. He must've seen the speechless surprise on my face, because he shrugged nonchalantly.
"Look, my car's parked in the driveway. You can either ride with me or take your chances getting there on time yourself."
I stared at him, not sure if I'd heard him correctly. The phone dangled from my hand, my mom's number only half-dialed. Talking to me- no, apologizing to me yesterday was one thing, but offering me a ride? I didn't know what to make of it. He gave a pointed glance at the clock before looking back at me with raised eyebrows.
"You're sure? I mean.. you don't mind?" I stuttered finally, and he rolled his eyes.
"I wouldn't have offered if I did, idiot."
Alright. Now that was more normal. I tossed the phone on the counter and grabbed my rarely worn black leather jacket out of the closet.
"Thanks, Embry. Seriously, I'm really going to owe you for this one," I said fervently as the two of us ran out to his car.
"If you actually get this job, I'll make sure you pay me back somehow," he laughed as he helped me clear off the passenger seat. I glanced into the back of the car in amused disgust at the piles of old pop bottles and food wrappers littered over the seats and floor as he backed out of our driveway and sped toward Forks.
"Maybe I should clean your car out for you," I suggested with a smirk.
"Hey, no complaining about your free transport," Embry warned with a grin. He glanced sideways at me, his dark eyes thoughtful. "So, uh, what's with the sudden interest in getting a job?"
I squirmed a little in my seat, totally unwilling to divulge the details of my self-revitalization project. "Oh, well, you know... Just something to do. Change of pace and all that," I muttered. The sharp look he gave me let me know just how much he wasn't fooled by that, but for once he let it slide. We rode in silence for a few minutes, the road flashing quickly by underneath us.
"This isn't messing up your plans for the day or anything, is it?" I asked tentatively, glancing surreptitiously at his dark profile.
"Naw. Didn't really have any plans for today," he shrugged, flashing his wide grin at me. "Anyway, this beats going over to the Vamps' place again. Or babysitting Claire with Quil."
"What? You're not interested in playing Barbie dolls again? Jake looked like he was having fun with his," I asked with mock surprise.
"You know, if you'd told me a year ago that Jake and Quil would be spending all their time doting on a pair of kids, I would've laughed in your face. I mean, we used to hang out all the time doing interesting stuff. Fixing up the bikes, cliff diving, whatever. Now they're too busy playing dolls," he snorted. I could tell he was trying to keep his tone light and joking, but he couldn't quite manage to hide the bitterness behind his words. Startled, I realized I actually felt a little stab of pity for him running through me. It seemed like it had been years since I really felt anything for anyone but myself, and that sickened me.
"Yeah, they kinda turned into some real pansies, huh?" I said jokingly, doing my best to keep my voice casual.
"No kidding," he muttered. "This whole imprinting thing really sucks."
Now I felt another stab, much more painful than the last, rocketing through my chest. It was so strong, I couldn't stop my sharp intake of breath or the tears pricking at my eyelids. Yeah, imprinting sucked when it wasn't you. That part I knew all too well.
Embry shot a quick glance at me, his sharp eyes taking in my balled fists and suddenly rigid posture. His face twisted into an apologetic grimace and he lifted a hand off the steering wheel for a moment, like he wanted to reach over and comfort me, before he let it fall back down.
"Oh, crap. Leah, I'm sorry. That was a really dumb thing to say," he mumbled uncomfortably, sincerely apologetic. I shrugged, forcing myself to relax.
"S'okay. No big deal," I told him loudly, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself more. "Let's just forget it. Can we get some tunes or something?"
"Sorry. Radio busted last week," he apologized, jumping at the change of conversation.
"And you haven't fixed it yet? You, Mr. Mechanic?" I asked incredulously. He just shrugged noncommittaly as he pulled into the Newton's parking lot.
"See? Told you I'd get you here on time," he said cheerfully. Sure enough, I had a little over five minutes to spare.
"I never doubted you," I told him as I unbuckled my seatbelt and pushed open my door. "Seriously, thanks for doing this, Embry. I would've just run here, but, well... I wasn't too sure how the whole make-up thing would take the shifting."
Embry stared at me for a minute before his eyes widened and his face split into a huge grin. I frowned at him as his enormous shoulders heaved with laughter, totally not getting what was so incredibly funny.
"Oh, man. A giant wolf wearing eye shadow!" he crooned, shaking his head and wiping away tears. "Now that's some kind of mental image! Too bad you aren't gonna be shifting!"
I blinked at him in surprise, totally not expecting him to stick around Forks waiting for me. "I'll just run home after I'm done here. The make-up thing won't matter then, so you really don't have to wait for me."
"Don't be stupid, Leah," he snorted, rolling his eyes. "Look, I'll just go to the diner and get something to eat. You can meet me there when you're done."
It seemed pretty stupid of me to argue, since I really wasn't looking forward to carrying my clothes and boots in my mouth all the way home. I nodded, silently agreeing to his plan, before slipping out of my open car door. Nervously, I straightened my jacket and smoothed out my pants with slightly damp palms. Embry put the car in reverse and turned it around before poking his head out of the window to grin at me.
"You're gonna do great," he reassured me. "Nobody in their right mind would turn you down."
I could think of a few people who had, but I just returned his grin weakly. "Thanks, Embry," I muttered, taking a deep breath.
"If you get the job, you're paying for my lunch," he laughed before speeding off towards the one and only diner in Forks.
Squaring my shoulders, I marched resolutely through the front doors before I could get any more nervous. The place smelled like I remembered it; a mixture of new rubber, pine, and musty carpet. Although, I supposed, only someone like me with a heightened sense of smell really noticed the musty carpet.
The store was relatively empty, and Mrs. Newton came towards me immediately with a wide grin.
"You must be Leah Clearwater. You know, right after I got off of the phone with you, I remembered who you were. Your father used to get his fishing gear here, right?" she asked me cheerfully.
"Yeah. He always said you had the best lures," I told her nodding. A little flattery couldn't hurt, right?
"He was a really good man. We all miss him," Mrs. Newton said quietly, and for a moment, we both looked silently at the floor.
"Well," she suddenly said brightly, breaking the solemn silence. "Why don't we head into the office and get started?"
She led the way into a dark, wood-paneled little room behind the cash register, closing the door firmly behind us. I don't think I'd ever prayed so hard in all my life as I was praying then.
Twenty minutes later, I walked out of the store with a new job, a schedule in my hands, and brand-spanking-new lease on life. Or at least it felt that way to me. I was starting to hope Fate had gotten bored with messing with my life, meaning things might actually start to look up for me.
I'm not sure my feet even touched the pavement as I floated down the street to the diner. Embry sat alone at a table, an enormous amount of food in front of him. The fact that I was footing the bill didn't even dent my euphoria. He stopped cramming food in his mouth long enough to look up at me when I reached his table.
"You got it?" he questioned through a full mouth, lifting his eyebrows halfway up his forehead hopefully.
"I got it!" I squealed, and the giddy happiness radiating from my voice surprised us both. I thought my face might split in half from the unfamiliar grin stretching my cheeks from ear to ear as I plopped down breathlessly in the seat across from him.
"Told you so," he replied, the huge grin on his face matching mine. How he managed to smile that big with that much food in his mouth, I would never know. He swallowed, drained half his glass in one swig, and pulled another plate toward himself.
"You ordered all of this just for you?" I asked incredulously, staring at the massive amount of greasy food piled on the table. "Are you sure you shouldn't be shifting into a giant pig instead of a wolf?"
"Har har. I got some for you, too," he returned, pushing the smallest basket of fries and a hamburger at me. Gratefully, I munched on a fry while he demolished a burger in- literally- two bites.
"Like I said, giant pig. Why do you even bother chewing?" I demanded, but the grin on my face took all the edge off of my words. He just shrugged and concentrated on shoveling it in while I finished off my basket, surprisingly hungry for just having eaten breakfast three hours earlier.
Once my basket was empty, I eyed the pies on display hungerly. A little celebratory dessert sounded really good.
"Hey, you still got room for pie, Mr. Human Garbage Disposal?" I asked suddenly, mentally trying to decide between caramel apple or french silk.
"Honey, there's always room in this tank," Embry replied, leaning back and patting his flat, toned stomach appreciatively. I stared at him, one eyebrow raised mockingly.
"Tank? Dude, you've been spending way too much time with Emmett Cullen."
He just leaned back farther and grinned lazily at me. "Hey, that guy's got style."
I snorted and rolled my eyes at him before flagging the waitress over to our table. The astonished look on her face when she saw all the empty plates and baskets almost made me laugh.
"I'd like a piece of caramel apple pie with ice cream, please," I told her. "Oh, and extra whipped cream on top, too."
"Same for me," Embry agreed quickly, and the shocked woman could hardly do more than nod before walking away to place our order.
"Maybe you should tone down the heavy eating in public or you'll give away our secret, Tank," I smirked.
"Hm, I could get used to that nickname," he mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Tank. Yeah, that totally fits me."
"That's it. I am cutting you off. No more Emmett for you."
"Ha. There's no stopping the Tank."
I buried my face in my hands despairingly. "Dear God. What have I done?"
Our pies arrived, and I dug in greedily, hoping "The Tank" would be distracted by his pie and forget about his stupid new nickname.
"So, Leah, what's up with you, really?" Embry suddenly asked after his first few bites. I could only stare at him, a forkful of whip-creamy deliciousness poised halfway to my mouth. He frowned and poked uncomfortably at his desert.
"I mean, suddenly wanting to get a job, eating, getting dolled up... not that I'm complaining," he hastily added, flashing a grin at my dumbfounded face. "But, you know... it's not like you. So, I'm just wondering why the sudden change."
Silently, I poked my fork into my melting ice cream, stirring it thoughtfully. Embry was the nicest person I'd known in a long time, or at least, he was the nicest person in my life at the moment. He was funny, and easy to talk to, and most importantly, he was honest. If I told him about my self-revitalization plan, I knew he wouldn't laugh at me. But could I tempt Fate that much by telling someone else?
Ah, hell. What did it matter? It probably wasn't going to work anyway. I was too far ruined to really come back from the dead. Might as well be honest about it.
"Okay, this is going to sound really stupid. Don't ever repeat this to anyone, got it? Especially not to any of Sa- the other pack," I muttered, smashing my pie to bits with my fork.
"Cross my heart," Embry said sardonically, mockingly making an X over his chest with his finger. I scowled at him, but deep down I knew I could trust him.
"So, last night I was thinking that I let myself turn into a real mess. I mean, I've been blaming the whole wolf-thing and... and Sam for ruining my life, but really, it's my fault for letting it get ruined in the first place. So... I guess I'm just trying to figure out a way to fix things. For myself. So I won't be "Leah the Bitch-Wolf" anymore. I want to be normal again. Well, as normal as I can be, anyway," I trailed off uncomfortably, flicking a hesitant glance up at Embry's face to gauge his reaction. He wouldn't laugh at me, right? Right?
He was leaning forward on the table, his dark eyes scrutinizing me intently, but he definitely wasn't laughing. I squirmed a little under the intenseness of his gaze before he finally nodded and leaned back into his seat.
"Well, it's about damn time," he declared positively. I scowled heavily at him, but he just smiled and gestured to the ice cream soup that once was my pie. "You gonna finish that?"
Sighing, I pushed the mess over to him and went to go pay the bill. Honestly, I was glad that he hadn't said anything more than that. The last thing I really wanted to do was go into the nitty-gritty details of my decision.
Embry didn't bring it up again during the short drive back to La Push, and neither did I. We joked around about nothing and everything, and I realized that I hadn't felt that comfortable around anyone in a long time. It was so easy to just be myself around Embry, because he wasn't expecting anything from me. I could've hugged him until he turned blue.
Seth bounded out of the house eagerly the minute we pulled into the driveway, like he'd been watching out of the window for us like a little kid.
"So? How'd it go? Did you get the job?" he demanded as soon as I opened my door.
"Geez, Seth. Weren't you going to the Cullen's?" I asked, a trickle of annoyance in my voice. He acted so much like an overgrown puppy sometimes.
"Well, yeah," he admitted sheepishly. "But I waited around to find out what happened."
For a moment, my anger flared up wildly. Why did he want to know? So he could run off to the vamps and have a good laugh over pathetic, little me? My hands balled up into fists, and I had the sudden, violent urge to break his nose.
But then I looked at him, really looked at him, and all my anger evaporated. This was Seth, my sweet, loving, baby brother. His face was all honest eagerness and hope for me, because he really cared whether or not I got the job. And the only reason he cared was because I did. I was so used to assuming the worst, thinking everyone hated me, that nobody cared if I was hurting or not, that I'd immediately twisted his sweet gesture into something horrible.
I was the worst person in the history of the world.
"I got the job. Thanks, Seth," I managed to get out hoarsely, hoping he and Embry wouldn't notice the thin mist of tears in my eyes.
"Yes! Alright, Leah!" he shouted, pumping his fist in the air. He noticed my pathetic lack of reaction, and stared curiously at me. "It is a good thing, right? I mean, that's what you wanted, isn't it?"
I gave myself a hard mental shake to stop my self-loathing thoughts and forced a smile. "Absolutely. I'm still in shock, that's all."
"Sure," he said, giving me a confused look. "Well, I'm heading to the Cullen's, then. You guys coming?"
"I'm in," Embry agreed with a casual shrug of his shoulders, but I shook my head. The memories of my last disasterous visit were still too fresh in my mind.
"Count me out. I've got better things to do," I stated firmly, and Seth merely shrugged and headed for the trees to shift. Embry gave me a grin and a mocking salute.
"See you around, B-Wolf."
"B-Wolf?" I asked, not sure I really wanted to know.
"Yep. Beta-Wolf. Or Bitch-Wolf, whatever you want," he told me, laughing at my torn expression. I didn't know whether to laugh with him or throw something at his head.
"Har har har," I snorted. "Don't try your humor on the leeches or they might eat you, Tank."
"Nobody eats the Tank," he informed me seriously before winking broadly and disappearing into the trees. Rubbing my temples, I went inside and slammed the door behind me. B-Wolf? Ugh. Guys could be so dumb.
But funny. Funny and nice, like Embry. Maybe, if my luck held, he wouldn't get sick of me and I could spend some more time with him. Yeah, that would be good. I hadn't had any sort of a friend in a long, long time. I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to just joke around with somebody.
A new job and maybe, maybe someone I could call a friend instead of just a packmate. The first day of my new life couldn't get any better! Okay, so there was that nasty little slip-up about getting angry with Seth for no reason, but I could work on that. Baby steps, right?
Leah Clearwater, you are on your way!
AN: Just wanted to quickly say that there will be a lot more of the Cullen's in the next few chapters. Can't have a Twilight fic without them, right? So... what's in store for Leah's recovery? An Alice Cullen make over? A new car? Any suggestions or ideas would be very happily accepted!! Thanks!