It seemed like Harry had Quidditch Practice practically all the time now, and even though Ron and Draco had at least come on to speaking terms with each other, it still tended to get a bit awkward without Harry around with them. They did homework with each other (though this took quite a bit of convincing on Ron's part and often resulted in neither of them speaking to the other for three hours straight) most days when Harry was off flying around on the Quidditch Pitch, learning techniques and the rules of the game. Why he would need so much time to learn all of that was beyond him, Draco remembered having figured it all out within a week. Surprisingly time seemed to fly by during this, and before Draco knew it, September had already ended and October was halfway over as well, meaning their school year was close to being a fourth done.
By then he, Harry, and Ron had a sort of weekly routine, like everyone else in the school seemed to have created as well. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays Harry had practice with Oliver Wood for two hours, starting at seven and ending at nine, meaning the three of them did homework earlier than usual on those days. On Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends they would do homework later in the evening and then just attempt random spells they found in their textbooks (Draco was the only one that hadn't messed up more than ten times) until they were tired enough to go up to bed. They had woken up Percy Weasley, Ron's older brother, once and he had not been happy, immediately taking three points from Gryffindor, one for each of them. Despite all of this, despite the fact that Draco had gotten closer to the two of them than he had ever gotten to Crabbe or Goyle or any of his other friends in the whole five years he had known them, he still found he needed to get away from them every once and awhile.
He did this most often on the days where Harry had training, though usually he just sat in a corner or on his bed with the curtains pulled shut and read a book. Being around Ron sometimes just seemed like too much, being around anyone really seemed like too much on those days if he was being honest. It wasn't a common occurrence, it had only really happened badly twice since the beginning of the year, and the first time had been because Pansy and Blaise had found it amusing to taunt him every single second they saw him that day. The second time had been on the second Friday of October, and the day had just in general been so hectic that it felt like he hadn't been given a chance to breathe properly since he had woken up at seven in the morning, and by the end of dinner all he wanted was some peace and quiet.
Both times he had gone to the library and had planned to stay there until the librarian, a strict older witch with graying hair and pinched features, forced him to leave. The first time, he did what he intended to and by the time he had arrived at Gryffindor Tower, Harry and Ron had already gone to bed. Even though he had somewhat wanted to speak to them by that point, he felt relieved that they wouldn't interrogate him on why he ran off after dinner with no other explanation than "I still have homework to finish and I need a book from the library.". The second time it happened however, he only managed to get through his Charms homework before someone decided to interrupt him.
"Oh, look who's sitting all alone in a dark corner of the library. Your stupid Gryffindor friends finally abandon you, did they, Bloodtraitor?" The voice of Pansy Parkinson drawled as two sets of footsteps approached his table, which was indeed in one of the corners of the school library, though it wasn't actually dark, lamps were lit all around that area and he had one sitting on the wooden table in front of him as well. His textbooks were spread out around him, he had two bottles of different colors of ink open, a few quills were lying around and several pieces of parchment were scattered among everything else.
Instead of answering, or even so much as looking up at the dark-haired girl, Draco just continued working on his homework, having now moved onto his Transfiguration notes. He really hoped the Slytherin would just leave him alone if he ignored her, even though deep down he knew the attempt to get her to lay off by doing that would only make her angier and her insults more fierce and hurtful. If he was being honest though, Draco didn't care what she said to him at that moment. He had gotten used to those words coming from her by then, having had to deal with them during meals, in the corridors, and some classes for the past month and a half. If she wanted to truly hurt him more than she already had she'd have to come up with something new to say.
"Don't have a response to that, Malfoy? Or can I really even call you that anymore? Your father made it pretty clear in that Howler about what position you have in the family now. You're no more a Malfoy than their House Elves are." A different voice, male this time, said, and Draco could tell Blaise was smirking without even having to look up at him to see it. He calmly flipped a page in the textbook propped open in front of him, acting as if he hadn't heard either of them, and scribbled down something on the closest piece of parchment lying on the table right in front of him.
Their words hurt, he had to be honest with himself on that. That was something they never mentioned in the corridors, or just during school and meal-times in general. They may be able to get away with calling him things like bloodtraitor, and filthy Gryffindor, or Gryffinfreak, or whatever other "creative" nicknames they could come up with during class, but saying his father had disowned him, taunting him about it, taunting him about his surname, all of that they could only ever do if they managed to corner him somewhere alone. Somewhere like the library after dinner. I kind of brought this upon myself. Draco thought, as he scribbled something else down on the parchment in dark blue ink.
He was only partially aware of what he was taking notes on, his thoughts had grown too far-off and distracted over the past half hour. Their homework involved something with figuring out how to turn water to rum, that he knew, though why a first year needed to know that, and how you even actually did it, Draco had no idea. He had basically been staring blankly at the pages of the book for twenty minutes, writing down whatever seemed to stand out to him, for example: Do not wave wand around too wildly and quickly, the water may end up exploding instead of transforming.
"Y'know, I got an owl from your mother a few days ago, she says to make sure you know how much of a disappointment you are. She told me to make sure to tell you it was her who told me to tell you." The moment Pansy mentioned his mother, Draco looked up at her, his lips pressed tightly against each other so that he didn't say anything, or maybe so they didn't start trembling, he wasn't really sure. He definitely wouldn't give the girl the satisfaction of hurting him so much, especially in such a public place, like the library where anyone could potentially come in. For a brief moment Draco found himself hoping Hermione Granger would come in to study as she often did, just so the two opposite might leave him alone in fear of her getting a teacher, but it seemed that Friday was one of the very few the brunette had decided to stay in the tower. Harry or Ron coming it might also have done the trick, but considering how much they seemed to hate studying he doubted they even knew where exactly in the castle the library was.
Pansy's dark eyes glinted in the flickering light of the lamps scattered around the room, her normally pale cheeks were flushed pink with excitement, and her lips were stretched into a self-satisfied and amused smirk. To think that when Draco was younger he had thought she was one of the nicest people in the world… If he could go back and snap at his younger self, tell him to stay away from those that would turn against him, he would. Maybe they would've left him alone if they hadn't used to know him, or at least maybe they wouldn't have gone after him quite as much.
"Also, considering how empty this place is, I think we could even get our points across with just our wands. I've learned plenty of hexes over the years from my parents, and I've been dying to test them out on someone." Blaise added, leaning forward against the table Draco was at, bracing his hands against the wooden surface so that he could get closer to the blond without actually moving around to stand next to him. He was likely trying to seem intimidating, and even though the Gryffindor opposite him hated to admit it, he was succeeding.
Draco gulped slightly, feeling a bit scared of the two of them, though not because of the possible hexes and curses heading his way, but because of the trouble they would get him in for doing so. Most people in Gryffindor already hated him, and seemed to have been looking for something to get him in trouble with ever since he was sorted into the House of the Brave, if he came back to the tower that night with so much as a nose-bleed at least one or two of them would go running off to Professor McGonagall to tell her about it and get him thrown in detention for "fighting".
"Not here, Blaise, as much as I'd love to see him suffer, we're too exposed here, we'd be caught." Pansy sounded impatient as she said this, like she had said it multiple times before. Maybe she had, maybe Blaise had been trying to convince her to let him hex Draco. Then again, the girl had seemed rather eager to do just that the first day of school, and only didn't because Harry had stepped in. Maybe that's who she's scared of… maybe she's scared Harry really would be able to hurt her.
"C'mon, there's only the librarian, and she can't take points from us or give us detention, we'll be fine." The Slytherin who had once been one of Draco's best friends looked eerily menacing to the blond as he pulled his wand from the pocket hidden in his robes, and waved it around in a threatening manner, as if he were trying to scare the Gryffindor.
"Blaise, drop it, okay? Not now." Pansy said and even though Draco knew she didn't care about him anymore, the beg-like tone she was using made it sound as if she didn't want to hurt him. Of course, he was fully aware that that wasn't the case, she had been the one to originally threaten him in the first place.
"Didn't know you still cared, Pansy." Draco said, not exactly loudly, but definitely also not quietly, and he forced a small, somewhat arrogant smile to form on his lips as he looked up at the Slytherin in front of him.
"I never cared about you. The only reason I ever hung out with you before Hogwarts was because our parents wanted to have us get married when we were of age. Nobody in your life ever really cared, they just wanted to use you for your name and even then they didn't do it willingly, they did it because they were told to. None of us ever really cared what happened to you, and that's probably because deep down we all always knew you were just scum." Now Draco could feel tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, and he blinked rapidly in a desperate attempt to get rid of them before they escaped and rolled down his cheeks. Those were insults he had never heard from them before, had never even imagined they would say them to him.
"You're pathetic, you know that? You blindly listened to everything your parents told you and never stopped to wonder what you thought. You believed every lie everyone has ever told you, believed anybody could actually care about you." Pansy wrinkled her nose slightly and shook her head as if she was disappointed in him. "You're such disgraceful scum that even your own parents wish you had never been born.
At this Draco stood up abruptly, feeling more tears sting at his eyes as he hastily swiped all of his things back into his school bag, not caring if they got messed up, only bothering to hastily close the ink bottles. He couldn't take the insults anymore, no matter what they thought of him as he ran away he didn't care, he only felt glad that he could escape them. Neither of them tried to stop him as he hastily shoved past them and left the library, only yelling insults after him as he raced through the Hogwarts corridors to get to Gryffindor Tower. Nobody paid him much attention as he tried his best not to run through the castle, the closest sign of someone noticing anything was the few concerned glances thrown in his direction.
"You alright, mate?" Ron asked, looking up from his parchment and frowning in concern when Draco stormed in through the Portrait Hole, trying his best to hold back the tears burning behind his eyes. His blue eyes seemed to skim over Draco as if he was trying to find out why the blond was back earlier than usual and why he had come in so quickly and abruptly.
"I'm fine, Weasley. I'm going to bed, see you in the morning." Draco responded sharply to the redhead, trying to keep his voice from trembling. His friend finding out how weak and pathetic he truly was wasn't something he needed right then. The blond walked briskly past the table he, Ron, and Harry had practically claimed as their own over the past month, where Ron was currently sitting and working on his transfiguration homework like Draco had been doing. The redhead quickly put down his quill however and stood up when his dorm mate, and friend, got closer, only to brush by him and head towards the winding staircase leading up to the dormitories.
"Malf… Dra-" He started, following Draco and leaving his homework abandoned on the table, ink slowly dripping from his quill's tip onto the wood. The blond didn't get a chance to hear the rest of what his friend had to say however, the first year boys' dorm's door had cut him off mid-word. The second the door was closed, Draco hastily locked it with the small key that was always stuck inside the golden keyhole and then spun around to face the room and quickly looked around to make sure he was the only one in there. Luckily for him, every bed was empty and all of the scarlet red curtains surrounding the four-posters were wide open, meaning nobody could even be hiding in them.
The instant it registered in his mind that he was finally completely alone, unlike in the corridors of Hogwarts where dozens of students had passed him as he walked as fast as possible without looking like he was running away from something, a long-repressed sob escaped him. Tears of pain and anguish rolled down his cheeks in two streams, meeting in the center of his chin and dripping salty drops down onto his robes and his collar.
Why couldn't I just have been sorted into Slytherin? Draco thought for the first time in two weeks, Even if I didn't fit in there, at least I wouldn't have to deal with this every single day, at least I could pretend to belong so they would leave me alone. Slowly, as his thoughts seemed to become louder and louder, blocking out every other sound, the eleven year old slid down the wooden surface of the door, pulling his knees up to his chest as he did so. His entire body seemed to shake and tremble as he buried his face in his knees, trying to stop the tears in his eyes from escaping but failing as they soaked his pant legs.
I just want this all to end. I want Pansy and Blaise to leave me alone, I want… I want a parent, or at least someone like that, who cares about me... I... It took Draco a few minutes of sitting there, in the exact same position in front of the door, with his sobs seeming to echo through the room around him, for him to realize that maybe he did have a chance at having the last wish.
The small silver shield he had taken from the trophy room with his aunt's name carved into it flashed through his mind and he quickly pushed himself to his feet, shakily walking over to his trunk which stood latched shut at the end of his bed. With slightly trembling hands, and tears still glistening on his pale cheeks, Draco threw it open, searching its contents for a piece of parchment and the envelopes his parents had forced him to bring with him back when they had wanted him to write them every week about what was going on at school. He found both things relatively quickly, seeing as both were in the same bottom corner, and picked them up, sitting down heavily on his bed without bothering to close the trunk again.
His leather school bag made a soft thud on the bed beside him and Draco slipped its strap off of his shoulders, letting it fall onto the bed beside the bag. The books inside it banged against each other inside it as he opened it and rummaged around, looking for a quill and ink bottle. When he couldn't find either thing just by blindly digging around for it one-handed after attempting to for several moments, a sigh escaped his lips and he simply tipped the bag over, effectively spilling its contents all over his bed. Textbooks, scrolls, his wand, three bottles of ink, and five quills came tumbling out and onto his dark red blankets, scattering and making it difficult to adjust his sitting position without knocking something to the floor.
How did I not find those?! Draco wondered in annoyance as he unscrewed the lid of one of the ink bottles he had hastily closed in the library and slowly scooted backwards until his back was leaning against his bed's headboard. He pulled his knees up half-way to his chest and grabbed the book closest to him, propping it against them and placing his parchment on it so that he could use it as a table of sorts. Before the young Malfoy could change his mind on what he was doing, he dunked the tip of his quill into the ink and began writing in neat, somewhat loopy handwriting:
Dear Aunt Andromeda,
I know we've never properly met, and maybe you don't want anything to do with me because of my parents, but I thought it would just be nice to know what you're really like, and not base my opinion off of my mother's word. ...