Author Disclaimer: I don't own CCS or any of it's characters; they belong to the wonderful artistic group Clamp. I write only out of my love for the story, so please don't get mad at me.

Italicized text generally indicates thought; the exception is the beginning of this chapter when it is used to indicate written word.

Preface:

"I'll come back!" Ten year old Syaoran promised as the bus started to roll away.

"When?! Sakura asked, moving with the bus.

"When the things I have to do in Hong Kong are finished!"

"When will that be?!" She asked again, starting to run to keep up with the bus.

"It'll take awhile!" He said, looking into her eyes. "Will you wait for me?"

"Yes!" Sakura promised, as the bus holding her childhood love pulled away to the airport.

"I'll wait forever, if I have to," she murmured as she stood waving after the bus. "After all, Syaoran is the one I love the most."

Can I Say Goodbye

Chapter One

Wednesday, March 23rd

My Dear Syaoran,

I never thought I'd be writing you like this; I never wanted to be writing to you like this. It's been years since you moved back to Hong-Kong; have you forgotten me? It wasn't so bad, the first couple of years. I remember how sad you sounded when you told me that you didn't realize the extent of the responsibilities that called you home in the first place, but you promised we would stay in touch. We'd call, and write; I always looked forward to getting your letters, and even saved all of them. But at some point, all of that changed.

How many years has it been? We were both just kids when you left; now we're nearly adults-almost eighteen years old!

Syaoran... you never came back. Sometimes I wonder what happened to us. Were we just kids with an elementary idea of love? Did we really know what the words "I love you" mean, or were we just caught up in a simple childish fantasy?

I know I promised to wait for you, and I really believed that I could. I think we both thought that you would come back. I think you'll always have a special place in my heart, since you were my first real love, but... I can't wait anymore.

Syaoran, please believe me when I say that this isn't how I wanted things to end. I'm not trying to justify myself in any way, and I'm not trying to blame you. It's been almost eight years... I always envisioned you showing up one day on my way to school, standing under the cherry blossoms, your Sakura bear in one hand and a school case in the other. I dreamed about the day you would come back, and how we'd finally be together once you did.

But you never came. And when you stopped responding to my letters, it felt like maybe... maybe I was just an inconvenient reminder of a life you left behind. Maybe we weren't what I thought we were, or would be. So I decided to wait for you to initiate the next conversation, to let you set the timing and tone. And maybe you did, by not reaching out at all.

To be clear, I don't regret anything, dear Syaoran. I just... can't take the waiting anymore. I should've written this long ago, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. But now... well, now I can. Now I have to. This is hard to say, but the reason I'm writing you is to tell you that—well, there's no easy way to say it, so I'll just be direct: I'm leaving, Syaoran.

Touya was offered an international contract position, and after talking it over with his boss and our family, he decided it was a great opportunity worth pursuing. Yukito will be accompanying him. And so will I.

In a way, there wasn't much choice. My father is still gone a fair amount for work, which meant Touya moved back home after university. He still sees me as his baby sister who's unable to care for herself without him here to keep me on track. But I realized that I want this. I need to start over; a new place, new people... a new me.

It's been so long, I doubt this will mean much to you, but I felt like I had to write you one last time. Nothing was ever finalized between us, and I need the closure. If I'm to leave in peace, I had to tell you how I feel. I had to let you know; I had to say goodbye.

So, dear friend, this is it: goodbye.

Yours,

Sakura Kinomoto

Seventeen-year-old Sakura Kinomoto dried her tears as best she could, trying not to stain the paper with them. She had already ruined three copies of the letter because she deemed them too tear-stained to be legible.

I won't cry, she thought, steeling herself against the now-familiar wave of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. I didn't realize that saying goodbye would be so hard... but I need to be able to move forward.

Looking over the letter one last time, she put it in an envelope already addressed to one Syaoran Li, and sealed it while a single tear made its way down her cheek. She'd cried so much already, she wasn't sure there was much more—but it needed to be done.

She looked at the calendar on her desk and sighed. I can't believe we leave next week. It seems too soon, somehow.

"Sakura! Get down here, kaijuu!" Sakura rolled her eyes at the nickname Touya still insisted on using. She picked the letter back up gingerly before heading downstairs.

"Hello, Sakura." She looked up into the smiling face of Yukito Tsukishiro, Touya's long-time partner, though it had taken about two years before Touya was willing to admit the relationship to anyone else. She didn't mind; Yuki had become one of the family years ago, and it was nice having a second (and nicer!) older brother.

"Still getting ready for the big move?" Sakura nodded slowly, looking down at her hands and not trusting her voice to respond at this point. Yuki followed her eyes down, noticing the letter in her hands, and his eyes softened with a knowing look.

"So that's what the tears were about?" He raised his hand, brushing a finger next to her eye, and Sakura blushed. She had been hoping to get out before anyone could notice the telltale signs of crying, but Yuki always seemed to catch details like that.

She was just glad it was Yuki, not Touya; Yuki knew, and could understand, whereas Touya probably would have just started making fun of her, or criticizing her for wasting any more of her time and effort on "the Chinese brat."

"Would you like some company when you put that in the mail?" He asked, tone gentle and understanding. "I know it's been on your mind for awhile now."

She bit her lip, then nodded again, feeling slightly ashamed for being so childish.

"I'm stealing Sakura for a short walk, Touya." Yuki called back to the kitchen, where she heard her brother acknowledge the statement.

He gave her a conspiratorial wink, then bowed slightly and held out his arm with a smile on his face. Sakura smiled, thankful for Yuki's empathetic nature, and threaded her arm through his outstretched one as they stepped out the front door.

AN: It's been years since I started this story, and when I read back over some of it, it made me cringe. I want to finish it, which means updating the old chapters. Hopefully it's worth it.

To clarify something: this story was started before the Clear Card manga arc came out, so I'm continuing on as if that didn't happen in my timeline. There are also a couple of small tweaks I've made that should include explanations, but feel free to contact me with any questions or inconsistencies you notice.

Constructive criticism always appreciated. Also, please let me know if you notice any errors so I can address them. Thanks for reading!

-Fira