"Mummy, where's Daddy? He promised he'd play with me," Lily asked Ginny, her hands on her hips.
Ginny smiled at her five year old daughter. "He's not home right now, sweetie. I can play with you if you'd like, though."
Lily shook her head vigorously, her red hair flying from side to side. "I want Daddy to play with me!" she said, stomping her foot. Ginny smiled again, thinking how her smallest child had inherited her temper.
"Where is he?" Lily asked, climbing into her mother's lap.
Ginny's smile faded a little. "On an Auror mission, darling." Even after all these years, Ginny wasn't used to these missions, and never properly relaxed until Harry came home, safe and sound.
Possibly Lily sensed this, as she snuggled closer. "I don't want him to go! Why did he have to go?" she demanded of her mother.
As she said this, Ginny was suddenly jolted back to a different time, a different girl, but the same words.
xXxX
She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to rage and smash things and curse and call for her mother and hide in her arms until this was all over.
But she couldn't.
Why did he have to go?
She had to be brave. She had to be strong. For her family. For Hermione. For the Order. For the DA. For Dumbledore.
But most of all, for Harry.
Why did he have to go?
She wanted Harry, to punch him and kiss him and punch him again. She wanted Harry here, with her, instead of on a dangerous quest doing who knows what. She wanted to know what he was doing, where he was, when he would be coming back. *If* he would be coming back.
Why did he have to go?
Every time she fed Pigwidgeon, she thought of Ron, the brother who had played with her when none of her brothers wanted to, who went to the Chamber of Secrets for her, who genuinely cared about the way her boyfriends treated her. Every time she petted Crookshanks, she thought of Hermione, the closest thing she ever had to a sister, the one who had given her advice when she couldn't get over her crush on Harry, the one who had comforted her after she'd been possessed. How were they holding up? Did they know how badly she wanted to be with them?
Why did he have to go?
Every morning, after a sleepless night, she'd run to check the *Prophet,* to check if Harry was still alive. And every morning, she'd experience terror, then elation, then terror again. What if a day came, and there was no reason to check anymore?
Why did he have to go?
She ran the DA with Neville and Luna, putting on a brave face every time they set out on a mission. She had to. She graffitied the walls, freed students from the dungeons, stood up to the Carrows. But as lively and dangerous as their little resistance was, Ginny felt dead inside.
Why did he have to go?
She had pretended she was alright when her mother asked her if everything was OK with her. When Hermione had asked how she was after the breakup. When Luna hugged her and asked if she wanted to take a little break, she looked tired. But she wasn't. The stress, the worry, the not knowing was killing her. And every day she broke a little more.
Why did he have to go?
Why did he leave her here, alone, in this school run by Death Eaters? Why did he leave her to cry into her pillow every night, until there were no tears left? Why did he leave her with so many questions, but no answers?
Why did he have to go?
Why did he have to go after You-Know-Who? Why did he need to save the world all the time? Why couldn't he be hers, just hers, without having to rush to the rescue? Why did he have to be such a bloody hero?
Why did he have to go?
This was the question that haunted her, while she was awake, while she was asleep, while she ate, while she was on some daring DA stunt, while she cried.
Why did he have to go?
But deep down inside, she knew the answer.
xXxX
"I don't want him to go! Why did he have to go?"
Ginny hugged Lily tighter, speaking more to herself than to the little girl on her lap.
"Because he's Harry."
A/N: As my wonderful beta, RA, told me, this is very short. I'm really sorry! But I'll be uploading another oneshot that is at least a little bit longer than this one, so keep an eye out for it!
Review please?