Chapter 4
[This desire I have for you.]
The darkness of unconsciousness was one of the most terrifying prisons he had ever known. Dream cowered, trembling, unable to raise his head to observe this desperately empty, desperately dark place. The place that had held him prisoner for so long... for hours? Days? He couldn't tell, his vision of time was cloudy, as cloudy as the feelings that assailed him.
He was scared, shaking, sobbing. And in this place devoid of life, he heard only his own groans, his own painful and pathetic groans.
He was scared. He wanted Ink. He wanted Cross. He wanted his brother.
[Someone, anyone...]
Was he dead? Was it hell? Was it his fate after his miserable life: to be plunged into darkness until he went mad?
He gritted his teeth, choking out another sob.
A gust of wind. He shivered.
He froze.
A gust of wind?
He raised his head up sharply, only to fall once again into the void. At first disappointed, his soul gripping with anguish, he suddenly held his breath. No ... There was something different. There was a... There was someone there?
"Always such a crybaby."
Dream widened his eyes and got back on his feet. Contradictory feelings took possession of him: relief, apprehension, incomprehension. He squinted his eyes for fear of having dreamed, but it was not so: Nightmare broke away from the darkness to appear before him, as imposing and haughty as usual, his tentacles wiggling in his back.
"N ... Night?" stammered the keeper of dreams.
Nightmare kept silent, looked at him for a long time, lingered on his frail and trembling body, then on his tired and terrified face ... and Dream was surprised to see a glimmer of guilt in his eyes. No, it was impossible, had he dreamed?
"... Nightmare... Is this ...real? Or am I... ?
- You're not dead."
The master of darkness approached. Dream shuddered, took a step back, but his twin was quickly at his level, came to slip a hand on his cheek, surprising him again. And he put on him a look that the guardian of dreams never thought he would see, a look that made him feel like a jewel, a fragile crystal that one wished to brood and cherish.
It wasn't normal... This situation was far too unreal...
"Dream…"
Nightmare's voice shook, alerting his twin, who looked at him in confusion:
"Dream... You're in a coma."
The little dream blinked, as if he hadn't assimilated the information. He tilted his head to the side, lost, confused, believing some kind of joke or manipulative technique, or a clue that he was dreaming and that his brother wasn't really there.
"Dream, do you even remember what happened?"
What happened? He had a sweet laugh, a laugh that stunned Nightmare.
"It's hard to forget him ... But what does it matter?"
[Yeah, what does it matter?]
"All is well"
[He was fine.]
"This place isn't so bad, especially if I can create such illusions…"
[ Now that he had imagined Nightmare, maybe he could imagine Ink, Cross, maybe even Blueberry? ]
"No one will ever have to suffer because of me again."
[ Yes, plus pers... ]
"BUT YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DEAD!"
Dream was startled, terrified by this excess of voices. He looked at what he thought was a fake Nightmare, this fake Nightmare whose tentacles were more violently agitated, whose gaze had become more murderous. This fake Nightmare at his wit's end, full of rage and suffering that made him tremble, made him want to cry:
"YOU'RE IN A COMA BECAUSE THE OTHER MOTHERFUCKER MADE YOU EAT BLACK APPLES! AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU'RE STILL NOT FUCKING CORRUPT!"
Dream flickers. What's that?
Nightmare grabbed him by the shoulders:
"We're both unconscious right now! Your state is completely unstable, your mind is an open book! I snuck in here to wake you up, you moron!
- No... (sighs) No, that's impossible, it's...
- If you don't wake up now, your soul will destroy itself! And then, yeah, then you'll be dead for good! And don't expect Reaper to give you special treatment! So... (sighs)"
Nightmare opened his eyes when he was violently pushed away. He avoided the fall only because of his tentacles on which he leaned and raised his head, looking at his brother in amazement. Dream had just attacked him? Really?
"Shut up... " gently blew the younger one backwards.
Nightmare frowned, took another step towards him.
"BACK OFF! STAY AWAY FROM ME!
- Dream.
- SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT MY BROTHER! YOU CAN'T BE MY BROTHER!"
Dream didn't know how he managed, but his bow suddenly materialized in his hand and it was by instinct that he aimed at his twin before firing without the slightest hesitation. The arrow of light split the air in an instant and almost stabbed the nightmare master, but he narrowly dodged it, not without making a wince when he was grazed on the cheek.
He growled, looked angrily at his brother:
"So you want to play this…"
He never turned down a fight, least of all with his idiot twin. His old habits returned at full gallop and he threw himself on Dream, his tentacles rushing towards him. But his soul missed a beat. It missed a beat when he saw Dream close his eyes, surrendering to his attack, ready to suffer its full force, even if it was only to shatter.
Nightmare felt his stomach twist. He had to use all his self-control to manage to deflect the attack, saving his twin from certain death, and instead of hurting him he came to grab him, his tentacles grabbing his arms and legs to immobilize him in the air.
Dream froze in horror, assailed by memories.
[ Tentacle clamps violently against the wall ]
[ arm snap ]
[ Sticking a tentacle in his mouth ]
[Sets him down with a deep wound]
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Nightmare froze with fright, shuddered before this scream of terror, a scream he had surely not foreseen, as well as this sudden wave of negativity that pushed him to step back, to protect himself with his arms. He barely managed to hold Dream, watching it struggling, screaming and sobbing like a madman, his body arched and his eyes filled with unbearable fear.
And that terrified him. Dealing with negative emotions was one thing. Facing unknown negativity was another. But seeing his brother, his twin, that adorable being embodying positivity, screaming like a madman and struggling with despair, was surely the worst vision, a sight he would never have wanted to see.
And yet he had dreamed of it. Oh yes, Nightmare had dreamed of the day when he would destroy Dream, when he would push it to its limit, when he would make it sick with horror and make it sink, getting rid of the positive emotions that were bothering him at the time, getting rid of the last obstacle that was preventing him from reigning as a master on the multiverse.
[Aren't you happy?]
He should have been happy.
[You finally get what you want.]
He should have rejoiced!
[ Chuckles ]
WHY COULDN'T HE REJOICE?!
Nightmare tightened his grip, Dream uttered yet another scream. He slipped a tentacle around his throat, pressed it slowly, the body trembling, the eyes devoid of pupils.
[If he killed him now, no one would blame him.]
[If he killed him now, everyone would think that Shattered is the culprit.]
If he killed him now...
If he killed him now...!
... Why didn't he kill him before? Now he'd had his chance. He'd had too many chances.
[He wanted to hurt him.]
Yes, yes, death was too sweet, much too sweet for Dream. It was...
[ Dream choking ]
He didn't care. A little more, just a little tighter, and...
[He can't breathe]
Why did he want to save him in the first place? No, no, Nightmare didn't want to save him. He was delusional, he didn't... he didn't... he didn't... he... he...
He met the gaze of his twin, his twin who had stopped struggling, empty-eyed, half unconscious, ready to accept his death, ready to disappear from this world, ready to ... à ...
Nightmare became livid. His tentacles gave way, letting the guardian of dreams fall to the ground, stunned and confused, coughing and trying to catch a faint breath.
"Why... ? " articulated the nightmare.
Dream was unable to move. He could only turn his eyes to his weak brother, without understanding why he had not finished him.
"Why do you seek to die... ? WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR SKULL THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR?"
The silence returned, heavier, colder, more unbearable than ever.
Dream remained for a long time without answering, as if the question seemed absurd to him, that there was no need to give an answer. Nightmare asked him why? He dared to ask him why? He dared to stand in front of him, to cheer him up, to imply that he was just an idiot to want to die ... When he was the one who wanted him dead all along? That he's the one who's been trying to finish him off? That he was the one who tried to kill him again not even a few minutes ago?
"... You've got to be kidding me…"
Dream blew that out with a smile on his face, as if he'd just heard a good joke. His breathing was just getting regular again, but his soul was beating wildly, his mind was no longer functioning properly. He leaned on his hands, trembling all over, more feverish than he had ever been.
"You wanted me to disappear... and now that I'm giving it to you, you ask me why? When I'm doing this for you, for all of you, you ask me why?"
Her smile had melted, his tremors had become more violent. He got up, barely holding on to his legs, ready to collapse again. But his gaze was not feverish. No, his gaze had become dark, dark and angry, witnessing the storm raging inside him, the storm that mixed his anger and sadness, his regret and remorse, his ... his ... his ...
"IT'S NOT FAIR! I HAVE FINALLY ACCEPTED MY FATE! I FINALLY ACCEPTED TO DIE ! I'VE FINALLY ACCEPTED TO LEAVE YOU ALONE, TO LEAVE YOU ALONE SO THAT I CAN BE LEFT ALONE! WHY DON'T YOU LET ME DIE? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED THIS! YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED IT! DON'T BULLSHIT ME, DON'T TELL ME YOU WANT ME TO WAKE UP!"
Nightmare thought he was hallucinating, anger took hold of him again:
"LEAVE YOU ALONE? YOU'RE ALWAYS IN PEACE! YOU'VE HAD PEACE SINCE WE WERE KIDS! YOU'VE HAD IT ALL ALONG! YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD PEOPLE TO LOVE AND CUDDLE YOU, YOU'VE ALWAYS...
- WHAT LOVE?!"
Nightmare paused, stunned by such a question. He clenched his fists, his rage only getting stronger, but Dream got ahead of him before he could reply:
"DO YOU EVOKE THE LOVE IN MY AURA? IS THIS LOVE FOR YOU?"
Nightmare remained mute, caught off guard by such a question. What… ? Love to his aura?
"WHAT A LOVE! PEOPLE LIKE TO FEEL GOOD! THEY LIKE POSITIVE EMOTIONS, THEY LIKE TO SMILE, THEY LIKE TO BE HAPPY! SO OF COURSE HE LOVES ME, I'M A WALKING SOURCE OF HAPPINESS!
- Wha... Dr...
- BUT WITHOUT THAT AURA, WHO'S LEFT? NO ONE! BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS A USELESS KID! NOBODY WANTS A CLUMSY MORON WHO KNOWS NOTHING BUT HOPE, WHO KNOWS NOTHING BUT HOPING, WHO KNOWS NOTHING BUT COMING OUT OF NONSENSE BIGGER THAN HIMSELF!
- It's, uh... !
- EVERYONE PREFERS TO PLAY THE HYPOCRITE WHEN IT SUITS THEM, BUT WHEN THEY NO LONGER NEED A HELPING HAND THEY TURN AWAY FROM THEIR SOURCE! THEY GO ELSEWHERE TO TAKE CARE OF THE PEOPLE THEY REALLY LOVE!"
Nightmare hiccupped, petrified by his twin's speech. Petrified by the tears that had come to fill his eyes and run down his undone face.
"ONCE THEY'RE HAPPY, ONCE THEY'RE HAPPY... !"
Dream sobbed, grabbed his arms with force, stuck his trembling phalanges into them without worrying about the pain.
"Once they're happy, they don't need me anymore! Once they are happy, they don't care that I can disappear, they don't care that I can go wrong! »
He fell to his knees, shaken by uncontrollable jolts, as pale as death as he felt his stomach turn over, inflicting on him that repulsive urge to vomit.
"... I wanted to be like you…"
Nightmare felt stabbed, assaulted by a stabbing pain, a pain that worsened when his twin repeated:
"I wanted to be like you... To be as strong as you... To be capable of so many things like you... Many hated you, many resented you, many still do... But when people love you…"
He burst into tears, his voice going off the rails over his last words:
"...when you are loved, you are truly loved... !"
He took his head in his hands, closing his eyes with force, as if he wanted to hide, to vanish for good:
"I really loved you... !"
There was nothing left but his sobs, his crouching and aching body, his broken voice and his erratic breathing. There was nothing left but his troubled mind and his terror. There was nothing but his distress and abandonment.
And Nightmare just stood there with his mouth open, unable to answer anything, as if he'd just received a masterful slap, a truth he would have preferred to ignore. He remained silent, contemplating the feverish body of his brother, contemplating what was left of his sparkling twin as a crowd of memories hit him in the face.
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME! YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND ME!"
He was the one who didn't understand anything.
"YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD IT ALL! BECAUSE YOU ARE THE GUARDIAN OF DREAMS, OF POSITIVITY! YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE SPOILED BRAT! AND ME IN ALL THIS?!"
"A spoiled rotten kid" who lived a life of hypocrisy and lies.
"WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU? WHEN I WAS BEING HUMILIATED, HARASSED?"
Dream had never been there because he didn't know about it. He had never noticed anything because everybody had hidden it from him, everybody had lied to him, everybody... including Nightmare himself. Nightmare who had dared to accuse him, who had dared to call him a liar.
But Dream had only lied to one person.
[ Dream had been lying to himself all these years ]
[He lied to himself, convinced himself that he was okay, that everything was fine.]
He had lied to himself only to avoid cracking up. Only so he could continue to support others.]
[ While from the beginning... ]
[All along, it was his job to be supported]
Nightmare collapsed, fell to his knees, exhausted. Just about at the end. He made a groan, a pathetic moan, close to a sob, and barely realized that his vision had become blurred, that tears were coming out of his one eye.
What had he done?
He destroyed Dream.
What had he done?
He had pushed his twin to the limit.
What had he done?
He had committed an unforgivable act.
Seeing your desperate brother hurt you more than you thought...
Nightmare gritted her teeth. He got up, his body reacting by automatism, and moved towards Dream, came to crouch down beside him, put a hand on his shoulder.
[It's time to right the wrong you've done.]
"It's time to wake up Dream."
[You're filled with determination]