A/N: New chapter! At last! I live! Slightly shorter chapter, but something I've wanted to establish as my own headcanon for a while. Updates are going to be trudging along a bit slowly, as midterm season is already upon us (for me personally, not for the Beacon Bunch haha).
I'm curious to see how you feel about this idea of mine- for now, we've hit territory where we can't turn back anymore. I needed to introduce this situation before we went back to the true canon (aka let's go watch Jaune be kind of a terrible person for a couple of episodes). Leave a review/PM me about your thoughts!
Laws of Attraction
Dinner was delicious. Her friends were by her side. Nora acquired a few tents for the eventual campout she promised in their room (no one asked how she got them), Ren began running cooking lessons for the rest of the students (which he promised to run the rest of term, as long as Nora got to eat the leftovers) and Jaune was finally able to enjoy a day without being teased for his general cluelessness.
But nothing was peaceful for Pyrrha.
Following dinner with JNPR after the practice match with Coco and Fox, Pyrrha had burned the midnight oil long into the night, researching everything she could. Countless medical texts lined the table she had monopolized, hidden away from prying eyes in the back of the library. Although each iteration of the journals held slightly different diagnostic criteria, she found the name for what had happened to her, of that inexplicable terror.
She had suffered from a panic attack- a lot of the symptoms seemed to match. And that fact was what terrified her, more than anything.
In her mind, she knew that she should talk to the others. All the guides and resources she found strongly recommended seeking help and learning to face her fears. There was no time to waste. By the time she suffered another one – if she suffered another one (when, she kept telling herself, her mind spiralling into what she felt was "the inevitable") – there might not be any chance to run away, to calm herself down.
Panic disorders in the world of Remnant weren't acceptable. No real mood nor anxiety disorder was, really – one either learned to cope with it, or they would face the consequences. They lived on Remnant, after all. Maybe in another world, where people had more safety and freedom, she wouldn't need to hold this much fear inside herself. But in Remnant… panic would bring Grimm. As a Huntress, it was a feeling that was never a good idea to have, especially lest it be on a mission. During battle, there was always a bit of tension- that much was certain- but nothing like what she had experienced. She needed to get rid of these feelings, these terrors, and fast.
But, her constant focus upon her mental state wasn't healthy, either. She knew it all too well – the Aura tracking app upon her Scroll was constantly sending her little messages. Her Aura continued to hover around the halfway marker ever since the attack and it never improved, no matter how long she slept. With her Aura perpetually at half-full, and her heart growing wearier by the hour, the fatigue quickly began to take its toll upon her.
In Remnant, when people suffered mentally and emotionally, they were expected to handle it. Pyrrha couldn't help but shudder, swallowing the bile rising in her throat as she thought of the countless rumours she had heard about those who had lost their grips on their hearts, their minds, their rationality. In a world infested with Grimm, negative emotion was a weapon. If powerful enough, it could destroy entire villages, lead the creatures of darkness to the doorsteps of peace and incite endless bloodshed. And if it got to the point that one could not bear the burden of it all, then…
She didn't know what happened to those people who broke. She didn't want to find out.
It was a long, long weekend of listening to her Scroll beeping constantly, her Aura decreasing little by little.
The others were blissfully unaware of her self-diagnosis. Instead, Team JNPR and Team RWBY wanted to grab dinner on Sunday night in Vale to celebrate the end of their first week. There was a special shuttle that carried students regularly between Beacon and the rest of the city, after all. Why not use it? The group thought it might be a good thing, maybe even a tradition they could begin.
"C'mon, Pyrrha, it'll be fun," Nora said brightly, peering up into the redhead's face. "Apparently this place makes some great noodles."
"Yeah, Pyrrha, let's go!" Jaune insisted, pulling on her arm towards the waiting Team RWBY in front of the boarding dock.
Pyrrha grinned sheepishly, instinctively reaching for her mask. Unfortunately, she knew that it didn't even touch her eyes – not by a long shot. "I guess it might be a… nice change of pace!" she replied, but her voice was so deadpan that even Nora wilted slightly.
It wasn't like she was there willingly. Before she had even had the chance to refuse the invitation, they had grabbed her arms and hauled her halfway across campus. Oh, how she wanted to refuse.
She waved weakly at the awaiting Ruby, who was practically bouncing on the spot alongside Yang, the sisters more than a little excited to journey off campus. The petite brunette was clearly more enthused than anyone else about their upcoming adventure.
Suddenly, a voice broke through Pyrrha's concentration. A shiver ran down her spine, smile immediately freezing in place as her mind matched a name with the voice.
"Hey, freshies! Where are all of you going?" Coco Adel called.
With Jaune tugging her arm still, Pyrrha had no choice but to turn back and face the older girl. The brunette leaned to the side, crossing her arms in amusement. Behind her stood three other figures – Fox, they all knew from the demonstration, but the other two were fairly new faces.
"Who are they?" the tall boy in the back grunted, his towering figure standing firm behind the group. His arms were crossed, green robes so long that it was as if they were staring at a tree. At around seven feet tall, even Pyrrha had to crane her neck back to even look at him.
Fox replied easily, "Freshmen. We did the demonstration for Goodwitch's class, remember?"
"Not fair!" a tiny voice called from behind the giant boy. The freshmen's eyes were all drawn to a smaller brunette, dwarfed by the other newcomer, hiding behind his imposing stance. She peeked around him awkwardly, her tall rabbit-like ears signifying Faunus heritage. "But we're supposed to do the demonstrations."
"And I asked Goodwitch to let me do it instead," Coco shrugged, nonchalant. "You need to save those pics of yours, missy. No arguing, remember, Velvet?"
The Faunus girl- Velvet- sighed, but didn't fight back. "You're right," she admitted, finally stepping out from behind the taller boy. "I'm Velvet, by the way. This is Yatsuhashi."
"It's a pleasure," Yatsuhashi said, looking down at them all with a solemn expression.
Coco waved her team over as she continued walking past the two freshman teams. "Well, wherever you're off to, you can't block the path," she scolded airily. "Move."
At her command, all eight of them stepped out of the way, allowing Team CFVY to walk past them into the boarding gates.
The brunette laughed at their immediate compliance. "Enjoy your night, kids! It only gets tougher from here." Waving good-naturedly over her shoulder as they left, Coco guided her team onto the shuttle without looking back.
Ruby's eyes sparkled as they left, tracing their figures with an excited squeal. "Ooh, how do they all fight? I wanna see, I wanna see!"
"Shut it, Ruby," Weiss instructed coldly. "It's unbecoming to jump like that. And don't you encourage her, Yang."
Yang blew a raspberry at the white-haired girl, causing Blake to just shake her head at the silly antics of the team. Nora and Jaune laughed at the other team's goofy nature, and even Ren was smiling.
Pyrrha, on the other hand, was not. Her eyes were glazed over, Team RWBY's light banter filtered out completely in her mind. Two days since the attack. Only two days. Her heart was leaping into her throat as she listened to Coco and Fox's voices, and was immediately transported back in time, her mind's eye taking her back to the fight – the victory – the aftermath-
I can't do this right now, it dawned upon her, joined by the catching of her breath, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. I… I can't.
Tugging her arm out of Jaune's grip, she murmured, "Sorry. I have to call my home, I forgot. Enjoy dinner!" Without even taking the time to look at their expressions, Pyrrha turned on her heel and fled, bolting towards the locker room the moment she turned the corner.
By the time she arrived at the dark, large chamber, she was completely spent. Out of breath, heart racing, bangs completely mussed and tangled around her circlet. If anyone saw you like this, you'd cover Mistralian tabloids, she thought to herself idly, collapsing upon a nearby bench. The thought of the tabloids, of the media, of people watching and her performing and the way things used to be-
"Back when I had power," she murmured, letting her breathing settle slowly back into a steady rhythm. Closing her eyes, she leaned forward, bracing her forehead against her clasped hands.
That wasn't the same thing as Friday, she thought to herself. I didn't have an attack. I just… ran.
Because that all she had done, really. She had run away. The moment she had heard the voices of Team CFVY, every part of her body had screamed to get away, to escape the situation. If she wasn't around them, then maybe the attacks wouldn't happen again?
No, she groaned internally, leaning back and supporting her weight on her palms, arms stretched out back. They aren't the problem. I am. Ruefully, she smiled, looking at her own expression in one of the mirrors lining the back wall, just as she had done barely a week before during their first initiation.
How has everything changed so much in just a week?
She didn't know the answer to that. What she did know, however, surprised her.
For the first time since truly being welcomed into Team JNPR, Pyrrha found herself longing for her days in Sanctum Academy. Back then, there had been no fear… because there are been nothing to lose. She had been attached to no one, she had answered to no one. But in just a few days, she had already found herself a small group of people with whom she had gone into battle with. Whom she had fought beside, and survived with. With whom she had eaten pancakes and been (almost) late for class and traded jokes and shared warm hugs.
With whom she had been accepted by, despite the baggage she was never truly able to conceal.
And now, it was she herself who threatened to ruin it all.
That thought shook her to the very core. "I can't fail," she murmured. Again, with more conviction, she repeated, "I can't fail." Shakily getting to her feet, she walked to the mirror she had been looking at earlier. With trembling hands, she fixed her hair, detangling her bangs from the chains upon her circlet. She fixed her collar, pulled her gloves up, readjusted her boots, and smoothed out the wrinkles from her skirt and sash.
Straightening her shoulders, she closed her eyes, breathed in, out- 1, 2-
And looked straight into her reflection, green eyes just as piercing and confident as she had always been. This was her battle mask.
"I am Pyrrha Nikos," she murmured, standing tall, looking down her nose at the figure staring proudly back at her. "And I cannot fail."
And with that, she swore her oath to herself. Never again would she feel that weak, that helpless, that powerless. If she had to wear her battle mask every day for the rest of her life, then so be it. It was what she had always done before Beacon, after all.
For it is in passing that we achieve immortality. Through this, we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all, infinite in distance and unbound by death. I release your soul, and by my shoulder protect thee.
Long ago, she had been told these words by her own hero. She had internalized them, carved them into her very soul. And as she stared at herself, standing proud in the mirror- Pyrrha Nikos, in all her glory- she repeated them over and over to herself, shoving down the fear which still lingered in her heart, the nervousness which gnawed at her mind.
"I am Pyrrha Nikos, and I will not fall."