Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Chapter Twenty
Merlin's first morning back at work, he hardly spoke. He roused Arthur from sleep with far more gentleness than usual, and he didn't ramble at all while he helped him dress. As Arthur ate breakfast, he watched the man patter around the room with a quietness Arthur hadn't even known he was capable of.
It sowed the seed for a disturbing thought.
"Was it all an act?" Arthur's voice sounded abnormally loud in the otherwise-silent room.
"Sire?" Merlin asked, startled and confused.
"The babbling and the idiocy and the clumsiness. Is that something you did on purpose to make yourself seem less…you know. Magicky?" Arthur almost wished he could take the question back as soon as it was out. What if the man he had known was a lie?
But the scowl he received in response was all Merlin.
"First of all, I don't babble. There is a point to the things I say. And I'm not an idiot." He gained momentum and volume as he spoke, and Arthur tried to hide a smile as his friend finally started to reemerge. "In fact, if you'll think back to all of the times you called me an idiot, you'd probably realize that I was almost always right in those situations, and you could have avoided all sorts of trouble if you had just listened to me in the first place."
"And the clumsiness?"
Arthur only received another dirty look in response before Merlin redirected his attention back to the room.
"Honestly, Arthur," he grumbled, "Who stood in for me while I was gone? This place is a mess."
"No one." Arthur stared intently at his plate as he ate, somewhat embarrassed by the admission. "I mean, someone brought me my meals and all that. But I didn't want someone else going through my things."
Merlin huffed. "Lucky me."
But when Arthur dared another glance at him, he could swear Merlin looked pleased.
He took a few more bites, then pushed his plate away and took a deep breath. They were going to have to do this eventually. Now was as good a time as any.
"Merlin?"
"Yes?"
"Were you ever going to tell me?" To his relief, he managed to sound more curious than accusatory. He wasn't trying to pick a fight, but there were certain things he needed to know.
Merlin paused, standing up and leaning back against a bed post, timidity taking the place of snark.
"I think so," he said quietly, facing Arthur but keeping his eyes down, his hands tucked behind his back. "When the time was right. I wanted to. I'd wanted to for a long time." He shuffled a foot nervously. "Are you angry I didn't?"
Arthur shook his head. "I honestly don't know," he admitted. "I don't know what to make of it. I feel like I should be angry. You lied to me, Merlin. You lied a lot."
"I know," Merlin acknowledged, his voice barely more than a whisper.
"Why didn't you trust me?"
A loud knock interrupted them, and Arthur was half tempted to yell at the person to go away. But before he could, Merlin made a beeline to the door, clearly welcoming the interruption. He opened it to find Gwen standing there with a determined but slightly dazed look on her face.
"Merlin," she said with a forced smile. "You're here too. That's…good. I think. I need to talk to both of you."
"Come in?" The words came out as a question as Merlin opened the door wider and ushered her into the room. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I just…" Gwen trailed off, then turned to face the king. She took a deep breath and stood up straight as though bracing herself. "Arthur," she demanded, her voice unusually stern despite her obvious nervousness. "When I told you that Merlin and I cast out the goblin, why did you immediately ask if we did it with magic?"
"No reason," he said haltingly, scrambling for a good excuse. "Just…I thought casting out goblins probably required magic."
"And that didn't even make you hesitate?" she demanded. "You just immediately thought, 'Well, I guess Gwen or Merlin have magic?' And I'm pretty sure you didn't think it was me. And you said you'd found out Merlin was keeping a big secret…"
Merlin whipped around with an accusing look, and Arthur cringed guiltily. "I didn't tell her!" he insisted immediately, and Merlin rolled his eyes, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
"You might as well have!"
"Oh gods," Gwen whispered, sitting down abruptly. "It's true. You have magic?"
Arthur looked away under the weight of Merlin's withering gaze. "It's not my fault she's smart enough to put the pieces together!"
"Because you handed her all the pieces, Arthur!" Merlin's face was turning red, although Arthur wasn't sure whether it was due to fury or embarrassment. "You've known for one week, and you already let it slip to someone!" Merlin turned away, running a hand through his hair as he took a deep breath.
Arthur fumbled for a minute, trying to find solid ground from which to defend himself. "It's Gwen!" he exclaimed finally. "I didn't intend her to know, but does it really matter?"
"This is why I didn't tell you while Uther was still alive," Merlin snapped. "You do realize I'd be bound for the pyre right now?"
The words stung, but Arthur found himself at a loss for a retort.
"Not to be rude, but can we by any chance make this conversation about me for a minute?" Gwen demanded, and Arthur was horrified to see tears in her eyes. "Merlin, how could you? After all the evils we've seen of magic? After…after Morgana!" She choked on the last word, and Merlin's eyes closed in pain at the shared memory.
"I was born with it," he said quietly. "I had magic long before I ever knew Morgana, much less before she…changed."
This brought Gwen up short. "Born with it?"
"I've always had it, Gwen. The Merlin you've always known, he's had magic from the beginning."
She sat in silence for a moment, then turned to look at Arthur, who just shrugged helplessly.
She shook her head as though to clear her thoughts. "How could you lie to me about this? For years? I thought we were friends!"
"We are!" Merlin insisted, taking the seat next to her. "Gwen, I couldn't tell anyone! Because…well, because!" He gestured angrily to Arthur, as though that encompassed his entire point.
Which, unfortunately, it kind of did.
"Besides, knowing would have made you an accomplice. If I'd ever gotten caught, you would have been at risk too. And, since Arthur didn't know, I would have been asking you to keep a secret from him, which wouldn't have been fair to either of you."
Gwen wiped the angry tears from her eyes, still glaring at him. "Friends trust each other, Merlin," she said harshly. "And magic or not, I would have gladly taken any risk if it would have allowed me to help you."
"I know," Merlin said softly, taking her hand in his and wiping away a new tear as it fell. "You're a great friend, Gwen."
She sniffled, and Arthur could see her ire fading. Gwen's soft heart couldn't hold a grudge long.
"You will not lie to me again," she said sternly. "Do you understand me?"
"I understand." He gave her that goofy and charming grin that only Merlin could pull off. "Am I forgiven then?"
She considered for a moment, then glanced at Arthur and sighed. "Under one condition."
"Name it."
She gave him a watery smile. "You have to forgive Arthur. He was understandably upset when we spoke, and he actually went to great lengths in the conversation not to reveal your secret. And yes, he risked talking about it a bit, but he only risked it with someone he knew loved you."
Merlin just glared in response.
"That's the deal," she insisted. "My forgiveness for your forgiveness."
He turned the glare to Arthur, then sighed. "You're lucky I love her so much," he grumbled before giving Gwen a small smile. She leaned over in response and kissed him on the cheek.
Frankly, Arthur could do with a little less handholding and kissing and declarations of love between the two of them, but he figured it would be wise to hold his tongue for the moment.
"So you forgive me for lying," Merlin said hesitantly. "What about the magic?"
She sighed, looking away. Then something seemed to occur to her, and she turned back to Merlin with realization in her eyes. "It was you, wasn't it? You were the one who healed my father?"
Merlin shrugged one shoulder, smiling shyly.
"That's what I thought." She squeezed his hand once, then stood, pulling Merlin up with her and wrapping him in a tight hug for several seconds.
"You and I are going to have many, many long conversations about all of this until I understand," she warned him, and Arthur saw the smile on Merlin's face as he rested his cheek against the top of her head.
"I'll tell you anything you want to know."
"Yes, you will," she confirmed, pulling away. She sighed and fussed for a moment, straightening Merlin's neckerchief like a doting mother before saying, "I should get back to work."
"You'd better," Merlin agreed. "I don't know if you've heard, but the king is very demanding of his servants. Just about works them into the ground, really."
"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur said halfheartedly as Gwen hugged him again.
Once the door closed behind her, Merlin turned to Arthur. And regardless of what he might have promised Gwen, his blue eyes were full of fury.