Hi This is my first Bucky/OC fic I hope you like it. First chapter is going to be a little slow and short just giving you a small idea on whats going on in Buckys head ect but it will get going. Also this is set about 10 weeks after endgame. This story does include Sam Wilson and may include other MCU characters along the way.
Chapter one – Internal crisis
Bucky walked through the double doors of the apartment complex holding the door for Sam as he limped through. They were fresh off a mission and Sam took a baseball bat to the knee in a fight. It was still early in the evening, much too early to be accidentally seen by other residents of the block looking beat up, blood soaked and sweaty, that never stopped Sam from holding up Bucky's shower by talking relentlessly.
"Got any plans for this weekend?" Sam asked with a smirk on his face already knowing the answer to his question. Bucky didn't turn to look at him and kept walking towards the stairs internally cursing Sam for his constant questions.
"No, you?" He asked back in a monotone voice knowing it was the polite thing to do. It's not that he didn't like Sam they made a good team, it's just that he never shuts up.
Sam smiled and began to jog up the stairs along side Bucky ignoring the pain in his leg. "Got a date" He stated proudly. He watched Bucky out of the corner at his eye who gave the tiniest nod towards his statement. "That s it a nod? No follow up questions?" Sam asked in a slightly shocked tone. He personally didn't understand Bucky, he knew about his past and how hard he was finding it to adapt to the new world but to Sam it's like he didn't even want to try and be 'normal'.
"No" He mumbled not even breaking a sweat as they past the sign for the 7th floor.
Sam shook his head and chuckled. "You need to go on a date man. Seriously this whole brooding mess thing you got goin' on it's just annoying" his comment earned an eye roll from Bucky.
"Alright" He muttered hardly even listening to a word his chatty friend was saying. Sam came to a stop at the 10th floor where his apartment was located, Bucky slowed down and turned to him knowing he should at least say goodbye after the day they had, had together.
"Hey, I'll call if I hear anything" Sam told him in a genuine tone. Bucky forced the tiniest smile and extended his hand out to Sam, He took it and they shook.
"Sure" He mumbled before letting go. Sam smiled and turned to walk away. Bucky stood for a second deliberating if he should say more. After all they had almost once again died on a mission together. He stood awkwardly for a second "Good luck?" He called out after Sam who was already half way down his hallway.
Sam laughed loudly and turned back to his new friend "Thank man but I don't need it" He said confidently before jamming his key into a door and entering his home. Bucky sighed and turned back to the stairs to carry on to his floor.
Once he reached his apartment on the 17th floor he flew straight inside locking the door behind him as always. He sighed and threw his keys down on the small table next to his front door. He never told anyone about it but as he looked around his apartment he knew he would never get used to living here, somewhere nice and big with actual furniture and not just a mattress on the floor. It still shocked him every time he walked through the door even if he had already been living here for 10 weeks.
The apartment was nice, paid for by the avengers HQ of course. He could never afford anything like this, being the Winter soldier didn't pay. It was fully furnished and open plan, they had even gone as far as hanging wall art and littering the place with plants, most of which now where beginning to wilt from neglect. Bucky hadn't planned on living here but he had no choice. If he wanted to stay out of custody of the US government and make his long time friend Steve happy he had to be a part of the team. That meant staying in his 'none prison', going to his mandatory therapy sessions and waiting for a call from the Avengers saying they needed him. They hadn't called him once, they didn't mind what he did on the side to keep himself occupied. Small jobs like taking down a mob leaders, kill the leader of a terrorist ring... the small stuff.
Teaming up with Sam happened by accident, they kept going after the same people and once the bickering stopped about whos mission it was they decided to work together. They actually made a good team even Bucky couldn't deny that. His thought process to doing what he does was to try and do as much good as possible and maybe one day the good will out weigh the bad. He knew he was kidding himself deep down, he would never stop being riddled with guilt for his past life. Ultimately he knew he owed it to a lot of people to try.
Still leaning on his front door looking around his semi-new place he noticed the clock on the wall, 5.23PM that's meant he had exactly 37 minutes until his mandatory therapy appointment. Sure it wasn't ideal but it's a small price to pay for the winter soldiers damage to society he reasoned with himself.
He pushed himself off the door and marched to the bathroom. He looked in the full length mirror hanging on the wall in front of him and pulled a face of disgust at his reflection. His now shorter hair had bits of dry blood in it, he pulled a face at the thought of not knowing who that belonged to, was it his? He groaned and began to pull his many layers of clothing off. His body was filled with bruises and scrapes, nothing major he would be healed in a few hours anyway. Once stripped he stepped into the shower and turned the cold tap on. As soon as the water hit him he gasped at the temperature before slowly taking a deep breath to try and ignore how it felt against his small wounds. Bucky always took cold showers, it kept him alert and focused also it made it hard to think, he liked that.
'Where are the children?' Bucky spat as he held a gun to the man's head who was on his knees in front of him, his face already bloodied by the beating he had just received.
'Fuck you soldier you think I'm scared of you?' He man retaliated. Without flinching Bucky pulled the trigger and put a bullet in the man's skull, he dropped the the floor and the red began to pool beneath him, Bucky felt nothing as he stared at the man lying dead in front of him. His teeth still clenched and breathing heavy, another lost lead.
Seconds later Sam landed next to him retracting his wings into his suit. 'Dude come on. How are we going to find them if you keep killing every man we come across?' He asked in a sassy tone. Bucky didn't stop staring at the dead man on the floor wishing somehow he could bring him back just so he could have the pleasure of shooting him again.
'He hurts children' He muttered as he shoved his gun back into his holster.
Sam sighed and reached out placing a hand on Bucky's back startling him. 'I know I just' he began 'They might not come back alive Bucky so just pre pair yourself for that' he told him.
"Mr Barnes?" Dr Olivia soft voice spoke out causing Bucky to snap back to reality. He looked up at her she she smiled softly at him, she was around 45 Bucky assumed, he knew it would be rude to ask a lady her age so he could only guess. She wore a black pant-suit and had her blonde hair pinned neatly on top of her hair. She was a pretty woman and seemed very understanding, he didn't mind speaking to her as he knew she was no real threat to him so the least he could do was give her the time of day and actually talk during his sessions.
"Sorry?" He asked in a soft voice his steel blue eyes looking lost as if he missed something.
She smiled kindly, she wasn't the type to scold people for daydreaming in her sessions she knew how easily it was or the mind to wonder. "I said how are you adapting to your new job?" She repeated.
Bucky fidgeted in his seat thinking of earlier that day when he had put a bullet between a mans eyes, he deserved it he was trafficing children but it still sent a shudder through him."It pays the bills" He answered honestly hoping she would avoid any follow up questions about his work.
"Would you prefer to be doing something different with your time?" She asked. He was quiet he had never actually thought about a life away from what he does, if not a soldier what would he be? A farmer? A sales man? None of it felt right to him.
"I don't know how to do anything else, this is all I know" He answered honestly again. She nodded and scribbled a few notes in her booklet that was resting on her knees. She looked back up to the man sitting uncomfortably across from her. "Have you heard from the avengers?" she asked.
He shook his head. "No" he mumbled. "I'm sure they will call us if they need us" He added.
Dr Olivia cocked her head to the side. "Us?" She asked.
Bucky sighed and sat back in his arm chair for the first time in the session. "Sam Wilson".
Her eyes widened slightly. "The Falcon?" she confirmed Bucky nodded and she smiled at him. Bucky wondered if she was a fan of the Falcon, he had been on TV enough for her to know who he is and she was employed by the avengers maybe she had met him before. "That is good news Mr Barns, making friends is good" She told him snapping him back away from his thoughts.
He crossed his arms over his chest. "Co-worker and it happened by accident, he keeps turning up to my missions and claiming they are his missions" He grumbled.
She smirked at Bucky pleased that he was finally starting to spend time with people people other than speaking to Steve Rogers occasionally. "But you finish the missions together as a team?" she asked, he nodded. "Well very good also how are you handling the other thing we talked about last week?" she asked.
He cleared his throat and sat up straight in his chair. "Use more words?" he asked almost sounding like a school child who had been called into the principles office.
Dr Olivia chuckled and nodded "Yes James, too use more word in a conversation and not stare at people like you want to physically harm them" She reminded him he nodded.
"Good" He lied. She rolled her eyes and he let out a little laugh of his own. She closed the book on her lap and stood up causing him to do the same.
"I'd like to see you again at the end of the week Mr Barnes to go over a few more things" She told him firmly.
He smiled faintly "Yes ma'am" he said, she walked to the door of her office and opened it for him. Without thinking he walked straight out before stopping suddenly like he had forgotten something. He turned and flashed a small smile at the Dr "Thank you" He said in a genuine tone, she smiled.
"You are most welcome" She told him before closing the door behind him.
Bucky exited the building stepping out into the chilly evening, he zipped up his black jacket all the way to the top and began to walk back home. New York in Winter was good for Bucky, no one questioning why he wore big jackets and gloves all the time, it was very easy to keep his vibranium limb hidden. The last thing he wanted was for someone to recognise him, the haircut helped too that was Sam's idea.
It was still early not that it mattered to him, without a mission to do he knew he would probably go home and do research, living in a remote place like Wakanda hadn't given him all the time in the world to catch up on current affairs. As he briskly walked down the road with both his hands shoved into his pockets his cell phone began to vibrate, he stopped dead in the ally he was stood in and pulled out the small device squinting at it slightly when it lit up in his hand. 'I hate this stupid thing' he thought to himself as he unlocked the cell Director Fury had gifted him.
SAM
DATE IS HOT! SHE GOT A FRIEND WANT ME TO GIVE HER YOUR NUMBER?
Bucky rolled his eye and slipped the phone back into his jacket pocket not bothering to reply to him and carried on walking, it wasn't long until his had reached him 'none prison' and began to run up the stairs. Most of the apartments in this block where vacant Bucky assumed something to do with the avengers owning most of the block and perhaps they where safe houses. He ran up the stairs at a super human speed before skidding to a stop as he reached his floor almost colliding with a woman who was stood on her phone at the top of the stairs.
Hearing the sound of his hand slamming down on the railing and him coming to an abrupt stop the woman jumped out of her skin and spun around. "Shit" She shrieked placing her hand over her heart. Bucky stood awkwardly two steps lower than her, he couldn't help but notice he was still taller than the tiny woman.
"Sorry" He mumbled not really knowing what else to say. 'sorry I am super human and sometimes I forget how fast I can actually run?' no not a good way to start a 'normal' conversation.
She shook her head and offered a little smile. "It's fine don't worry about it" she told him in a causal tone as she brushed some of her dark brown hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.
"I wasn't" he said in a low tone. Her blue eyed widened a little at his arrogant comment, it took him a second to realise. "I'm sorry i jus-" he began but she threw up a hand and waved at him to stop talking.
"Like I said, it's fine" She told him before turning back around and walking down the hallway of their shared floor. Bucky slowly walked behind her making a conscious effort not to startle the poor woman again. She couldn't of been much more than 5 foot 1 maybe he thought to himself. She wore an almost floor length red jacket and a pair of black boots, her face was young he was guessing mid twentys maybe. She stopped and began to unlock her door, she was two apartments down from Bucky, he wondered why he had never seen her before.
He stopped when she did still keeping his distance, he remembered what his doctor had said about his conversation skills or lack of. "I'm Bucky" He called out shocking himself he actually spoke to the woman. She turned and raised her eyebrows at him before turning her key. "Barnes" He added slowly hoping she wouldn't freak out and scream realising he was the winter soldier.
She pushed her door open but didn't enter, she instead turned to him leaning on her door frame "Lucky" she called out.
Taken back a little he cocked his head. "I don't understand how but thank-you" he said trying to remain polite, it wasn't the first and it probably wouldn't be the last time someone from this generation said something he didn't quite understand.
She almost laughed. "That's my name" She confirmed with a smile on her face. She narrowed her blue eyes at Bucky still smiling but almost like she was trying to work him out, it made him feel even more uncomfortable.
His mouth opened a little and he suddenly felt... embarrassed? "Right" He blurted feeling a little flustered, he began to shake his head and closed his eyes briefly."Sorry" he muttered not knowing what else to say the woman in front of him.
Her smile dropped and she stood up straight looking at the man in front of her. "Everything okay Bucky?" She asked, she seemed genuinely concerned at the man having a small breakdown in front of her.
He gritted his teeth and nodded "I'm fine I just, I should be going" He said bluntly before marching away with out so much as a goodbye. Lucky stood for a second completely perplexed as to what just happened. It was the first time she had saw her neighbour and he didn't seem like he was in a good way at all. She shrugged it off and walked into her apartment.
Bucky practically ran into his apartment shutting the door behind him and locking it of course. He placed his back against the door and let out a groan as he slid down it. He brought his knees up to his chest and dropped his head into his hands, his heart was hammering against his chest. The anxiety of talking to people was almost to much for him, at least it it was a bad guy he didn't have to smile and be polite. When will being alive in general ever not feel like a challenge he thought to himself.
Once upon a time Bucky would of flirted with that girl and flashed her a smile that would of knocked her off her feet, but alas he is one hundred percent sure she thinks he is weird … she isn't wrong.
In the middle of his internal breakdown his phone began to buzz again, he shoved his hand in his pocket to retrive it hoping it would be another mission, nope, just Sam.
MAN I KNOW YOU READ MY LAST MESSAGE! YOU NEED TO GET SOME GRANDPA, I GAVE HER YOUR NUMBER
Bucky's eyes widened in fear, this was not what he needed right now, even if he wanted to speak to a woman the incident in the hallway pretty much knocked ever last piece of confidence he had. Seconds later another message came through this time from and unknown number.
HEY IT'S BECKY. SAM GAVE ME YOUR NUM WANNA GRAB A DRINK? Xoxo
wide eyed almost looking like he had seen a ghost he pressed down on the top of the phone until the screen went blank and slipped the phone back in his pocket. 'no good can come from this thing' he thought to himself.
"What the hell is Xoxo" he muttered out loud.
After a few minuted he peeled himself of the floor and into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water downing the whole thing in one. Kicking off his shoes and leaving them where ever they landed he sat down on his sofa and picked up the book he had previously been left when he got the last call. 'the diary of Anne Frank'. He opened the book and carried on from the marked page. He knew this was it for the night, he wouldn't get much sleep he never did. His demons came for him in his sleep and they were not pretty.
Feedback is more than welcome, hope you like it. Also this was a shorter chapter than I usually write I just didn't want to give to much away other than the introductions and Bucks mental state. Thank you for reading.