Someone (or something) was knocking on the door of the Mystery Shack.
"Who could that be at this hour?" Stan Pines muttered as he walked to the door. It was the Handwitch.
"Good evening Mr. Pines" she said. Stan shrieked and slammed the door. He heard footsteps, the creak of a door opening, and noticed an eerie light fill the hall. He gave another shriek and shielded his face with his arms.
"Grunkle Stan?" came Mabel's voice. Stan lowered his arms. It was just the twins.
"Are you ok? What's going?" Dipper asked.
"The Handwitch! She's at the door!" Stan cried.
"You mean that witch who lives in a cave?" Dipper asked.
"Do we know any other Handwitches?" Stan snapped.
"Don't be rude" Mabel chided. "Let her in."
Mabel ran around her grunkle and brother to the door.
"Mabel Pines, don't you dare-" Stan began.
"What do you want?" Mabel yelled.
"I wish to speak to Mr. Pines. It would benefit him greatly" the Handwitch croaked.
Thinking of money, Stan pushed Mabel aside and opened the door. "Step right this way, miss."
They walked into the living room. When the Pines family was seated comfortably on the couch the Handwitch asked "Will you go out with me? My boyfriend just dumped me."
Stan made a face. "Absolutely not!"
The witch snapped her fingers. An army of hands paraded into the house and grabbed Dipper and Mabel.
"Go out with me or they die!"
The next evening Stan was getting ready for his date. The witch had promised to release the twins if Stan went out with her. Just one date. If she wasn't satisfied, or he called the police, she would kill them. She was waiting in the living room. He didn't know where she was keeping the twins.
"It's one night" he told himself. "One night. You can do it. For the kids."
He took a deep breath and slowly and walked down the stairs. When he saw the witch he inhaled sharply. She was more hideous than usual. Her dress was a deep red spandex that clung to her like skin. Her greasy white hair was pulled into a large bun on the top of her head. Stan looked down at his shoes and exhaled.
"Ready to go?" he grumbled.
"Yes" the witch croaked. "Where are we going?"
"Greasy's" Stan said. "It's the nicest place in town."
The witch wrinkled her nose in disgust. "It doesn't sound nice."
"It is" Stan assured her. "I've had a lot of great dates there."
The witch scowled. "Even I know that it's rude to talk about previous dates on current ones."
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a polite person."
Stan parked the golf cart.
"It looks closed" the witch remarked.
"It closes at midnight" Stan said. "It's only ten."
He walked into Greasy's, leaving the witch in the cart. A few minutes later she realized he wasn't going to come out for her. She angrily stormed into the restaurant. Lazy Susan was wiping down the counter. Stan was sitting in a booth. The witch stomped over to his booth, the whole building shaking with step.
"How dare you leave me in the golf cart" she hissed.
Stan didn't look up from his menu. "It's not my fault you chose to sit out there."
"You could've given some sort of signal" the witch snarled. "You could've said something."
"And you could've put two and two together." Stan raised his hand. "Lazy Susan, we're ready to order."
The elderly waitress waddled over. "What'll be?"
"I'll have the cheese and bacon omelette with-"
"Wait!" the witch cried. "I haven't had a chance to look at the menu."
"You won't like any of it" Stan said. "None of the meals are served with bones or toads."
"What are we going to do?" Mabel whispered.
The twins were tied back to back in the cave. They had spoken only in whispers since they had arrived. Every time they spoke above a whisper, two or three hands would run in and check on them.
"I have a small knife in my left pocket" Dipper whispered. "See if you can grab it."
Mabel tried to scoot closer to her brother and fit her hand in his pocket. A few minutes later, she pulled it out and started sawing out their ropes. They slowly pulled away from each other, not wanting to the attract attention of the hands. They slowly rose.
"How are we going to get around the hands?" Dipper whispered.
Mabel looked around. "There might be another exit. Maybe in the back?"
The twins scoured the tiny cave. The only discernible exit was the mouth the of the caves that was guarded by the hands. Mabel picked up a candlestick and threw it into the back of the cave. The army of hands followed the loud clattering noise. Dipper and Mabel slowly crept out of the cave and into the dark forest.
The witch and Stan were still at Greasy's. The witch was miserably stirring her milkshake while Stan texted his brother.
"Well, this was a waste of time" the witch said. "Say goodbye to your niece and nephew."
Stan looked up from his phone. "Did you say something?"
The witch groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Why do I always end up with the crappy dates?"
Stan looked back at his phone. "You don't have a great personality."
The witch glared at him.
"Is one decent date too much to ask?"
"Are you always this whiny?"
The witch narrowed her eyes. "You've been nothing but a jerk all night" she hissed.
"This is news to you?"
"You seem to have forgotten our agreement" the witch said. "I hope you're happy; your ignorance just cost your niece and nephew their lives."
Stan dropped his phone. "No!"
"Grunkle Stan!" Dipper and Mabel burst into the diner.
"Kids!" Stan ran to them and took them in his arms.
The witch was shocked. "How did you two escape?"
"We distracted your hands" Dipper said. "It looks we got here just in time."
The witch began to cry. "Nothing in my life ever goes right! I can't even kill kids properly."
"It's ok" Mabel assured her. "Maybe you should try online dating?"
The witch sniffed. "Maybe."
"I got a laptop in the back if you wanna set up a profile" Lazy Susan offered.
The witch smiled. "I would like that."
The Pines family snuck out of the diner as the witch slipped behind the counter.