AN: No bunnies or sheep were harmed in the creation of this chapter. All fluff was acquired through humane means.
As long as you consider subjecting Merlin to 35 chapters of angst as "humane."
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
Chapter Thirty Six
"You have sorcerers who've sworn fealty to you now," Leon mused as Merlin treated Arthur's wounds. The group had stopped in a clearing not far from the gorge so Merlin could tend to the injured. Curses from Maylor had left a burn on Arthur's upper arm and a number of gashes across his chest. "Beyond just Merlin, I mean."
"It is strange, isn't it?" Arthur said, but he felt pleased. "I hadn't exactly planned on that."
"But you're okay with it?" Gwaine asked from his spot on the ground, his hand pressed tightly against the bleeding wound on his side. He was lying as still as possible until it was his turn for Merlin's attention.
"I am." Arthur spoke slowly, trying to put his thoughts into words. "Not many are staying, but I think the ones who did will honor their word. If I were to worry about any of them, it would be the ones who agreed to exile. I'd worry about them not actually leaving. But the ones who swore fealty…perhaps it's naïve, but I believe them."
Merlin didn't contribute to the conversation, but Arthur saw a small smile on his face as he worked.
Merlin stayed quiet as he tended to the others – almost everyone had some form of injury, some more severe than others – and he stayed quiet on the ride back. He stayed quiet when Gwen hugged and fussed over him after she was done hugging and fussing over Arthur and Elyan, and he stayed quiet when he brought Arthur's dinner.
"You know, Merlin, I don't think I've ever seen you do quite so much thinking in one day before," Arthur said as his servant filled the bath. His concern grew when Merlin just shrugged instead of shooting an insult back. "You know," he added casually, "as much as it pains me to admit it, you did well today."
Merlin let out a snort. "You did well today, Arthur," he retorted, managing to make the compliment sound more like an argument. "Your speech. That moment with Alder. That was almost a kind of magic in and of itself."
"Is that why you cried?"
"I cried because I have feelings like a normal human being. Seriously though," he added, softer. "You were a great king today, Arthur. I was proud of you. Days like today are why I'm honored to serve and protect you."
Arthur shifted awkwardly, more pleased by the praise than he'd like to admit. "Thank you," he said stiffly. "And thank you for everything you did today. I mean it – you did well."
"Is that why I spent an hour cleaning up everyone's injuries afterward?" Merlin muttered darkly. He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'm sorry."
"What on earth do you have to be sorry for?" Arthur asked in confusion. "Other than changing out of the dress, because I would have given anything to see you take down the Deilen dressed like a girl."
Merlin didn't even crack a smile. "It was the skirts. I wouldn't have been able to fight in them."
Arthur let out a small laugh. "Fair enough. But seriously, why are you sorry?"
"I panicked. I've never done that before, but there were so many of them, and…I told you I would kill them, and I didn't. I couldn't. I couldn't just take that many lives without even giving them a chance to defend themselves. Arwen said I could become a monster if I chose the wrong path, and killing them all felt like the wrong path. But as a result, you got hurt. The others got hurt. Any one of you could have been killed. All because I froze."
"Merlin," Arthur said, shaking his head. "Just…sit down."
Merlin blinked, confused.
"Sit down," Arthur repeated, nodding to one of the other chairs. "Have some chicken."
His friend looked at him like he was crazy, but he abandoned the bath and sat down and picked up a piece of chicken.
"I know we said you would kill them, but I'm glad you didn't. Yes, normally I would drag someone over the coals for not sticking to a battle plan, but…in this case, I think you made the right decision. I'll take a few cuts and burns in exchange for what we accomplished today. Wouldn't you?"
Merlin stared at the piece of chicken and didn't answer.
"You tried to resolve a conflict with minimum violence and bloodshed. That is nothing to apologize for. And maybe not everything went perfectly smoothly, but it was a pretty sizeable task I asked of you, going up against that many sorcerers. It turned out okay. Better than okay. And I'm proud of how you handled it."
A small smile played on Merlin's lips. "Are you feeling all right? That was like the third or fourth compliment you've given me tonight."
"Don't be ridiculous," Arthur scoffed.
"No, there have definitely been a number of them. Any chance of getting them in writing?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
Merlin grinned as he ate his chicken, but the grin faded into something more serious after a couple of bites.
"Did I scare you?" he asked. "When I killed Maelor?"
Arthur winced internally at the uncertainty in Merlin's voice. "No, actually," he stated, setting his own piece of chicken down and waiting for Merlin to meet his eyes. Sure enough, Merlin gave him a skeptical look. "I mean it. I thought I would be scared to see your power like that, at least a little bit, and…well, yes, the lightning was a little bit terrifying, I suppose. And I wouldn't say I enjoyed the earthquake. But Merlin...Maelor was about to kill me. When I saw that lightning hit him, the only things I felt, apart from a little bit of shock, were relief and gratitude. Yes, it was a frightening amount of power, but I knew it was on my side."
Merlin gave him an uncharacteristically shy smile. "Really?"
"Really. I was relieved you were there for us. Relieved your magic was there for us."
"Yes, well," Merlin said after a moment, studiously avoiding eye contact as he examined his piece of chicken. "It always will be, you know."
"Yeah," Arthur said, fighting a smile of his own. "I know."
"Do you usually just sit in here, staring into space? Or are you hiding from someone?"
Arthur looked up to see Lancelot standing in the doorway, watching him curiously.
"Sorry," the knight added. "I was just walking by and happened to see you."
"It's fine," Arthur said. "I'm not hiding. Sometimes I come here to think."
Lancelot stepped into the table room, closing the door behind him. "What are you thinking about?"
"About what Arwen told me the first time we met. Sometimes I almost forget there was a time when I didn't know about Merlin and Emrys. When a magical threat seemed unbeatable, magic seemed inherently evil, and Merlin was just a semi-competent servant."
Lancelot laughed. "Merlin was never just a semi-competent servant."
"I don't mean that's all he was as a person," Arthur amended. "His character always far exceeded that. And he was a friend and a confidante. Even an advisor. But in terms of specific skills, I didn't know what all he was capable of." He shook his head, then stared at Lancelot for a moment. "I've never said thank you, have I?"
Lancelot raised a questioning eyebrow. "For what?"
"For taking care of him all that time. For staying loyal to him, even when I did my best to get you to betray his secret. For arguing with me when I was wrong."
"It was worth it," Lancelot said. "To see him now. To see you now, for that matter. You're a better king with him at your side, Arthur."
"Yes," Arthur agreed with a slight laugh. "I always have been."
Arthur stayed at the round table for a few more minutes after Lancelot left, replaying Arwen's words again.
It is his destiny to help you, King Arthur, become the king you are meant to be, as your friend and equal.
His equal.
Something had been bothering him, and he'd been toying with an idea of how to address it. He made his way back to his chambers, that word still rattling around in his head. Equal. When he got there, Merlin was cleaning the room.
Kind of. More accurately, the room was cleaning itself while Merlin read a spell book and ate some grapes, sprawled on his stomach across the foot of the king's bed.
"Honestly, Merlin," he said, amused despite himself. "You're the laziest toad of a servant I've ever seen. Although if using magic means the room will actually get clean instead of you just cramming things under the bed and behind the wardrobe, it might be worth it."
"You said you wanted me to use magic to do my chores," Merlin pointed out.
"When I'm around. The entire point was for me to get used to magic."
"You're always welcome to clean it yourself if you don't like how I'm doing it," Merlin answered without looking up. "Although I know your royal hands are too delicate for such work."
"I could have you put in the stocks for that kind of insubordination," Arthur warned casually, sitting down at his desk and digging through one of the drawers, trying to find the papers with the plan for legalizing magic.
Merlin snorted. "I'd like to see you try."
Arthur smiled to himself. Perhaps it seemed like a self-contradiction, to have a servant who was an equal. And yet, somehow Merlin was, wasn't he? Yes, Arthur was king, but Merlin was…well, Merlin. He might honor Arthur as king, but he did so on his own terms, and he did so by choice. Not because a power imbalance compelled him.
And yet, Arthur couldn't quite picture Merlin twenty years down the line, still picking up his dirty socks and pouring his bathwater, despite Merlin's claim that he was happy to be Arthur's servant until the day he died.
Finding the papers, Arthur skimmed the six steps in the plan before flipping to the last page, then he picked up his quill and added one more line.
7. Appoint court sorcerer
Just three words as opposed to entire paragraphs, like the other steps. But he had time to figure out what all that would entail.
"What's that?" Merlin asked, making Arthur jump. He hadn't noticed that his friend had put down his book to come nose into Arthur's business.
"A list of chores for you," Arthur said. "A long one."
But Merlin had already seen the words. He sat down across from Arthur and picked up the paper, staring at it for a moment and then redirecting his stare to Arthur.
The king returned the stare with a small smile. "I wish I could do it sooner. I know 'servant' doesn't quite convey everything you do."
"It would be an honor," Merlin said quietly. "Assuming you mean me?" he added, and Arthur snorted in response.
"Of course I mean you, you idiot."
Merlin grinned at that, and then his face turned serious again. "Whatever title you give me, Arthur, and whatever role you give me, I will always be your servant." Merlin looked at the paper again, then handed it back to him. "You could always give me a pay raise in the meantime," he suggested. "And a day off."
Arthur snorted. "So you'd have more money to spend at the tavern, and more time to spend it?"
Merlin glared at him. "I almost never go to the tavern, and you know it! That's just an excuse Gaius used to use!"
"Likely story. Where were you yesterday morning, then?"
"I was picking herbs for Gaius! That is something I actually do once in a while!"
"Were you?" Arthur asked skeptically, enjoying Merlin's irritation. "Or were you having a bit of a lie-in?"
"I actually work hard," Merlin retorted. "But that's right – you're not familiar with that concept, are you? Shall I break it down for you, explain exactly what 'work' is?"
Arthur threw a goblet at his friend's head, laughing and ducking when the goblet stopped mid-air and flew right back at him.
AN: Next chapter is the epilogue!