A/N: Pyrrha's anxiety is far too real for me. I flip-flop in my heart constantly when I do things, so even though I look confident in a decision, I'll be fretting about it long after it's done.
Also, I realized that pretty much every single chapter of this story has a soundtrack that I listened to whilst writing. Sometimes, they match the scene- sometimes they're very different, and only make sense in my silly brain. I thought it might be fun to share what was in my head while writing the last few chapters. Be warned, they're very disjointed. I'd honestly recommend first reading each chapter once without listening to them, then checking out the song separately if you want.
OST 1: Stupid Deep by Jon Bellion
OST 2: Melancholia by Yoko Shimomura
OST 3: Build a Little World with Me by Laura Shigihara
T-8. Another one of my favourite scenes in the show. Let me know what you think!
Laws of Attraction
Maybe makeup's not so bad after all, she thought tiredly as she examined her handiwork. The tears which had previously rolled down her cheeks were nothing but a fleeting memory, with her now-smooth skin and perfectly sculpted face. She looked bright and ready to go, with no trace of heartbreak or loneliness on her lips. And if anyone noticed how bloodshot her eyes were as she left JNPR's room, they didn't comment.
I suppose all of those interviews were good for something, then. After all, it was always easier to pretend.
Thankfully, her teammates had ended up hanging out in the same sunny spot ever since she left, so she had no difficulty finding them. Nora was busy prattling on about something or the other- Pyrrha could see the girl animatedly explaining something to Ren, who was clearly disapproving of her plan. Clearing her throat, she smiled, "I'm back!"
Everyone's eyes lit up at her presence. "Took care of what you needed?" Jaune pressed, eager to hear a story.
She simply nodded, shifting uneasily under his inquisitive stare. His eyes bore holes into hers, and she saw a frown slowly developing on his formerly cheery face. Quickly, she asked, "Nora, what's that you were saying?"
The girl in question immediately launched into a heated explanation. "Well," she began, "Ren and I were trying to figure out what the best way to train you today would be. Ren says meditation, I say-" she rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, "-boring, and Jaune has no opinion!"
The blond immediately clutched his chest in mock-hurt. "I did have an opinion! And that opinion is that doing that many push-ups is a death wish," he remarked loftily, folding his arms and turning his nose snub in the air.
Pyrrha took a seat carefully on the grass, folding her hands in her lap. "What's this about meditation with push-ups?" she asked, turning to Ren.
The boy groaned, pointing an accusatory finger at the other girl. "I merely suggested a few types of meditation which might have a calming effect. Nora wants you to work yourself to death before your match. It's not good for you."
"How do you know what's good for me?" Nora protested, egging him on.
Ren threw his hands up in the air, defeated. "It's for Pyrrha! Not you, Nora!"
As the two began to bicker lightly once more, Pyrrha felt herself relaxing, sinking into a state of serenity. Sunbeams fell across her face, the sound of their voices combining into a comforting hum that lulled her into a sense of security. She sighed gently, releasing the tension that had built up in her shoulders- but the moment she slumped over a little, Jaune bumped his shoulder into hers, and she couldn't help but smile back at his infectious beam.
If only we could stay like this.
The argument never really did go anywhere, but it did do exactly what Pyrrha had hoped- take Jaune's attention away from asking her probing questions.
Before they knew it, it was time for the dining hall to open back up for the first dinner guests. Jaune's stomach grumbled, so the four of them began to wander back to the hall- Nora excitedly skipping ahead, Ren calmly watching the other passersby, and Jaune listing everything he hoped would be on the menu. Pyrrha simply smiled, relishing in the moment of peace.
The hall was just as empty as it had been during lunch. Sliding into the seat next to Pyrrha, Nora slung an arm around her neck, pulling the taller girl down.
"Something happened?" the girl whispered covertly.
Pyrrha sighed. "Nope," she lied.
The other girl raised a suspicious brow, but didn't press the issue. Instead, she let go of the girl, loudly proclaiming, "Well if that's the case, lighten up!" But the wink she sent Pyrrha's way put her heart at ease, and Pyrrha was able to laugh the subsequent teasing off fairly naturally.
Soon, familiar faces popped into the hall. "Hey guys, where's everyone else?" Sun called cheerily. "We've been trying to find everyone, but…"
"It's not exactly hangout season right now, especially for them," Neptune filled in for him, crossing his arms. Although his trademark grin never faded, there was a glint of worry in the boy's eyes. "How about you? Have you heard anything about how they're doing?"
With a regretful smile and downcast eyes, Jaune replied somberly, "Team RWBY's been disqualified."
"They'll likely publicly announce it tonight at the next match," Ren added.
Sun and Neptune traded crestfallen glances, but soon the smile was back on their faces. "In that case," Sun declared cheerfully, "I guess it's gonna be our job to bring the victory back for them!"
"Yeah, and we'll be the ones to do it!" Neptune puffed up his chest proudly.
That sparked a fire in Nora's eyes. "Oh really?" she asked slowly, raising a surprised eyebrow as she stood out of her seat. "You think that you- you, Sun Wukong of Haven-" she jabbed her finger into the blond's bare chest, "-will be enough to take our Pyrrha on?"
Rather than retaliating, Sun raised his hands in a peace offering, instantly flashing a sheepish smile towards Pyrrha. Neptune was the one to defend his honour, pushing his friend aside and facing off against Nora fearlessly. "Uh, yeah," the blue-haired boy replied cockily, "I think Sun is gonna cream you guys!"
"Dude, let's not-" Sun attempted, but Nora held up a finger to silence him.
In a low growl, the orange-haired girl muttered, "Oh, you're on. As if we'd even need Pyrrha to go after you. Even I'd be enough to take care of you."
"Oh yeah? Wanna prove that?" Neptune challenged, getting riled up.
Ren stood, coming between the two as a peacekeeper. "Now, now. There's a good way to settle this dispute."
The two opponents locked eyes with Ren for a moment before glaring at one another good-naturedly once more. "Fairgrounds," they answered simultaneously. And with that, the two bolted out of the dining hall, heading towards the docks.
Jaune sighed, "Oh, here we go."
"We should follow them," Ren said tiredly, shaking his head.
Sun scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "I… I sort of wanna check on Blake. I didn't know things had gotten that bad. Do you think you guys can make sure Neptune doesn't do anything dumb?" Turning to Pyrrha, he added, "I'll see you tonight for the finals!"
"See you there," she replied amicably. The blond grinned and jogged out of the hall, while Pyrrha began to clean up everyone's dinner trays.
Ren smiled in thanks before beckoning the remaining two over to the door as well. "Nora and Neptune won't be able to get a ship for at least fifteen minutes," he explained. "We should hurry and join them."
"You two go!" Pyrrha insisted, gathering everyone's plates in her arms. "I think I'm going to stay back here- take a break from the excitement."
Ren nodded and began to head towards the door, but Jaune hung back for a moment. "Pyrrha, do you want some company?"
"No, I'll be fine!" she replied quickly.
Unfazed, Jaune stepped forward. With a hesitant hand and eyes locked onto her own puffy, reddened gaze, he reached out towards her face, lifting his hand up as if to cup her cheek. She recoiled almost instantly- and, with that reaction clear, Jaune sighed and turned back towards Ren. "We'll be back once Nora and Neptune are taken care of," he called wearily.
Once his figure had left the dining hall, Pyrrha returned all of their dishes and wandered outside. The sun had barely begun its descent over the horizon, and the sky was only faintly tinged a light orange. The wind was brisk, pushing her hair into her eyes- shielding her face from the wind, she began to walk through the campus grounds, eyes cast downwards in thought.
So, she pondered, what now?
Clasping her hands behind her back, she began wandering down the road, feet taking her aimlessly from one place to the next. There was an odd lack of reporters around- most likely due to Professor Goodwitch's iron fist, preventing Yang and the girls from being harassed for the story- so she was able to retreat inwards, letting her mind drift from one thing to the next.
You've made a mess of things, the little black box murmured, sickeningly sweet. You always do. You didn't have to tell anyone. You could've left your mother out of this. You certainly didn't say everything you wanted to say. It wasn't the right time. Why do you even bother?
Pyrrha sighed, but there was no energy to retort. It was just… it's all too much. I didn't want to say what I said. When I saw her message, I just couldn't stop myself. I meant it- but… I don't think either of us were ready.
Then why did you do it? The voices were growing louder, clawing up from her heart and pounding between her ears. You could've spared her the pain, the heartache. Now she knows. But does she care?
The redhead bristled, stepping off of the main walkway and down a winding path of spaced-out stones, the grass poking up in between them lush and green. Her mind idly noticed these things as she argued with herself, She does. In her own way, she does. All she's ever wanted was to-
All she's ever wanted was to make you a Huntress, the voice hissed gleefully. And now, you are going to be the greatest Huntress of all. You don't need friends, or a family, or a lover to kill the Grimm. Your name will be engraved into history as a lonely, sick little hero, like she always wanted.
She hated that the words she had rejected so confidently weeks ago were back so easily- and she hated that she was starting to believe them, too.
The path she followed abruptly ended. Pyrrha froze, looking up at the punctuating display on the road she stood upon. It was a cluster of trees in a hidden grove- but unlike the trees of Beacon, these trees were transplanted from the vibrant forests of Forever Fall. Their leaves were brilliantly red and orange, the air scented thickly with their nectar. The familiar sweetness struck her suddenly, bringing her back to the battle in Forever Fall during the field trip, to the myriad of frustrations and sadness that had threatened to drown her.
The red was beautiful, though- looking at the evening light shining through the treetops, the vermillion seemed to glow in an ethereal haze. And, when she looked up through her bangs, the effect only seemed to intensify.
She gulped. The colour of her hair still reminded her of her dream, of her father, of the flames in the forge-
"You're safe here, little fireball-" It had been a lie.
She had spoken to Professor Ozpin only the night before. She hated how quickly everything changed.
The Story of the Seasons. Pyrrha blinked back her frustrations, crouching in front of the largest tree, covering her head with her arms. Why couldn't fairy tales just stay as fairy tales? Those fairy tales were just things that Mom used to love. Why did they become real? Why did everything have to change? Why does everything always happen so fast?
With a start, she pulled herself upright and turned on her heel, strutting as far away from the autumnal trees as she could go. I don't need them to remind me, she sighed, more aware of the makeup on her face than ever, caked on in the most neutral, photo-ready mask. I know what I need to do.
It's what your mother always wanted, the voices sang in discordant harmonies. This is your destiny.
"My destiny," Pyrrha breathed, "was to become a Huntress. It wasn't to become-"
A monster, her mind supplied.
"-alone." The last word was whispered so faintly it was drowned out by the wind, even to her own ears. And then, she was back at the dining hall. Alone. Back at the beginning.
Sighing, she rounded the corner, wandering underneath the covered walkways. The entire area was completely empty, now that the shortened dinnertime had ended. Her Scroll beeped- checking it, it was merely an official announcement about the recommencement of finals matches later that evening, along with the disqualification of Team RWBY. With Mercury also unable to compete, that meant two teams were out of the bracket already. They would extend the tournament by a day in the aftermath, to accommodate the change in competitors.
Maybe she was looking at this wrong. Maybe there were too many emotions involved- she had lost her way, somewhere along the mental journey. She stilled in her tracks, letting the wind simply wash over her face, carrying her hair behind her gently. Her eyes closed against the breeze, and she let herself breathe out, in, out- 1, 2-
And a sense of calm filled her once more, her feet once again grounded upon the cobblestones. She inhaled, then exhaled deeply one more time for good measure, before stepping forward once more.
In a worst case scenario, she thought grimly, I'll lose myself if I accept. And, they'll ask me to take on the role of the Fall Maiden the moment the tournament- or, at the very least, the moment the Festival overall is finished. They need Altesian technology to do that, and so General Ironwood needs to see it done before he leaves.
Her shoulders straightened, the logic flowing nicely enough that her heart began to settle. It was almost like an academic problem- find the root of the issue, and she knew she could solve it.
That means that I have at least three more days, and at most, ten more days.
Suddenly, she understood with a clear head why she had called her mother back. She understood the desperation that crawled up inside her, that threatened to consume every fiber of her being until there was no trace left of her having ever existed. If the message to return to the vault occurred the moment the tournament ended, then she wouldn't have a chance to say anything to anyone. After all, how could she bring up what had happened to her friends during the Festival without putting them in harm's way? The only person she could reasonably warn was her mother, tucked far away in a little house in Mistral. That was the only person who she could tell on her own terms.
And I didn't even manage to do that right. But... for everyone else, I'll… be able to say something to them, right?
She knew the answer.
Bitterly, she smiled. Finding a spot along the exterior wall of the dining hall, she leaned heavily against the smooth surface. She slid down slowly until she was seated, legs stretched out in front of her. Her eyes fell on her bracers, already equipped- so ready for the battle that might not even come that evening. With the plates of her boots rising all the way up her leg to cover her knees, she felt small- like a little kid wearing a parent's shoes.
I won't get to say goodbye.
Ruby would cry if she left. Yang and Blake, and maybe even Weiss, would be sad. Even Coco and Velvet might miss her- they had always been nothing but sweet and supportive to her, so they'd probably notice her disappearance.
She sighed, letting her head loll back against the wall limply. Although he didn't normally show it, Ren would be heartbroken if she left. He was just like Nora- without a home and family of his own, their friends at Beacon meant the world to him, even if he was just a bit quieter about it than others. She didn't want to do that to him.
What about Jaune? Would he even realize? Would he even understand?
At the beginning of the year, she might've had a different answer, if she were being honest. But now, with the maturity and kindness he had been growing into as of late, Pyrrha's loss would probably hurt him just as much as the others. Maybe even more-
She squeezed her eyes shut, banishing the thought. Don't hope. Don't ask for too much. It's not your place. A small, wistful snort escaped into the air. If you ever even had a place by his side, then it sure isn't yours anymore. Not now.
But this was all speculation. After all, the only person who even truly suspected something was wrong was-
Oh my god. Nora.
The thought of having to say goodbye to the bubbly girl sent a fresh wave of pain over Pyrrha's entire body, squeezing her heart so tightly she thought it would burst. Her eyes swam with tears she blinked back aggressively, gooseflesh rising over any bare flesh, her fingers trembling. She clenched her fist on the ground, grinding her teeth together. Nora was her best friend, her sister- it was thanks to her joyful self, her perceptive nature, her love and devotion and camaraderie, Pyrrha had survived. The person who had picked her up every time she had fallen was not Jaune, not her other friends, not her professors, not her mother- it had been Nora.
And now, she had to say goodbye?
I can't say goodbye to her. Nora's been there since the start, has stuck with me even more than Jaune sometimes- I- I just can't.
Nora would cry, just like she had the night before. But rather than crying out of Pyrrha's pain, she'd cry because of her own suffering. And Pyrrha couldn't ask Nora to shed tears for her again.
But where did this leave her? If she couldn't handle the departure, then she couldn't take on the mantle being given to her. Did she really want to be a Maiden? The indecision of her heart filled her gut with disgust, bitterness, shame.
The black box noticed. And you thought that you were 'strong', that you'd be able to protect everyone. What's a weak little Huntress like you going to do to protect people?
"No," she whispered aloud. "I'm not indecisive."
It was a lie. She had been lying a lot, the last few days. For whom, she didn't really know.
What has my life become? Is this the only way I can meet my destiny?
Suddenly, the wind picked up. She raised her head, flicking her hair out of her eyes- but between the red strands, another flash of red spiralled its way down towards her. She sat up just a little straighter, watching the object ride on the wind until it landed by her side. It was a leaf- brown and curled, the orange-red having faded away at the edges into a dimmer, duller brown, crumbling into decay, paper-thin against the cobblestones around her.
The leaves are dying. But… that looks like it is from the trees of Forever Fall. Those trees stay red all year round, right? She shuddered, doubt creeping into her heart as the outline of the leaf engrained itself into her retinas. Even if this leaf isn't from one of those trees, why would it die now? It's not time. It's too soon.
In a flash, Amber was all she could see- lying motionless in her capsule, pain etched onto her features, a woman so young whose entire future was stolen from her… for the sake of the Fall.
Her heart leapt into her throat, and she almost gagged. It's too soon.
And then, just as suddenly, she heard a friendly, "Hey," and turned her face upwards. Standing before her was Jaune, back from the fairgrounds already- all bright smiles and open arms, with a large cloud of fairy-pink cotton candy flossed on a pitifully small cone.
The blond added, "I-it's no green goop, but I think it still might do some good." He offered her the treat, directing his gaze onto her.
Pyrrha stared at the candy floss blankly for a moment, trying to collect herself. She had been out of her head for so long, it felt odd to suddenly be speaking again. "Um, right." She took the cone from him, bringing it close. Even from a distance, she could smell the sickeningly saccharine scent wafting up towards her nose, the wind already tearing small tufts of it apart. Her stomach gurgled silently, painting the treat in an even more unappetizing light. However, he awaited her reaction with such an innocent, eager smile that she bit down her disgust and murmured, "Thank you, Jaune."
Her weak, wobbling smile wasn't enough. His grin faded, worry replacing the cheer soon enough.
She clutched the cardboard cone tighter in her hands. Why isn't he responding? Did I hurt him? I didn't mean to, but… Yet, she didn't dare to lift her eyes, to look up at his face.
She didn't need to, in the end. Soon enough, the boy took a seat to her right, leaning up against the dining hall's wall beside her. He propped his hand up on a bent knee, stretching his other leg out beside hers, hunching over. In a vulnerable voice, he murmured, "You were the first person to ever believe in me, you know that?"
Pyrrha couldn't stop her face from lifting towards his, couldn't stop her brow from furrowing in sadness and concern. The first person? That can't be true. But, there was no lie in his eyes, and he soon turned his gaze back to the creamy orange sky, the emotions flitting across his face too fast for Pyrrha to name.
The blond continued, "Even when I told my parents I was going to Beacon, they told me not to worry if I ended up having to move back home." With a defeated sigh, he gave her a rueful smile. "How depressing is that?" he mocked himself lightly.
No, please don't talk like that- you're so much more, Jaune. But the words didn't come out the way she wanted them to- they never did.
Instead, she could only stutter, "I-I'm sure they didn't mean-" And then, her words fell away as heat enveloped her right hand which had been laying on the stone floor. Her eyes widened in surprise as she glanced down, seeing Jaune's own gloved hand covering hers protectively. Upon reflex, she dropped the cone from her left hand, and the fluffy treat rolled away, collecting dirt. She didn't mind.
Jaune… is holding my hand?
The blond didn't meet her eyes, still searching the ground, the distance- anywhere but her- for his next words. "I guess... I'm just trying to say that- you've always been there for me..." He lifted his head, sorrow melting into appreciation, into wonder, "...even when I didn't deserve it. And I can tell there's something on your mind, so... I don't know. How can I help?" As he spoke, his eagerness grew, his doubts slowly replaced with resolve.
Her eyes searched his. What did it all mean? His hand was on hers, still, and it was warm, so warm, and he made no move to pull it away. There was no lie in his gaze, pools of blue reflecting nothing but certainty and care and- it was perfect.
Pyrrha slowly felt her astonishment and self-doubt trickle away, burned into ash by the overwhelming fire of pure contentment that flooded her veins. Jaune was by her side. He had noticed. He was there. And in that moment, she felt warmer than she'd felt all day, totally full to the brim until her joy overflowed.
Thank the gods, I didn't give up on you.
Without a second thought, Pyrrha closed her eyes, leaned over, and placed her head against Jaune's shoulder, nestling into his warmth. "You're already doing it," she whispered. He didn't reply; but soon, she felt his head rest atop her own, and she could sense his cheeks raise and his lips curl and she knew he was smiling as he sat, basking in her warmth, too.
And it was perfect.
But the moment couldn't last. She heard another snap, another crackle riding the whistling wind- and, through the barest lids possible, she saw a second leaf join the first, dead and motionless at her feet. Her peace quickly withered back into fear and confusion.
Maybe… maybe Jaune can help.
Suddenly, the idea sounded amazing. If she couldn't speak to Nora or Ruby, or any of the girls about it out of fear of incrimination, then why not Jaune? He was in no danger. He wouldn't be hunted or enlisted- and, if she was careful, he would be none the wiser of her true plight. Why not ask him how he felt? If any male had been by her side over the last eight months, it had been Jaune, after all.
Lifting her head regrettably from her cozy spot on his shoulder, she said, "Jaune…"
He hummed in response, turning her way.
On instinct, she pulled her hands away, pulled herself away, separating from him. She shifted aside, looking opposite to wear he sat, trying to avoid the flash of hurt which overtook his gaze as she distanced herself. But it didn't feel right to talk about what was going on when she was so safe. It felt too dangerous, being that vulnerable.
"I don't know what to do," she started.
"W-What do you mean?" he asked.
She raised her chin to the air, watching the clouds continue their lazy journey across a rapidly-darkening sky. How to say it? "…Do you believe in destiny?" she questioned, looking back at him to watch his reaction.
He paused, taken aback. "Um... I-I don't know. I guess that depends on how you view it."
"When I think of destiny," she began, "I don't think of a predetermined fate you can't escape. But rather... some sort of final goal, something you work towards your entire life."
"Okay. Uh, yeah. I can see that, sure," the blond replied after a moment.
She peeked at him out of the corner of her eye, struggling to find the right words. "Well... what would you do if something came along that you... never expected?" Her words were growing more plaintiff, but she couldn't stop herself. Pleading with her eyes, she explained, "Something that had the potential to stand between you and your destiny?"
"Like what-"
"Or," she interjected, the stress accumulating so quickly it felt like her heart was about to burst, "what if you could suddenly fulfill your destiny in an instant, but at the cost of who you were?" She raised her hands in front of her, looking down at them brokenly. Two hands. Two choices.
Either remain a normal Huntress and lose everything you love because you couldn't protect them, or become a Maiden and protect everyone- be the best Huntress you can be- but never be again.
It's just not fair!
The blond leaned over, reaching out a hand to hold her shoulder. "Pyrrha, you're not making any sense."
She brushed away his touch, stumbling to her feet. The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous it became. "None of it makes sense!" she cried, wrapping her arms around herself. All of the warmth from his touch was gone, and the wind was picking up. It sent chills down her spine, and she shuddered, staggering away from the blond. Shaking her head in frustration, she bit back her tears as she said, "This isn't how things were supposed to happen!"
Pyrrha heard the boy get up behind her. His voice was worried and broken, trying to keep cool while she could not. "I'm sorry! Please, I-I'm just trying to understand what's wrong."
Quietly, she intoned, "I've always felt as though I was destined to become a Huntress- to protect the world..." Her thoughts raced back to her conversation with the headmaster, and she sighed heavily. "And it's become increasingly clear to me that my feelings were right. But..."
She paused, nails digging into her arms so sharply that they must've bled underneath her long gloves. The pain cleared her mind somewhat- cleared it just enough for the haze to lift, and for her to hear the little black box whisper menacingly, If you say it, he'll never think you're strong again. He'll know how weak you are.
She bit her lip, taking deep breaths- 1, 2- in, out-
But it didn't help.
And yet, a glimmer of hope resonated in her heart. She had shown him weakness before- over, and over, and over again, she had given him glimpses into her heart.
And he had still chosen to sit with her that day. Even though he had seen her weakness, he had still chosen her.
Turning around to face him, pulling out all the conviction she possibly could, she finally admitted aloud, "...I don't know if I can do it."
Contrary to what she was expecting, however, Jaune didn't shun her, nor did he welcome her admission. Instead, he instantly cut in, "Of course you can." Shaking his head with a wistful, nostalgic smile creeping upon his face, he explained, "The Pyrrha Nikos I know would never back down from a challenge." Taking a few steps towards her, his eyes grew bold, confident. "And if you really believe it's your destiny to save the world..." he paused, nothing but faith in his eyes and trust in the curve of his smile, "…you can't let anything stand in your way."
Not even the thought of losing you? No. He doesn't understand, she realized at last. He doesn't understand what I'm saying, he thinks I'm doubting myself because of the finals, he doesn't understand that I'm going to have to say goodbye-
And then, an even more horrifying thought appeared. He believes in the 'Pyrrha Nikos'. Not me.
A dry, heaving sob escaped her lips before she could cover her mouth, stifling the sound of her heart shattering into infinitesimal pieces along the cobblestone floor. She shut her eyes, unable to quell the tears which pooled behind her eyes, spilling through red lashes.
"Pyrrha?" Hearing the hesitation in his voice only heightened the pain.
"Stop…" she whispered through her hands, hearing him take a few steps towards her. I can't let him see me like this- he doesn't understand, and if he did- if I let him- he wouldn't stay-
And yet, his footsteps didn't cease. She heard his voice come closer and closer, murmuring, "Did I say something wrong?" She felt the wind shift, his body entering her vicinity- the air felt charged, crackling with tension and fear and frustration and pain and-
Make it stop-
He didn't stop moving, hand reaching out towards her-
"Stop!" she cried, throwing her hand out to the side before she could halt her movements. In an instant, she redirected all of the energy around her by channeling her Semblance. Latching onto the pull of the nearest metal she could, she repelled it as far as possible, only opening her eyes when a sickening crunch snapped her out of her fear.
Jaune was pinned high on a crumbling pillar by the wall, the force of her Semblance driving his metallic armour into the plaster so hard that it cracked and shattered to pieces around him. The boy blinked hazily at her, clearly not in the right state of mind after being disoriented by the throw. The shadows of her polarity surrounded his breastplate, holding him there, choking him.
What am I doing?
Her eyes widened. "Jaune!" she squeaked, lowering her hand immediately. The blond fell to the ground with a painful thud. He slowly crawled to his hands and knees, peering up at her with confusion and a hint of fear painted upon his face.
The tears could no longer be contained. They rolled down her cheeks, fat with shame and heartbreak. "I'm... I'm sorry..."
I hurt him.
She ran away.
"Pyrrha, wait!" Jaune called behind her, but she didn't pay him heed. She simply ran and ran and ran until she could no longer feel her legs, until sweat streamed down her face and exhaustion filled every cell in her body. She ran until she collapsed onto the ground in a heap, gasping and confused and terrified on an empty plot of grass while her entire world shattered.
It was too good to be true, she thought bitterly. Jaune doesn't understand. He thinks I'm infallible, that I'm perfect, that I'll never lose. But it's not about losing a fight- it's about losing myself, and he just didn't understand.
And that's when it hit her.
"I am who I am," she choked out through gasps of air, "because of him- because of them."
And without them, it doesn't matter if I'm the strongest. There's no point in being strong if I don't have anyone to welcome me home. I was 'Pyrrha Nikos' before I met them, but I was so lonely. I wasn't me. Professor Ozpin kept asking why I wanted to become a Huntress- and I thought it was to protect people. But all I want to use my strength for is to protect them, because if I don't, who will?
Without them, I'm nothing.
She collapsed onto her knees, sinking down to the grass. She shifted when she felt Miló and Akoúo digging into her back. A hysterical giggle bubbled up through her chest, rumbling out into the open. Dad, they say you ran- they say that you disappeared, that you abandoned your post, that you let your men die. I never believed it. But now, now I get it. Were you faced with this feeling? Did they tell you that you'd never see Mom and me again? Did they somehow tell you that you'd come home one day to nothing if you didn't survive that day?
She pulled Miló into her hands. Extending it into a xiphos, she pressed her forehead against the V stylized at the base of the hilt.
Jaune believes in 'Pyrrha Nikos'. Not me. I guess that's all I ever was to him.
"Well, Dad," she whispered, "you don't have to worry about protecting me anymore. This time, I'll protect everyone. I won't run- I'll do what needs to be done."
What else was she to do?