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03/09/2022 EDIT: Thanks to KumaZura for proof reading this chapter.

Chapter 10

Sea, (no) sex and sun

The Thousand Sunny was speeding along the sea. The days followed one another more or less peacefully according to everybody's moods and the adventures inherent in the Grand Line. Every night, sundown progressively diminished the highly charged atmosphere.

Taking advantage of this relative calm, Zoro turned up abruptly in the galley occupied by the master of the place leaning over the sink. Without a word, he immediately squeezed up against his back, already putting one of his hands under his shirt while the other unfastened his belt but the blond pushed him back with his shoulder.

"Not tonight," He mumbled while rinsing his dishes.

"Why?" The other man grumbled, not stopping.

"I'm not in the mood." Sanji didn't want to confess that his muscles were painful with each of his motions. Their little game of the day before had been more violent than usual and stiffness hadn't been long in coming. The cook was tough but he knew he was reaching his limits between lack of sleep, fights and restless nights for several weeks.

"I don't believe you," Zoro carried on. He placed small kisses on his neck and made him shudder.

Sanji was weakening but he tried to stay upright and he finished rinsing his plate. "Stop, the others are next door."

"Can't. Need it."

The swordsman had switched to monosyllabic mode, passing his desire on to the blond who hesitated for a second before shaking himself off. In addition to his body being on the brink of collapse, he absolutely wanted to show a little more resistance when the fencer was propositioning him. He was the one who was protesting the most but he was well aware that this was his way of regaining some control over the situation, of trying to convince himself that what he was accepting wasn't as incredible as it seemed. As if he wasn't totally addicted to their new hobby.

Soon, Zoro would just need to snap his fingers and the cook would only ask himself if he should rush right this minute or right this second. Okay, he might exaggerate a little but anyway, he wanted to prove to the swordsman he could oppose him and his resolution was intensifying tonight.

Besides, there was no way he could admit he was exhausted. He could only imagine the dazzling smile of the swordsman that would remain etched in his memory…

However, Zoro wasn't letting go of him and he had to find a way to calm him down so that the refusal wouldn't come from him.

"I thought about something, marimo," He said in a matter-of-fact voice, finally turning off the water.

"Hm?"

Sanji turned to him and the swordsman took the opportunity to kiss him but he pulled away gently. "Something… important."

"What?" The other sighed reluctantly.

"I was thinking we could experiment a little. You know… doing new things."

His tone was just evasive enough to draw the attention and the curiosity of the swordsman who immediately pricked up his ears with interest. "No shit? You're unbelievable, cook," Zoro noticed with a smile, "To think that until a short time ago, you didn't even know you were interested in guys. You had a fucking revelation!"

"I'm not sure you'll be excited," Sanji casually dodged, "It's not the kind of thing everybody appreciates. You have to be a bit open-minded, you know?" With this touch of defiance, the cook was sure to definitely set the hook and he kept himself from smiling when his lover jumped into it with both feet.

"Spit it out. Anything that increases experience is always good."

"Have you ever done a threesome?"

Zoro frowned, obviously surprised.

"It could be fucking exciting, don't you think? Besides, I can imagine someone in particular," The blond added with a big smile.

"Who?" He asked cautiously.

"Well, you know…" Sanji wanted to prolong the suspense and he let the swordsman try to guess.

"I get it," The fencer sighed after a few moments of reflection, "That's another one of your plans to have Nami or Robin in your bed, isn't it?"

"Of course not, you moron! As if you were worthy to share these kinds of things with Nami-san or Robin-chan! Well, unless both of them are okay to invite me to join them…"

"Who is it then?" Zoro grumbled, getting impatient.

"Someone you know but it's a bit peculiar," Sanji continued like he was embarrassed, "We see him from time to time… A man."

"A man?"

The cook savored the anxious expression of his crewmate before seeing him turning pale as he was probably reviewing the members of the crew. Keeping himself from laughing, Sanji decided to deliver him the coup de grace. "Smoker."

Zoro stepped back, horrified. "S-Smoker?" He stammered.

"Don't you think he's sexy? He's super muscular and his way of saying 'I'll track you down to death' is fucking exciting. Well, sure, it won't be easy to convince him but-"

"I don't know if…" The swordsman had obviously turned pale now and Sanji couldn't help but burst out laughing, confusing his crewmate.

"Really, it was too easy!" The cook spoke between laughs, "You jumped both feet in, marimo!"

Understanding that the blond had made fun of him, Zoro felt himself blushing despite his huge relief. "What's the idea of making such jokes?" He muttered.

"Oh, damn, you should have seen your face when I talked about Smoker!" The blond slumped onto the table, shaking with spasms.

"Bastard, you just wait and see," The swordsman threatened him, red with anger now.

"I'm not gonna… get over it…" Sanji gasped, tears in his eyes.

The fencer mumbled something the cook didn't understand before getting out of the galley furiously, leaving the other man shrieking with laughter for long minutes.

Zoro smirked. He had waited patiently for a good week, putting to sleep Sanji's mistrust and giving himself time to find the perfect revenge. He even had afforded the luxury of acting as if he had moved on so that the cook wouldn't suspect anything.

His plan was Machiavellian. No detail should be left to chance so that the blond falls into the trap. The next island was in sight and the first part of his plan was put in place. The cook was going to regret having made fun of him.

"We're not gonna stay long on this island but we need to stock up on food and cola," Nami explained before disembarking the next day, "I don't want any overflow, the Marine base isn't far away so you'll stick to the rules! We meet here in four hours. Robin will stay to watch Sunny, she has already come to this island so we won't take the risk. Franky and Usopp, you find Luffy who disappeared again without waiting for us and you stop him from doing anything. Sanji with Chopper and Brook, you take care of the food and medicine. Zoro, you come with me."

The swordsman nodded gravely, not missing the chef's surprised look at his favorite navigator. This idiot would certainly have wanted to volunteer to carry her shopping bags…

Everyone left with his group and Zoro followed the young redhead with a sigh. He had dangled a sum of money to recover on the island. He had said it was for the refund of his debt in exchange for a valuable object. Of course, Nami had jumped at the chance. Arriving in front of a dark pawn shop, the navigator glanced at him. "That'd be OK?"

"Huh, yeah."

"You have ten minutes. And above all, don't move away from here."

With that, she walked to the clothing store opposite and the swordsman grimaced. He entered the shop in case she was watching him and quickly went around. There was only worthless junk and everything was covered with dust. An ageless man was sleeping against the counter and he didn't bother to wake him up.

He came out a few minutes later and sat on the steps. He'd better not move because he didn't want to take the risk of getting lost – even if he didn't see how it would be possible – and thus sabotage his plan. He sighed when he took out all the money he had been able to raise over the past few days, playing poker against Chopper and Luffy or doing stupid bets with Usopp, Franky and Brook. He wasn't sure that would do much but in any case, he had never had so much money in his possession and he was going to give it to the witch… At least, he was hoping that it would actually be used for lowering his debt.

Moments later, Nami came looking for him and the swordsman handed her the berries with resignation. However, when she smiled, he knew this wasn't that bad and it comforted him a little.

When they came back on the ship, Zoro was wiped out. They had spent all their time in shopping stores, Nami refusing to leave him alone for too long. He had been forced to stamp, wait, and look at the young woman driving the salesmen crazy. To top it off, she had given all the bags to him as if he was her servant. This afternoon had been a nightmare and the swordsman hadn't felt so humiliated in a while.

As he was thinking of finally chucking the bags at the feet of the navigator, he saw Sanji with his tray, refreshment ready for his princess. As she grabbed it with a smile, she turned towards the swordsman. "I've rarely had such a good day. We're doing it again as soon as you want, Zoro!"

On that note, she recovered her bags and entered her room, slamming the door behind her. Stunned, the cook turned to the swordsman who was smirking. "What did she mean?" The blond asked, suspicious.

"Nothing. We just spent the afternoon together, that's all," The fencer dodged voluntarily.

"You went shopping with her? And you didn't end up killing each other?"

"As you can see." With that, the swordsman turned on his heels, leaving Sanji perfectly incredulous.

Phase 1 complete.

"Nami, I need you to keep my swords for a few hours," Zoro said two days later as they were sailing again.

"What? Why?" The navigator wondered.

"I bought a new cleaning oil for them. They shouldn't be exposed to the sun or touched and if I leave them outside, you know how the others will behave."

"Yeah, alright. Put them in my room." The swordsman walked towards the girls' quarters with good cheer. This little game was costing him some effort but Sanji's interrogative glances since his mysterious afternoon shopping with Nami were priceless. He had even said he was too tired for their little evening game the day before and the cook had stared at him for a long time before leaving.

Once in the room, he put two of his swords on the floor on the side of the navigator's bed. This way, one would think they had fallen casually. It was perfect. He nevertheless kept the Wadô as a precaution. He didn't want it to appear too suspicious and above all, they weren't safe from a surprise attack.

Coming out of the room again, he settled quietly against the mast for a little well-deserved nap.

The sun was high and the heat was gradually rising over the afternoon. After the meal, Chopper had taken refuge in the infirmary and the girls had left their chairs, Robin to go to the library and Nami to study some illustrations of islands in her room. Luffy, Brook, Franky and Usopp were switching between games of cards and fishing parties while the swordsman had decided to move his training during the cooler hours of the evening. He was now taking advantage of an umpteenth nap.

Sanji arrived a little later with drinks for everyone and began his distribution by the girls. He brought a drink to Robin before going by the navigator's room. He knocked and the red-haired woman told him to enter. As he stepped into the room, the cook suddenly noticed glittering reflections and discovered with astonishment two of Zoro's swords not far from the navigator's bed.

"Ah, it's you, Sanji-kun."

"I bring you refreshment, Nami-san!"

"Thank you."

"Is that… Are those Zoro's swords?" He asked, pointing out the swords with his chin.

"Hm? Yes, he must have forgotten them since this morning. If he didn't spend his time sleeping…" Sanji opened and closed his mouth but the navigator didn't notice his confusion and went back to her maps.

As the cook was returning to the deck to fling the rest of the drinks to the boys, the swordsman opened an eye. When the blond walked past him again a few minutes later in a hurry and with a concerned look to recover his glasses, he smiled imperceptibly.

Phase 2 engaged.

"I'm bored!" Luffy whined, "And I'm hot!" Tongue hanging out, the captain was trying to get some air with his straw hat, in vain. The sun was now overwhelming and the whole crew was suffering. Sanji had already made several rounds of drinks and was now resting beside his crewmates in the shade of the deck. He had even taken off his jacket and his tie and he had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

Nami and Robin had slipped their swimsuits on and while the archaeologist was reading in the shade of a large sunshade, the navigator had spread a towel on the grass of the deck. She was drawing, her back to the sea. Of course, the cook had made a point to rave about their bare skin and Nami had pushed him back with annoyance as he was preventing her from working.

Suddenly, strident cries were heard in the distance in the sky and Robin raised her head.

"Look, monkey-birds!" Luffy exclaimed, totally excited.

"Monkey what?" Usopp inquired at his side.

"I don't think they're real birds," The archaeologist said, frowning.

"Hey, they're headed our way!" Chopper noticed.

"What the fuck are they doing?" Sanji wondered. The strange winged creatures were charging at the crew who lay on the ground to avoid them.

"What are these things? They're nuts," Zoro mumbled against the mast.

"Get down!" Robin ordered. "They are air monkeys, they attack in gangs to steal food and they're attracted by shiny objects."

"They're like thieving magpies!" Brook stated as he flattened himself to the ground.

"Hey! That's my stuff!" Everyone turned towards the navigator whose eyes were on fire. "Those bastard birds pinched my Clima-Tact, I'm gonna kill them!"

As Luffy burst out laughing, Usopp shook his head, offended. "It's all the attention you pay for what I've given you, way to go!"

"Instead of spouting bullshit, get rid of these bugs!" The young woman yelled, raging mad.

"Okay, okay, don't get upset." Usopp adjusted his slingshot and aimed at one of the strange little monkey-like birds who dodged the projectile. "They're fast, these air monkeys!" He winced.

"Be careful, they're coming back!" The skeleton cried out.

Everyone flattened himself against the ground again, this time not forgetting to protect their personal belongings. The gunner readjusted his weapon and hit the monkey who was holding the Clima-Tact, letting it fall into the ocean. "I'll go!" The cook offered before diving into the sea.

"There's more!" The navigator shouted again.

"I'm coming!" Usopp ground, trying to focus. Franky positioned himself to help him and they used three more shots punctuated by two more attacks from the monkeys to stop their invasion.

In fact, they had just decided to get around the problem and the crew was alerted by Chopper's cries at the back of the ship. He warned his friends that the monkeys were now attacking the tangerine trees. All rushed there with the exception of Zoro who had fallen asleep again against the mast, judging this attack too weak to deserve his attention.

Horrified at the thought of losing her precious fruits, the navigator also jumped up but her swimsuit top held by two strings crossed behind her back came loose, stopping her abruptly. Sticking her arms on her chest while her crewmates had already made off, she tried to tie them together, grumbling.

"Nami-san, I found your weapon!" Sanji cried out, hearts in his eyes as he was climbing back onto the deck. He saw the bare back of the navigator who couldn't tie the strings of her top. "What an absolutely splendid body! Let me help you, navigator of my heart!"

"Hands off, you pervert!" Nami stopped him, turning around all at once. "I don't trust you!"

"But I assure you, Nami-san, I'm-"

"Zoro, come here!" The swordsman opened an eye, sullen. The cries of the young woman then the dripping comments of the cook were getting on his nerves and prevented him from sleeping. What did she want with him now?

"Help me tie this up!"

The fencer was going to tell her that he was neither her dog nor her servant when he saw Sanji's stupefied eyes beside the redhead. Deciding to use this boost of fate, he rose quietly and began to attach the top of the navigator's swimsuit, a smile on his lips. He then sat again while the others were coming back. The cook still hadn't said a word.

"How are my tangerines?" Nami immediately asked with concern.

"No problem, we protected them!" Usopp proudly replied.

"It was great, I got one!" Luffy yelled, waving him under her nose. "You have to cook it, Sanji!"

The young man finally came out of his lethargy and frowned. "I'm not sure we can eat this thing."

"Oh?"

"Besides, he's still alive," The gunner grimaced.

"You should release him," Chopper said, "He's afraid."

"We could make it a pet," Franky suggested.

"Awesome, I'll teach him how to talk!" The captain exclaimed, delighted.

"Get that thing away from me," The navigator grumbled, "We have seen it enough."

"I'm going to make a song to celebrate this victory!" Brook concluded under the cheers of his friends.

The archaeologist sat down again on her deckchair in silence while Nami was grabbing her maps, wanting to forget these ugly beasts. For his part, the swordsman fell asleep quickly, not without thinking with satisfaction that his vengeance was going better than expected.

During dinner, Luffy tried to make his monkey talk and he tied his paw with a long rope attached to his chair. The animal was reluctant and he bit him as often as possible but the captain wasn't deterred. He even tried to coax him with pieces of food the monkey rejected.

"It's not a parrot, Luffy," Usopp pointed out.

"It just takes a little practice," His friend retorted, "He's gonna do it!"

"Hey! He stole my cola, that bastard!" The cyborg suddenly fumed, getting up brutally. "Come back here!" The engineer chased the air monkey and finally pinned him to the floor, pushing everything in his path. "Gotcha!" He said, snatching his bottle out with satisfaction.

"He says you're suffocating him, Franky," The reindeer noticed with concern.

"It's true! He isn't moving anymore!" Brook panicked.

"It's okay," The doctor showed him as the monkey was getting up, "But you have to be careful, Luffy. Because he is afraid, he is aggressive. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen…"

"Aren't you tired of this thing?" Nami sighed.

"No, he's a perfect pet!" The captain insisted.

Zoro and Robin continued to eat in silence, as if impervious to shouting and vociferating. For his part, the cook was also remaining mute, but for other reasons. He even absent-mindedly gave a second helping to Luffy who hadn't asked him yet, to his delight. He then cleared the table after his crewmates had left. In the end he decided to go looking for answers.

He found the person he was looking for leaning on the ship's rail and headed straight for him, his cigarette at the corner of his mouth. "Okay, marimo. Tell me what you did to Nami."

Zoro hid his smile and gave him his most arrogant look. This was it. He hadn't imagined Sanji would beg this fast but that was really good for him. "I dunno what you're talking about," He answered quietly as his smile contradicted him.

"Don't screw around with me now! The two of you had been weird for a few days!"

"You're imagining things…"

"Is there… Is there something going on between you two?"

Zoro savored the worried look the cook was giving him. Yes, all those hours of hard work were well rewarded. "Maybe, so what? It's none of your business. We don't have an exclusive arrangement, you and me."

The blond stared at him, dismayed. "But… How?"

"You want me to paint you a whole picture?" The fencer asked him with mischief.

"Shut the fuck up!" The cook bit his lips. He couldn't imagine his precious navigator in the arms of this rude guy. Maybe he wasn't in love with her but one thing was certain, she couldn't be content with an evil henchman like Zoro. She deserved so much better… "I don't get it… Nami-san is so delicate! And you, you're so… boorish!"

"Nami-san is a big girl, she does what she wants," The swordsman mimicked him, "And it turns out she appreciates men who don't grovel at her feet." Zoro smiled contentedly. It was too easy to make the cook mad with jealousy and despair when it came to the navigator. It was now time to move on to the last phase of his plan. "By the way, I told her about your threesome idea," He said just like that.

"You did what?!" The blond choked.

"Yeah, I know you'd love it."

"You're crazy! I was joking!"

"Yeah, well, anyway, she told me it wasn't even worth thinking about it." It was cruel but to make the cook hope for something like that when he would know the truth was just as much, if not more so.

Beside him, Sanji slid down against the ship's rail to the ground, mortified. "Nami-san…" After the stupor though, he straightened up angrily and the swordsman thought he was going to lecture him. "You realize what you're doing to Luffy?! You know his feelings for her!"

"Stop buggin' me. Luffy doesn't care, I've talked to him," He made up straightaway.

"Of course he agreed! Luffy doesn't understand anything about things like that, he has no idea what you're doing! You really are a monster, Zoro!"

Now it was going a bit too far and the swordsman sighed. He would have liked to enjoy it a little more but it was time to put an end to this. "All right, relax. I didn't tell Nami anything."

"What?"

"I wanted revenge because of your lame joke with Smoker."

"You mean you seduced Nami-san just to get your revenge?!"

Zoro looked at him seriously. If he explained the full extent of his vengeance, it wasn't funny anymore but the blond's speechless look made him talk. "No, nothing happened between her and me, I just managed for you to believe it."

There was silence for a moment before the cook angrily threw his cigarette on the ground, furious. "You really are a fucking first class shitty bastard, marimo!"

Zoro smiled. The cook had realized. "You're the one who started it, darts eyebrow."

"My joke has lasted three minutes! Yours went on for several days and I'm sure you dug a whole fucking lot into your marimo head to put it in place!"

"Yeah. It pissed me off but it was worth it."

Sanji fidgeted before taking a new cigarette from his pack and sighing. "Well, I guess we're even now."

The swordsman nodded and watched the calm sea. "Yeah, no more threesome."

"No more threesome," The cook repeated, shaking his head.

The title is a reference from a French song written by Serge Gainsbourg.

I enjoyed writing this chapter, I hope you liked it too! Slight drama in the next chapter for a change!