Our heroes were joyriding through the abandoned streets of Mantle, having a great ole time while Salem was busy ushering in the destruction of the kingdom and thus ruining all sense of tension and severity we were left with at the end of volume 7. But it doesn't matter, because look guys, hoverbikes! Aren't they so cool? That's the great thing about having a scientist to help your protagonists, he can just pull anything and everything out of his ass to help them achieve their objectives. Don't most scientists only specialize in one very specific field of study? Apparently Pietro can do anything, including fixing Amity Arena to get it to fly!
But I'm getting off track here. Yang, Jaune, Ren, and Oscar were driving around killing Grimm, but then suddenly a big scary wolf Grimm attacked him from behind, and started to absolutely beat the ever-loving shit out of the poor farm boy.
Our heroes stood by passively, watching as this occurred.
"Wow, he's taking a beating," Ren commented.
"That's impressive," Yang added, watching as the little shota bait was slammed on the pavement again and again. "He's almost as durable as you are, Jaune."
"No way, he could never match my super shounen protagonist secret hidden harem power," Jaune argued. "No matter how much porn people draw of him with Ruby, I'll still always be the prime wish fulfillment vessel."
The big wolf Grimm continued to pound Oscar, and not in a sexual way. Perverts. Though there is enough porn out there of RWBY characters getting railed by Grimm. What's the appeal in that anyway? I honestly don't know why anyone would go out of their way to draw or animate something like that when there's so many characters to use. There's even faunus characters, so you can have wolf girls or cat girls doing the fucking. But no, you want literal monsters doing it. That's some fucked up shit, yo.
"Should we help him?" Ren asked the other two teenagers, as they continued to stand there passively and watch a Grimm break Oscar's aura.
"Hmm, I don't know," Jaune pondered. "Getting him out of the way would leave all the girls for me… I mean! It would help solve our screen time issues. What's the point of Oscar anyway? What's his role? Why should we care? Honestly you could remove him from the show entirely and absolutely nothing would change."
"Plus he has Ozpin inside of him," Yang said, listening to Oscar scream as he was helplessly beaten to a pulp in front of them. "And for some reason I hate Ozpin more than anything. I even cast aside my whole long lost mother storyline which had been built up for four volumes just so I could start arbitrarily hating on Ozpin."
"Yeah, that's supposed to be my schtick!" Jaune yelled, Oscar still being beaten bloody in front of their very eyes.
"Oh yeah? Well this is payback for Jaunedice," Yang snarled. "It took me until volume 2 to get a storyline of my own while you were hogging all the screentime in volume 1 for yourself! Now I'm stealing your Ozpin distrust storyline!"
"Oh yeah? Well you're doing a fine job of it, screeching like a tumblerina about how much you hate lies and secrets and then spending all of last volume lying and keeping secrets from Ironwood!"
Oscar was black and blue now, blood pouring from various orifices and teeth sticking out of his nose. Yet our heroes stood there doing nothing as it happened.
"Why hasn't Ozpin come out to help?" Ren wondered. "You'd think that if he could help Oscar fly an air ship or save him when he was falling down a bottomless pit like Emperor Palpatine in Return of the Jedi, surely Ozpin would come back and take control when his meat suit was in danger of being killed or kidnapped by Salem. Right?"
"Because the plot needs to happen," Yang educated him. "That's why everyone has moments of stupidity in these past few volumes, because if we didn't then the story the writers want to tell could never happen. We're literally creating problems for ourselves because a little bit of logic and common sense would actually make things run smoothly."
"Ah, forced drama," Jaune smiled nostalgically. "I miss the Jaunedice days."
"Shut your stupid whore mouth and watch Oscar get manhandled," Yang snapped. "Give it another few seconds, and then we'll make our move."
"Okay." Jaune pulled out his scroll and watched the seconds tick away. "Aaaaand… now."
"Oscar!" Yang yelled after watching the boy get his ass kicked for literally 35 seconds. Yes, 35 seconds of standing around watching someone get their ass kicked like this is an episode of Dragonball Z. I went back and rewatched that awful episode just so I could write this one line.
Yang charged, and much like the Prodigy song, the Grimm smacked that bitch up.
Then Ren used his fucking useless weapons which have never done anything ever, and he too was promptly fucked up. Next time try using your dad's dagger, since it's the only weapon that's ever done anything for you. And that was four volumes ago. Loser.
Then the Grimm talked, and fans everywhere who for some reason still care about the show were like "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" because oh em gee a Grimm that can talk! So cool!
You people really have some low standards. But considering we've hit such a low that we've dug halfway to China, I don't blame you.
So the Grimm started morphing, and everyone stood around watching as the Grimm sprouted wings.
Speaking of Dragonball Z, our heroes stood around some more watching as the Grimm transformed to its next form like Frieza.
"Ho ho ho, I can't wait to fight you at full power," Yang said. "It's because I'm a ripoff of a saiyan and I want to fight you at your best."
"Yang, I think you've spent too much time around the Blake Hole, and she's sucked all the common sense from your brain," Jaune pointed out. "She tends to do that to people like Adam and Ilia. I'm sorry you've become a casualty of Blake's blandness now too."
"Nawwwww, I'm disagreeing with Ruby now. That makes me an interesting character again."
"But she'll prove you wrong by the end of the volume and you'll apologize. There's literally no reason for going against her. She's always right. Ruby can never be wrong."
"Yeah, well, we gotta fill up eleven episodes with filler somehow. Only the last two episodes with the epic climactic battle matter, remember?"
"Oh, right."
"Uh… guys?" Ren interrupted. "The Grimm flew away with Oscar."
Sure enough, after more standing around doing nothing while the Grimm grew wings, it had taken off with its prize, flying away with the farm boy in its claws.
"Oh. Let's go after it?" Yang suggested.
"Yeah. Gotta eat up the screen time with a fight which could have been totally avoided."
Oh man, I can't wait until episode 3. I'm sure it will be super fun and interesting, and people will be invested in what happens.
The end.