Allie skipped along the bank of the pond, fishing rod in hand. She'd wanted to come here with Uncle Nathan, but he was too busy this afternoon. He promised they would go fishing together tomorrow. Even though it was early December, Allie only wore a light coat. The days had been unseasonably warm. She certainly wasn't complaining.
She hummed to herself as she baited her line and cast it into the water. Out here, in the quiet, surrounded by nature, she felt her tension fade away. Things were simple when it was just her and her fishing rod. No grown-up troubles were allowed out here.
She became thoughtful as she sat on the bank, thinking of the past week. Uncle Nathan had been quiet and pensive ever since that young Mountie was killed. He kept telling Allie he was fine, but she could see through him. He wasn't fine. He was hurting.
She also knew he was closing himself off again. The biggest reason she knew that was because he wouldn't talk to Mrs. Thornton. When he picked Allie up from school, he would simply nod at her teacher and then leave without a word. Allie could tell Mrs. Thornton was hurt too. She didn't say anything, but Allie could see in her eyes that she wanted Uncle Nathan to talk to her.
But Uncle Nathan was stubborn. Allie didn't know what had happened between her uncle and her teacher, but she knew enough to know something was going on. She'd heard that they had held each other in the street in the middle of town. She had overheard Mrs. Blakely talking to Mrs. Sullivan, saying it was only a matter of time before Uncle Nathan and Mrs. Thornton started courting. Allie had been thrilled to hear that. She knew Uncle Nathan liked her teacher. He talked about her all the time, and Allie could see how he looked at her. She'd seen his disappointment and pain when they saw her with Mr. Bouchard. All that told her that Uncle Nathan cared deeply for Mrs. Thornton. She might even guess he was falling in love with her.
But after that hug, everything had changed. Uncle Nathan didn't talk about Mrs. Thornton anymore. He didn't talk to her. In fact, he hardly talked at all. He had even stopped making bad jokes around Allie, which told her something was very wrong indeed. Uncle Nathan had a joke for everything, but he hadn't made a single one in the last week.
Allie was worried about him.
She heard footsteps coming from behind, and she turned, half hoping her uncle had decided to join her.
It was Mrs. Thornton, and she was carrying little Jack on her hip. She smiled at Allie. "Hi, Allie."
"Hi, Mrs. Thornton," Allie said, grinning back. She carefully placed her rod down and walked over to them. She made a face at Jack. "Hey, Jack!"
The little boy chortled with glee. "A'wee!" he said, reaching for her.
Allie took him from Mrs. Thornton, laughing at Jack's pronunciation of her name. "You still got some work to do on your 'L's', buddy." She walked him over to the rod and sat, placing him between her knees. She showed him how to hold the fishing pole, and they sat there together. Jack wore a look of concentration as he focused on holding the pole.
Mrs. Thornton sat next to them. She was quiet, and she wore a smile as she watched them. Allie glanced at her from the side of her eye, noticing that her teacher's eyes were sad.
Never one to be anything but blunt, Allie asked, "Are you sad because Uncle Nathan won't talk to you?"
Mrs. Thornton's eyes widened in surprise. "Who says I'm sad?"
Allie gave her a look that said she wasn't fooled. "You always say the eyes are the window to the soul, Mrs. Thornton. Your eyes are saying you are sad." She tilted her head. "So? Is it because my uncle won't talk to you?"
"It's complicated, Allie," Mrs. Thornton said with a sigh.
Allie raised an eyebrow. "That's what grown-ups say when they don't want to answer a question."
That elicited a chuckle from her teacher. "Let's just say your uncle and I have some things we need to work through, that's all."
"That's not going to happen if you don't talk to each other," Allie stated. "And believe me, getting Uncle Nathan to talk can be like getting a mule to cooperate."
Now Mrs. Thornton laughed for real. "Yes, Allie, that is true."
Allie blinked back sudden tears. "He won't talk to me either," she said quietly. "I know he's in pain and I know he's hurting. But I miss him."
"Oh, honey," Mrs. Thornton said, wrapping an arm around Allie and hugging her to her side. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was like that at home too."
"It's only been since that Mountie died," Allie said, sniffing. "I think he blames himself. And he's scared about something, I can tell. I just don't know what."
Mrs. Thornton was quiet for a moment. "I think I know what he's scared of, Allie. He's going through a lot right now, and he processes things by going inside of himself." A determined light filled her eyes. "But enough is enough." She looked down at Allie, raising her brow. "Can you do something for me?"
Allie nodded, trusting that whatever Mrs. Thornton wanted her to do, it would be helpful for her uncle. She was willing to do anything at this point to get him back.
She just wanted him to be happy again.
"Come on, Uncle Nathan!" Allie exclaimed, looking at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen.
"Allie, I've barely had time to change, much less start dinner," Nathan protested. "Do we have to go to the library right now?"
"Yes!" Allie said with a harumph, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "I told Opal I would meet her there at 5:30, and it's almost 5:30 now."
"And why do I have to be there?" Nathan asked, a little surprised by how strongly Allie was pushing this. "You've gone to the library hundreds of times on your own."
Allie pushed out her bottom lip, giving him a pout. "We've hardly had any time together in the last week, Uncle Nathan. You've been quiet and moody."
"I have not!" Nathan protested.
Allie simply looked at him with a cocked eyebrow.
"Oh alright, fine, you're right," he conceded. "I'm sorry, Allie. I haven't been very good company this week, have I?"
She wrapped her arms around his waist, looking up at him. "It's okay, Uncle Nathan. I know you've been sad since that Mountie died."
He felt a shot of pain at her words. She was right. Though Bill insisted it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help feeling like he contributed to Jamison's death. But that wasn't the only reason he'd been withdrawn lately.
He still didn't think he could ask Elizabeth to face the prospect of life with another Mountie, no matter how she might insist that her heart had chosen him. It felt selfish on his end to allow her to choose him, especially since it came on the heels of thinking she had lost him. Were her feelings genuine, or was it in reaction to thinking he had died? He still wasn't sure. It was eating him from the inside to think of letting her go, but maybe she would be better off if he backed off and let Lucas swoop in. Elizabeth might say she and Lucas were only friends, but he knew how the saloon owner felt about her. His feelings were there, and he could give Elizabeth the kind of life Nathan never would be able to. Though it stung to think of Elizabeth with Bouchard, maybe it would be for the best. He and Allie could go back to the life they'd always known.
On their own.
He tried not to analyze the shooting pain that burst through him at the thought. Truth be told, he didn't want to let Elizabeth go. He wanted to hold her in his arms and never let her go. But the look on her face when she'd turned from that prisoner transport wagon haunted him. Every night he had nightmares of the moment the gun went off, ending with him being the one in that wagon and Elizabeth's terror and grief not abating because he was the one who had died.
Possible death was a reality he faced every day. And if he and Elizabeth were to be together, it was a reality she would have to face every day too.
He couldn't do that to her.
"Uncle Nathan?"
Allie's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He blinked. "Sorry, sweetheart. What did you say?"
"I said I'm sorry that you're sad, but maybe going to the library would be a good distraction. Please?" She looked up at him hopefully. "I could go on my own, but I really want to go with you."
"Okay," he said, relenting. He took her hand in his with a smile. "Let's go."
They made the short walk into town. Allie was chattering away, happy to be with him. He felt a pang that his own problems had affected her as well, and he resolved to be more present to her from now on. The last week hadn't been fair to Allie.
Or to Elizabeth.
He pushed the thought away. He had to think of Elizabeth's long-term happiness, of what would bring her the most comfort and security.
Allie pushed open the door to the library, and Nathan's heart fell to his feet. Elizabeth stood there, arms crossed, staring at him. Almost as if she'd been waiting for him…
His gaze shot to Allie, who had found Opal and little Jack near a bookshelf. She smiled at him angelically as she took Jack's hand. "We're going to go for a little walk," she announced. "You two have lots to talk about." She waved as the three of them walked out the door.
Nathan brought his gaze back to Elizabeth, his heart hammering at seeing her unexpectedly. He couldn't think of anything to say. "H..hi," he stammered.
A faint smile pulled at her lips. "Hello, Nathan. It's been a while." She raised a brow. "You've been intentionally avoiding me."
"Allie put you up to this, didn't she?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "No, she didn't. I put her up to it."
"You?" He wasn't sure why he felt so surprised. Elizabeth was very creative. If she wanted to talk, she would find a way to make it happen. And apparently, she had.
Elizabeth's hands fell to her sides, and she took a step toward him. "Nathan, you can't avoid me forever. We need to talk."
His breath swooshed from his lungs at her close proximity. Trying to breathe, he nodded. "Alright. We can talk. But I'm not sure what else needs to be said. I still maintain what I said before."
Elizabeth studied him. "And I still maintain that isn't your choice to make."
"You'd be better off with Lucas. He can give you so much more than I ever could."
She laughed. Hard.
He hadn't been expecting that reaction.
Wiping moisture from her eyes, Elizabeth looked at him, eyes twinkling. "How much did it gall to say those words?"
Nathan suppressed a smile. "A lot, if you must know." His brief amusement faded. "But it's true, Elizabeth, and you know it."
She shook her head. "I already told Lucas I just want to be his friend, Nathan. And that holds whether anything ever happens between you and me or not." She sighed. "It's not about how much someone could give me. All I want is a true heart." Eyeing him, she continued. "Your true heart."
Her words sent his stomach into a mixture of knots and butterflies. That was all he wanted too. But he still didn't think it was fair to ask that of her.
"Elizabeth, there's too much unknown with me. You know what it's like to love a Mountie. You would have to face your fears every single day for the rest of your life if we were together."
Elizabeth was quiet for a moment. Nathan felt slightly uncomfortable as her eyes bored into his. He could see the wheels turning in her head, but he had no idea what she was thinking. When she finally spoke, it was slow and deliberate. "You once told me to face my fears, Nathan. And that helped me to start moving on from Jack, to allow my heart to open again."
Nathan's mouth fell open. "Me? When did I do that?"
Elizabeth smiled. "Well, it wasn't in those exact words. It was better." She came to stand next to him, both of them now facing the same direction. "Look," she said, pointing a finger at the wall above the bookshelves.
Before his eyes fell on it, he knew what she was talking about. The plaque he had made for her hung there, the words Always do what you are afraid to do staring back at him. He smiled. "Ah. That."
"How long did it take you to make that, Nathan?" Her blue eyes pierced his, looking deep into his soul.
He found it difficult to breathe, but he answered her question. "About a week."
She nodded, looking at the plaque. "I still find it absolutely beautiful. The craftsmanship, the decoration, the quote." Her eyes returned to his. "Why did you choose that specific quote?"
"Well...uh...I…" He paused, trying to collect his thoughts. Why had he chosen that quote? "I went through a book of Emerson poems. You said you liked Emerson, so I figured he would be a good choice. And for some reason that saying jumped out at me. You seemed like the kind of person who wasn't afraid to face her fears. I wanted to remind you of that." As soon as he said the words, he knew how silly his argument now was. He had given her something to remind her to face her fears, and here he was trying to keep her from doing exactly that.
She was watching him, a knowing look in her eyes. "I was touched that day, Nathan. The fact that you had taken the time to make something so beautiful and so personal wasn't lost on me. The fact that you remembered I like Emerson, something I had only said in passing, mattered to me." She put a hand on his arm, sending jolts straight to his heart. "I'm not afraid to face my fears. Especially not if it means you are there to face them with me."
Nathan's heart thumped hard in his chest. "Elizabeth, I…"
She waited, clearly hoping he would continue.
He took a breath to steady himself, then went on. "I see your point. And I want nothing more than to explore whatever this is between us. But I still think you need more time to think this through. To be sure of your feelings."
Elizabeth let out a sigh. "Nathan, I am sure of my feelings. Now more than ever." She turned so she was facing him. "Tell you what. You said you wanted to take me to dinner at the cafe. I accept your invitation." She held up a hand as he started to protest. "One week from today, Nathan. We can both think about this and then have that dinner together and talk about our thoughts. Deal?" She held out her hand.
Nathan took it slowly, then nodded. "Deal."
"Good," she said, smiling. Leaning toward him, she lowered her voice. "But just so you know, my thoughts on this aren't going to change. I told you that you are in my heart, and that will still be the case a week from today."
Her words and the quiet way she said them set his stomach to flipping. She smiled and walked out the door, leaving him feeling flummoxed. He would give her one thing: that woman knew how to make an exit.
Lucas knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but he couldn't help it. The library door had remained open after Allie, Opal, and Jack came through it. Lucas had heard Nathan and Elizabeth talking, and though he didn't want to hear what they were saying, he couldn't quite make himself walk away. His heart hurt, but he knew without a doubt that Elizabeth's heart was with Nathan.
Apparently Nathan was the one who didn't understand that.
Lucas had to refrain from rolling his eyes when he heard Nathan's feeble protests. He didn't want to make Elizabeth face her fears? Elizabeth was a strong woman. She would be just fine. She could handle anything she put her mind to.
He flattened himself against the wall as Elizabeth walked out, hoping she wouldn't see him. She walked in the opposite direction. Lucas let out a relieved breath, then eyed the open library door. He didn't much like the idea of talking to Nathan, but he couldn't help it. The guy was either dense or blind. Marching up to the door, Lucas entered the building to see Nathan staring at the plaque on the wall. He stood next to him for a few seconds before Nathan realized he wasn't alone. Glancing over at Lucas, Nathan started. "What are you doing here?"
"I couldn't help overhearing your conversation," Lucas said, crossing his arms and staring the Mountie in the face.
Nathan frowned. "How long were you standing outside?"
"Long enough," Lucas said. "And I have to say, you're a royal idiot."
Nathan's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," Lucas said, refusing to back down. "Elizabeth told you her heart is yours, and you're pushing her away because of your own fear. If that doesn't scream idiocy, I don't know what does." He stared Nathan down. "It pains me to say this, Constable, but she chose you and she deserves to be happy. Don't mess it up."
With that, he turned and walked out the door, leaving Nathan gaping after him.