Chapter 2: Only hope
For the first time in life, Shinichi denied the only one truth: He couldn't resist her alluring power
000
"Why Takegi –kun crossed her out of the suspect list? She was on stage performing…"
"Because he knows she isn't the culprit "Shiho cut him off.
"Is there any evident?" he determined
Silence.
She let out a heavy sigh, how she able explaining to him. By that sad look on her face, even Takegi knew Ran was nowhere capable of committing a crime.
"Shinichi, Takegi knows her very well."
"It's not even a sound reason, let alone a solid evident."
She looked at him as if she would give up on his insistence, which drew him to further reasoning. "The truth will always prevail. We cannot wink at the crime even if the culprit was our relatives or family members. Refusal of the truth just makes them stuck deeper into the bad"
Knowing him for so long, Shiho shouldn't surprise at his motto of life but her eyes still wide open, amazed by his firm tone and determined eyes when he avowed these words.
He softly smiled at her "I've once accused my beloved teacher as a murderer." (1). Something clicked at the back of his mind, "Did I consider anyone as my beloved teacher?"" Was it me solve a case or witness someone else solving it?". But for now, it wasn't important enough to bother him.
"If you suspect her, why didn't question her when she first arrived?" she inquired. The calm nature of the ice cool queen gifted Shiho the ability to quickly recover from the effect of his sweet smile.
It's turn Shinichi became bemused, with a side-track look, scratching his head, he stammered "I haven't known what to question her yet"
Is it usual you, Shinichi?
How could he tell her that the girl had some impact on him? Shinichi felt as if being pulled into her gravity when his eyes lay on her. What with me? He slightly shook his head, withdrew her gloomy eyes in his mind. What his brain trying to tell him?
Is she a culprit? There's no evident. Presumption is fatal of detective.
Is she related to the case? Sound more appropriate.
The key to solve the puzzle is to find the differences out of the ordinary.
Start tracing the glue from her.
"Excuse me, miss. May I ask you a few questions?"
Ran nodded
"Is this the first time you singing on stage?"
Another nod
"What make you go on stage today?"
Ran remained silence.
Shiho stayed behind Shinichi, took in the awkward moment between her fiancé and his forgotten love. He treated her as a complete stranger, a witness or a suspect. Either way is bad. She could understand the feeling when two mates bond together for entire life then suddenly all those time just flown away and everything retrieves back to zero. Shiho could do nothing to ameliorate the situation. Explain to him would bear the risk of exposing his memory.
Shinichi questioned Ran but as if he talking to himself since Ran didn't even turn to his direction. Her head bent down, let the eyes covered in her long brown hair. Shinichi felt uneasy as well. The silence drained his energy. She was hard to read. Is she sad, angry, shock or frustrated? Is she trying to conceal her tears? Nostalgia crawled in his stomach. He just wanted to become a friend, put his hand on her shoulder and asked, "What's bother you?"
"I suggest her sing." Fumiko burst in as she sensed the ticklish silence from her friend.
"Why?" his eyes hadn't torn off Ran.
"To cheer her up."
"So… she has been upset…? He looked at Fumiko, hoping to get more information.
"Care to know the reason she upset as well?" Fumiko challenged. Although he was doing the duty of a detective, but his questioning was dangerously on the verge to invade in other's privacy.
Silence. He didn't know what else to say or perhaps realization hit him, these questions didn't help to open up the case.
"Satisfied now? We're eligible to go now, aren't we?" Fumiko's snarky tone taunting the bewilderment fogging his head.
As a rhetorical question, Fumiko didn't wait for Shinichi's response before grasping her friend's hand, acclaimed "Let's go, Ran"
"Ran…" a hoarse voice called out. It took him a second to realize that this voice belonged to him. Shinichi didn't expect her name breathe out his mouth involuntarily and forming an urgent call back like this. It was neither too soft nor too loud, just enough for the said person to hear. He didn't know anything to say. He didn't know how to hide that his wanting her to stay. He hadn't ready to let her go yet.
Hearing her name, Ran turned back, surprised, looked at him for the first time. He locked eyes with her. Once again get lost in the azure lake, tears wavering at the cornea, brimful at the rim of her eyes. His cool confidence withering away as realization struck him. His words all the way like the sword touched her without his notice.
"Gome…"
000
Ran
How long has it been since the last time he called her name?
She loves his voice, loves the way he called her, soft, tender and intimate.
Is it too much?
Is it too much emotion she could feel in a single one word?
No. come a soft whisper inside her heart. Not at all
Because that single word, this unique voice had been replayed in her dreams for thousands of nights.
Does he come back? Does her Shinichi come back?
No a soft confirm in her mind. He wasn't her Shinichi anymore
Why? Her heart would ask.
Her heart always was so silly that made her head want to laugh.
He has never been yours, remember? The brain reminded, "He always choose a case over you."
Yeah, the case. Her heart sank in. That is the only one word uttermost important for him.
There was always a case intervene between him and her.
A case, nearly be a case, got him shrunk in Conan
A case, his fictional case, gave him excuse to go away, gave him reason to lie to her.
A case, his giant fatal complicated case, made him into amnesia, made him forget about her, make him a different person.
That case took him away from her
…
And now this case...
She hated it. She hates it all. But how ironic, this case was the only string connecting him and her right now
Ridiculously connected
The case tonight put her and him in two extreme distant worlds
But is it the case's fault?
Ran stole a glance at Shinichi. She didn't know why she refused to go with Fumiko. After release from the brief questioning, Ran relieved when her friends went fetch her some drink while she took time to calm down. Lame excuse but her friends were still nice enough to buy it.
So she could stay here, overshadowed by a dark corner.
Ran couldn't help but her eyes focus on him, took in his full image like a blue moon rarely appeared on Earth.
He had walked out of her mind and appeared in her naked eyes. For real. The one she loves, the one she yearning to see. …He's just standing there, merely a few steps away. All she need was running to him, wrapped her arms around his torso, leant her head against his shoulder and took in the musky oil of his scent. She craved to launch into his arms, seek for the warmth fill in her heart, looked for the love engulf her soul … but…but… Bitterly or luckily I could say, her mind still sober enough to know that Shinichi unreachable.
She had been imaging how pleasant they would unite. It should be a tale of romance full of passion, tender amaze, ardent delight, candles and…
Not… not painful and wounded like this.
After all those years, she was able to meet him, tonight, face to face, in a small tavern, light music, dim light. Perfect for couple, isn't it? Ran smirked at her own thought.
She rather let herself blindly drown into the fantasy than to confront the acid reality. He didn't open his arm to welcome her, didn't shed her a bit of recognition but instead, all he did was pushing her away, like five years ago. He built up an invisible wall between them, segregate her by a bold border:
He was a hero of justice and a saint of fair.
She was grouped at the same class of criminal and evil doers.
He grouped her with them.
'Gome' is it all you can say, Shinichi?
000
/SHIHO/
"Shiho, do you suspect her as a culprit?" Shinichi whispered in my ear.
"Why do you think so?" I tried to keep my voice neutral but it couldn't hide my sheer surprise and deep curiosity. I couldn't believe what I thought he just said. He suspects her?
Shouldn't she be the last person he could suspect on the Earth?
He cleared his throat "uhm…"a signal that he was feeling uneasy, his eyes looked at me but they were lack of confidence, the reason probably hard to explain, and it might fall out his solid logic mind.
"I don't believe in six-sense but I can discern what shouldn't happen will happen. My instinct leads me to pay most attention to the soon-become victims or the culprit." His eyes stared deeply into mine, pleading for an understanding. He looked helpless and I couldn't do anything but smiled at him and nodded.
"Yeah" I breathed slightly, let my hand caressed his cheek, assured him that I always here, always beside him, always be there for him. Suddenly, I just forgot everything surround us, I just want to know what bothering him, what make him feel so fragile. I want to comfort him, encourage him to continue.
"I have a strong feeling… she is the culprit, Shiho. I can't take my eyes off her. Something in her… something inside tell me …she's important… to the case"
Bingo. Should I be happy or upset? Ironic. He can't deny his strong feelings for her, he always feels her important but this time he gave all credits to the case.
My hand dropped from his face. His eyes followed the movement, "Shiho?"
"It's too soon to say, Shinichi"
000
Yes. That's right
It too soon to say he will remember her
It too soon to say Ran will come back to his life
It too soon to say…she will lose him
Yes. He does have sixth sense. Whenever, she caught him pay most attention to a random person. They will turn out either victim or criminal
Yes. She does have sixth sense too. The time she noticed he got distracted when questioning the witness, she also sensed something trouble her will happen.
000
/SHINICHI/
Ran
His mind became calmer with her voice.
He still shivered as the thought of her name. Unbelievable. Just one sad look, she turned him into guilty. He lost himself in it, couldn't find a way out. He thought it was shallow, but he got drown in the azure lakes.
Ran? No, his eyes closed, his head shook lightly. Shinichi refused to call her name, opposed to let her name echo in his mind. It distracted him. It disturbed his brain. He shook his head again, only to realised that he couldn't escape it. It made him insane. His head gonna explored as the name trigger the blazing of light plagued his mind, brought him to the memory land which he hasn't come for 5 years.
The land he used to be familiar, everything surrounded him in vagueness, covered itself in a thin mist. Something warm filled his heart. Something filled his eyes as the blue and pink petals falling from the tree. No, there wasn't a tree where he stood. He looked up, just to see the petals falling from the sky, as if it was raining, the stream of blue and pink flower petal intertwined pouring down in front of his eyes. What the flower mean? He was too busy, amazed how the soft and silky petals touched his hand, so he didn't brace himself when a strong wind blew in, whirl the blue ribbon of petal away. His hand extended further, and his feet chased after it. Little did he know that he had left the giant peaceful grey field behind and abandoned the pink stream of flower aside.
Why's the blue one? Just an anonymous flower?
It led him to a space plentiful of light. Its brightness was so intensive that Shinichi couldn't see anything except the creamy white of light and the blue petal stream. Even the path beneath his feet was amorphous, each step he ran, each step he landed on an opaque base. His sight was limited.
Shinichi composed himself, crossed his arms against his chest, closed his eyes and heard with genius ear. No sound reached him. His audition was helpless.
A cool breeze made his soft hair moving. I might feel the wind. His left hand extended on impulse, just to meet the blank space of thin air. His left hand didn't help much.
Surprising. Shinichi didn't get panic. His left hand came back, supported below his right elbow as his right hand come underneath his chin. Thinking.
Why? His eyes. His ears. And his hand failed?
But…
His nose found something. A fragrance arisen from his palm, the scent of nature, of the forest, of… His mind knew this scent. His brain knew its name. Yet, he couldn't form a name in his head. His memory failed him.
His right hand raised up, covered his nose, let the scent absorb him whole fully. He got its name on the tip of his tongue. His brain finally unlocked his memory. Looking down at his hand, Shinichi found a dedicated blue petal neatly laying in his palm. He grinned happily. There's no doubt about it. The fragrance belonged to… the fresh blooming orchid. Orchid.
Shinichi. He heard the singing voice and the same laughter earlier. He saw the blazing sun, the wind and strands of brown chocolate. He raised his hand, wanted to touch the silky hair around his fingers. But because of the flaming solar, his hands ended up covered his eyes. And when the dazing light gone, he found himself return to the starting point, beside the flow twisted of pink and blue petals again. Then a strong wind blew in and whirl the blue stream away and he kept chasing it.
The scene repeated over and over again. Always been stopped by the blazing sun, Shinichi couldn't step any further into the land, couldn't get anything from the past, except a mysterious voice, mysterious laugh, brown long strands and orchid.
His head spinning as the scene replay itself.
"Shinichi"
The voice was calling him again.
"Shinichi"
His mind just drew a new circle.
"Shinichi"
…
"Shinichi, are you OK?"
Shinichi looked up, to see a concerned Shiho. One of her hand was on his shoulder, the other on his forehead.
"I'm fine, just slight headache."
Headache. Excuse for his cluelessness.
Clueless about how his mind wandered off, instead focus on the case.
000
Shiho really worried about her fiancé, he had been acting out of his character the whole evening. Hauling out her memory, Shiho recalled the last time Shinichi acted like this was when he was around her. She had to admit it was one of his nature as well, getting all cracked up with everything related to her. Something she hasn't seen for years didn't mean it hadn't existed. But everything had changed since five years ago. Could it be…?
Shinichi was not the type of man following you around, doting you with all enthusiasm, answering all your wants. He was a gentleman with silent care and discrete manner. He would always be there when you need him. He a type of golden sun with countless satellites around, but he never looked any girls twice. Shiho got full of his attention. When he proposed to her, out of his impulse, he made her the happiest girl in the world. All the kisses, touches, and caresses were certainly not fake. All those years having him for her own, she firmly believed that they were meant for each other. The way he took care of her, apparently cold and disdainful but deep down inside was a warm heart full of passion. Passion only for her.
On the contrary, he never admits that she was his girlfriend. They haven't shared any intimate moment. His feeling for her, as Shiho thought, was a pure childhood crush. Psychologically speaking, when you spend too much time together at tender age, the feelings for each other had grown from the comfort zone and the familiar linkage neither from affection nor from attraction. The idea of falling in love was just like an old habit and safe passage of life. Shiho doesn't think that she will lose him due to a vague figure from his past.
There was always a question bother her, if Shinichi ever regained memory, which one he would choose. Stupid question. I knew. I knew. She knew that as a marble cool girl, it was out of her character to even think about that, put aside let it bother her. But she really wanted to know….
Shiho was never a coward. She was full of confident.
Nothing can shake the Dark Angel.
Shiho never run away, never play it safe
She confronted her now. She challenged herself.
If you hold your love too tight, it will die. She let him go, wander in his memory land then come back and realize that his present was perfect for him. His present with her.
She wanted to witness that he still chooses me regardless with or without memory
She wanted to prove that his love for me is greater.
Her head inched closer to him. Shinichi smiled as the closeness and Shiho couldn't help but grin pleasantly at him.
A piece of reminiscence trotted her back, a feeling of an outsider watching the two lovebirds. Shiho, no, correctly, Haibara Ai used to keep her secret love for herself, used to restrain her feeling for her co-circumstantial friend. Now she wondered if Ran felt the same. How caustic fate twist things around. Ai Haibara, a shrunken victim, his fellow groupmate, was no longer exist with him. Shinichi's memory now just remembers Shiho Miyano, an enchanted woman, his fiancée. Things has changed and flipped upside down. A smile curved on Shiho's perfect lips.
000
Those illusions labored his brain with throbbing headache and piercing pain. Shinichi relieved to see his fiancée's face instead of the repeated series of intricate images. His hand found it ways lace in the smooth of her red-brown hair, pulled her face closer to him. His mind needed a steady point to assure him in this reality. But the more he got closer to Shiho, the more he felt hotter on his side. There were intensive eyes gazing at him like burning a hole in his skin. As he felt the heat radiant over his face to the side of his neck, the illusion stepped in and defeat his physical world. His vision full of the face of his fiancée Shiho Miyano but his mind showed him the tear stained face of the girl, who stole his vanity and sent him to guilty by only a single tear. He dreaded at the thought. Shinichi turned away, blink his eyes and shook his head lightly; attempt to shake the image out of his mind. But the girl stepped out of his illusion, appeared in his vision. His brain just registered that she was running away.
Although his mind exhausted with her teary eyes and gloomy gaze, Shinichi wasn't ready to let her go yet, not until he solved the mystery about her. Although this was the first meeting, he found her very familiar. Although he had seen many downcast glance and gloomy face, she got his earnest attention. Although she looked rather ordinary as any other girl, he discerned something special engulf around her that intrigue his curious. Was she related to his missing memory?
000
Ran ripped her eyes off him. It's beyond enough for her fragile heart. He drew her in. It's her not her. She wished she would be her. She could trade anything in this world to be in her place right now. To feel his slender fingers in her hair. To share the same hot breath with him and to savor his lips on hers. Now Ran realized that she really needed him, wanted him and always craved for him.
But…if she was in her place, whether he continue to kiss her or … push her away as she was not his fiancée. Somehow Ran amazed by the strength of her mental power, it didn't bloat up in the air with imagination but always pin her down to the ground with the truth. The shorter the distance between them, the more needles Ran felt in her heart.
Ran made her way toward the exit. She had no reason to stay here. Her friends had come back and got her a refresh drink. Yeah. Refresh. She had made up her mind, she didn't expect he will remember anymore. What's the point for him to remembering now, while he was all lovey-dovey with other woman? Not a random woman, girl. It's his fiancée. There's no place for you to cut off between them. There's no right for you to feel jealous. Yes, jealous. Now Ran knew that the searing pain clenching her heart named jealousy.
The man whom she trusted with her heart didn't even know her existence
The man whom she loved now happy and contend with another woman
…..
Leave it as it is now, it would be easier. If she had known there would be today, she wouldn't have wished to meet him again. Let he forget her, see her as a stranger, treat her as if she hadn't existed in his life. It would be more bearable.
What if he remembered her now? What would he react? What about his fiancée? Who would he choose? It put him into arduous dilemma. It turned her into the third person in the relationship for two. His halcyon memories with her just causes pain for the other girl. These memories only ruin others happiness. It just put three of them into a gloomy cheesy tragedy. She better locked it up and pretended it never had happened. Only her went through all those pains is enough.
Again, her head smirked at the soppy sappy cliché reasoning of her heart. What made it firmly believe that their childhood memories were as valuable to him as they were to her?
Who were you to him back then? Girlfriend? Lover? ….
….
….No….
Don't just reply on his confession in London. If you weren't force him, he would have never said it.
Face the truth Ran, you gave up on him, it's not for other's sake.
It's for your conservative, selfish and fragile sake as well.
What if he remembered everything but you and him still cant be together?
You cant handle the biggest fear that he still choose the other girl over you
You cant face the fact that your memories was nothing important to him
….
Better keep it in doubt and never define, let her blindly believe in her assumption.
Ran used to think she couldn't live without him.
So how had she coped with it during the past five years.
Sometimes it can be explained that she accepted another girl beside him because he didn't remember her. His amnesia became the excuse which she clung on to accept the piercing truth.
Now if it was gone as well, she couldn't imagine her life without it.
That why she didn't allow him to remember or at least she didn't want to acknowledge that he remembered the past.
She wasn't allowed him to abandon her again.
Her and him simply never happen.
Please spare me a reason to live
How she didn't notice the elegant woman by his side. They were leaning against the wall, looking lovingly at each other. She has red-brown hair, fair skin, shape figure.
How gorgeous she is!
She has everything in her. She is like both Watson and Irene to Holmes
That's why Shinichi fall in love with her
They just make a perfect match!
She hadn't had a chance to look at her closely but Fumiko and Denki eagerly praised the girl, her smart eyes and agile mind when analyzing the scenes. Even police officer whispered excitedly "Luckily, Kudo-kun and Miyano-san here, the cases will be solved quickly".
Everyone trusts in him and her.
Everyone admired them together.
Now Ran aware of the fact that she and Shinichi never on the same wavelength. She never showed interest in mystery whereas he will always hunt down the truth. She never can work out the case with him because of her homophobia and nature to mess up the scene.
There was genuinely always a big gap between them.
-::-
Ran leaving the place, her feet hurry as if being afraid of an invisible force will stop her.
Her step halted as she was pulled back, just like the last time (2)
"Ran!"… "Stay!"
The whole motion happened out of the blue as he dashed through the room to reach her. Shinichi acted out of his impulse. He himself hardly understood why he had a gut to take hold of her but… The moment he grasped her arm, he dazed as a chain of images running through his head like movie scenes
'Ran, wait!' he chased after her 'I said wait'
'Ran please wait for me!'
'Ran… don't run away,…"
It fit like a jigsaw.
How could she step away when he told her to 'Stay!'.
His eyes were determined and pleading at the same time. Her eyes opened wide, baffled with what happened. Her heartbeat furiously against her ribcage as he stepped closer. Why she has to go when he is so close like this.
Here 's go her feeble and naïve heart. Her brain sighed, it would remind her the reason why she has to leave at the first place. Hadn't she made up her mind? As if adding to the effect, her ears absorb another feminine voice calling his name, his fiancée.
Why he asked her stay when he already has his lady?
Her mind quickly responded, "Remember the link between you and him?"
The red string? … No, you're silly heart
The case! … Yes, the smart mind
Ran took in the sharp breath. Tears pooling in her eyes but she refused to cry
Truly madly deeply hurt
In his eyes, she was his suspect
In her eyes, he was her heart keeper
…
Bitter Ran
Broken Ran
Bleeding Ran
Ran!
I'm strong. Am I?
If his heart was made of ice, if his mind were made of stone,
She should wear a mask of iron, to protect herself from cold, and shield her heart from hurt.
"Do you have evident to make me stay…, tantei-san?"
She couldn't believe her own voice. It's so dry, dead and monotone.
It the first time she spoke to him, the first time he heard her voice. It wasn't the voice he expected. It wasn't the silk smooth voice in his mind, but…
He couldn't let her go. Intuition told him…
He has never worked on intuition, right? His brain scolded
Don't take the case as an excuse. His head reminded
But did he have another choice?
"Are you psychologist?" He causally asked
"What to do with that?" Fumiko demanded
"The victim was under psychological suffer. Of course, a psychologist should involve" knowing smile reappeared on Shinichi's lips. He regained his compose.
"Alright…" Takagi agreed. He couldn't say anything else as everyone remained silence as the scene in front of them. The tension grew and consumed all the air inside the room.
Only one voice torn out the deadly silence and brought everything to its normal track.
"Uhm… Hold on, why you know that she's a psychologist" Chiba inquired
Shinichi grinned. His confidence came back to him, as he will show off his deduction.
"It's cognitive and repetitive."
All eyes laid on him, waiting for his reason
"We all know the meaning of those words but can't use it smoothly and naturally like them, especially, when they were under suspect and defend themselves."
"Cognitive… I can understand but repetitive, it's common word." Takagi questioned
"Yeah, when describe an action, we tend to use verb like repeat but they use adjective to describe it. That mean they often analyse the action or movement carefully. It results from the routine to observe and diagnose patients' psychological condition. Recently, their arguments are mostly based on their observation and analysis of their friend's behavior. True?" Shinichi looked over Denki and Fumiko and received a confirmed nod from them.
"It more obvious" he continued "when they concluded the victim was in depression while MAOI can be used to treat other illness"
"But tantei-san, MAOI is mostly used to treated depression so it is the first thing come to mind. It's absolutely ordinary." Denki argued
"Yeah, there's one last thing…" he raised his intertwined hand to his nose "the instinct scent of jasmine and chamomile which used to relieve stress, diffuse tension and prevent mental blockage. As it usually used in psychology clinic"
Shinichi closed his eyes, let the scent went up his nasal cavity. His cocky grin was still visible on his mouth. He knew he was right.
Ran froze. He never failed to amaze her by his brilliant deduction. It's the same with hundred times in the past. Shinichi didn't change much. His character didn't change at all.
In her teary eyes, Ran bitterly realized that everything still remained the same, except one thing…
He kept her stay just because she can help him solve the case
Now he saw her as a psychologist, saw her as a random person in a crime scene.
Nothing else. Nothing less. Nothing more….
Hurt! Sharp
That's not what she want,
That's not what she will stay for
That's not …
"That's not enough, Shinichi"
Ran shook her hand from his and walked away.
/…/000/…/
End chapter 2
A/N:
Manga Vol 15: Ski Lodge Case
Manga Vol 72: Troublesome Tough Case
You have noticed that the last time I updated this story is 2012. And wonder about the fate of this. I can reassure you that I do not have intention to drop this story. I'll continue it.
I could not tell you when the next chapter would be because I don't want to make promise that I cannot keep. All I could tell right now is I have completed more than half of chapter 3.
My plan is to finish "Parallel" chapter 11 then come back on "Someone like you".
Thank you so much for staying with me for so long. Thank you a billion for your patience.
Spades318: Thank you. I know it has been a while.
Shiren al : I really love reading your comments… I hope I will not disappoint you.
Guest who have been reading the story 4 times, waiting for the next chapter like Ran waiting for Shinichi. Your comment put a smile on my face. Thank you so much. Reality is already full of sorrows. I do not plan to imitate that into my story. So, do not worry!