Chapter 3:

/ SHINICHI /

"It's not enough, Shinichi" Ran walked away.

Everything happened in a fast-forward motion. Fiercely yanked her arm out of his grasp and swiftly ran out of his reach. Ran fled away from him as if she was afraid, he could see through what hidden inside her eyes. She headed for the door, obstinately left her broken dream behind.

He could not bring himself to catch her arm again.

Shinichi stood there dumbfounded, looked after her back until the dark engulfed her dedicate figure completely. His hand still hanging in thin air, stunned. Why she ran away? It is the first time anyone refused to cooperate with him to solve the case. Especially after he had demonstrated an accurate deduction on her occupation just by a handshake. What is not enough? What does she want? He recalled every detail in his observation. Did I miss anything?

No. A sharp pain shot through his head. The case he was dealing was more difficult than he thought. Shinichi did not aware that he no longer worked on the case of the poisoned drummer. His thought evolved around the psychologist girl. All the evident he collected at crime scene showing that she not involved but regret and disappointment took over his chest as he could not make her stay. If she weren't related to any other cases, he couldn't explain why she elaborated his mind that much. She got a strong power drawing him in, made him wonder and curious about her.

Why Takegi-keiji and even Shiho let her go effortlessly even though he showed a clear intention to make her stay. She should be among the primary suspects. She was on stage, performing, during the time the drummer being poisoned. She was even at the closest table. Is it just a mere coincident? Shinichi got surprised when learning that she was not being questioned because of the overwhelmed emotion. Her face damped with tears. She had been crying so heavily that she couldn't speak, and the police let her get away with it. Is it because she is Takegi's acquaintance?

Teary azure orbs brimful with water. Even he felt himself being soft and less assertive with her.

"Shinichi…Shinichi"

He looked up and captured a pretty visage in his eyes. He was too engrossed in his train of thought to aware that he was walking home with his fiancé.

"What's bother you?" Shiho got worried as her fiancé had not spoken a word since they left the tavern. Shinichi was not a typical sweet talker or had a silver tongue. Being with him for so long, she got used to his quietness whenever he was reading, thinking, or investigating. But the silence fell upon them at this moment was so arduous that she couldn't endure any second of it.

"Just thinking…"

"About what?" Shiho felt uneasy, something tickled her stomach. She had an eerie feeling that what troubled him right now might trouble her as well.

Shinichi weighted his words, talked to her in a heavy calm tone to conceal his clouded judgement "Did you find it strange there was a crying girl at crime scene when apparently she has no relation with the victim?"

"Strange?" As I thought! Shiho knew this coming. She found him strange as well. Tonight, it was the first time she defeated Shinichi at the deduction showdown. Normally, he could quickly find out that this case was a suicide attempt or a mere accident before going further to find the culprit. But tonight, he skipped the solid evident of an accident and focus on framing her. His acute mind rarely got stirred up like this.

"Definitely her crying wasn't due to the feeling of terrifying or sympathy." He saw people crying at the crime scene as often as the cases dropped at his feet. Those who suffered a loss of a dearest friend, and who frightening at the violent or bloody sight of the scene or who shed tears for the misfortunate victim. It was typical reason to cry but the girl bugged his mind for another reason. A reason made him believe she was a suspect.

"And?" It was getting difficult for Shiho to gather her wit, could not catch up with the train of thought in his mind, which path it taking him and her in this conversation.

"Is the theory ever happened to you that the girl crying because she just committed a crime to the person whom she both loved and hated?" It seemed the most plausible reason his mind could think of.

Shiho grasped at what this discussion going on. Pitiful for a story, once a lover, now just a stranger randomly crossed each other path.

"Do you remember the case in Tropical Land (1), a gymnastic cried because she knew she would kill her ex-boyfriend while riding the roller coaster?" And it also backed up with an experience he encountered long time ago.

Shiho stunned. This conversation took her so far, beyond her limit, to his forsaken remembrance. Every now and then Shinichi would reminisce with her about some scratches and pieces of memories as if she were a part of it.

"You were there with me, weren't you?" He did not expect the bafflement apparent in Shiho's pretty visage, suggesting that he was in this remembrance alone. But in the corner of his mind, he slightly sketched a blurred image of two people on a roller coaster. Vague figures he could not define.

"Is this important to you?" her voice had lost its warmth and calmness as it should be. Uneasiness strained her heart. She had noticed his impulsive manner during the investigation and now his mind occupied with pieces of memory she claimed no familiar with. What else it could lead?

Shiho's cold and lifeless tone terminated the train of thought he was riding on. Shinichi felt the qualm hidden in a slight yank of her hand out of his. His fiancé was bored with this discussion. Whether she was in no mood to recall the case with him nor she not interested in others reminisce. Shinichi did not want to upset her. What is important to me? Frankly, it was neither an old memory nor her presence in it. They were not really matter now. It was not an appropriate moment to dwell into the past.

"Sorry, love" he pulled her in and softly kiss her head

Shiho blushed, but tried to act cool and avoid his hug. But he stubbornly kept her in his robust arms. She had no choice but snuggled closer to his side. Her fiancé did not need to be a sweet talker, just a single word and simple gesture, she willingly gave in.

"What?" she feigned surprise, her voice softened, cheerfully chimed in the air as she knew he had snapped out from those old memories.

"Shouldn't waste our words on a random case. Tomorrow is important." he held her tighter, accentuate his words.

Deeply struck in his sweet embrace, in the happiness he brought and the assurance he provided. Shiho imaged about a splendid future of him and her. Tomorrow they will become one.

A random case

For Shinichi, he found it ridiculously amusing as he started his discussion with the recent case they encountered and ended up evoking some memories from the past. A small case. Trivial odds. Irrelevant suspect. Pretty random.

For Shiho, she did not know if it was good or bad. Should she happy or worry. All Shinichi thought was about a case. Just a case. Stuck with him more than half a decade, she didn't surprise with his tenacious orientation to detective work, his resilient mental power to pursue the truth. But seeing him went out of his character to act on impulse toward her, Shiho felt insecure. Perhaps, in the small concern of his mind, he was wavering under her spell. She was wrong. All that was just a production of her foolish anxiety. Nothing could tear him apart from his deduction freak nature. Five years ago, he had crossed her out of his mind, blocked her from his attention when preparing for that destined battle. And now he obstinately cast a case shadowy over her. In his mind, there was a random case, not a random girl. May be to him, she was just a fraction to an unknown case.

For a brief second, Shiho felt appalled after learning this dark side of him. A chill ran through her spine as the thought crossed her mind. Frightened at his strenuous mind, unnerving will and impetuous focus. Sometimes he could be sweet and considerable but most of the time he was hard-hearted and disdainful.

Is this the Shinichi she has ever known?

Is this the Shinichi she has ever wanted?

000

/RAN/

Tokyo airport. Domestic departure terminal.

All the activities were slackened at midnight. Outside the tall glass wall, everything was covered in a dull grey blanket. Even the moon gave up on piercing through the cloudy pitch-dark sky. Ran watched the lifeless airplane slowly droning from afar. A few tiny blurry figures moved toward it. She could not make out whether they were humans or vehicles. Sullenly, her eyes shifted to her wrist, glancing at the second hand slowly dragged itself around the clock. Thirty-five minutes to go. Ran could not help but let out a long sigh. Her body was exhausted from the twisted evening. Her head was throbbed with humming heachace. Her eyes were heavy and yearning for a restful slumber, but excessive drinking had backfired on her. Ran had entrusted the inebriant would work flawlessly as a sleeping pill. Glass after glass, whenever the liquor rolled on her tongue, Ran focused on the bittersweet on her tastebuds, let the fiery scent disperse over her oropharynx, whirl up through her cerebral cortex. Under alcohol influence, the grey matter would lose its neuronal power and its access to the forbidden chamber in the amygdala. But unknown to Ran, her well-thought calculated process was a double sword and had soon compromised from the very beginning. The moment Ran allow the intoxicant to numb her mind, the fortress guarding the grief-stricken memories scattered. Without it, nothing could prevent the overflow of memories surpassed the adamant wall and take over her mind. The surge of reminiscences just lay itself out as a slow movie in her head…

"Don't you get it? Aren't you a detective? If you call yourself a detective, why don't you try to deduce what in my heart? Baka!" (1)

The emotion was so vivid that Ran felt like she was there again, at the same phone booth in London more than 5 years ago…I am the baka one… It's a shame that she ran around and asked everyone his whereabouts in broken English. She made a fool of herself for yelling at him in public…, but deep down she knew, she was upset because of her own stupidity. She hyped up about being London for his own sake. Even did some research and prepare a long list of souvenirs for him… How silly of me then… He had no idea what it meant for her…

It's a shame that she asked for his help right after screaming and hanging up on him. She asked for his wisdom to decode the riddle…. How incompetent I was. He must be fed up with my limited intelligence. Use the case as an excuse to contact and apologise to him. Such a loser. Clearly, she was not gifted with a sharp mind and talent like him. No matter how hard she tried, she could never get on the same wavelength as him. Unlike his fiancée…

But it did not stop her from reaching out for him. As soon as she heard the Big Ben echoed through the phone, she knew he was in London. Fury. Betrayal. Excruciation. All these sentiments flared up in her head. Confront him, her mind ordered. Her heart needed an explanation. Why he avoided her while she wanted to see him? Why he lied to her when she genuinely in love with him? Why he ran away when she needed him the most? Why?

Her heart aching to get the answer. Shinichi stumbled for words. Ran heard him stuttering over the phone. He managed to cover up…attempted to find an excuse…tried to fool her again. Her knuckle went white, feeling numb from the agony. Her fist clenched with anger, threatened to punch him, or break his bone if he dared to lie to her. Her lips tightly pressed together, supressing her scream out his name in exasperation. Why he denied her the truth?

Her mind became exceptionally agile with the adamant intention to hunt him down. Shinichi was inside the red phone booth. Why he hid himself from her? After all those times apart from him. All those nights worrying sick about him. All those times, rare phone calls were the only way to keep in touch with him. Hearing his voice over the phone, she just wanted to touch him, to see him, to make sure he was okay. She started to treasure his presence whenever he was by her side. Why Shinichi crushed my chance to see him? Don't you feel the same, Shinichi? Don't you …don't you miss me, Shinichi?

The red door cracked open. Behind the phone booth emerged Shinichi. Ran remind herself, it was not a dream. Her pupils dilated, captured his full-length image in her lens. He was there, merely a few steps away, but she could not move toward him. There was an invisible barrier between them. His debonairness. Her tears falling but he was nonchalant. Her heart aching but he was clueless. Her body yearning for his embrace but he was oblivious.

Shinichi was not missing her

Her heart had the answer it needed but sadly, it was not the answer it wanted. But how can she change it? Devastated. What could she do when all he cared was about the case? Solving mysteries was the only thing made his heart pumped. Shinichi always put the case on the top of his list …and, I always come last in his priority. After those lame excuses, the first thing he spoke to her was about the case, not "How are you doing? I miss you too". His earnestness set solely on the case at hand. He bombarded her questions about the Grass Court Queen- Minerva Glass, her little brother- Apollo Grass and the kid with glasses but … nothing…absolutely nothing… about her…, …his childhood friend.

Her heart sank. Doesn't he even care?

Her tears kept falling. Doesn't he even notice?

I miss you, Shinichi. Words rolled out at the tips of her tongue, but she had to supress and swallow it back. He's all about the case. He's all about the case. He's all about the case.

The chant was loudly screaming inside her head, threaten to crush her brain in pieces and pierced through her skull. Nonchalance was powerful weapon. It could crash someone's heart without doing anything.

"Love is zero, no matter how much you add to it, you'll only lose out to misery". Her faint attempt to let him know how it hurt to hold on to this all alone. Unspoken words…unexpressed feeling … unrequited love. All strained and crushed her fragile heart in his absence.

"What are you saying? Who said that?" Shinichi casually asked

"The Glass Court Queen, ..."

"You met the Glass Court Queen, when and where? Is the little boy with her?"

She felt Shinichi hands on her shoulders, lightly tugged, forced her mind to work and squeeze out the information for him.

He was on it again. His mind and his heart were all devoted to the case. No space no place for her.

Her heart had had enough. She yanked herself out of his grab and screaming out loud

"Why don't you try to deduce what in my heart?"

.

"Why don't you try to deduce what in my heart?"

"Why don't you try to deduce what in my heart"

She replayed the question in her head multiple times. Every time, she tried to escape the shame consumed her. How pathetic of me, asking him to deduce my heart. Ran curled up into a ball in the corner of the waiting lounge. Her knees came up to her chest and her head fell toward her lap, tried to hide from the world and from the embarrassment torturing her heart. She wished the ground could slip into two and swallow her deep down to its core.

How disgraceful! I looked like an attention-seeker

Shinichi must have thought, I was clingy and needy of him.

Her head shook from side to side, endeavour to erase all the memories away.

I wished I could have run faster…quicker…swifter, so he could not have kept up.

The moment he grabbed her arm, an internal conflict took place between her feeble heart and her callous mind. Her body went through a great dichotomy. Part of her wanted to free from him and ran away. The other wished that his hold on her tighter, blocking all possible escapes.

"You are a troublesome tough case, you know. With all the distracting emotion, even if I were Holmes, I could not figure out. The heart of the woman whom one likes, how one can accurately deduce that…"

I wished he would not have said those words, so I did not tamper myself with hope…

"The heart of woman whom one like, how can one accurately deduce that?"

Ran fiercely shook her head. No, it was not a love confession. How silly of me to misinterpret that?

How did I let love dim the light in my mind? Love is blind and I was dull.

How did I let the fantasy about him, paint the bright picture in my head?

How on Earth did I presume that I was the woman he liked?

Thank for the broken heart and the unrequited love, I got the actual colour now.

"The heart of the woman he likes, he could not accurately deduce it …"

Then

"The heart of a girl he does not like, why would he bother to deduce?"

For him, I was just a troublesome tough case, he did not want to get involve.

Should have realised it sooner.

.

Paralysed by the faux happiness he seeded into her heart, dazed from the fabricated hope he planted into her mind, she did not notice the imprudence in his action when he insolently let go of her arm.

"And as for love being zero...don't make me laugh…Tell the queen of the court the following…Zero is where everything starts, nothing would ever be born or achieved if we didn't depart from there. Tell her this..."

He mentioned it and emphasized it twice, to tell the queen of the court. The message is for her, not for me… Why am I so airheaded?

Right from the start, his equivocal message, ambiguous meaning, enigmatic attitude. Why I was too blind to see? It was never a confession to begin with. Her mind subtly noticed it. That why she did not dare to reply nor confirm it with him. It was all for the sake of her heart. Her wounded fragile heart which had been withered by his enduring absence.

"I want to hold on to this happiness a little while longer… it was almost like a dream. I get the feeling that if I call him, I will be crashing back to reality" (2)

Her mind was sober enough to say these words to Kazuha, but it was not ruthless enough to snatch the exuberance away from her piteous heart. She never had the courage nor the confidence to reply to him back then.

Ran spoiled her emotion, clung to her bubble dream, lived in the fabrication of her heart, her desire and yearning for him.

Sooner or later, the bubble would burst…