Chapter 4: Coping Strategies
One cool first Saturday of October 2020, I met my childhood friends Sarah, James, and Henri at the Pittsburgh's Perfect Parties office in Monroeville. "Hi, guys!" I greeted my friends. "Hi, Angel!" Sarah greeted back. We ate lunch at the office, which was cobb salad. Our boss, Mrs. Ellis introduced us to the topic of the day, which was coping strategies and skills, professionally defined as the reactions and behaviors one adopts to deal with difficult situations. They come in many forms, some of which are helpful and some of which are hurtful. We learned that humans tend to learn coping strategies from those they come into contact with while growing up. When a person learns and develops habits of negative coping skills, stressors become catastrophes and confidence in one's ability to cope is diminished. The purpose of the meeting was to help us change our strategies. Negative coping strategies included procrastination, abusing drugs or alcohol, wasting time on unimportant tasks, blaming, isolating or withdrawing, mean or hostile joking, gossiping, criticizing others, manipulating others, refusing help from others, lying to others, sabotaging plans, being late to appointments, enabling others to take advantage of you, denying any problem, stubbornness or inflexibility, all or nothing or black or white thinking, catastrophizing, overgeneralizing, throwing things at people, hitting people, yelling at others, destroying property, driving or speeding recklessly, self harm, developing illnesses, making fun of yourself, self-sabotaging behaviors, blaming yourself, spending too much, gambling, eating too much, setting dangerous fires, and continually crying. The three ways that we are able to move into negative reactions included taking some deep breaths before responding as if we were able to slow down and take stock of where we were mentally or emotionally, we could be more intentional about how we reacted, practicing positive coping strategies BEFORE being overwhelmed as if we were able to practice these skills before we felt overwhelmed, they were easier to access in the moment, and asking for support and being patient with ourselves as not shying away from getting help when we needed it and recognized it, as change takes time. Positive coping strategies included writing, drawing, painting, photography, playing an instrument, singing, dancing, acting, taking a shower or a bath, gardening, taking a walk or going for a drive, watching television or a movie or cute kitten videos, playing a game, going shopping, cleaning or organizing your environment, reading, taking a break or vacation, talking to someone you trust, setting boundaries and saying "no", writing a note to someone we care about, being assertive, using humor, spending time with friends and/or family, serving someone in need, caring for or playing with a pet, role-playing challenging situations with others, encouraging others, making a gratitude list, brainstorming solutions, lowering your expectations of the situation, keeping an inspirational quote with you, being flexible, writing a list of goals, taking a class, acting opposite of negative feelings, writing a list of pros and cons, rewarding or pampering yourself when successful, writing a list of strengths, accepting a challenge with a positive attitude, exercising or playing sports, catharsis, crying, laughing, getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, getting into a good routine, eating a little chocolate, limiting caffeine, deep and slow breathing, praying or meditating, enjoying nature, getting involved in a worthy cause, dropping some involvement, prioritizing important tasks, using assertive communication, and scheduling time for yourself. "We need coping strategies for almost any situation, involving work, school, or even here at Pittsburgh's Perfect Parties," James stated. "Uh-huh," Henri agreed. "We sure do." "I needed to use coping strategies for when I was not asked by anybody to the school dance, as James was asked by a girl named Betsy, and Henri had his Boy Scouts meeting that afternoon," Sarah told us. "I also needed to use coping strategies when Nathan blamed me for cheating off of my history exam when HE was the one actually cheating," Sarah continued. "What strategies did you end up using, Sarah?" Mrs. Ellis asked. "Some positive coping strategies were having a pizza and movie night at home with my best friend Angel, and as for the history exam, I just didn't really notice Nathan cheating off of my history exam, so I straight up told the principal the truth that I was not doing anything wrong in a cool, calm, and collected manner, and she believed me, and then Nathan got punished for getting detention, as he didn't use any positive coping strategies at all." "Wow, Sarah!" I remarked. "You really know how to stand up for yourself." "Let's also not forget that our clients need to use coping strategies as well when planning details for their upcoming slumber parties," Mrs. Ellis pointed out. After the meeting, it was time for all of us to leave. "Thanks for a great day, everyone!" I thanked my friends. "You're welcome, Angel," Sarah replied. "Bye, guys!" "Bye!"