Here we gooooooo…..

Chapter 13:

My eyes were wide open and I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. The man with no face was over me – crushing me. Strangling me without a hand on me. I sank like lead to the bottom of the ocean, breathing in water.

PAIN.

I bolted upright. (In the water? Bed?)

"Owwww, stopstopstop!" I screamed at Faceless, except he was fading into nothingness and replaced by Sammy and Deans.

I smacked his hand over and over, pushing it away.

"Whaaat are you doing? That hurt! Why?" I cried as I eyed them both. Dean held a bottle of water in his hand.

"And why are YOU throwing water on me? I am not possessed and I'd like to NOT have pneumonia!" I snapped.

Sam lifted his knuckle off of me, and I could see his eyes were rimmed with red. Like from crying. My Sammy hardly ever cried.

I looked to my other brother. "Dean – Deans why is Sammy crying?" I asked, starting to cry too.

He handed me new water, popping in a pink straw as he handed it to me. My lips were chapped. I was parched. (How the hell did I Iet this happen?).

Dean eased himself onto my bed. "Hope, we could barely wake you this time," he said with a deep sigh. (This time?) "I tried with the water, and then Sam used his knuckle. It's a pain stimulant used in hospitals to wake patients. Sammy didn't want to because he knew it would hurt. It's very effective." (No shit it's effective!)

I squeezed Sammy's hand and tried to smile. "It's okay Sam. Thank you for waking me up - was the best thing you could do." Then it was my turn to cry, the shaking and gulping for air crying. "I don't ever want to sleep again," I sobbed.

Sam rubbed up my arm until he reached the back of my neck and began working on knots I didn't even know I had. "Shhh, Hopie, you'll sleep. We're here. Ya know its morning. Can you get up with us if we help you? Go to the kitchen and talk? It'll be better not to wait. Next time we may not be able to wake you." His eyes were full of concern and love. And fear?

A chill ran through me. Never wake again? I went into superfreak overload. "Don't let him get me! Keep me forever! It's so dark and you guys know I'm afraid of the dark! I can't. Oh God please don't let him get me!" I was babbling hysterically.

Dean grabbed me and held me to him tight. "Nobody's gonna get you, you hear me Little?" He scooped me up with my body shaking in his arms. I guess we were going to the kitchen.

Sam walked next to us, his palm resting on the side of my head. They walked in perfect synchronicity. "We need to start while it's fresh and you're lucid." (LUCID? WTF.)

He continued. "This … thing that looks like a man, do you recognize him? Does he feel like an entity or a real person?" (Human? Not human? Entity? Oh, fuck this supernatural stuff!)

I shook my head back and forth on Dean. Negative. "No face, no face, no eyes, scary, no face" I said over and over into Dean's neck.

I didn't see them look at each other, jaws set, ready to fight

whatever this was. I didn't need to see it. I just knew.

We sat at the table.

"I think your hot cocoa is 100% stirred beyond any and all in the universe," Dean said with a grin. I tried to return the grin like the old days, but imagined a skull with skin stretched across it showing lots of teeth. My teeth. (Come on Hope, you can do have to get better. For all our sakes).

Sam slid his chair close to me. He oozed warmth and sincerity, and strength. I looked to Dean and saw a combination of the same, with that fear mingled in. My bros rarely looked afraid. They were heroes nobody would ever know about.

Sammy laid his long arm across my shoulder. "You are NOT a skull, do you hear me?" he said firmly. (Did I say that out loud?) "You're our beauty. Our Hope. You save our lives over and over again. There is nothing more important to us than you."

Dean spoke up. "You just need to drink some of the crappy green juice that Sammy's in love with. We just need to get some weight back on you," he winked. Then his voice turned serious.

"And you need to tell us everything you remember."

But oh, God, I had so little. My brain was locked down.

Sammy squeezed my shoulder. "Pink, do you want me to do that thing that helps people remember sometimes? Want to try it?"

So much urgency in his voice. I had to decide. I had to fight.

I drank my chocolate in two gulps. I slid my unicorn mug in front of Dean.

"More please." Dean beamed as if I'd won the Olympics. ALL of them!

I looked over at Sam and gathered my courage.

"Fuck YEAH I wanna do it! Look at me! My clothes don't fit, my hair is a two-toned freak show, my nails – WHAT nails? My Hope-ness has been undone and I wanna know why. I wanna remember. I want my life back. NO. I want a life without The Faceless. Without the fear." I began to feel some power. "And I want new clothes that fit. And my pink hair dye. And my nails done. All that and more." My voice didn't shake like it normally did.

"And I want to eat first," I declared.

They didn't even raise their eyebrows when I said "fuck". Made me wonder what I'd put them through these past months.

Dean was up and making all my favorites.

Sam stayed with me. "You can do this," he said. "We believe in you."

I met his brown eyes with mine. "I believe in me too, but don't either of you leave my side."

"Well, I do need to use the bathroom," he said with a straight face.

"Deaaan, Sammy's making fun of me not wanting you to leave my side during this horrible thinggggg," I tattled.

A plastic spatula came flying and smacked Sammy on the side of the head. Perfect aim.

"Don't joke about that dude," Dean yelled from across the room.

"Yeah, don't joke about that," I repeated, feeling the first real grin and relief in months. "But, yeah, go to the bathroom. But come right back," I ordered. "We've got work to do".