EROS AND PSYCHE

Chapter 1 -

Shuri closed the door of her childhood bedroom and set her backpack down with a thump. Anything that she hadn't been able to carry had been left behind. Things were replaceable, her heart not so much. Right now it was the only thing weighing her down, so much so she had to lean against the big wooden door of her bedroom to get her bearings. With a heavy sigh she fiddled around in the dark until she found a light switch. With a laboured breath she flicked it on. She winced. Too bright. Her tear swollen eyes stung under the glow. She immediately switched it off.

She fully expected that word of her return to the palace would reach her mother sooner rather than later, but until then, she would relish the respite. Respite from the pitying eyes and consoling platitudes layered with subtext that whispered, 'I told you so'. And her mother had told her so, and T'Challa too in his own subtle roundabout way. But she hadn't listened, she never listened and now she was paying the price.

She flopped down, face first onto her king sized childhood bed and kicked her snow boots off. She no longer needed them. There was no snow in the Golden City. And it was rainy season now; all humid and sticky yet all Shuri could feel was cold. She had lived in Jabari Land for almost a year, yet she had never felt a cold like the one currently weaving itself up her back and around her bones.

It shocked her how quickly she had begun to belong to the quiet of the snowy plains. Jabari Land had started to feel like home, or maybe that had been M'Baku. Right now she couldn't make the distinction. She wanted him gone, from her heart and her mind. He had hurt her in a way that she hadn't seen coming and she had been unprepared, defenceless.

She expected by now that M'Baku had received the message she had left him in the kimoyo beads she had gifted him on their wedding day. On her way out she had slipped off the beautiful non-obstructive wedding band she had worn day and night for the past 11 months and set it besides the beads on his desk. A place she knew he would see them once he had returned from his meeting. He was officially free. Well almost, but that wasn't anything a divorce lawyer couldn't resolve with some paperwork. That had been her birthday gift to him.

Shuri curled herself into the foetal position and pulled a blanket over herself, her head hurt, she closed her eyes hoping sleep would take her away from her current nightmare and deliver her to another time, reborn where nothing hurt and the sun still shone. Suddenly, there was the sound of knocking on the other side of her door. Shuri sat up immediately, panic began to set it. She couldn't face her mother, not now, not before she had time to get herself together. She looked a mess, she felt even worse.

The knocking continued, this time harder. "Shuri. Open up. It's me." Came a stage whisper.

Shuri breathed a sigh of relief. Nakia.

Shuri extricated herself slowly from the blanket that cocooned her and stood up. She attempted to straighten her clothes and ran a hand over her braids as she made her way over to the door. She took a deep breath as she opened the door, a flood of light from the passageway hit her like the rising sun.

"So it is true, you're back." Nakia said with a smile. The smile quickly faded once she ran a discerning eye over the princess she had watched grow up. "Your clothes are soaking wet..", Nakia gently took Shuri's hands gently into her own, "..and you are shivering, your hands are freezing cold."

Shuri looked down at their hands. Nakia was right, she was shivering, quite violently.

Nakia's face soured, as she gently pushed Shuri back into the bedroom and closed the door behind her. "What did he do to you?"

Shuri went to open her mouth but found that nothing would come out. She had prepared a script in her head all the way down that godforsaken mountain, a pretty convincing one even if she did say so herself. And yet it would not come to her. Instead she could feel a sob rising in her throat again. She could feel her eyes filling up.

Nakia gently cupped Shuri's face with both her hands, "Shuri, answer me. What did M'Baku do to you?"

Suddenly it all became too much, the floodgates began to open. Shuri crumpled against Nakia, burying her face into the crook of Nakia's neck. Nakia held her as she sobbed, rocking her back and forth on the spot. Neither was sure how long they stood there, but neither moved until the tears had subsided to small hiccups.

"We must warm you up."

Nakia disappeared into the en suite bathroom. From where Shuri stood she could hear a bath being run.

Nakia came back into the room, walked over to the dresser and pulled out a towel, then went over to the walk in closet and came out armed with a pair of light pyjamas. She gently ushered Shuri into the bathroom.

Minutes later Shuri found herself sitting in the bath tub as Nakia gently rubbed her back with a wash cloth, humming gently as she worked. Shuri allowed herself to be soothed by the heat and warm touch of her friend.

Later, lying in bed together, face to face, Nakia gently stroked Shuri's cheek. "Sithandwa sam, won't you please tell me why you're so sad? "

Shuri sighed and rolled onto her back," Nothing happened…Not really. M'Baku treated me with nothing but decency and respect."

"Then why the tears?" Nakia asked unconvinced.

Shuri closed her eyes for a second. "He didn't want me…" she said in the smallest voice. "Not like I wanted him."

There. She had said the unspeakable and the world had not gone into Armageddon, but that knowledge didn't take away any of her pain.

Nakia gently wiped away the solitary tear that rolled down Shuri's cheek. She waved Nakia's hand away. Shuri didn't want any sympathy or pity. Maybe girls like her didn't get to be desired and treasured. Nakia could never understand something like that, she had never been rejected in her life. Men and women alike stared at her in awe as she walked into a room, T'Challa worshipped the very ground she walked on. Maybe this was something she had to learn to accept, that her value lay in her intelligence and wit. But wasn't she a woman too? Didn't she deserve love and passion. Shuri shook the last thought away. What she wanted now was to get strong again and get back to what was important, her work.

At some point the sadness had given way to drowsiness which eventually gave way to sleep.

It was the muffle of commotion from down the hall that woke them both a few hours later. The boom of a certain man's voice sounded all too familiar.

"Is that M'Baku?" asked Nakia slipping out of the bed.

Shuri sat up as straight as an arrow, "I don't want to see him!"

"Shh…Calm. I will send him away. All will be well." Nakia reached for the door handle and slipped out, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Shuri got up and scurried across the room, she pressed her ear against the door trying to make out the conversation happening on the other side.

"I want to see my wife. I know she is here."

"She does not want to see you tonight, M'Baku." Nakia replied calmly.

"If that is true. Let her tell me herself."

Shuri could feel her heart rapidly pounding in her chest.

" I cannot let you pass."

"I do not want to, but I will move you if I have to Nakia."

Shuri opened the door quickly. She knew Nakia would not back down and the last thing she needed was World War 3 breaking out in the Royal Palace in the early hours of the morning.

"It's OK, Nakia. Let him in." Shuri said resigned. M'Baku looked directly at her. The look in his eyes unreadable, but she could feel herself shrink a little under the weight of his regard.

The two guards who had been guarding her door went back to standing at ease in an instant. Shuri stood to the side and let M'Baku and Nakia pass into her chamber. She closed the door.

"We need to talk…,"M'Baku spoke to Shuri but sent an irritated glance in Nakia's direction. "..Alone."

Nakia seemed unphased and touched Shuri's shoulder. "Do you want me to stay?"

M'Baku was angry but Shuri wasn't remotely scared, she did not need protection from the man she had called her husband for eleven months. With her eyes trained firmly on M'Baku, Shuri spoke to Nakia. "Leave us. We will be fine."

Nakia nodded. "I won't be too far, if you need me."

They waited for Nakia to exit. Shuri studied M'Baku for second. He looked so beautifully incongruous in her childhood bedroom with its posters and colourful shabby chic décor.

"Get your things, we are going home." M'Baku's voice was low steel.

"I am home."

"Your home is in the mountains with me."

"I meant what I said in my message. I want an annulment.", Shuri took a small step back as M'Baku began stalking towards her.

M'Baku dipped his head towards her ear. His scent invading her senses, causing every muscle inside of her to tighten. Shuri clenched her jaw as she fought the urge to lean right into him, maybe rest her cheek against the scruff of his beard. If she moved, just half an inch they'd be touching. " You know what your problem is, don't you ?" He said softly, "you're spoilt. And I will not have it."

Shuri stared straight ahead, unwilling to make any further eye contact. Scared that her resolve would melt away.

"Did you hear me? I said I will not have it."

"I don't care about what you will and won't have. We are DONE." Shuri turned around, dismissive. She had wanted to put some distance between them, she couldn't think when he was that close to her, smelling and looking as good as he did. But to her surprise the next thing she knew was that she was being turned round by M'Baku's large hands on her waist.

Then he kissed her, his mouth meeting hers in a hungry kiss.

Shuri stiffened. Shocked. In the eleven months they had been married this was only the second time that they had kissed. The first being on their wedding day. And it had been nothing like this.

M'Baku's big hand came up to clasp the back of her neck, and with his other hand he brought her in close, until she was ensconced against his rock hard body. The initial shock that Shuri had felt soon gave way to pleasure, and she could hear herself moan as she opened her mouth to grant him more access. She raised her hands to gain purchase, first on the nape of his neck and then his hair.

Shuri felt as though she were being devoured. She needed to put some distance between them once and for all.

"Is this how you kiss Malaika?" she asked defiantly against his lips.

M'Baku's hands immediately dropped to his side. He took a step back from her. The temperature in the room had suddenly dropped to -0 degrees.

To be continued.

Translation:

(xhosa – English)

Sithandwa Sam = My darling