Chapter 8 - Defense Against the Dark Arts

Dan scrambled through the contents of her bag as she hurried towards the classroom, trying to find the homework for Defense Against the Dark Arts. It should be in there, somewhere. When she bumped into someone for the second time, she gave up, took her wand and summoned it instead. A slightly squished roll of parchment flew off the bottom and into her hand. Blowing out a relieved sigh, she finally looked up and found Ezra coming from the other side of the corridor, with Sabrina attached to his arm again.

That sight made her more angry than she would be willing to admit. She tossed the black haired, perpetually bored looking girl a venomous look when she leaned over to whisper something in Ezra's ear. She avoided looking at him, certain that would just make her want to throttle him.

Then, she saw Jo, already waiting by the door. She tried to meet his eyes; she needed to talk to him, but he was also absorbed in a conversation with a Ravenclaw girl.

Her mood soured considerably. Without a choice, she settled alone against the opposite wall, arms crossed, annoyed.

After a couple of minutes, the door finally opened and the Professor gestured them in.

Alisa Sparks, polished Prefect badge glittering on her robe as per usual, was the pinnacle of Ravenclaw temperament. Lean, clean-cut, and quick-witted, she was very much the sharp of tongue counterpart to Josiah's soft, cautious kindness. They both entered at the same time, Alisa looking fiercely at the Slytherins who were already seated. They had made this class combined to promote inter-house unity in the face of the looming war… as far as she was concerned, around half the people in this room were people who would be on the opposing side after their graduation.

She had a particularly fiery hatred for Sabrina, who, aside from wrongfully being named Head Girl, was her only competition for the title of most talented in their year at Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Well, in Alisa's mind, it wasn't really a competition; the competition was merely a rumor.

Regardless, she couldn't hide her sour expression, and Josiah looked at her rather sympathetically.

"It will be over soon," he tried to comfort her, and she grunted her acknowledgement.

Dan walked up to the Professor's desk and dropped her homework with the others, then took a seat by herself on a table in the back, her mood deteriorating by the second. From the moment she'd entered the classroom, more than a few pairs of eyes had turned in her direction – in the direction of all the Slytherins – with suspicion, bordering on aggression here and there. It was nothing new. They judged her without knowing her. She was used to it. And she hated it; had hated it all her life.

She glanced over at Jo. Alisa was sitting with him, and they had settled into some private conversation. She turned her gaze ahead of her, to the edge of her desk, chewing on her frustration. It hurt to look at them.

She remembered their first day in Hogwarts. Remembered feeling all those eyes drilling into her back, remembered trying to talk to a Hufflepuff girl in the corridors, only for the girl's brother to show up suddenly and drag the girl away with him, telling her not to talk to any Slytherins. It had taken Dan a while to understand - and longer to believe - the reputation her brother had already made for himself, along with his gang of Slytherin friends. She remembered how lonely she'd felt that first day, until the boy who had greeted her in the train and told her how exciting it had been to find out he was a wizard, bumped into her in the Great Hall. She remembered smiling despite herself when he rambled on about how amazing everything was in Hogwarts, and how amazing it was that magic existed and that he was going to learn everything about it. She remembered how he had extended a hand to her in friendship without an hidden agenda, like everyone in her own house seemed to do from a young age.

There was a forced coughing sound, and the class slowly - very slowly - quieted down. Dan looked up from her desk without much curiosity.

The Professor, a younger man of around thirty, nervously announced to the intimidating group of 7th years that they would be studying advanced jinxes and counter-curses, and instructed everyone to grab a large pillow from the back of the room. There was the immediate scraping off wooden chair legs on stone floor, and Josiah hurried to the back; Dan was only a few feet away, and he turned to smile at her, only to bump into Ezra Greengrass.

"Sorry," Jo said immediately in his deep-country Scottish accent. Ezra's jaw was clenched, but he turned around and said nothing. Daniella's friend, Daniella's friend, Daniella's friend, he repeated to himself….

"Apologize better," came a flat voice from behind the tall Slytherin boy, and Josiah blanched at being addressed by the Head Girl in this manner.

"I… erm…"

"Don't say anything," Alisa said harshly through gritted teeth. "You don't owe anyone an apology here. They wouldn't value it even if you gave it to them; they value very little," she said dangerously, gripping her wand and giving a pointed sideways glance in Daniella's direction.

Jo opened his mouth to protest, but Ezra was quicker.

"Beg pardon, but what exactly are you implying?" He murmured silkily, the pillows totally forgotten.

"I'm implying," Alisa said acidly, "that she-" she thrust her wand in Daniella's direction, and a shower of sparks fell from its tip. Ezra, thinking it was a hex and wasting no time, hurled a curse in her general direction and hit Josiah squarely in the chest….

Dan met Jo's eyes for a moment, but before she could say anything, Sabrina's voice pricked her temper to boiling point. But it was Alisa's jab that made her snap. What the hell she know?!

She raised her own wand, not even sure what sort of hex would leave her mouth, considering all the pent-up aggression in her, but Ezra was faster. Everything happened so quickly, she barely had time to react before Jo fell back as if hit by a wall.

"Jo?" She turned to face Ezra furiously. Everything that had happened between them in the last few days suddenly crumbled in front of her eyes. "Why did you do that?!"

She pushed him unceremoniously to the side, walked past Alisa and knelt down near Jo.

During those short few moments, Noah, who had been in the far back of the group, had made his way to the front with Shawn to see what had happened. They had their wands ready – Defense Against the Dark Arts classes with Slytherin often became tense – but, when he saw Jo on the floor, he pushed the person in front of him to the side harshly, moving forward, ready to knock some people out.

It took him a moment too long to realize the person he'd pushed was the Professor. A hand pulled him by the arm to the back of the group. "What are you doing, you idiot?" Shawn whispered furiously. "It's none of your business. He's just a Ravenclaw. We can't afford to lose our Captain for detention hours!" Noah glared at him, teeth clenched, unsure what to do. If he pushed the matter, Shawn would be suspicious. Grudgingly, he settled to glare at the Slytherins who had hexed Jo, marking their faces. He wouldn't forget this.

Ezra's eyes widened as he realized how off his aim had been – he had been aiming for Alisa – and he flushed a blotchy scarlet. He looked with pleading eyes at Daniella, but she was already rushing to the Muggleborn's side, totally forgetting about him….

Alisa, whose temper was well beyond the boiling point, took one good look at Ezra and flung a huge, sizzling blue curse at him. His eyes widened; he didn't like to admit that other people were superior at spellwork, but he was certain that was definitely, definitely going to hurt –

Someone pushed him to the side, and then Sabrina was in front of him, moving her wand silently, violently, with more passion than he had seen from her in years. Alisa's curse fizzled out, subsided, and the result was the most intensely silent duel that had been seen in Hogwarts for at least half a century. Both girls, their long hair flowing violently with their exaggerated movements, were undeniably strong; Sabrina, in particular, had never found a reason to show off her impeccable reflexes in such a manner.

Alisa took a step back, stumbled, and Sabrina smirked. A jet of red light, a simple stunning spell, was all it took to take care of someone so pointedly off their guard. Someone who couldn't control their emotions. Fool.

Ezra stared at his frequent companion, dumbfounded, but she was already slipping back into her façade of expressionlessness.

"Is he alright?" Ezra mumbled about Josiah to no one in particular. "I didn't mean…"

Dan had been watching the duel without interfering, more focused on creating a strong enough bubble shield to protect Jo the best she could, which proved very hard to do. A stream of red light had gotten through and hit him again.

When she saw Alisa lose the duel, though, her fury was directed at the last remaining target. She knew she couldn't win against Sabrina, but right now she didn't care. Sabrina, the silent snake, who was now eyeing her defeated opponent with contempt; Sabrina, the pureblood princess who thought the world was at her disposal by birthright; Sabrina, who was now reclaiming her adored position at Ezra's side, all the while smirking insufferably at Daniella.

Dan stood, raising her wand at Sabrina, but she looked at Ezra instead. "Your girlfriend," she said bitterly, her jaw tightly clenched, "hit him when he was already on the ground. So, ask her."

While Ezra was wasting time looking at Daniella with a look of outraged disbelief (he wasn't sure what offended him more: the fact that she thought he had done it on purpose, or the fact that she had said that Sabrina was his girlfriend), Alisa was slowly but surely regaining her consciousness. She balled her fists, an indescribable rage in her chest at being humiliated by Sabrina in front of the class. While they were talking, she raised herself to a sitting position. Every nerve in her body screamed in protest; she ignored them, sending a jet of blue light at Ezra, who toppled over onto the stack of pillows and lay there, surprised and in intense, wordless pain –

"Stop it! All of you, right now, stop it! D-detention! You, you, you, you, you," he pointed at Noah, "and him, too!" He motioned to Josiah, who was still motionless.

Dan felt the movement behind her, saw the shock in Ezra's eyes just before he toppled over. "NO!" She spun on her heels, reacting before thinking, and with a flick of her wand, sent Alisa's wand flying across the room.

She leaned over her, ready to finish what she should've done in the very beginning, but the Professor's shrieking voice made everyone stop. "This isn't over," She whispered to Alisa angrily.

Alisa snorted at the threat, although her eyes were more lidded than usual.

"It won't be over until you decide where your loyalties lie, Hawke," she said sharply, forcing herself to her feet with great effort.

-/-/-

Dan was in Slytherin's common room, curled up in a couch, with her cat Toby sleeping at her feet as she petted him absentmindedly. Her free hand rested on two black books on her lap. The notebook she used to talk to Jo, and the book of poems Ezra had lent her.

She'd spent the last few hours chewing on Alisa's words, barely noticing the noise around her as the other students walked about. Alisa had no idea; didn't know what it was like. She couldn't imagine how difficult it was to be seen as the enemy by some, and the outcast by others. But Dan didn't really care for her opinion, what worried her was Jo's. Did Jo believe the same? Did he think she had simply abandoned and forgotten about him?

She opened the notebook and wrote:

«I'm sorry I couldn't go to the hospital wing. I didn't want to cause any more trouble. How are you?

We need to talk, Jo. You still trust me, right? You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, don't you?»

She waited and waited, but no reply came. Maybe he was resting. It wasn't a big deal. The common room slowly became empty as everyone left for dinner. Dan hadn't moved from her seat. She closed the notebook and slipped both books back into her bag when she heard someone coming in from the outside. She looked at the door expectantly.

The last time Ezra had ached this badly all over, he had been 7 years old and come down with a particularly nasty case of contagious scrofungulus. He had spent three days in St. Mungo's then; he had only spent 5 hours in the Hospital Wing. Every move was a conscious act of self-torture, and he kept his teeth gritted the entire way through the common room door.

He met eyes with Daniella, went to clench his teeth, realized they were already clenched, and un-clenched them so that he could clench them again before turning abruptly towards the boys' corridor.

Dan flinched at the cold, silent treatment. It hurt. She'd been so pissed off at him, until she had time to calm down and think about what had happened. The way he'd moved in front of her, when Alisa came at her. The way he'd tried to protect her. He hadn't been the one starting the argument, that bitch Sabrina had started it.

He turned away from her. Dan's heart sunk. "Wait!" She got up as quickly as she could; Toby woke up startled and lept out of the couch. "Ezra, wait…"

"Do elaborate," Ezra said dryly, no hint of a smirk on his face. He felt heat rise once again in his cheeks, a frozen fire that he couldn't place; why did it make him so angry? "Would that be, 'wait, Ezra, I would like to spit on your offer of friendship just a smidgen more', or 'wait, Ezra, allow me to accuse you of purposely mauling my Muggleborn friend', or… ah, perhaps, 'wait, Ezra, let me apologize so that you might come to trust me again only to have me rip out your heart with my bare… hands?'"

Every word was perfectly measured and dictated, but his confidence was so shaken that he could not keep his tone even in the end.

Dan took a small step back, shocked with the intensity of his anger. She shook her head. She was starting to dread the outcome of this conversation.

"It was, wait, Ezra, I'm sorry for being an idiot and letting my anger blind me to what you tried to do. Wait, Ezra, I'm sorry for, while trying to get on Sabrina's nerves, saying something that hurt you instead." She paused for a moment, swallowing the fear that he wouldn't care for whatever she might say. "Wait, Ezra, thank you for trying to protect me."

"'Trying' being the operative word," Ezra mumbled, finally allowing himself to feel ashamed of his terrible aim. He turned to face her, but looked off to the side, feeling a bit guilty now for his earlier outburst. He was silent for a long while, then finally had the mental strength to meet her eyes.

"It was only a Knockback Jinx, you know. I didn't knock him unconscious." He raised his chin a bit defensively. "On the brighter side, Sabrina refused to touch the shoulder he bumped into until I was able to change jackets."

Relief washed over Dan so abruptly she felt a little dizzy, like she'd been drained off all energy too fast. Without any more room for anger or worry, she wasn't sure what to feel anymore. "And I know you didn't want to, I just… he's my friend, and I haven't been able to be with him, and Alisa-" she pressed her lips together. It was stupid to think Jo could only have one friend, especially a friend that was now so absent.

She scowled at the remark about Sabrina. "This school year isn't going to end without me slipping a Fungiface Potion in Sabrina's pumpkin juice," she said grimly.

"Yes, Alisa," Ezra repeated, looking rather ill. He could only imagine how tense the next Prefect's meeting was going to be.

"I do wish you'd do it before the Christmas hols," he mumbled with a small hint of a smile. "It would save me worlds of trouble." He sighed heavily, stuffing his hands into his pockets and setting his gaze on the floor.

"And we still have detention all together…" Dan stood there awkwardly, looking at everything except him. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do. Comfort him? Be comforted? Hit something?

"So… er… how are you feeling?" She asked, noticing how stiffly he was moving.

"I'm perfectly well," he murmured the lie. "Just need to sit a bit. You'd think that being hexed and holed up in the Hospital Wing would give you a pass on Transfiguration homework." He sat in an armchair and pulled the unfinished essay out of his bag.

"Do you know, I've never had detention in my life?" He drawled, looking at her with slightly raised eyebrows. "Can't imagine what I'm going to tell mum..."

Dan narrowed her eyes at him. "You're a really bad liar," she retorted, taking a sit on the armchair in front of him. "You could tell her the truth. Maybe they would take Sabrina off the pedestal," or find a higher one, she thought, but didn't say. "Or you could not go home for Christmas," she murmured almost inaudibly. She knew he would never do that. He would go home a be a good little lamb, much to her regret.

"Sabrina's nature has absolutely nothing to do with the pedestal they've put her on," Ezra said lowly, scribbling a few words absentmindedly onto his parchment with a gold-tipped self-inking quill. "She could be the most… loathsome, shrill, unhinged broad on the face of the planet and mum would still love her twice as much as she's ever loved me." He rolled his eyes in thought.

"Which would be zero, because, of course, anything multiplied by zero is still zero. As mandated by standard arithmancy."

Dan didn't know what to answer to that. She studied his handsome face, a little paler than usual, a little haunted, more than a little appealing. Beautiful, unloved, unappreciated.

She rose from her seat to kneel in front of him. "It's their loss," she said softly. Reaching up, she buried her fingers in his hair, on the back of his head and kissed him.

Ezra leaned into the kiss, his eyebrows disappearing into his hair as he closed his eyes. Merlin's beard… this was what real passion felt like, wasn't it? The feel of her fingers knotted into his hair was intoxicating, and he smiled a bit against her lips before pulling away.

"Rather unexpected," he purred, ignoring the large splotch of ink that had once been a word on his Transfiguration homework. "Though not unwelcome."

Dan licked her lips, surprised with herself. "Hmm… yeah, a little bit," she agreed, frowning. She closed her eyes. It was hard to think when he was looking at her so closely, when she could feel his breath against her skin. But she'd put herself in that situation.

"I… should probably go," she said, but didn't move. "You're… busy." She was trying to talk herself into backing away now. This wasn't what she had planned at all. And people would start returning from dinner at any moment now. "Damn it," she breathed, chuckling.

Ezra smirked, searching her eyes for a few more moments before leaning back in and placing his moist lips on her cheekbone.

"We should both get some rest," he said solemnly. "I don't expect that brewing a Fungiface Potion is an easy task when one is sleep deprived."

Dan brushed her hair behind her ears, working on regaining some composure. This new side of Ezra he was just starting to show her, tender and caring, destroyed her defenses in a way she'd never experienced before. She sighed under his touch, then pulled herself up on her feet.

She felt strangely lonely when she distanced herself from him. "Goodnight, Ezra," she murmured, before turning away to the girls' dorm.

-/-/-

«It's fine, don't worry. I have no idea what Alisa was on about, I'm really sorry. I explained to her after that you weren't like that, but you know how she is…. I'm not sure if she believes me or not. Of course I know that. Are you okay? What happened after I came to the Hospital Wing?

Did you see Noah at all? I stayed up for a while hoping he would come visit, but I didn't see him. Anyway, I hope you're well. Let me know about everything.

Love, Jo»

«I'm fine. I didn't get hit. I… I think you'll be angry with me. But I don't want to explain through here. We'll have to meet somehow, when you're out of the hospital wing.

We all got detention, that's what happened. Even you, while you were unconscious. Noah… I'm not sure. He looked very angry, but… He got detention too, though.

Please, know that I love you, and I'm just trying to protect you…

Love, Dan»

-/-/-

Josiah stared out the large, clear ceiling-high window. The grounds were brightly lit with the last vestiges of golden autumn, but he couldn't bring himself to enjoy them. He was too worried.

It might have been silly, but he couldn't stop wondering if he had done the right thing, having sex with Noah. They had both wanted it, but ever since then…. Maybe it was too much, or too soon. Maybe it had ruined all of his chances, and he had developed second thoughts, and that's why Noah hadn't come to visit him.

There was a twinge in his chest that had nothing to do with where Ezra's spell had hit him, and he sighed heavily into the mostly-empty room.

Noah couldn't take any more sleepless nights. His teammates were noticing how distracted he was, and Shawn in particular was getting very suspicious. He paced in front of the door to the hospital wing, biting his nails furiously. Everyone else was at the Great Hall, having dinner. He wouldn't get a much better chance.

But what could he say? He thought it over and over again, and he still didn't know what to think, what to do. Jo would hate him either way. But he would probably hate him more if he didn't even have the courage to show up. What kind of Gryffindor was he, after all?

Telling himself to stop being a coward, he quietly pushed the big door open.

Jo had looked up every time the door had opened, and been disappointed every time, so when it opened for maybe the 11th time that evening, he did not look up immediately.

He had retrieved his school bag and was now busily working on his DADA homework, despite having totally missed the class due to the… incident. He only looked up when a shadow hovered over his parchment, blocking the sunlight he was writing in.

"Oh," he said in a small voice, studying Noah's face with a cautious, but not unhappy, expression. "Hey."

"Hey," Noah murmured, looking intently at the parchment in Jo's hands. His voice was raspy, as if he hadn't used it in quite some time. Which he hadn't, in fact. "I just returned from practice and I thought…" He trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence. He cleared his throat. "How are you?"

Josiah gave him a searching look. He looked more like he belonged in a bed than Jo did.

"How did practice go?" He asked conversationally. "I'm good – feeling much better. Just doing some homework before I have to go to detention," he snorted. There were a few moments of silence, and he bit his lip subtly.

"You can have a seat, you know. Nobody's here."

Noah sighed. "Not so well," he admitted, rubbing his neck. He flushed at Jo's last remark, but pulled a chair and sat next to the bed, laying his Quidditch bag and broomstick between his legs.

He chanced a quick glance at Josiah's eyes. He'd missed him. He'd never thought it would be possible to miss someone so much; to see Jo every day and still miss his company so deeply. That thought scared him. "I'm sorry. I'm a jerk."

Josiah knitted his brows with concern, putting his essay and quill on the bedside table.

"I don't think you're a jerk," he said matter-of-factly with a wry smile. "It's not easy. I understand." He grabbed at his wand, performing a few quick swishes, and let the Cheering Charm fall over Noah in a wave of slightly perfumed magical air.

"So don't be so hard on yourself, aye? I just… I need you to be honest with me." He finished the sentence very softly. "No matter what you're feeling, just be honest."

Noah closed his eyes for a few moments, lowered his head and exhaled slowly as the spell slowly lifted some of the weight on his shoulders. It became easier to breathe. Jo was right. He needed to be honest – with himself and Jo.

He kept his eyes closed; it was easier to voice his thoughts that way. "I never…" he started with a murmur. "I'd never been with a guy before. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to say." He paused, searching his heart. Trying to be honest with himself. "I don't regret it." His voice was barely a whisper as he admitted the truth that hurt the most, "But I'm afraid."

Jo was silent for a few moments, fiddling with the blanket draped over his legs while Noah talked.

"It's okay," he said finally, as though trying to rationalize it for the both of them. "Really, it's… look, Noah, I really like you." He said a little more boldly than he had intended. "But I don't want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I only want you to go as far as you want to go. So…"

The knowledge that Noah was not as sure about Jo as Jo was about him hurt a little, but he scolded himself for that. He was trying to remember, despite the painful memories, how hard it had been for him to come to terms with himself.

Noah raised his eyes at Jo at his admission. He was so understanding, even though it was obvious it was hurting him that Noah couldn't say it back. But he had asked for honesty, and Noah had never said something like that to anyone, except maybe his mother and grandmother.

The spell had helped settle his chaotic thoughts a little, but it didn't help him figure out how to say what was clogging his chest. He thought of his parents – his mother, who had supported him in his dream to become a professional Quidditch player – his friends, the people who were thinking about giving him a chance in Quidditch after school… His entire future was hanging on a thread this year, a lot of eyes were fixed on him and how he would perform.

"What will they think? I could lose everything I worked for…" He looked at Jo, troubled. "What did your parents say? Your friends?"

"I don't know what they'll think," Josiah answered truthfully, but regretfully. "I… my parents… we haven't talked about it much." He was embarrassed by this, his cheeks flushing with heat. "But Daniella didn't mind at all… I suppose since she's a girl, it's a little different…."

He felt pained by his inability to relate to Noah on a personal level. He wanted to console him, to tell him it was okay and that everyone would still support him fully, but the Ravenclaw in him was very clear on the reality of the matter.

"It's something you have to… to think about personally and decide for yourself. It's always different. For everyone." He gave the other boy a small, weak smile. "I'm sorry, I know it doesn't help much."

Noah nodded as Jo spoke, expression hardening as he tried to contain his feelings. People had expectations about him; had invested heavily on those expectations. He looked at the bag between his feet, where he kept his Quidditch equipment; looked at his broomstick.

Flying was his life. It was all he knew how to do well. He didn't want to give it up. But he liked to be with Jo too. Even Quidditch didn't look as much fun if he couldn't share it with him. He wasn't sure what that meant yet, or how important it was to him, but he knew he didn't want to be forced to make a choice.

He hung his head, blinked a few times in an attempt to keep his eyes dry and inhaled sharply. "I'll… think about it." The pressure in his chest kept rising. He needed to get out of there. He forced himself straight and faced Jo. "I have to go. I'll… see you around."