Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

Chapter 31

Author's Note: I go back to work tomorrow, not promising another update til the weekend (but if you get one then you're lucky!) 96 reviews! 100 anyone?

Dang, Rick sending Carol away, and the wackadoodle governor is back. Seriously dude, go away!

Jewel looked over at him in the truck. "What?" she asked as he kept staring at her.

Rick laughed. "You turned me on when you hit Shane," he admitted.

"Then I should have done it long ago," Jewel answered. "You OK?" she asked as she squeezed his hand.

"Not particularly," Rick answered as he brought her hand up and kissed it. "You didn't have to volunteer to come with me."

"Yeah I did, Rick," Jewel answered. "You or Glenn don't know what's it's like to be one drink away from losin' yourself to the bottle, I do. You can't talk to Herschel about it and understand, because you haven't been there. You can't even pretend to know what it's like," she told him. "We know what it's like to be a parents, Glenn doesn't. Maggie needs him there."

"Is this gonna be a problem for you? Being in a bar?" Rick asked concerned.

"I'm not bothered by bein' around alcohol, Rick. If I was, then that night at the CDC, I would have taken a drink then. And lucky for you, I hate whiskey so when you kissed me I wasn't tempted to drink. Now, I was tempted by something' else but not the whiskey on your breath," Jewel teased.

"Oh? Tempted huh? Could have fooled me, I mean it did take a couple more weeks for me to even get you to admit that you were interested," Rick teased her as he ran his free hand through her hair.

Jewel laughed. "Lucky for me you're persistent huh?"

"Yeah, now if you just won't be so generous of offerin' me back to Lori, then we'll be OK," Rick teased her.

"Well don't go handcuffing my other brother to a rooftop and we'll be good," Jewel teased back.

"Do you think Herschel will be alright?" Rick asked her.

Jewel sighed. "I don't know, Rick. He believed there was still a chance, then he…I can't even imagine what he's feelin' now. I seriously would have drank a whole bottle of anything' if it was available after the CDC blew up. I saw hope go out the window, and at that moment, I really, seriously would have taken a drink."

"You think there's hope now?" Rick asked.

Jewel looked at him. "I told you about Jane right?"

"Yeah," Rick asked.

"When I was sabotaging those relationships, she told me something. Something that I didn't take serious right at the time. She told me that when I least expected it that some guy would catch me off guard. Maybe it was his smile, or his eyes, or his voice. That he would make me feel safe, nervous and confident all in one full swoop. And that when he kissed me all I would think of was how close I could get to him," Jewel told him.

Rick arched an eyebrow. "Oh?" he asked attempting not to smirk.

"Yeah, and here I am in the middle of the end of the world, and when I get scared, I don't think about running to Daryl, I think about running to you. When I see you hurtin', I want to stop it. So you ask me if I think there's hope? Yeah, I do," she told him as she kissed his cheek.

Rick smiled. "So..what was it?" he asked curiously.

"What was what?" she asked.

Rick smirked at her. "You know what," he told her.

Jewel laughed. "Combination of things, actually. Guess the first thing I noticed was your voice, then the smile, then the eyes."

Rick grinned. "The whole package huh?"

"Don't get a big head Rick Grimes, remember I can sabotage a relationship without even thinking," she teased. "Jane would have liked you…especially since you hated Merle. She's up there laughing at me," she told him. "So your turn," Jewel told him. "What is it about me?"

Rick smiled. "You'll think it's quite selfish of me."

"Try me," Jewel told him as she kissed his shoulder.

"How easily we just talked. Nothing forced, nothing demanding. Just an easy conversation, give and take. That first night at the quarry, even though you had every reason to hate me cause of Merle, you still came over and talked to me. I don't think I realized it then, but the more we talked, the more I wanted to know about you, wanted to protect you from the world. Then there's that smile that lights up the room," Rick told her as he kissed her fingers.

Jewel smiled. "See, this…this is hope. Lori's baby that's hope," she told him. "That baby is family, he or she is Carl's sister or brother. In this world, can't separate that."

"You're something' else you know that?" Rick asked as he parked the truck at the bar. He bent over and kissed her. "I would have seriously lost it today if it wasn't for you."

Jewel smiled. "No Rick, you would have been fine. It would have been Shane that totally wouldn't have been alright, but damn it felt so good hitting him. I am a Dixon after all," she said as she got out of the truck and check her gun.

Rick checked his gun before entering the barn. "Herschel?" he asked as they entered the bar.

Herschel sighed as he took a drink. "Who else is with you?"

"Jewel. Glenn volunteered to come too," Rick said as he walked over. "How many have you had?"

"Not enough," Herschel answered.

Jewel motioned for Rick to stand back and she went over. "You know this isn't gonna fix anything, Herschel. This is just gonna add to your problems."

"What do you know about it?" Herschel asked.

Jewel took out a coin from her pocket. "A lot, Herschel, believe me. That's my 10 year coin….up to almost 13 years. This isn't you Herschel. You're needed back at the farm. Beth needs you, she's in shock, and we don't know what to do."

"I think you're in shock too," Rick told the older man.

"Maggie's with her?" Herschel questioned as he poured himself another drink.

"Yeah, but Beth needs you," Rick told him.

"What could I do? She needs her mother," Herschel told them.

Jewel looked at him. "Her mother isn't here, Herschel, but you are. And I don't think you are the type of parent that's just going to run away when things get tough," she told him.
"She needs to mourn like she should've done weeks ago. I robbed her of that. I see that now," Herschel told them.

"You were holding out hope," Jewel told him.

"You thought there was a cure, can't blame yourself for that. We thought there was a cure too," Rick told him. "But there's still hope."

"Hope? When I first saw you running across my field with your boy in your arms, I had little hope he would survive," Herschel told him.

"But he did," Rick told him.

"And he wouldn't have if we didn't find you," Jewel told the man.

"You wouldn't have needed me if Otis hadn't accidently shot him," Herschel told them. "Your man Shane made it back, but we lost Otis, but we saved your boy. That was a miracle that proved to me miracles do exist," Herschel told him. "Only it was a sham, a bait and switch. I was a fool, Rick, and you people saw that. My daughters deserve better than that," he told them.

Jewel glanced at Rick before going up to Herschel. "So, you're going to leave your girls alone in this world for a bottle? Is that really what you think is best for Maggie and Beth? Bury yourself in a bottle, away from your problems Herschel?" Jewel told him. "You didn't want us at the farm because you were protecting your family, your daughters', so I know that you'd do anything to protect them. Yeah this is going to bury your sorrows today, but what about tomorrow? You're going to get up and you're going to have a major hangover, and you are going to have to look at your daughters' in the eyes. Or even worse, Herschel, what if something happens and you don't get to wake up in the morning? Is this the way you want them to remember you by? Exactly what kind of example is that for them?" Jewel asked. "Don't you think I want to pour a glass right along with you? Sit down here and forget that the world sucks? Forget that the dead want to turn me into a midnight snack? Or to forget that a little boy lost his last livin' family member today? I do, Herschel, but I don't get to do that. You know why? Because I have a daughter that depends on me. She looks at me as an example. She's the reason I gave up drinkin' just the way you did for Maggie. You're usin' your grief as a reason to find comfort in an old friend. But that isn't an old friend, that is a nemesis, and you know it as much as I do. You aren't the type of man Herschel. We told Maggie we'd bring you home," Jewel told him.

"Like you promised that little boy?" Herschel told them.

"So what's your plan?" Rick asked.

"He doesn't have a plan Rick. His only thought is finish that bottle," Jewel told him. "I know whatever we say isn't gonna make a difference Herschel. You're going to have to make that choice," Jewel told him.

"Stop telling me how to care for my family, my farm. You people are like a plague! I do the Christian thing, give you shelter, and you destroy it all!" Herschel told them.

"The world was already in bad shape when we met," Rick told him.

"There was bad people, bad things that happened before all this Herschel," Jewel said as she glanced at Rick.

"And you take no responsibility! You're supposed to be their leader!"

"Well, I'm here now, aren't I? Jewel's here now, she volunteered to come with me because she's been where you were. She said I wouldn't understand about this, and she's right, I wouldn't. But, here I am, right now. You want to be mad at us for what happened at your farm, be mad at me, but not at your daughters," Rick told him.

"Maggie and Beth need you now more then ever," Jewel told him.

Herschel sighed. "I didn't want to believe you. You told me there was no cure, that these people were dead, not sick. I chose not to believe that. But when Shane shot Lou in the chest and she just kept coming, that's when I knew what an ass I'd been, that Annette had been dead long ago and I was feeding a rotten corpse! That's when I knew there was no hope. And when that little boy came out of the barn, the look on your face I knew you knew it too. Right? There is no hope," he told them. "And now you know it like I do."

Jewel looked at Rick. "There's always hope Herschel there has to be."

Rick nodded. "She's right. You know what the truth is? Nothing has changed.
Death is death. It's always been there, whether it's from a heart attack, cancer, or a Walker. What's the difference? You didn't think it was hopeless before, did you? Now there are people back at home trying to hang on. They need us, even if it's just to give them a reason to go on, even if we don't believe it ourselves."

Jewel nodded. "Maybe right now you don't feel like there's anything to fight for, but there is. Maggie and Beth. Maybe you're not going to be able to do it all by yourself for a little while, no one gets to do it on there own anymore Herschel."

Herschel looked at her. "You don't give up do you?"

"I'm stubborn like that," Jewel said with a grin.

TBC