Alcoholism what is it really? I asked myself this question over and over again. What is it really? As a kid I'd see people drink it wasn't abnormal but when do you determine that someone is an alcoholic per se? I laughed internally. Who fucking cares? I took a drink bitterly. Bourbon was never my choice of drink it was Matt's but he bought it so who was I to complain. Why am I drinking? That's the question I should be asking myself.
"The fuck are you doing?!"
Matt's voice cut through my thoughts like broken glass. Startled I sat up a bit straighter putting my hand over the rim of my glass. It was sticky. Like a gross sticky…
"Nothing…" Came my bitter reply.
"You're drinking again; its 8am what's wrong with you lately?"
What is wrong with me lately? Was it because it was almost thanksgiving and the fact that I have no family? That cant be it…but it is. It painfully is. Matt is my family now, but…
"Do you ever wonder about your family?" The response just came from no where. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the answer was so generic I couldn't be bother by it.
"You're my family and besides mine didn't want me so why should I wonder about them?"
A healthy response. Typical of Matt honestly. All his responses were healthy.
"Hm, true," but that wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that he was curious same as I am. Why? Why were we not wanted like other kids? Never in my life had I experienced having parents or all the 'joys' that came with it. No memories. No pictures. No vacations. Emptiness. What's the opposite like though? A loving smiling mother and stupid father.
"Its bullshit," I raised my eyebrows at Matt's response. "Not you the idea of family. Family is where you are happiest. Right? Who needs anything, but that. You're happy with me Mello aren't you?" The look on Matt's face was one of the most comforting I had seen. He had something there.
"I am. I'm lucky," I smiled. Family. Matt is my family now and always. Uncovering my drink I took a drink seemingly the bitterness was gone. All I tasted were the sweetness of the different notes in the bourbon. What a relief. My self pity had ended so early with Matt's gentleness. Until next time.