Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

Chapter 59

Author's Note: I planned to go back to somewhat regularly scheduled programming…but brain has other ideas. When I started this I was just starting to watch Walking Dead and did not realize how much Carol would mature because of it. Now I've got a whiney Carol and a scared Sophia. I've debated with this for several chapters. I don't necessarily like Carol but she is useful in the later seasons. So….I decided to give her awake call and killing Sophia. Sorry! I had good intentions by saving her really did. Review please. I'm holding up a bat ready to smash the rotten apples thrown at me.

"Child Loss is not an event, it is an indescribable journey of survival-Unknown"

Three weeks before they find the prison:

The group watched as Carol cradled her daughter. "It's alright sweetheart," she said as she touched the child's head.

Rick stood ready when the child took her last breath. They had cleaned out the small cabin, it was safe. He set his gaze on the other members of the group. They all were feeling this loss. They were supposed to protect the children. Rick had told the group to stay in the two rooms they had cleared. He made it clear. Could he have said it differently? Could he have repeated it once again? Jewel was the first one to notice that Sophia and Mitch were both gone. They started to spread out, Carol was frantic, Mariah had tried to calm her down. Mariah was the quiet one of the group, she watched and knew what you needed. It was then when they heard the screams from upstairs. Daryl and Jewel took the steps two at a time and saw Sophia push Mitch out the door, a walker having grabbed her. One walker. That's all it took. By the time Carol had reached the top of the stairs, Jewel had taken the knife and taken out the walker. Sophia had half of her arm bitten. The Atlanta group knew from there experience with Amy and Andrea, they just needed to wait.

Lori rubbed Carol's back. "Dale's waiting for you sweetheart," Lori told her.

"It hurts mommy," Sophia said in a whisper.

"I know baby, it won't hurt for long," Carol said as she held back the tears.

Summer held onto Mitch and glanced around the room. Once again they were losing one of there own. She couldn't help to blame Carol in a way for not making the child listen or learn to defend herself. She was grateful that Sophia pushed Mitch out of the room. It was courageous, and that made up for Carol's coddling the child. Sophia had sacrificed herself for the youngest member of the group. She bent down and touched the girls hair. "Hey little sister, you were brave. You did good."

"I just…wanted to see if we could find something to surprise…everyone with," Sophia said.

"You did good, Sophia. Real good," Summer told her.

Jewel watched her daughter give comfort to the dying girl. She couldn't help but feel for the other mother, watching, knowing that Carol was dying inside. She glanced at Mariah, knowing that she knew the pain of losing a child. She didn't know if he was alive or dead, worse then what Carol was doing.

"Beth maybe you should take Mitch and Carl outside," Hershel told his youngest daughter.

"I'm staying…" Carl said. "She's my friend."

"She…needs us all here," Mitch's small voice said.

Carol cried as Sophia slipped away. "Baby…I'm sorry. My sweet little baby," Carol cried as Rick made his way up. "Summer, Lori," he told the two women bending down with Carol.

Summer helped Lori up and both walked away. Mariah held Mitch's face to her leg so he couldn't see.

"I have to do it Rick," Carol told him as she took out her knife. "I have to do it," she repeated.

"Are you sure Carol?" Rick asked.

Carol nodded. "I brought her into this world, I need to be the one to do it…" she said.

Rick laid his hand on the woman's shoulder and nodded. "I'm staying by you."

Carol nodded as she kissed the top of Sophia's head. "I love you baby," the grieving mother said as she put the knife through the center of her head.

The group stood quietly as they watched the woman grieve for her daughter. They were all grieving. Glenn couldn't help but count the remaining members of the Atlanta camp. They had come so far, now another one was gone. "I'm going to go find a shovel…." he said quietly.

"I'll go with you," Daryl said. He watched the woman cradle the child. Daryl took the deaths of any of the group hard. He protected everyone but the children were the ones that weren't supposed to die. He followed Glenn out, knowing if he stayed he would shed tears. Dixon's don't cry. Well the male Dixon's. Jewel and Summer could cry, they were supposed to. Not that Jewel did it much unless it was over Summer.

Evening:

Mariah walked over to where Carol was sitting by Sophia's grave. "I'm sorry…." she said as she sat down beside her.

"Thank you," Carol answered. "I did a horrible job at protectin' her her whole life. First her daddy then out here. If I had just listened to Rick…to Jewel…she'd know how to protect herself. She would have been able to kill that walker and she'd be alive. This was my fault."

Mariah reached over and squeezed the other woman's hand. "Blame doesn't do anyone any good Carol. I blamed myself for months after this happened that I chose the date to send Peter out to Boston. What if Boston had gotten hit first? What if he was gone before I even heard about this thing? What if's eat you away Carol. It doesn't do anything but want you to join those you those who you lost. But there's a reason all of us are alive right now, nothing is chance anymore. You take Sophia's death, you grieve, you get mad at the world, kill a few walkers, it'll make you feel better. But what you don't let it do is eat you up and destroy you. This is going to make you stronger, Carol. Stronger then you ever thought you could be. Lori's going to need you soon, and that baby. A beautiful new life coming into this dark world. If that isn't a sign of hope I don't know what is," Mariah told her.

Carol looked at the other woman. "I think that's the most words I've heard you say since Christmas," she told her as she wiped her eyes.

"I'm not a big talker. My dad was a criminal profiler at a prison, he could sit and watch people for hours at a mall. I think he did it just to aggravate me as a teen," Mariah told her.

Carol let out a smile. "You watch us for hours."

"Habit," Mariah admitted.

"How are you? I mean I didn't even ask you…" Carol told him.

"I'm alright…I can sleep for more then two hours at night without waking up feeling like hands are all over me. Having people around that I know, it helped," Mariah told her.

"You and Daryl?" Carol asked.

Mariah glanced at the other woman. "You're interested in Daryl."

"He's not showing anything back," Carol answered.

"That's not what I said," Mariah told the woman as she squeezed her hand. "Daryl and I are friends, we may or may not be working on something else. You should get some rest."

"I don't want to leave her alone tonight…I know we'll be moving on soon," Carol told her.

"Then I'll sit out here with you," Mariah told her.

Jewel's POV:

Jewel glanced over her shoulder as she heard the door open. "I couldn't sleep."

Rick nodded as he placed his arms around her and kissed her neck. "I couldn't either. Thought I'd let you be alone for a little bit before I came out."

Jewel sighed. "How many are we going to have to lose Rick? How many of these funerals are we going to have to have for one of our own? I know Glenn was ticking out names in his head of the Atlanta survivors, so was I."

Rick put his arms around her tighter. "I know. Do you still believe we'll find a place?"

"Yes, I just wish it would be sooner then later. Every death….especially Sophia's, it makes me wonder how much more I can take," Jewel admitted.

Rick kissed her. "That's why I'm here, Mrs. Grimes. To give you strength when you don't think you have anymore. You do the same for me."

"I try, Mr. Grimes," Jewel told him.

"You keep me sane….you keep me grounded. I don't think I would have made it this far without you," Rick told her as he kissed her.

"We will find a place. We need to. We will help Carol through this, we move on. We don't forget, but we move on," Jewel assured her husband as she kissed him. "We'll find somewhere…for Lori, for the baby."