Chapter 28: The Shadow and the Soul

Valerie woke up and found the space next to her empty. They'd given up the pretense of separate houses months ago, and she'd happily moved all of her things back across the green to his place.

It had been blissful for quite a while, but he'd been distant lately—she'd noticed him retreating into his own thoughts more frequently. He'd always been introspective, but this was a bit different. He seemed on edge.

She got up and threw on one of his white t-shirts and a pair of her own worn out grey sweatpants. She poked around the house for a minute, but it was empty.

She knew instinctively where he'd gone—he'd gone where he always went when he needed to think things through in the middle of the night.

She found him there—just where she'd found him nearly a year ago.

He smiled wryly when he saw her.

"What?" she asked.

"I was just thinking that I should have left you a note—so that you'd know where I'd gone."

"I knew right away," she told him with a laugh. She dropped down next to him and tossed a stick onto the fire he'd lit. "What's on your mind?"

His brows shot up and he pursed his lips as he considered how to answer.

"I really love you," he said finally, as if still surprised by the fact.

"I really love you too," she replied, "you do know that, right?"

He nodded, fidgeting with his hands.

She realized he was holding something between his fingers. He noticed her squinting at it.

"I forgot that I had this—I found it quite accidentally." He held it out for her to see.

It was a simple diamond ring with a worn silver band.

"I think I am beginning to understand what happened to my father."

It was his mother's engagement ring, she realized, suddenly understanding where his mind had been for the last couple of weeks.

"He adored her." Ben looked at her, frowning deeply. He bit his cheek and turned back to the ocean. "Losing her destroyed him. I resented him for it—resented his distance, his relentless misery, his inability to care for his own child."

She put her hand on his forearm.

"I wonder what difference it would have made had I tried to engage with him—tried to forgive him."

"Ben," she said softly, "you were a child—his son. Your mother's death explained his behavior—it didn't excuse it."

"I killed the man, Valerie."

She nodded somberly. "I know."

"And I'm not sure I'd have fared any better than he did."

"You won't have to find out," she said reassuringly.

He took her hand and looked at her intently.

There was a deep sadness in his eyes, underlaid by a hopeful sincerity. She knew exactly what he was struggling to do.

"You have to ask," she told him through a smile, her eyes fixed on his.

"Do you want me to?"

She nodded.

"Marry me," he said simply.

"That wasn't a question," she chided gently.

He raised an eyebrow and thought for a moment before starting over.

"I'd long since given up on ever knowing this kind of love," he began. "I had resigned myself—quite happily—to growing old and dying alone. It's a far lesser penance than I deserve. And then you—"

He thumbed the ring, staring at it.

"—you just loved me. You loved me in spite of my unkindness, and once you peeled that armor away, you loved me in spite of the man you found underneath. That knowledge feels like nothing I've ever known—to know what it is to be loved by someone who sees through your hideousness and forgives it—accepts it."

She felt the tears rising up through her chest. She swallowed firmly.

"I don't really think there's anything special about marriage. I don't want to make you mine—I've never wanted that. I just want to make a promise to spend the rest of my life trying to be deserving of the love you have given me."

She couldn't stop her eyes from watering.

"Will you do me that honor, Val?"

She nodded, smiling wryly through her tears.

He slid the ring on to her finger and closed his fist around hers.

They held each other close for a while, staring out at the black midnight ocean in contented silence.

"We probably ought to head home," Ben suggested.

"Or," Valerie replied, an eyebrow raised suggestively, "we could stay here."

"Oh," he said, tilting his head in surprise. "I suppose we could."

Ben and Valerie hurried back to the house from the fence line.

"What the hell was that?" Frank asked.

"That was what happened when they disappeared," Alex said.

"Does that mean they're back?" Sun asked urgently.

Alex shrugged.

Ben pulled Valerie into his office. "What's going to happen next?" he asked in hushed tones, glancing nervously through the doorway at Alex.

"No idea."

"Should we leave? Go looking for them?"

"We shouldn't decide," Valerie murmured to Ben. "We have to try to remember what Eloise told us to do—we know too much." She stepped back into the kitchen. "Alex, what do you want to do?"

Alex didn't need time to think. "Stay here—we're safe here. We've got plenty of supplies."

"Sound good?" Valerie asked the group.

"What about our friends?" Claire asked, putting her hand on Sun's shoulder.

"Let's give it a day," Alex suggested. "They'll probably either come here or go to their old beach camp. If no one shows up tomorrow, we'll go looking."

Sun nodded, biting her lip.

By evening the next day, the group had grown impatient. They all sat together on the porch, staring out at the brilliant red sunset.

"I want to go out there," Sun told Alex.

"Give it time," Alex cautioned. "If that was them, they could have arrived anywhere on the Island."

"It was them," Sun told her.

"How do you know that?" Alex asked, frowning.

"Valerie explained that—"

Ben shot Sun a sharp look, and she stopped talking.

"Dad," Alex asked sternly, raising her eyebrows, "what was that about?"

He sighed. It wasn't a conversation that he wanted to have, but if he'd learned anything, it was that keeping things from his daughter was a mistake. "Val," he said, turning to his wife, "I think we need to tell her."

"Tell me what?"

"Is anyone there?" a voice boomed from across the green, interrupting the conversation.

Three figures were walking towards them.

"Is that Sawyer?" Valerie exclaimed.

She walked out towards the group, followed by Sun and Desmond.

Sun let out a small cry and started running. One of the figures stopped in his tracks and dropped to his knees. Sun fell into his arms. Valerie watched on as they reunited, tearing up a little at their palpable joy.

The other two figures were Sawyer and Miles, both wearing DHARMA jumpsuits and looking worse for wear.

"Wednesday," Sawyer said wearily as he recognized her, "Nice haircut."

"Nice man bun," she shot back, immediately noticing the raw grief in his eyes.

She looked at Miles, concerned.

"We lost Juliet," he told her. "She and James were—it was happened yesterday. They were trying to…" he trailed off.

"Shit," Valerie replied, shaking her head. She rushed over to comfort Sawyer.

"Jack told us what happened," Miles said to the group. "He said you all had to come back—and Valerie is from the future? Hurley was dying for an explanation. I'd say that you'd never guess where we were, but—"

"We know," Frank told him. "The seventies."

"Yeah. The seventies. For three psychedelic years." He turned to Ben. "And Sayid tried to kill you—kid you."

Ben blinked. "Why?"

"He seemed a bit off the deep end—he wanted to find Charles Widmore. Kid you let him out of DHARMA jail—and he got some ideas."

"Where is everyone else?" Claire asked.

"John Locke found us—only, I don't think it was really him." Miles explained. "James didn't either. Jin knew Sun was here somewhere—Jack said she had come back with him. We took off saying we'd go looking for her and bring her back. He wanted us to bring Desmond back too."

"You left the others with him?"

"Hugo took Sayid to the Temple. Kate and Jack went with John Locke and Richard Alpert to meet Jacob."

Ben looked at Valerie inquisitively.

She shrugged. "I don't know what it means."

"Alright," Ben mused, sighing. "Does Jack believe that John has been resurrected?"

"I don't know," Miles answered. "I think he's suspicious—but you know Jack—he blames himself for John's death. And John was the one who believed in all the fate stuff—Jack regrets not trusting him. He might be overcompensating."

"Is the fence still working? How did you get in?"

"Oh, it's working alright. We went over it."

Alex had been gaping at Miles since he started speaking. "I'm sorry," she interjected, grabbing him by the forearm, "did you say Valerie is from the future?"

Miles made a face at Ben, who put his hand on Valerie's waist.

"Dad?"

He looked at Valerie. "Do you want to explain, or should I?"

Alex shook her head in confusion.

"Alex," Valerie began carefully, "do you remember when you guessed that someone I loved had died?"

She nodded mutely.

"And I told you that your dad reminded me of that person?"

Alex nodded again. Karl came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"That wasn't entirely true. The man I loved was your dad—I met him when my sailboat wrecked on the Island—seven years from now."

Alex pulled her hair away from her face and blinked deliberately.

Valerie glanced at Ben before continuing. "We really were married—for quite a while—then the tumor on his spine came back, and he died."

"So—what? You came back in time to save him? Make sure the surgery happened?"

"No, Alex," Ben explained, "she came back to save you."

"Me? Save me from what?"

"You were killed by the men that Charles Widmore sent to the Island," he answered, his voice wavering. "I watched you die in front of me. It was my fault." He started to choke up. "I had a chance to save you, Alexandra. But I chose the Island over you—I chose myself."

"It ate away at him for the rest of his life," Valerie continued. "He would have given anything to undo what he had done. We had the means—we had to try."

Alex burst into tears and threw her arms around Ben. He couldn't stop himself from crying into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he rasped. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay," she sobbed. "I'm okay. I love you."

Valerie wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

Sawyer was struggling to stifle his own tears as Jin and Sun joined them, hand in hand, beaming into each other's faces.

The mood grew somber as the conversation turned to the people who they'd lost. Most of the other survivors had died while time was skipping. Rousseau, Ethan, and Charlotte Lewis had died from time sickness. Daniel Faraday had been shot by his own mother. Juliet had died trying to change the future.

"She said 'it worked,' apparently," Sawyer said, slapping Miles on the shoulder. "Maybe there's a universe out there where the plane didn't crash."

Valerie nodded grimly, fairly certain that there wasn't.

In spite of the circumstances, they managed to find joy in the midst of their grief. Sawyer was relieved to see Claire, Miles was happy to see Frank, and everyone was uplifted by the sight of Jin smiling as Sun told him about their daughter.

They had all found each other again—and that was enough to soothe the sadness and fear they each felt, if only for a night.

"This feels like the calm before the storm," Ben noted quietly as they retired for the evening.

Valerie nodded slowly, a pensive look on her face. "I think he's going to use Jack to kill Jacob—not you."

"Course correction," Ben agreed.

She looked into his eyes, grazing her fingers through the graying hair at his temples. She started to speak but stopped herself, kissing him instead.

He ran his hands under her tank top, feeling her soft skin as he pulled it over her head. She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it over his arms, their bare chests colliding as she pressed him against the wall. There was nothing new about the sensation—not anymore—but it still left him breathless and shuddering.

He clung to her body as they tumbled into bed. There was something desperate in the way that she kissed him—a purposefulness that only intensified his desire. He was still surprised by how much he loved her—he'd spent so much of his life unaware that it was possible to feel anything so honestly. He let that bliss consume him as he held her, undeterred by the looming shadow of the chaos to come.