.
.
In a brightly lit aisle of a grocery store, two Uchiha nin stand in front of a display of laundry detergent, fixed and unmoving as imperial porcelain.
"Liquid. Powder. Single-load packs." Izuna's eyes scan the ingredients on the containers. "This one says it has 'color-safe bleach.' Nii-san. What is 'bleach'?"
"I do not know. I believe it is a substance used in chemical warfare."
"And the civilians use it for laundry?" Izuna frowns. Madara knits his brow.
Madara makes a decisive move: he grabs a red container, something with a blue cap and cheerful letters proclaiming PROCLEAN, FRESH SCENT, and firmly sets it in their cart.
"That's my nii-san!" Izuna says. He pumps his fist. "Always a leader!"
"Hmph."
They push their cart to the shampoo aisle.
This one is even worse than the last: hundreds of bottles, hundreds of scents, countless different formulations. The two Uchiha stare.
"Perhaps we should buy what Hashirama has," Madara says, frowning. Izuna's head snaps upward.
"I would rather die a second painful death than use the same product as that Senju scum."
"Well we must buy something - we've already depleted her stockpile." Madara picks up a bottle. "Perhaps we should pool our resources and buy a bottle that is 'family sized.' This should be enough for the three of us."
"Bullshit." Izuna grabs the bottle from Madara's hand and slams it back onto the shelf.
Down the aisle, Hashi wheels her cart toward them. "You guys okay?"
"We are fine," Madara says, while Izuna spits, "No one asked you." Hashi smiles.
"Oh, you guys getting shampoo?" She wanders over to where they're standing and picks up a bottle. Madara turns.
"Hashirama. How did you know which one to purchase?" Madara asks. Hashi shrugs.
"Generally I just pick the cheapest."
"I see." Madara scans the prices, then picks up the cheapest bottle.
xXx
.
"Hashirama-neechan! You wanna get some ramen?" Naruto says. Hashi beams at him.
"Hai! I love ramen!"
They high-five each other.
Madara sits at the edge of the bar, nursing a paper cup of water and watching with slanted eyes as Hashi laughs and dines with Naruto and his companion - one "Iruka-sensei," some no-named mediocre nin who keeps staring at Hashirama and stuttering like an idiot child.
"Wow," Iruka says, blushing. "You're really pretty in person."
Madara crushes his cup in his fist.
Hashi is about to shovel a chopstick's worth of noodles in her mouth when she catches the scent of something. She sniffs, then leans over toward Iruka.
"You smell really good! What is that?"
"Uh, I think that's my body wash," Iruka says. Hashi takes a big sniff.
"Wow, that's really good! We've been trying to figure out what soap to use. Is that 'Irish Spring'? Waah! I really like that! Oh it smells really really good!"
Madara watches, a predator sizing up its prey, as Hashi laughs and sniffs Iruka's armpit.
xXx
.
"'Irish Spring'?" Izuna stares at the green boxes of soap stacked up on the bathroom counter while Madara stands behind him, his face a perfect mask. "I thought you were only getting the cheap stuff."
Madara sniffs loftily. "In times of war, it is necessary to think like the enemy." Izuna, confused, just nods as if understanding.
"Ah."