.
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Umino Iruka hovers uncertainly in front of the flower stand next to Naruto's favorite ramen shop. It seems sacrilegious, trying to court one of the founders of Konoha, but Hashi seems just as modern and normal as any of the other kunoichi in the village.
"Hello, Hashi-san," Iruka greets her politely as she bounds down the steps, dressed like any other modern woman, with a T-shirt and jeans and their forehead protector tied squarely on her forehead.
"Iruka-kun! Ah it's nice to see you again!" Hashi flashes him a bright smile. Iruka blushes and rubs his neck.
"It's nice to see you too," he says stupidly, but Hashi doesn't seem to notice. She waves at him as she skips down the street.
At the ramen bar, Naruto keeps staring at him. His brow is knitted in concentration. Iruka itches uncomfortably, then blows the steam off his soup spoon. Naruto pitches forward.
"Iruka-sensei!" he points, "You have a crush on Hashirama-neechan, dattebayo!"
Iruka nearly falls off his stool. "What?" Iruka says. Naruto points harder.
"I saw how you were looking at her! You were totally making googly eyes, dattebayo!"
"Was it that obvious?" Iruka says, and he sees Naruto nod and he deflates a bit. "Oh no," Iruka says. He holds his head. "Oh no. This is bad. This is really bad. I have a crush on one of the founders of Konoha. How embarrassing. It's like having a crush on a famous pop idol."
Naruto thumps his hand on the counter. "You should ask her out!"
"What?"
"Sensei should totally ask Hashirama-neechan out!"
"Oh no, Naruto, you see...she's way out of my league, not to mention beautiful and powerful, and-"
"AND she's not dating anyone because she's guarding Old Man Madara, dattebayo!"
Iruka hunches over his ramen bowl. "Naruto this is a bad idea."
"NO, it's a GOOD idea, wait-" Naruto motions toward the street behind him. "I'll ask Fuzzy Eyebrows Sensei and see what he thinks!"
"Wait, you mean Gai-" Iruka looks up and sees Naruto waving at Gai and Lee, motioning them to come forward.
"Ah, Naruto-kun!" Lee says, while Gai grins and walks behind him. "Are you eating ramen?"
Naruto smacks Iruka on the back. "Sensei has a crush on Hashirama-neechan! I thought maybe we could help him."
"Ooooh!" Gai sparkles. "The lady does hold a fierce grip over your tenderloins! I approve of your crush, Umino-kun!"
"Sensei, what are tenderloins?" Lee says. Gai squats down.
"They are the seat of a man's virility!"
"Oh god," Iruka says.