.

.

The Uzumaki brat is accompanying them again. Madara's eyes narrow. Of all the indignities he must suffer, this by far is the worst. It also confirms Madara's suspicions that Obito was a consummate idiot, letting himself, a thirty-year-old man, be talked down by a sixteen-year-old with next to no life experience. That Uchiha Madara, the strongest shinobi alive, second only to Senju Hashirama, is being forced to be chaperoned by said sixteen-year-old is an affront to his senses. He resists the urge to eyeball him into tiny little pieces and instead focuses on keeping himself centered.

"Ne, Hashirama-neechan! Are you seeing anybody?"

Madara coughs. Hashi considers.

"'Seeing'? What do you mean, seeing?"

"Like going on dates and stuff, dattebayo."

"What are 'dates'?" Hashi says. Naruto pumps his fist.

"It's when someone really really likes you and you go out and eat and do stuff!"

"Oh!" Hashi smiles. "I guess Madara and I go out on a lot of dates."

Madara starts and nearly rams into a tree branch. Naruto gestures.

"No! That's not dates! Dates is like for people who like like each other! Like me and Hinata-chan, or me and Sakura-chan, dattebayo."

"Oh, but isn't Sakura in love with that Uchiha boy? The one that looks like Izuna?"

"Oh, you mean Sasuke? Yeah! I think they're actually going out!"

"What's 'going out'?"

"It means 'going out on dates.'"

"Eh?" Hashi says, and Madara slaps his forehead.

"Anyway, my Sensei really likes you, Hashi-neechan! But he's too shy to tell you, dattebayo, so I told him I'd tell you."

"Aw," Hashi says. Naruto grins. "That's sweet."

"He's a sweet guy, dattebayo! He's super nice and he's a good teacher, and-"

"-and obviously this isn't accounting for taste," Madara says. They turn back to look at him.

"And he was the only person who was nice to me when I was little!" Naruto says, turning back to Hashi excitedly. "He's a really good guy, he'd make great husband material!"

"Oh," Hashi says. "Maybe we should go out on a 'date'?"

"You cannot be serious," Madara says. They aren't listening to him.

"You totally should! I'll tell Iruka-sensei you want to!"

Hashi's eyes crease into two adorable half-moons. "Well, he is kind of cute," she says, smiling. ("Dammit!" Madara says.) "Thank you for telling me, Naruto-kun."

"Heh heh, no problem!"